Busy Week - Mom and Dad's visit (part 1)

What a busy week.  On Wednesday Jake came home for lunch for maybe the second time since we've lived here. I met Emily at Panera at 3:00, when she got off of work.  We had a quick bite to eat and then went mattress shopping.  We first went to Art Van and also looked at some furniture for the living room.  Then a creepy salesman named Glenn tried to sell her a mattress.  Then we went to Sleep Doctor, where she bought a full-size mattress in less than 15 minutes.  In the evening, I had wanted to just stay home so that Lila could play with Jake, but he wanted to go pick up free (broken) mountain bike tires so that he could "fix" the lawn mower with them.

Thursday morning we had an OT appointment for Lila at 10:30.  Going into it, I was hesitant because I knew we were meeting with a man named Kyle... and I think we'd all be more comfortable with a woman.  But, I wanted to give him a chance.  Well, this guy was nice and all, but he was not a good fit.  He was a little taller than Jake and pretty big, and he had a BIG black beard!  Very unprofessional, especially when you're working with children, because you SCARE THEM!  Lila wouldn't even look at him until the very end of the appointment.  She was very scared and nervous, so we didn't do anything at all except play.  So, I think we're going to request a different OT.  While we were at the rehab center, I saw a little boy with a prosthetic leg and then another little boy hooked up to all kinds of machines in for therapy... put everything into perspective and made me grateful for Lila and her health.

Lila took a long nap in the afternoon and then we went grocery shopping.  She was a good girl for me.  By the time we finished, it was after 5:00.  Jake was already on his way home and beat me there.  When he arrived, my parents had just gotten there too.  The first thing he said to them when he got out of the car was that I was pregnant.  So it was a shocker for my parents... but my mom kind of figured because she'd heard that I went to the doctor's a few weeks ago.

My mom went right to work and helped us out.  Thursday night, Mom and Jake organized the office while I was putting Lila to bed, and then we all watched The King's Speech (good movie).

Friday was a little crazy.  Jake rented a power de-thatcher for the lawn.  My dad spent almost the entire day (probably 8 hours) working on the lawn.  He first had to mow it.  Then he dethatched it once.  Our lawn is really big, so it took him hours to do all that.  He also weed-whacked, because on Thursday after the OT appointment, we bought one from someone on Craigslist.  Mom and I got up early with Lila and headed to Kendra Johnson's garage sale.  Unfortunately, she and Erik (and their 4 children--she's due in August with their 5th) are moving in a few weeks.  I'm bummed because I like her a lot.  She was selling all of her girls' clothes, so we found some great things for Lila.  A bunch of long-sleeved 3T shirts for the fall, a pair of pants, a long-sleeved dress, a pair of sneakers, a nice winter jacket, a pair of pajamas and a swimsuit for $13.  So now Lila's pretty much all set for fall clothes!

It was so nice having Mom around to help out with Lila during the day.  She had so much fun taking care of Lila and playing with her.  Lila loved the doggie Bella and had so much fun following her around all day, playing ball with her (or at least trying to), babbling at her, laughing at her.  Lila learned how to say "stop" while they were here, because we would tell Bella to "stop" doing something.  Except when Lila says it it sounds like "top!"  She also learned how to say "papa," except most times it sounds like "bapa."  Very cute.

Lila generally had a hard time napping while my parents and the dog were here.  All the commotion and excitement made her definitely not want to nap, so a lot of times she got naps in the car on the way to and from places.  Oh, and on Thursday night, she was up probably every 30 minutes ALL NIGHT crying and crying.  We had no idea what the deal was until morning when she pooped 3 times before 10:00.  She hadn't pooped for a few days so probably had a bad tummy ache.  So she cried most of the night and we didn't sleep well at all.  Finally at 5:30 or so, Jake walked around the room with her until she fell asleep and then she slept for a few hours, but yikes.  We were all so tired the next day.  Especially me.

Also on Friday, Emily didn't have to work, but she didn't get here till noon or later (because she sleeps in till 11 or 11:30 most days).  In the afternoon, we went to Meijer to pick up things for the house (totes and other Rubbermaid things for organization, other things for the house, some food).  I picked up my prenatal vitamin prescription (Meijer gives them to you for free, which is nice).  Then we went to Target so Emily could get new bedding; Lila fell asleep on the way there and slept for a while.  When we got home at around 3:30, Jake was already home and working on the yard.  He spent the next 5 hours de-thatching the lawn and then mowing up the clippings.  He didn't even stop for dinner.  He didn't see Lila at all that day, which bothered me; he wouldn't even take a 5-minute break to say hi and play with her... I was pretty mad about that.  But when he gets going on something, there's no stopping him.  Mom, Dad, and Emily went out to pick up her new mattress.

On Saturday morning, Jake and I went by ourselves.  It was such a treat. :)  We returned the de-thatcher and brought back Sweetwater donuts.  Lila liked my Boston Creme :) and mostly liked to suck on the custard inside.  Dad and Jake went out in the afternoon for a while to run some errands.  We worked in the afternoon when they got back... organized the storage rooms in the basement, and Jake organized the garage.  Dad and Emily took Lila for a drive to the Asian food store so that she could take a nap.  After that, we got dinner ready.  Aunt Gina, Uncle Larry, Mike, and Cassandra came over for a BBQ.  Jake and Dad grilled brats, hot dogs, and burgers in the garage because it was raining.  We also had potato salad and baked beans.  Good food.  Lila did not want to go to bed, she was enthralled by all the people.  Dad and Cassandra sat in the kitchen for a long time eating watermelon seeds he'd bought at the Asian food store.  Oh, the big news of the weekend is that Mike bought a '98 VW Jetta with a diesel engine. The Lillroses all drive VW's.  We joke that Mike is turning into a Lillrose... as the Betzolds are pretty loyal to Toyotas.  He's excited because it gets 55 mpg, and he'll be doing a lot of driving this year to Canada and back.  He's going to sell his big, fancy Sequoia to a dealer.

Saturday night I was worn out and exhausted.  Lila didn't get to bed till 9.  After she fell asleep, I went and cuddled with my mom in bed for a while and got some TLC.

8w 5d

Well... things are moving right along, I guess.  In the mornings my tummy is pretty small, but by the end of the day I look like I'm 14-15 weeks pregnant.  Pretty big.  Insane.  I wonder if I have two babies in there.  That would be insane.

I've been so tired lately.  It doesn't help that I now have a cold.  I just feel awful... and I should be sleeping right now.  I've been pretty moody... like I described in my pregnancy with Lila (before I knew I was pregnant), I feel like I'm seeing the world through a cranky filter.  I'm actually okay most of the time, during the day anyway, but by the end of the day, I feel just really yucky.

No morning sickness.  What a blessing.

Nervous to tell my parents... weird.

I've been pretty nervous so far about having a second child... Lila is so needy right now and I'm so worried that she'll still be this way when the baby comes.  I really hope that her "issues" are resolved by then.  It would be a miracle if she was weaned by then too, but that is what I'm praying for.  That would be amazing.  We have 7 months for her to grow and learn and make progress.  Anyway, so I've been pretty nervous and dreading it... but a few things have helped...

On Sunday at church, we sat behind a family with 5 kids... the oldest is a blond girl in YW.  The youngest is a few months older than Lila.  Halfway through Sacrament Meeting, one of the boys, who was maybe 5-6 years old, sat in the oldest girl's lap and she cuddled him and they made funny faces at each other and it was pretty sweet.  I thought, Lila is going to be that older sister someday.  It helps to know that.  Whenever I see a mom and a teenage daughter out together, at a restaurant or at the mall, I smile to myself because that's what I'm working towards...

Also, as I was laying down to take a nap today, the phrase "multiply and replenish the earth" came into my mind.  Before I got pregnant, I was studying Eve and her life and mission.  And that phrase was the thing I took most out of my studies... that it's what I was born to do: multiply and replenish the earth.  And I was filled with a great desire to do that and have another child.  It was a good reminder, and something I need to remember throughout this pregnancy.

Another Day

Made it through another day.  That's how it feels like lately... like we just have to try to make it through another day.  Lila has actually been pretty good, but I'm now coming down with a cold, and I felt pretty awful all day.  Last night I had a bad sore throat, but that's gone away and now I just have a lot of snot and sneezing.  Fun.

Lila took a 2 1/2 hour nap this afternoon.  She woke up pretty early this morning, before 6, but fell back asleep for a while thankfully, till 7:30.  Jake had fallen back asleep too so had to get ready pretty quickly to get back to work at 8.  I slept for at least an hour while she napped too. 

Lila didn't eat as well today as yesterday... had some cheesy rice and a little bit of chicken.  But, she did like the ice cream we had for a snack today.

We went outside for a while in the afternoon and played in the driveway.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  Took Lila for a little walk.  Jake got home at 4:30 and we headed out to St. Joe/Benton Harbor to pick up the seat for my Camry.  Lila did great on the way there.  She was laughing to herself (fake laughing kind of, but it sounded real) and looked at some books, liked it when we would talk with her.  After we picked up the part, the plan was to pick up a quick dinner and eat it down at the lake.  We pulled into Burger King but then at the last minute Jake decided he didn't want that because it was "too hot out" and wanted something lighter, so then we drove around for a while looking for something else, but couldn't find anything, and I was crabby.  Finally we found the downtown area and ended up eating at a dine-in restaurant.  Split a burger and fries and some soup.  Lila did not want to sit down after a while and we got out of there as quickly as we could.  We ended up just driving down by the water because it was pretty windy/chilly.  Not what I'd envisioned our evening being like, but oh well.  We'll take Lila to the beach there later this summer, it's pretty nice! 

The ride home was not great.  Lila screamed and cried for the first half of it, but thankfully fell asleep holding onto her foot. lol.  She slept in the car in the garage for a while, and when she got up played with Jake for quite some time.  I'm glad that they could spend good time together like that tonight... even if it meant that she was pretty hard to get to bed (screaming/crying again and trying to climb out).  She likes to spin in place now... she does it slowly, of course, but does it enough that it makes her dizzy and tipsy.  Pretty funny.

That's about it.  Really looking forward to my parents' visit this weekend.  They're leaving on Thursday morning!

Sunday and Monday

Sunday was good.  Woke up early enough to both shower and get ready.  I think we were just a few minutes late.  Need to work on that.  Lila looked really cute.  She wore a dress that Sister Schill sent her for her birthday (how sweet of her to think of Lila! I think they left Kalamazoo in 2008 or something) and her new white sandals.  Sacrament meeting was good; Janeen Bertolina and Sister Johnson (both seminary teachers) spoke.

Primary was pretty crazy.  It was our first Sunday with the kids since the wards were reorganized.  We barely have any kids from the old 1st ward, most of them are from the 3rd ward.  Judy Fowler is the new 2nd counselor; she was the president in the 3rd ward, so that works out well.  I spent a lot of time cutting bookmarks out for Holly.  (She is definitely pregnant.)  Jake sat with the sunbeams; they don't have teachers called yet so we filled in.  Lila enjoyed sitting with the kids.  Jake sat her on one of the little chairs and she would sit it in, climb off, and then climb back on, over and over.  Once she wandered over to where I was standing at the Primary closet, and a whole bunch of books from the top shelf fell down on top of her!  lol, it was awful!  She was fine though, didn't cry a whole lot.  Books fell on me too and that hurt.  Yikes.

Teaching Sunbeams was pretty interesting, but went well :)  I feel like I understand children so much better now that I have one of my own.  We only had three kids: Theo Petrey, Meredith Johnson, and Hannah Freestone.  The lesson was on hands.  Lila had a blast with the kids :) and they enjoyed watching her too.  She is so cute these days.

She fell asleep on the way home and we let her sleep in the car while we had lunch.  I had a hankering for Quaker's instant peaches-and-cream oatmeal.  After Lila got up we made brownie/cookie bars.  Went to visit John at the nursing home but only stayed for 10 minutes because he was tired.  Stopped by Emily's for a while to visit.  Lila likes it at her place.  Before we left, she gave us some Meijer bakery chocolate chip cookies.  Lila happily and eagerly ate half of one, and they're a decent size.  I was very impressed.  Seems like she doesn't like to eat in the mornings, but does better in the afternoon and evenings.

Got home and made dinner.  Jake grilled more chicken.  He'd marinated them the night before.  A third in plain Italian dressing, a third was half-Italian half-Asian something, a third was plain Asian whatever (ginger sesame something).  I made mashed potatoes and corn.  It was a delicious meal.  Lila liked the mashed potatoes, which was a little surprising, because of her history not liking pureed foods.  But, she also liked mashed sweet potatoes... so maybe it's because they're firmer.  I'll have to make more of that for her.

After that, we brought over the LaFrenz's plate from when they brought us cookies, along with some of the bars we made.  Chad was laying in the front yard with one of his dogs.  We took Lila for a little walk in her stroller after that.  Melissa called to ask Jake what his memories of FHE were growing up... if he ever dreaded it.  They both agree that they always enjoyed FHE, probably because they never usually had formal lessons, but rather they'd do something fun together as a family.  But they had weekly Family Council and nightly scripture study.

When we got home, Mary LaFrenz and Kayli from across the street came over with Kayli's 5 month old baby Cameron.  (He was born 1/1/11.)  I hadn't met Kayli or Cameron before, so that was nice.  We had a pretty bad storm here, very windy, lots of thunder and lightning... some of the thunder shook the house.  We Skyped with my parents while Jake hung the curtains in the kitchen and the toilet paper hanger in the master bath.

Lila went to bed easily at 8:30, hallelujah.  I was so grateful.  Makes a huge difference.  Jake and I went to the basement to move some things into one of the storage rooms.  The Andersons dropped off more stuff (a lot of it) again this weekend.  More big, sturdy shelves to use for food storage or in the garage.  Miscellaneous food storage items.  And a bunch of old gaming systems... Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, and an Atari!!!  hehehe.

Today was pretty good, over all.  Lila got up before Jake went to work.  She was pretty cranky in the morning, but made it to 11:45 before falling asleep.  We spent the morning playing.  I was able to clean the kitchen before she got cranky.  At one point, she was trying to pull at the doorknob on the front closet.  So I opened the door and she started pointing up.  I had no idea what she wanted, so I started showing her some of my dress shoes that were inside the closet.  She kept pointing up and whining.  I finally realized that she wanted her sandals, which were on the top shelf!  Amazing!  So funny that she loves those sandals so much and remembered where they were.  So I put them on her and she was happy.

We have fun playing usually.  We read books and that usually helps her calm down.  I did give her Ibuprofen too, and I think that helped.  Talked to Jake on the phone for a few minutes, which was nice... we rarely talk on the phone these days, he's so busy at work.  Josh Little and his family will be moving to Salt Lake to start a remote Bloomfire office!  Big news!  Jake was on his way to help Loren Ballard give his daughter a blessing.

While Lila napped I had lunch and edited Sonja's pictures.  She woke up at 1:15, but laid back down when I went in there and fell asleep for another half hour, during which time I also fell asleep. :) yay. 

I fixed her some food (a chicken nugget and some mashed potatoes) and she sat in my lap for a long time (I had Netflix on... she usually eats better when she's distracted by something) and ate almost the entire nugget and some mashed potatoes too!  It was amazing!  She seemed to really like the nugget.  When she was done, she took the piece of bread I was eating out of my hands and walked around chewing on that for a while, and also ate some of my brownie too.  Good girl.

She's definitely a mama's girl.  She loves, loves, loves me.  She was giving me lots of kisses today and snuggles too.  When I'm sitting on the floor, she likes to come up behind me and give my back a hug, and then I'll bend forward and shake her around while she's laying on my back.  And a few times today she climbed into my lap to give me a big hug.  Really, really amazing... she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gently patted my back with her little fingers.  Amazing.

Jake was supposed to get out at 4:30 today so we could pick up the car part from Benton Harbor, but his meeting went super late, until 5:30, so we'll have to go later this week.  Maybe tomorrow.  We had leftover chicken and I made some cheesy broccoli rice that Lila liked.  Good food.  After dinner, we got some ice cream and played at the park for a while.  Lila's pretty new to parks, and I think she had to take it all in.  She thought the sand was interesting, but didn't want to touch it with her hands.  She climbed stairs mostly.  Jake ran into an older lady he used to work with at Stryker, she just retired and was at the park with her granddaughter.  I talked with her for a while; she said that Jake is such a nice guy and a good man to work with... that he is so calm and peaceful and must be a good husband.  Yup.  She was happy to hear that he found a great job that he loves.

Lila did not want to get in her carseat and it took both of us to get her strapped it.  Unusual.  She was overly tired.  But needed a bath.  She did not want Jake at all and just wanted me.  Cried until we got her into bed and she fell asleep right away.

Frank and Kate Whitaker's counter-offer on the house in our neighborhood was accepted!  So, if everything with the inspections and mortgage application go well, they will live just down the street from us!  Very cool!

The first part of our weekend...

Both Jake and I were hoping for a relaxing weekend... but that's not really what we got.  At all. 

Friday was alright.  I was feeling bored at noon, that's not a good sign.  But, thankfully, my visiting teachers (Jessica Wesel and Holly Tensmeyer) are pretty awesome and just dropped by in the afternoon.  Holly brought Ella (2) so Lila had fun following her around the house.  Jessica left her three kids at home (the baby was napping and her older two are 8 and 11).  We all agreed that we're super bored sitting at home all week by ourselves so we're going to try to do better to be more social and be friends.  I'm going to call Jessica definitely this week and go over to her house.  She homeschools, so she's home all day, every day pretty much.  I could tell that we were all just relieved and happy to be talking to other women.  I really need to make sure to get out a few times a week to visit other friends from the ward.

At around 3 we headed to Target to make some returns and of course we bought a few things.  Lila did not poop, which is awesome. :)  It was good to get out though.  We were getting antsy, as one is wont to do on a Friday afternoon, waiting for Daddy to come home.  When he did, he was raring to go to Benton Harbor to pick up a part to fix the seat in my Camry, but he didn't plan well enough and we would've gotten there right as it closed.  So, instead, we went to Home Depot with a 10% off coupon.  Lila had a blast walking around.  We bought white faux-wood blinds for the front windows and new hardware (knobs and handles) for our kitchen drawers and cupboards.  Lila was especially cute... as I was looking at the knobs, she pulled open a drawer of them, two fell out, so she picked them up, put them back in, closed the drawer, opened it again, two fell out, she picked them up and put them back, etc, etc.  Very cute.  And then she wanted to walk all over the store carrying a little bucket of knobs, she was so happy.  The lady who checked us out was from Taiwan; she and Jake had a nice little conversation in Chinese.  She was born in Taiwan but lived mostly in Taibei.

Stopped for my favorite Hungry Howie's pizza (ham and mushroom on butter cheese crust) on the way home (it was 7:30 by the time we got home) and ate it in the car while Lila slept in her car seat.  Got home and eventually put Lila in bed.  I don't think she fell asleep till 10 or so.  She's been very fickle at bedtime lately, and I guess it's because she's teething.  I see her bottom incisors starting to work their way through now.  Ouch.  I passed out along with her for a while, woke up at almost 11, said goodnight to Jake, and went back to bed.  Jake stayed up till 12:30 doing Maestro work on the computer.

Saturday was an early morning for us.  We woke up before Lila did (too early) and couldn't get back to sleep.  As soon as Lila woke up, we all hurried up and got ready so that Jake could help a family from the ward load up a moving van.  Turns out the family was Rigel Henry's family (from the KUB).  They were pretty weird and had a TON of food storage.  So it took a pretty long time.  Lila and I hung out there for a little bit at first, but I couldn't help at all because I was watching Lila, so I took her to Walmart to pick up some things... found some cute dressy sandals and a cute dress that I've loved every time we walked by on sale for $5, two more sippy cups (she has a clear preference for one type of sippy cup now), some miscellaneous household items, and some toilet paper holders and towel bars to screw into the walls.  These people lived for 8 years with no toilet paper holders or towel bars in any of the walls in the bathrooms.  Stopped at Wendy's for a treat on the way back (we get a free Jr. Frosty anytime we buy anything there, sweet fundraising deal) and sat in the car for a while once we got back to the house.  Lila ate some French fries, which was nice to see as she hasn't been eating very well lately (maybe because of the teething?) and I enjoyed my food.  Lila sat quietly in her carseat for like 15 minutes clipping the top buckle of it over and over.  As soon as she would clip it, she'd grunt for me to unclip it.  She's a pretty funny kid. 

Jake was done so we stopped at a nearby garage sale.  I found a few shirts and books for Lila there--most of the stuff was in great shape, from Target.  And they gave Jake a broken weed-whacker for free... which we thought was a blessing (directly related to our going to help the family move that morning)... but it turns out that it's not fixable, so we'll need to buy (a used) one after all.  We need to weed-whack very badly... we'll just borrow a neighbor's until we find one.

Jake spent the afternoon working in the garage, going to Walmart to pick up some more things, and mowing the front yard (it started raining before he could do the back).  I chilled out in the house with Lila and we Skyped with Mom for a while.  Jake went to install the blinds in the front room only to find that one of them was damaged (the box even had "damaged" written on it but we hadn't seen it).  Why in the world would they still sell it, and for the same price as a non-damaged one?  So we headed back to Home Depot.  Also stopped at True Value to pick up something for Jake that he ended up returning on the way home (d'oh!) but I also picked up a paint sample for the kitchen.  (Palladian Blue by Benjamin Moore... click here and here for pictures.)  I'm interested to see what it looks like on the walls.  I definitely wants some color in the kitchen, and I just keep seeing a soft, bluish-green like this.  Can't think of another color I'd like.  I think it'd especially look nice with the white cupboards.  We'll see.

We replaced the hardware in the kitchen and it looks so much better!  Love it!

Called Lauren on the way home and wished her a happy 9th birthday.  Can't believe she's 9 already.  We hadn't talked to her in a long time and were very surprised to find that she doesn't sound like a little girl anymore--she sounds exactly like Melissa!  It was so funny!! 

Got home, got back to work on installing the blinds... only to find out that the one we'd exchanged the damaged one for had been cut to a smaller width but not labeled as such, so it was too small!! 

Last night was insane.  I starting trying to get Lila to go to bed at like 7:00 but finally at 9:00 I couldn't take it anymore, so I just let her run around for a while and she was happy.  Jake had gone back to Home Depot to get the right sized blind.  He finished installing those when he got home.  When I tried putting Lila back to bed she screamed and cried and just wanted to nurse and nurse and nurse and I just lost it.  I was so exhausted and fed up.  I was yelling at her to just got to bed and crying myself.  I had Jake go in there for a while and let myself cool down.  I have not had a moment like that in a long, long time, if ever... it was just awful.  I think I was just way too tired.  Finally got her to sleep and I went to bed not too long after that.  Jake stayed up till 1am... cleaning the entire downstairs bathroom and took a shower before bed.  When he's "on a roll," he can't stop obsessing about things and needs to do them.  Which is usually fine, but not when I'm having a breakdown.  I was really mad at him and annoyed too.

I slept alright... having trouble sleeping lately.  I did wake up and laid there for quite a while at around 5 or 5:30, finally wasn't mad at Jake anymore, probably because I'd slept.  So I cuddled up next to him (he was sleeping) and thought for a long time about how much I love him and how I can't believe it's almost been 7 years since we met.  Mike had sent us these cute texts (more like novels) earlier... he's been with Cassandra since Friday and isn't leaving till tomorrow evening.  They stayed with a family from her mission for a night or two, that's who he's referring to.

(12:51pm)
Psst.  I'm in wellington canada.  It's going pretty well.  Cassandra and I are hanging some doors to a cabinet.  I haven't showered yet today and smell a little bit.  I've been in these clothes since I woke up in Texas yesterday.

(5:30pm)
Well. I just finished showering finally.  I needed that.  Cass is off with the dad, daughter, and one of the sons to look at some of the stuff they have in storage. Then they'll come back and we'll go look at some lilacs. So...we talked about some serious stuff on the way over here last night. It was good. At one point we were driving down this country road and there was lightning off to the left, stars shining off to the right, so we got out to star gaze for a little. :) Yup. Very nice. She told me that when I'm not around she misses me so much. But her plan is to still go to Toronto. Anyhow, we talked about what happens once we get married. Then talked about what happens once we are with baby. She was really happy afterward about having that conversation because it was important stuff that needed to be talked about. We also talked about her ring. lol.  It was funny how we got onto that. But in the end, we agreed that getting engaged is the next step and there's no reason not to at this point. Oh, she said the next step is for me to talk to her dad. Oh boy. I don't know when I'll see him next. But, sounds like I need to make that happen. Oh man, when I got to London, my instructions were to let myself in because she might be taking a nap. So, I quietly sneaked up to her room. Instant make out as she woke up. So good. And we were going to leave right away for Belleville. But we pretty much just made out for 4 hours. And while we were working on a project here, when no one else was around, she'd be Frenching me. It was awesome.  So...yeah, we're gonna get married. It is a bit weird being here though. These people love Cassandra...but really haven't had much to say to me or taken much interest. So...it's a little awkward. But oh well. We leave in the morning.

(6:00pm)
So, it's cool that she wants to be my wife and all. They have this closet in the hall that has 4 doors. And they haven't been hung in a long time.  They had since built a new frame around them. And no one had the patience to get them hung right. So, that project got assigned to me and Cassandra. We did great. Got them all hung. The mom is really happy. So, that was cool. After each stage of success we'd make out a bit. So awesome! Anyhow, seems like we're in love and going to be together forever. That sounds a little faggy to say though. But, it's true. I told her about the first time I went to Canada and how the words came to my mind "this is your future wife talking to you" as she demonstrated her knowledge of her piano with me. She said "well I'm glad you listened." I also told her that i found her on the VW forums. She reiterated that it really was vital that i fixed her car the first time i was at her house. :) so, then i was reflecting on my first trip to Canada and how she had asked what inspired me to make that trip and i said "you." then as we talked she said "it means a lot to me when a guy will take the steps and show initiative." so i said "well it's a balance with not seeming overly obsessive. I had to play it cool for quite a while." she said "enough with playing it cool, just do it." so i said, "okay, what's your ring size?" she said "whoa, i wasn't hinting at or trying to imply that at all." i said "that's sorta the next thing to be done." so she told it's a size 5.5. So, there we go. when we were star gazing she said, "i've just never felt so complete before." :) Yes! I'll be honest, the way i feel when i'm just with Cassandra, not making out or anything, i never felt with Kalina. But, I never knew such a feeling existed. It's amazing and rewarding. It's hard to describe, but it just feels like i belong with her and she with me. It's awesome.

More later...

A Good, Good Day

Yesterday was okay, but pretty exhausting again.  The weather was pretty dreary, I don't think that helps.  Lila took a nap in the morning and then we went to Kohl's with Emily and my 30% off coupon.  Bought a bunch of summer clothes for the girl and some new bedsheets.  Lila had fun walking/running around the children's department and "flirting" with little boys there.  Cute clothes.  A lot of the clothes I bought her are 3T.  I "saved" $250 with my coupon and all the sales. 

Emily came over for a little bit afterwards.  She... can be pretty weird.  Like an old lady.  We were going to go grocery shopping together, and at around 3pm we were just sitting in the kitchen and she was watching TV on my Netflix.  I asked if she was ready to go and she's like, "Ohhh, I don't feel like it, blah blah blah, I'll just go later."  Uh, ok.  Anyway, we were annoying each other, so she left, lol.  She's working a lot this week.

So, Lila and I didn't get to go grocery shopping before Jake came home, which was my goal, but it was okay.  When she takes long-ish naps in the morning, she can't fall asleep for an afternoon nap, even though she's tired.  I was able to make dinner without her being too cranky though, which was nice.  We had banana pancakes, and they were AWESOME.  I ran out of milk (because I hadn't gone grocery shopping), so I used a half cup of milk and several tablespoons of sour cream, and they were the richest, moistest, yummiest pancakes I think I've ever had.  Lila munched on one.  She ate quite a bit of my peanut butter bagel yesterday (probably not even a quarter of a piece, but it was a lot for her).

We did showers and while I was putting Lila to bed, Jake went grocery shopping for me, bless his heart.  I really didn't want to go by myself.  When he got home, I told him about the experience I had the night before (personal revelation) and choked back tears.  He gave me a blessing too, because I've just been having a harder time than usual lately.  The one thing I remember most about the blessing is that he advised me to pray for comfort from Heavenly Father when I need it, and that Heavenly Father will comfort me.  I totally forgot that I could do that, lol.  So, I will.

I got into bed early (9 or 9:30) because I had a feeling like Lila would have a tough night.  And I was so right.  She was up a lot in between 9:30-11:30 or so.  And then at 3:30 she woke up crying and wouldn't go back to bed.  I kind of lost my cool.  Jake walked around the room with her for a while and then realized that it's probably her teeth, duh, so he gave her some Ibuprofen and she fell asleep shortly after that.  I felt bad waking her up in the morning for her OT appointment; she was completely passed out, but she woke up in a good mood, as usual.  She is so sweet.

We had a good day!  The best day we've had in a while.  I think the OT appointment really boosted my spirits.  We played around for quite a while after we got home and she fell asleep at 11:00 or so.  I had a nice lunch by myself (cheese ravioli).  She woke up around 12:30, still cranky and sleepy, so I laid next to her, she laid her head on my chest, and fell asleep.  It was so sweet and I loved it.  I also fell asleep and we slept for maybe an hour.

Got up, did some chores, Lila followed me around the house as usual.  I called Alicia Thompson because I was getting bored, and we headed over there at 3:30.  Haven't visited with her in a while, so it was nice, and Lila enjoyed playing with Brig (17 months).  Alicia is due with a girl in a month, so she's very pregnant and I was amazed watching her carry Brig and the stroller down the stairs, lol.  (I had Lila and a heavy bag of trash, otherwise I would've helped her.)  We went for a walk to pick up her 6-year-old nephew up from the bus.  (He's been living with them since March... his mom, Derek's sister, tried to commit suicide.)  The sun came out during out walk and it became pretty hot out.  I loved the sunshine.  We left for home when Jake left work and got to have a quick dinner with him before he went to his 6:00 stake presidency meeting.  (He's just leaving the stake center now at 10:30pm.)

We Skyped with my mom.  I love Skype.  It's so awesome.  Showed her the clothes I got for Lila.  We talked about how Lila kind of reminds us of how Emily was when she was little... very particular, obedient, quirky, sweet.  I hope Lila doesn't have Emily's "crazy" issues though ;)  At 6:45 I started getting Lila ready for bed, but she didn't actually fall asleep until after 8:30.  She was perfectly happy and content before bedtime though, and it was AWESOME.  Usually she gets pretty cranky, but we had so much fun.  She got up when I was changing her diaper, so I chased her little bare butt around the house and she giggled and had so much fun.  We organized my closet a little bit.  We laid on the bed and read books.  She turned the radio on a few times and was so happy to hear the music.  I carried her around the house a little bit while I picked up.  All while soft, golden sunshine came in through the front windows.  I really, really love this little girl.  She's my little, blonde shadow.

She had a great day today.  She only nursed three times!  I think that's a record!  She nursed before her nap, after her nap for a little bit, and then before bed.  At Alicia's she started pulling on my shirt and whining for it, but I gave her some Cheerios and she happily ate those instead.  And while we were playing before bed, she drank quite a bit of her watered-down apple juice and snacked too.  I'm so proud of her.

She said "baby" a lot today while we were looking at books... one of the books has a picture of a baby on the back and she liked pointing to it and saying "beebee."  She babbles a lot now excitedly when she's walking/running/stomping around.  "dadadadadadada!!!" or "mamamamama!" and always she speaks her Swedish... "duckadin doddin" and now she speaks some French, "lock-oh-layl."

Anyway, just a lovely, lovely evening with Lila.  I need to video tape her more.  She's just too cute.  After she was asleep, I cleaned up some more, and then went outside to water my hanging baskets and get the mail.  The sun was setting in front our house behind some beautiful clouds, and as I was walking back into the house, I saw a big rainbow directly behind it!  So beautiful!  And then I had a yummy mango and watched The Office finale.


And now Jake is home.  Hooray.

OT Session #1

We had to wake Lila up this morning for her first Occupational Therapy appointment; it started at 7:30.  Hopefully the next one can be later in the afternoon... I think she'd enjoy it more. :)

We're going to Bronson's Pediatric Therapy, which happens to be right next to Jake's office.  Very convenient!  Our OT (I can't remember her name! woops!) led us through the PT room with all the big balls and toys (Lila liked that room) into a smaller room.  She had a high-chair set up on a mat with a sheet over it.  We all sat on the floor and she was very sweet with Lila, tried to make friends with her.

We spent time discussing Lila's history.  She asked if Lila likes pureed foods, and we answered with a big, fat no.  We told her that we started trying pureed foods at 5-months, but that she'd gag and wouldn't eat it, and the OT gasped and was so surprised, and kind of mad, that Dr. LaRue hadn't referred her then!  She said that pureed foods should be/are usually the easiest foods for babies to eat.  She guessed that because Lila looks so healthy (97th percentile, yo!), Dr. LaRue probably thought that she was fine... because a lot of children who are referred have failure to thrive.  After we told her that Lila has been mostly breastfed this whole time, she said that we deserve parenting awards for being so good to her and caring for her in that way, when we should have been getting help a long time ago.  That felt good to hear.

She then pulled out a few things for Lila, to see if she'd stick them in her mouth (like a "normal" baby would).  She pulled out a little stick with a spongey type thing on it, dipped it in water, showed it to Lila, but Lila didn't have a lot of interest in it.  She pulled out a toothbrush type thing that had short, plastic bristles on it, but Lila didn't have interest in that either.  She tried giving Lila "fishy lips" to see how she reacted to that; Lila let her do that without problem.  But then (with gloved hands) she stuck her finger in Lila's mouth and Lila FREAKED OUT and basically didn't trust her after that. lol.

The OT then said that Lila definitely has "oral aversion."  Normally, babies don't even care and will move their tongues from side to side, which is the motion that helps them move food to the sides of their mouths.  Lila did not do that at all.  She said that having things in her mouth hurts her, so why would she want to have food in her mouth?  Although, Lila has been much better lately with eating.  We also talked about how Lila's never really been a baby to stick things in her mouth.  The OT said it sounds like she also has taste aversions, since she doesn't like cow's milk or juice very much...

She then checked for other sensory issues.  She pulled out a plastic container filled with dried kidney beans to see how Lila reacted to it.  Lila was very hesitant, and only showed interest once Daddy started playing with it, but even then, she didn't play too much with them, not as much as she "should" have anyway.  What she really wanted to do was put the lid back onto the container, which I guess is pretty quirky for a kid.  So the OT wants us to play with things like that with her... dried pasta noodles, dried rice, beans, sand, etc... just to let her experience and feel different textures.  But as soon as she starts showing signs of stress, to just put it away and not make a big deal out of it.  We're also supposed to have her play with things like pudding and whipped cream for the same reasons.  She said it'd be great if we could get her a sandbox this summer.

One other thing we're supposed to do with Lila at least 4x a day (preferably every 2 hrs while she's awake) is to take a surgical scrub brush and rub her back, arms, and legs with it and then do joint compressions to then relax her system again.  This will also help her become "desensitized" and more like a "normal" baby.  I did it when we got home, and she didn't mind the actual brushing part, but she hated the joint compressions.  We'll have to do this for two weeks or so. And then we'll start working on "desensitizing" her mouth... which I'm afraid will be like torture for her...

When the OT was using the brushes on my arms and then Jake's arms, to show us what to do to Lila, Lila FREAKED OUT again.  I guess it's becoming clear to me how this is affecting Lila.  We jokingly asked the OT, "Don't most kids hate to eat food?"  Because this is our first child, we just thought a lot of it was just Lila's personality, but it looks like she does have real issues.

Makes me think back to certain things... like the time we were at Waylon's 1st birthday party (Lila was almost a year old herself) and there were a bunch of babies in the kitchen... the cake was on the floor and they all dug in and had fun playing with it.  Lila didn't even want to be in the room, she cried when she was in the room watching it.  That's a sign of the problem she has.  And it also explains why we haven't really had to baby-proof our house yet.

There was a point when the OT was talking about progress that we will be able to see where I seriously almost burst into tears.  I am so relieved to finally have some help!  And frustrated that we didn't get it sooner!  I love this woman (the OT) already.  She is so sweet and helpful, and was so good with Lila.  I feel like Heavenly Father chose her specifically to work with Lila.  I am so hopeful that this will really work and Lila will really start to eat foods.  I am so grateful that all along, I've trusted this instinct I've had to be patient with Lila and to move at her pace.  I had no idea that she had issues like this, I just thought she was kind of slow-moving... I'm so grateful we're finally getting help!!!

Quotes on Motherhood

Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us. I was thrilled recently to see one of my youth leaders for the first time in years. As a teenager who had absolutely no self-confidence, I always sidled up to this woman because she would put her arm around me and say, “You are just the best girl!” She loved me, so I let her lead me. How many young men and women are desperate for your love and leadership? Do we fully realize that our influence as mothers in Israel is irreplaceable and eternal?

- Sheri Dew, Are We Not All Mothers, Ensign, October 2001.

To nurture and feed them physically is as much an honor as to nurture and feed them spiritually. She is “not weary in well-doing” and delights to serve her family, because she knows that “out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33).

Oh, that every girl and woman would have a testimony of her potential for eternal motherhood as she keeps her earthly covenants. “Each is a beloved … daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine … destiny” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). As spirit daughters of God, women “received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth” (D&C 138:56) on the earth. They were among the “noble and great ones” (D&C 138:55) who “shouted for joy” (Job 38:7) at the creation of the earth because they would be given a physical body with the opportunity to be proven in a mortal sphere (see Abr. 3:25). They wished to work side by side with righteous men to accomplish eternal goals that neither can attain independently.

Julie B. Beck, A "Mother Heart", Ensign, April 2004.

I have found that what she said is true. The stages of childhood are not permanent—they only seem that way while our children are going through them. Eventually each phase is replaced by another, and suddenly the stage that has just ended becomes a treasured memory.

Karla Gaines, "Motherhood--Expectations and Lessons", Ensign, March 1992

 

7w 6d

Man, last night we watched a movie, and by the time it was over, the sun had almost set, and I was completely drained and exhausted.  And when I get like that sometimes I get pretty depressed.  I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant with Lila... kind of like a complete failure.  Like my brain is really foggy and I can't see the big picture.  I'm sure that I was just too tired and needed to go to bed.  I told Jake that I'm really scared of going through pregnancy again and having another baby.  Like I might not be able to handle it.  I'm scared of being big and pregnant again and still having to mother Lila... it's so much physical work to be a mom, and I'm afraid that when I'm big, it'll be too hard.  But, I'll hopefully only be big for a little while.  I just need to enjoy every stage, and recognize that I just won't be able to do it all.  Remember not to run faster than I have the strength to.  I get so down on myself when I'm tired and just want to lay there... but... that's life, I guess.

I sure love Jake.  He's been so sweet to me lately.  I miss him a lot more lately.  One morning last week, I was playfully begging him not to go to work, for the first time in a long time.  He laughed about it.  My behavior has certainly been different lately... more hormonal and needy.  It was really nice spending down time together last night.  We haven't done too much of that since we've moved in.

I think it'll really help to get more settled here.  So that's what I'll go try to work on while Lila's taking a morning nap.

Personal Revelation about Lila

Yesterday started off great.  We went to Emily's in the morning to pick up some things she brought from Mom and Dad's house... a 30% Kohl's coupon, which we'll go shopping with today to buy Lila summer clothes... money for the microwave... chicken pajamas for Lila, who likes to say "bawk bawk."

Lila loves shoes now, by the way.  Particularly her new pink sandals.  Yesterday morning while she was still in her footie pajamas, she was sitting on the floor, trying to put them on herself.  It was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen her do.  She would grab her foot with one of her hands, the sandal with the other, and then try to shove her foot in.  She had the sandal balanced on her foot for a little bit.  So I went to take off her pajamas so that I could get her dressed and put the sandals on, but she had a fit, so I just put her sandals on over her pajamas, so funny.  She happily walked around in them.  And when I take them off of her, she wants them right back on.  When she's wearing them and I ask her where her toes are, she bends down and points to them.  And, what's funnier: this morning we were looking at a book that has pictures of objects in them.  One of the pictures is of a pair of red shoes.  She picked up her foot and tried to put them into the picture of the shoe!!! LOL.  It was so funny.  She's learning so fast.

Jake stopped by Emily's for lunch, picked up some food for us.  Lila seems to really like chicken nuggets, which is great, and she ate more than usual.  She also tried some beef.  Then we headed downtown for a doctor's appointment.  Lila fell asleep on the way home.  When we got home, I stupidly took her out of the car seat, hoping that she'd stay asleep and go to sleep in bed because I wanted to lay down too, but nope.  So she only napped for like 15 minutes.  I felt bad.

We spent the afternoon playing and relaxing.  I tickled her a lot, which is fun for both of us.  Then I took her for a walk in the neighborhood while talking to Mike on the phone.  Last night he and Casandra met at the Detroit temple.  She told him that on Saturday it became really clear to her that she wants/needs to marry Mike... but she's still planning on going to Toronto.  They're spending Friday-Monday together, and are excited for that.  They haven't talked dates at all really, and haven't really talked about getting engaged yet.  She wants to meet Mike's parents first, so probably sometime after the 4th.

We Skyped with my parents while waiting for Jake to get home from work.  He got home about 5:40, a little too late for my taste, especially since I knew Lila would be going to bed early.  We had a quick dinner (leftovers) that Lila halfheartedly tried to eat.  Jake let her walk around on the counter and play with the cupboards, so now that's her favorite thing to do.  Thanks Jake! :)  She had a meltdown pretty quick after that so we rushed her off to bed and I think she was asleep at around 6:15.

Jake and I got to watch the Netflix movie we've had for over a month, Crash.  Pretty crazy movie.  It was nice that she went to bed so early, so that we could have time together before bed that didn't go too late.  I was feeling pretty blah and tired by the time the movie was over, so we went up to get ready for bed at around 9:00 I think.  Lila spent the next hour or so freaking out.  I don't know what her deal was, but she's been doing this more lately, when she's tired.  She kept farting a lot so I think she had bad gas or something... which is kind of funny, but the screaming and crying was pretty ridiculous.  I laid there for a while, just praying to know what to do to help my daughter.  I was feeling worn out and feeling like she needs me way too much, is too dependent on me for sleep and being comforted.  I wondered if I'm just doing the things I'm doing (nursing her before bed, etc) because it's the easier thing to do, or if it's really because I feel prompted by the Spirit to do these things for her, and that this is what she, in particular, needs from me.  So I prayed in my mind to just know what I needed to do to help her, for direction, for the Spirit to speak to me.  I didn't expect anything right away, I thought the answers would come as I studied throughout this week.  But, all of a sudden, my fuzzy, foggy mind cleared and I had these very clear thoughts come to me:  Someday, Lila will be one of your best friends.  This bond you are building is eternal.  Do everything that you can to build it and strengthen it.  This little toddler isn't who Lila really is... her spirit is who she really is.  Try to see her spirit when you look at her.  Remember that this screaming, crying childhood is temporary, but the relationship you have with her is forever. 

Wow.  It was powerful.  I haven't had clarity like that about our relationship--my role as her mother--in a long time, and it is just what I needed.  I've been feeling really vague lately about my relationship with her... because she's growing and changing so much.  She used to just be this little infant that I would care for, but now she's turning into a little girl with different needs than before.  I'm very grateful for the inspiration I received last night and I know that it came from Heavenly Father.  I will keep on keepin' on.

Also, I love my husband.

7w 5d - First Doctor's Appointment

Had my first appointment at 12:30 today.  Jake was able to come along, which helped because it was Lila's nap-time and she got pretty cranky.  It was just with the pre-admit nurse.  I had to give a urine sample.  They did a pregnancy test with it, and surprise, I'm pregnant.  And then we sat in her office for a while, nothing exciting.  She has 9 kids, which is pretty cool.  Lila fell apart so I nursed her while we were in there.  Can't believe we're doing this again, already.  It was interesting to be there, where we spent a lot of time before we had Lila.  All the smells were familiar.  Jake left before I was finished.  I had to get my blood drawn.  I sat down in the chair and Lila was right next to me, standing on the floor.  As soon as the nurse took out the rubber to tie around my arm, Lila freaked out, started crying in a panic.  She must remember having it done herself!  She cried the whole time.  Funny.

Oh, they weighed me and I'm at 101.  (Pre-pregnancy weight is 95.)  Let the weight gain begin.

Feeling tired today, but ok.

7w 4d - thoughts on motherhood

I've been having a lot of thoughts floating around lately...

• Sometimes I feel pretty inadequate.  I've been reading blogs lately written by some pretty amazing women who seem to accomplish so much every day.  One who has 4 children, teaches university classes because she has a Masters so that her husband can finish his PhD without any debt, and she's not even 30 yet.  And just others who are amazing women who seem to have so many interests and abilities.  I'm feeling like... wow... I'm pretty lame.  I don't have many interests or hobbies outside of my family life.  I think that's a good thing... that my family makes me happy... but maybe I should be broadening my horizons a bit?  Learning more about different things?  Who knows.  


• I told Jake the other day that it just feels like my sphere of influence is very small.  Other women seem to do so much charity work and serve people outside of their families... but I don't do a whole lot of that.  I feel like I need to do better there.  To at least do my visiting teaching every month.  (I don't have a route right now, but will soon, hopefully.)


• What am I teaching Lila?  I feel like I don't do much "structured" teaching... should I be?  I feel like I need to be more often verbally teaching her about prayer, scriptures, Christ, Heavenly Father, etc.  


• Feeling exhausted lately... physically and mentally.  It's so hard to want to do anything.


• I still have a hard time believing that we're having another baby.  Probably because it's still so early yet and I don't want to get too "attached" yet in case something happens.  But I'm starting to get the feeling that everything will be ok.  


• Jake keeps referring to the baby as a boy.  He really wants a boy next and it's no secret.  I'm starting to think of the baby as a boy too... but maybe just because Jake's so insistent.  I can see us having another girl too though... and I can't lie, I would love that.  I would love two little girls... for Lila to have a sister.  We wouldn't have to buy a lot of clothes.  And I have a lot more girl names than boy names that I like.  And, I feel like I just would bond easier with girls.  Still.  But, as long as he/she is healthy... really.


• This weekend I really started feeling... pregnant.  It took all the motivation I had to get into the shower, which is something I usually really love.  Feeling a little down in the dumps.  Today was tough at times.  Felt like crying.  I just want to be with Jake now... just want to be near him.  I love him a lot, but moreso when I'm pregnant, I think.

Stake Conference, Holland

Saturday morning, Lila was up earlier than we would have liked. :)  Jake went to get his haircut and check a junkyard for a manual seat for my Camry.  The driver's seat is stuck and won't move forward... I can't reach the pedals so Jake's been driving it.  He was gone for a few hours.  I was a little bummed about spending the morning by myself, and really appreciated it when he brought some Sweetwater's donuts back for me :)

After that, we took Lila for a rainy bike ride through the neighborhood to check out all the garage sales.  There weren't very many.  I was specifically looking for summer clothes for Lila, but most of the neighborhood has boys, so we didn't see very many little girl clothes at all.  We did find her a bike helmet though for $1.50.  We'd just been talking about how we needed to buy one, so it worked out perfectly.  She didn't fuss over wearing it at all, which really surprised us because usually she hates hats.  We also got her some books.  It was really cute seeing her chill in the trailer, reading her books as we were biking, lol.  We stopped at another place and visited with the owners for a while, a young couple with two boys.  While we were there it started pouring so we waited it out for a bit, but biked home while it was still drizzling.  Lila stayed nice and dry in the trailer.

We meant to be really productive on Saturday, but it didn't really happen.  Jake had wanted to mow the lawn all weekend, but it rained all weekend so he couldn't.  On Friday night we let Lila play in the rain for a while and she loved it.  Walked around with her hand facing out to feel the rain falling, very cute.  We did do a bit of cleaning while Lila napped, but we also laid down for a while because we were really tired.  Had lunch together.  I took a shower.  Jake eventually got ready and left for Priesthood Leadership Training for Stake Conference at 4:00.  Lila and I spent the few hours alone eating (she tried baked beans and liked them) and getting ready for conference and reading books.

Mike picked us up (Jake had a short meeting with the high council afterwards).  Mike had spoken in the meeting about teaching YM about their duty to God.  Jake said it was awesome.  We grabbed some Taco Bell and ate in Jake's office at church.  We all (Jake, Mike, Lila, and I) started out sitting in the overflow, but we all eventually ended up out in the foyer.  We were sitting in front of a family with a boy close to Lila's age, so they played for a while, but it didn't last very long.  Jake got up to do the count, and then soon had Mike bring Lila out to the foyer.  So I got to listen to the first half of conference by myself.

President Decker's talk was really amazing and touched me a lot.  He talked about a friend of his and Meghan's... she met someone at Rick's, married, they had three children.  Her husband decided to leave her and the children one day.  For a period of time she and the children (three boys) lived in her car.  She was eventually able to find a friend with whom she could live.  It was her desire, of course, to be able to live in their own home... so she started praying and searching the scriptures for a commandment that had a promised blessing of a home/house.  She read in D&C 59, where it talks about the Sabbath, and the promised blessing of keeping the Sabbath day holy includes "the fulness of the earth" and a home.  So she and her children began to really focus on keeping the Sabbath day holy.  Sometime later, she was driving down a street and saw a "for sale" sign in front of a house, and people working on the house.  She stopped to talk to them and mentioned that she would want to/be able to live in the home and take care of it while it was for sale.  The people then explained that the house was owned by a company who tried to sell vacant home by hiring real families live in them while they were for sale... so that they were selling a "real" home instead of a vacant one.  Her and her boys moved in, and eventually she was offered a job by the company and managed other homes/families in similar situations.  She was able to go on to get an advanced degree and was able to provide for her family.  Amazing story.  President Decker encouraged us to search the scriptures for commandments with promises/blessings attached to them.  Heavenly Father keeps His promises to us.

Another talk, that wasn't as great... especially because she told a little "funny" parable about a man falling off a cliff, right after President Decker tearfully shared with us that his father had died by falling off a cliff while mountain climbing... I did get something from.  Sister Toney, the stake RS president, shared some of her experiences as a violin teacher... and it made think, again, about my childhood and exposure to music... I think that if I had the right people (music teachers) in my life, I think that I could've really excelled and understood music in a much stronger sense.  If I had a great music teacher--one who really taught the fundamentals well and the science behind it... I might've been inspired differently.  But instead, I was blessed with individuals who inspired me to pursue other righteous desires... women like Sister Adams, the Adams girls, all the different church leaders in the Green Bay stake... who inspired me and taught me how to be a Christlike woman... and who inspired me to become a wife and mother.  I just had a clear impression from the Spirit that what I'm doing now is what Heavenly Father has always planned for me... and that He has carefully orchestrated my life so that I have the husband that I have and the children that I'll have.  I am supposed to be Lila's mother and there's a reason why I am her mother.

I went out to the foyer during the intermediate hymn.  The chairs were really uncomfortable in the gym.  So I just sat out there with Jake and Lila.  Desiree came out with Jarom to feed him a bottle.  Other parents with babies came out too.  Lila was having so much fun, walking around and babbling (sometimes screaming gleefully), and playing with the water fountain.

My poor girl didn't get to bed till 10.  Jake and I stayed up too late (till midnight) watching the 20/20 interview of Stephanie Nielsen on Hulu.  I cried.  A tragic, beautiful story.  Amazing people.

I really hoped that we would all get to sleep in the next morning.  But we didn't.  Lila was up early and I was kind of bitter about it :)  But, we got up and going.  We had Conference again at 10:00am, a special broadcast from Salt Lake.  Lila fell asleep on the way there, but we took her in and she didn't fall asleep again... though we certainly tried to get her to.  We sat in the RS room (there was a TV in there) and turned the lights off.  The Shumways (with new baby Ruby) were also in there, and the Pinedas eventually sat in there too.  Lila had a lot of fun just walking around, totally not crabby at all.  She especially enjoyed it when she had Lucas there to play with.  She loved walking around with (and drinking from) her sippy cup and ate some goldfish crackers and Doritos.

We got home, had lunch, and she took a nap that wasn't as long as I would've liked either.  Jake and I did get to sleep for maybe 5-10 minutes.  Mike was here when we got up.  I was pooped and wanted to lay down more, but we had to get ready to go.  We left for brother Jim's at 2:30.  It was his 29th birthday, so we went to see him in Holland.  Mike and Angela had been scheming this all week, Jim didn't know we were coming... he'd texted Mike earlier that day (his birthday) "sad" because he thought we had all forgotten about his birthday.  Angela texted during church to say that Jim told her he wanted to visit his brothers because he missed them.  So, it was really great to go and visit.  Lila did not fall asleep on the way there, like I'd hoped.  But the drive wasn't too bad at all.

We got there a little before 4:00.  Jim was surprised and delighted to see us.  We had confetti cake that Mike made and sang happy birthday.  We spent some time outside.  Lila liked watching Emily drive around in her Power Wheels and pulling around a little toy around the parking lot.  (Jim lives at his office, which has a small apartment in the back.)  Jim is a funny, funny guy.  Reminds me a lot of Lori, but also reminds me of Dad a lot too.  Very opinionated and bold, and so hyper about the things he's passionate about.  He's starting a garden, and several times as he was chopping up onions for dinner, he had to rush out to the garden to plant some onions right then.  His garage is full of stuff, junk, mostly.  He and Angela are planning on signing a land contract for their office/apartment--so they'll basically be buying it, or renting to own, something like that.  He has "big" plans for the things he'd like to do there.  He definitely seems happier now than he ever did while married to Sarah.  Angela is funny.  I think it definitely helps that she's foreign; I don't think many American women could put up with Jim's antics so well :) 

We had dinner with the missionaries before we left.  Lila loved walking up and down the small ramp leading to the kitchen; she did it over and over.  She really loved playing with Emily, who would chase her and bark at her like a doggy.  Emily loved it too.  Lila is going to have a blast in Ironwood over the 4th with all her cousins.

Lila did fall asleep on the way home.  When we got home, she had a meltdown down and was screaming and crying hysterically, especially when I changed her diaper.  She was beyond exhausted.  So she fell asleep at 9:00.  Jake and I were up for another hour.  We watched a Conference talk (he wants that to be our tradition on Sunday evenings), talked a little bit, and then went to bed at 10:00. 

Today was okay... I just felt blah all day and so did Lila.  We both slept in though, which is awesome.  I woke up around 8:30 and she woke up at almost 9.  I got to read the scriptures for a while before she woke up.  She let me spoon-feed her milk from my cereal bowl at breakfast and enjoyed that a lot.  I did too, as it is a very rare occurrence.  At church on Sunday, I went to hand Lucas a goldfish and he opened his mouth for me to put it in and I was shocked, lol, because Lila almost never lets me feed her!  What a child.

I spent the morning making phone calls to make assignments for Primary on Sunday.  Lila went down for a nap at noon but only slept for like 40 minutes.  We had lunch, but she didn't eat anything.  Went outside for a while, and then she was super cranky for the rest of the day until Jake came home.  Sigh.  Last night I wrote out a long to do list of things I want to get done this week.  I had high hopes of accomplishing a lot today, but that didn't happen.  I was determined to make dinner tonight, and it perhaps was a little overly ambitious of me... I made a wild rice, chicken casserole and it was a lot of work.  Lots of little steps.  Lila whined/cried most of the time... she did have a peaceful period when I let her sit on the counter with me while I was chopping vegetables.  I also played Sesame Street on Netflix on the laptop and she danced to the music. 

I was so happy and relieved when Jake got home.  He really saves the day.  Lila instantly becomes happy and cheerful, at least for a while.  We had dinner together and it was pretty good, but a little too cheesy.  Lila ate a few pieces of chicken and some rice too, she seemed to enjoy that.  But hasn't eaten a whole lot today.  After dinner we had a short FHE lesson on Jesus.  We showed Lila pictures of Jesus from the Gospel Art Kit.  She loves pictures of Jesus.  It's pretty amazing, actually.  All weekend at church she loved walking around looking at pictures of Jesus, and the instant we showed her one tonight, she dropped what she was doing, rushed over, grabbed the book and smiled and stared at it.  Amazing.  We talked a little about Jesus, and then she got angry, so we ended the lesson and had a short dance party.  Jake and I had fun.  Lila didn't last 2 songs before she was tired and ready for bed.  So I took a quick shower, we gave Lila a quick shower, and then she went to bed and was asleep before 7:00.

We did have some good moments together today, though.  In the afternoon when she's cranky, I'll take her to my bed and we'll cuddle and look at books and she'll nurse and she's usually in a better mood after that.  I sorted through papers in the office for a while and she was happy in there.  And I took a break from making dinner to change her diaper, and she was so happy laying there, that I just tickled her for a while and she loved that.  My favorite part to kiss on her body is the soles of her feet.  Weird?  Maybe.  But they're just the cutest, sweetest things, her feet.  I eat her toes and she giggles.  And she loves being tickled lately.  I make airplane sounds while I tickle her and she imitates me now.  She really is a sweetheart.  I love, love, love that sweet, chubby baby.

Jake's been mowing the lawn for almost 2 hours now!  I hope he's almost done.  It was really long.  He's probably almost filled up our 96 gallon garbage can with the cut grass... he's going to dump it into the woods when he's done.  He's a good man.  Very sweet to me.  Our neighbor, Mary and her 10-year-old daughter Hannah, just dropped off some cookies.  I should have been nicer... I probably cut them off a little bit, but I just got out of the shower and didn't feel like talking.  Next time I'll have to invite them in or something.

Friday

Friday was pretty great.  Lila woke up early again, but then slept from 8-11:30, or something like that.  I got to sleep for a while too.  Loved it.  Had some lunch and then headed to Sonja Staples' to take pictures of her 2-week-old son Connor.  I took her maternity pictures last month.  He is adorable, very sweet.  It was a really nice time, we were there for a few hours.  Lila had fun playing in the backyard with Brynn, following her around, and playing with a bucket full of water.  Sonja's great, as always.

After that, I was going to stop at Old Navy, but Lila was tired so we headed home instead and she fell asleep on the way.  Jake had promised to come home early, and he did get out at around 4.  Stopped at Walmart for a few things and got here around the same time Mike did.  They sharpened the blade on the lawn mower and fixed a few more things.  We had dinner together: sloppy joes and mac & cheese.

Lila got to bed a little later than usual.  Before bedtime she was pretty hopped up, maybe on sugar.  She's starting to snack on Cheerio's.  She usually eats mac & cheese.  She ate some baked beans the other day and also munched on my pizza for a while.  And today she was snacking on gold fish.  She's also learning to love her sippy cup, but she only likes water so far.  So, she's getting better!  I feel like I'm nursing her less now than I was, so that's a good thing.

She is so funny lately.  She gives kisses now, but usually only to her pink fuzzy bunny.  She will pucker up and actually kiss it on the nose, make the right noise and everything.  It's so cute.  But when we ask her for a kiss, she usually doesn't give us one.  One night though Jake and I were laying on the floor playing with her and she bent down and started kissing us on our foreheads, which was adorable.  And sometimes she lets me kiss her on the lips and it's adorable.  Love. it.

She seems a lot more comfortable in the house now.  She walks around happily, babbling to herself, swinging her arms, most of the day.  She's babbling a lot more now.  She says "Ba!" for ball, which was a new and recent development, and not one we've worked on teaching her.

After Lila went to bed, Frank and Kate Whitaker, and their 3 1/2 month old son George, came over to look at our house.  They are looking at a house in the neighborhood.  It was fun visiting with them.  Kate is very loud and opinionated... she's way into breastfeeding and co-sleeping, so we have similar views, but she's way more opinionated and outspoken about them :)  It would be fun if they moved into the neighborhood.  They're nice people.

Thursday

Thursday was great.  Lila took a 2 hour nap from 10-12, which was awesome.  She woke up at 6:30 again, which is earlier than usual for her, but seems to be her time-of-choice this week.  I took a shower while Jake was still here.  I slept for an hour and a half while she did, which was also awesome, I really needed it.

Jake came home for lunch shortly after we woke up.  He changed the code on our garage door openers.  Something kind of creepy happened yesterday.  We had just gotten home from Target and I had parked in the garage and was pulling Lila out of the car.  I looked out to the street (the garage door was still open) and happened to see a familiar red van driving by.  I recognized the van as the previous owners' van. As they were driving by, our garage door closed!  I hadn't pressed anything, so we think the owners must still have a garage door opener.  Creepy.  On Thursday and Friday, the van was parked across the street at our neighbors' house--they were having another one of their garage sales, where they sell a bunch of beauty products that I suspect she gets from couponing.  On Thursday during lunch, Jake was considering going over there to talk to them about it.  I would've died of embarrassment and I begged him not to.  He didn't, but only because he didn't want to get our neighbors, the LaFrends, involved.  Phew.

The only other thing I remember about Thursday is that Jake had his meeting at 6... so Lila and I went to Rand and Lynn Johnson's for the evening.  Jenny Anderson, who lived here when we first moved here (we were VT companions at the 1st ward, and then she was a member of the KUB, I think), was visiting from Utah and they were having a little open house for her.  We weren't particularly close, but she was excited to see me and to meet Lila.  I just love the Johnsons.  It was really nice visiting with them.  I talked mostly with Sister Johnson, who seems so much more relaxed and happy than she ever was when Rand was branch president :)  Lila had a blast walking around.  Desiree and Jana came eventually, so I got to see that little baby Jarom again.  Talked with the Johnsons about Mike and Cassandra; they're very happy.  Sister Johnson was confused at first though because she didn't realize Mike was the brother in Battle Creek who was married.

So we got home and Lila went to bed a little later than usual.  I was up late waiting for Jake to get home from his meeting, which went till around 11:00.  They were being trained by Elder Selden, our area authority seventy, I think.