Man, last night we watched a movie, and by the time it was over, the sun had almost set, and I was completely drained and exhausted. And when I get like that sometimes I get pretty depressed. I remember feeling that way when I was pregnant with Lila... kind of like a complete failure. Like my brain is really foggy and I can't see the big picture. I'm sure that I was just too tired and needed to go to bed. I told Jake that I'm really scared of going through pregnancy again and having another baby. Like I might not be able to handle it. I'm scared of being big and pregnant again and still having to mother Lila... it's so much physical work to be a mom, and I'm afraid that when I'm big, it'll be too hard. But, I'll hopefully only be big for a little while. I just need to enjoy every stage, and recognize that I just won't be able to do it all. Remember not to run faster than I have the strength to. I get so down on myself when I'm tired and just want to lay there... but... that's life, I guess.
I sure love Jake. He's been so sweet to me lately. I miss him a lot more lately. One morning last week, I was playfully begging him not to go to work, for the first time in a long time. He laughed about it. My behavior has certainly been different lately... more hormonal and needy. It was really nice spending down time together last night. We haven't done too much of that since we've moved in.
I think it'll really help to get more settled here. So that's what I'll go try to work on while Lila's taking a morning nap.
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