The Women of God

"The Women of God"
Neal A. Maxwell
April 1978

You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms.

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time. The women of God know this.

No wonder the men of God support and sustain you sisters in your unique roles, for the act of deserting home in order to shape society is like thoughtlessly removing crucial fingers from an imperiled dike in order to teach people to swim.

We are deeply grateful for your enduring us as men when we are not at our best because—like God—you love us not only for what we are, but for what we have the power to become.

Finally, remember: When we return to our real home, it will be with the “mutual approbation” of those who reign in the “royal courts on high.” There we will find beauty such as mortal “eye hath not seen”; we will hear sounds of surpassing music which mortal “ear hath not heard.” Could such a regal homecoming be possible without the anticipatory arrangements of a Heavenly Mother?

Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World

Quotes from President Hinckley's address to the Relief Society, during which the Proclamation to the Family was first read.  Found here.

To you wives and mothers who work to maintain stable homes where there is an environment of love and respect and appreciation I say, the Lord bless you. Regardless of your circumstances, walk with faith. Rear your children in light and truth. Teach them to pray while they are young. Read to them from the scriptures even though they may not understand all that you read. Teach them to pay their tithes and offerings on the first money they ever receive. Let this practice become a habit in their lives. Teach your sons to honor womanhood. Teach your daughters to walk in virtue. Accept responsibility in the Church, and trust in the Lord to make you equal to any call you may receive. Your example will set a pattern for your children. Reach out in love to those in distress and need.

It is the home which produces the nursery stock of new generations. I hope that you mothers will realize that when all is said and done, you have no more compelling responsibility, nor any laden with greater rewards, than the nurture you give your children in an environment of security, peace, companionship, love, and motivation to grow and do well.

The more surely you rear your children in the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ, with love and high expectation, the more likely that there will be peace in their lives.

Set an example for them. That will mean more than all the teaching you can give them. Do not overindulge them. Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money. Let your sons save for missions, and encourage them to prepare themselves, not only financially, but spiritually and in an attitude to go out to serve the Lord without selfishness of any kind. I do not hesitate to promise that if you will do so, you will have reason to count your blessings.

May the Lord bless you, my beloved sisters. You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God. May you be strengthened for the challenges of the day. May you be endowed with wisdom beyond your own in dealing with the problems you constantly face. May your prayers and your pleadings be answered with blessings upon your heads and upon the heads of your loved ones. We leave with you our love and our blessing, that your lives may be filled with peace and gladness. It can be so. Many of you can testify that it has been so. The Lord bless you now and through the years to come, I humbly pray in the name of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

Defending the Family in a Troubled World

Another awesome talk on defending the family:
Defending the Family in a Troubled World, June 2011 Ensign. Elder Bruce D. Porter of the Seventy.

Read it!

thoughts

Things are going well.  Jake and I have been getting along really well lately.  I think it's that thing that happens when I'm pregnant... I just really, really love him.  Love being around him, love being near him, love most things about him.  He's been really good to me too.

A book that is circulating the Betzold family right now is Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  Jim (brother) suggested it to Mike.  The title sounds pretty... sexist, but it's actually an awesome book and very in line with gospel principles.  Dr. Laura really stands up against the downside of the feminist movement--women thinking that they don't need a husband or family, not having the right priorities, etc.  One of my favorite quotes in the book so far (I only got less than half-way through before I gave it back to Mike, so that he could give it to Cassandra...) is this --

     "No, I probably will not be writing about the care and feeding of wives.  Why?  Because the truth is that when it comes to home and relationships, women rule.  This is a book about how to rule wisely and lovingly.  If a woman does not marry a sociopath or narcissist, then she's got her basic 'male package.'  And your basic male is a decent creature with simple desires: to be his wife's hero, to be his wife's dream lover, to be the protector and provider for his family, to be respected, admired, and appreciated.  Men live to make their women happy.

     "The cruelest thing a wife can do to a husband is to never be happy.  And don't forget, being happy is more an attitude than a reality.  When things are going bad, when there are problems and challenges, disappointments and disasters, it is obvious that happiness is going to be undermined.  However, when one looks for that little peek-hole in the sky where the sun does shine through, then it is a lovely day.

     "And it becomes a lovely day for everyone you touch." 

I've heard this many times... that women set the tone of the home, that they have a huge impact in the home, etc.  But this just put it in a way that I've never really thought of before.  And then it made me think that I must be doing something right.  It's easy, after a while, to think that we have a happy marriage, home, and family because that's the way it naturally is.  But really, it must be because I work hard at making it this way.  And I'm not perfect, but I do try and my efforts are bearing fruit.  The love, happiness, and peace that is in my home are gifts from God, but also a result of my work.  I create these feelings and this atmosphere.  And I'm so grateful to be a woman, wife, and mother.  Reminds me of that talk President Uchtdorf gave a few years ago to the Relief Society --

      "Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children.
     ... To what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy.Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.
     If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next.
     You may think you don’t have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us.  The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter."

"It has to be me."

Today's CJane post.



It all started when I stopped hearing the slamming of the toilet seat throughout the day, the productive sound of The Chief getting his business done all by himself. It was also the sound of me patting myself on the back for teaching my child independence. Hooray for us both.

But those absentee slams were a clue to my finding out he was peeing in his closet. Behind the closed doors. Which, to be fair, I had heard of other boys doing, but still...

Then I started to notice his appetite was minimal and his treatment of sippy cups with milk was preferential--so preferential he didn't want anything else. Instead of the routine sippy in the morning and one at night, it was like I was running a all-day toddler bar, mixing up milky sippys at all hours.

And he couldn't sleep through the night. He'd wake up screaming, sweaty and restless.

I waited for time to pass to see if this was a fluid phase. Nothing seems to last long in toddler life. But after a few weeks I decided to dig deeper.

I prayed.

And in that prayer I felt like The Chief's problems were as easily solved by my attention, my adoration and most of all my teaching him more about things--whatever comes up--rockets, robots or light sabers. But this revelation I easily whisked off with, I spend most of my life with that boy, and when it's not me he has Daddy. How much more could he need?

But Sunday was the worst. The behavior was hard to ignore. His acting out was followed by quick Sorry Mommy which broke my heart. It was like he knew he was doing wrong, but couldn't help himself. And so I was sent to my knees again.

Then Uncle Jeremy showed up for dinner. Uncle Jeremy (previously referred to as MD around here) is a pediatrician with an emphasis in child and adolescent psychiatry. I try really hard not to plug into his profession but I couldn't help but pour my heart out when he walked in the door.

"I think it's regression," I said.

"Have you talked about this baby coming?" he asked.

"A little."

"I know you are probably tired and sick, have you been able to give him one on one time lately?"

"Not really."

I thought about how zapped I have felt lately. The heat? The pregnancy? Stress? I am not so busy as I am distracted. Last week I started to think about getting ready for the new baby and that process sent me into a new dimension. Little onesies with little socks and little wash cloths. But whatever the distraction it came with a justification: Chup's home right now, he can give them what they need while I just . . . just . . . get my bearings.

This was interrupted by Jeremy's intense look in my direction.

"It has to be you," he said to me with this eyes as blue as they were serious and kind. "I mean, you are the established nurturer. Look at it this way, whenever he comes asking for a sippy, think of it as him asking for more of you. And it has to be you."

Of course it does. It's always been me. And though I spend mostly all of my time at home with him, I had not been giving my son the richest part of myself. The part that is true and real and honest. He was just getting the crusty outsides that don't satisfy his daily allowance. I was starving my son of myself.

And then boy, did I well up.

Not because I felt guilt, but because I suddenly realized how important I am. Not me as me, but me as a mother. I am important because I am The Chief's mother. I am his everything. And my half-nutrient attention will directly affect his holistic progression. He needs me to look at him every day and reassure him that he is important too. And it has to be me. It has to be me.

And it makes me think. In our church we baptize children at eight years old. I've mused that perhaps it's because it takes eight years for the veil of heaven to be completely removed from the consciousness. Up until eight years old the parent, specifically the mother, has to be body and spirit for both beings. The connectedness to my newborns--the consuming of my physical and emotional energy--has always been overwhelming. Slowly it tapers off, but I miscalculated how much my three year old would require. It was more than I was giving.

So today after our work was done we read books. We made rocket ships and robots out of the letter A. We played Wolves and Fairies on the piano, we made cookies and had a break dance battle on the soft carpet in the front room (he won, killer head spin). We sat down and ate lunch together. He gladly drank out of a non-sippy receptacle. He volunteered to get in the tub (who is this child?) and just before tucking him into bed I heard a familiar sound. A sound I hadn't heard in ages.

Clank and slam.

We're making progress again.

They Had Been Taught by Their Mothers - Sylvia Allred

 http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2007/pdf/SilviaAllred-2007.pdf

When a young man or woman enters the MTC he or she will not suddenly transform into a well-prepared and obedient missionary. That preparation has already begun years before, in his or her home. Mothers play an important role in this preparation. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve stated, “The single most important thing you can do to prepare for a call to serve is to become a missionary long before you go on a mission.”1

To do that, it helps to live in a home where the gospel is at the center. Missionary spirit develops in a home where parents and children share the gospel one with another. Missionaries need to know the doctrine; they need to know how to pray with real intent. They need to know how to invite the Spirit into their lives. These things will give them the confidence, the strength, and the power to go and teach.

Some missionaries shared with me their feelings of gratitude to their mothers for helping them learn to love the scriptures, for teaching them to pray, for always making the effort to hold family home evening and ensure that they had a gospel discussion as part of it. An elder told me that his mother had served a mission and she always shared her mission experiences with him, which made him want to serve a mission. Another sister said her mother would invite nonmember friends into their home, and she would share her testimony with them. This sister missionary became very accepting of members of other faiths and felt comfortable sharing her beliefs with them.

These missionaries bring to mind the story of two thousand stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon. Helaman describes the faith, courage, and integrity of these young men:

“And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all—they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

“Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:20–21).

“Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

“And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:47–48).

“Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them. . . .

“Now this was the faith of these of whom I have spoken; they are young, and their minds are firm, and they do put their trust in God continually”(Alma 57:21, 27).

What we learn from our mothers comprises our core values. A woman who patiently teaches a young child to pray, who makes time to read the scriptures, who teaches how to dress appropriately for worship services, who helps prepare talks and family home evening lessons is helping prepare a son or daughter to become a missionary. There are many other values, good habits, and skills that are taught in the home that help prepare our youth to become effective missionaries: learning how to study, doing assigned tasks well, finding joy in a job well done, assuming responsibilities, gratitude, personal cleanliness, basic cooking skills, treating others with courtesy and respect, getting up on time, obedience, the joy of giving service, self-reliance; the list goes on and on.

When our eight children were young, I never thought that our home was also a missionary training center, but in a real sense, it was. Our two boys served missions, and three of our six girls also found great joy in serving missions. “Out of small things proceedeth that which is great,” we are told in the Doctrine and Covenants (D&C 64:33).

I am grateful for all the small things the noble women of the Church are doing to prepare the next generation of missionaries. They understand the significance of mothers getting their children where they need to be; they sense that mothers are the anchor of the good things that happen, the predominant figure in the righteousness of youth. My plea to you is keep doing it, don’t give up, you are laying the foundation of a great work, and the Lord is on your side. He will bless you, and your children will thank you for it.

My Own Wilderness

I've been a blubbering mess the past few days.  Lila has been sick and very dependent on me.  Wednesday she had a slight fever that was pretty manageable with Ibuprofen or Tylenol, but yesterday she woke up with a much higher fever that lasted throughout the day.  At its peak it was around 103.  And unfortunately, the moments I needed Jake the most, he was unavailable.  On Wednesday night he stayed up till 1am working, and on Thursday night (last night), he had his meeting at church that started at 6 and he didn't get home till almost 1am.

A lot of my sadness, frustration, and anger has been directed at him.  We haven't really had the chance to talk in the past few days.  Yesterday he came to my midwife appointment with me, but we spent most of the time wrangling and trying to soothe Lila, who was very cranky and didn't feel well.  And then he was only home for 10 minutes between work and his meeting.  I know that it's probably mostly because I'm very tired, but I feel very hurt by the way he's been acting and by how busy he is.  I know that some women don't have husbands, or supportive husbands, or that some women see their husbands much less than I do, but I'm still hurting.  And not even because he's been gone a lot, but I just feel like we're not his top priority lately.  I don't expect to receive all of his attention all the time, or even most of his attention most of the time, but even when he is home and with us, lately he's been so stressed out about work that he's not fully there with us.  There have been a few times recently where he's said to me so earnestly and emphatically, "Rudi, I love my job.  I really love it."  And I think that's wonderful and I'm so happy for him, that he's found a job that he loves and excels at and is appreciated for.  But it's been a while since I've felt that same enthusiasm from him towards our marriage and family.  He's still a good husband and father.  He plays with Lila and is good to her.  But especially in these long weeks of no or little sleep, I need extra support, encouragement, appreciation, and love from him that I'm just not getting.    I feel like he'd maybe rather be working or is thinking about work.

It's hard when our family is my whole life and focus, and it's only a fraction of his.  I know that all he does is technically for our family.  But he has a life outside of our home that I'm not a part of.  I think that maybe I should get a hobby or something, but I can barely keep up with life as it is without focusing on something else.  I don't usually feel this way.  I'm tired and emotional and pregnant too... but I feel like this is something we need to talk about.  Hopefully tonight Lila will cooperate enough for Jake and I to have at least some time to talk together.

Lila.  That girl.  I love her so much.  I've been really trying to be patient and compassionate with her as she's been feeling sick and in pain.  I've been reminded of my commitment to her and her happiness, of my important role as her mother.  I've been reminded by the spirit that being a mother is a lot like being a wife... you commit to love your child for better or worse, in sickness or in health.  I'm her mother when it's difficult as well as when we're having fun and she's happy.  She needs me to do things for her that she cannot do herself.  As I've spent much of my time laying in bed next to her this past week, soothing and comforting her, I've felt drawn to Christ.  He is my Savior, He is her Savior, and He is a perfect example of a nurturer.  I'm reminded that what I'm learning now in these tough weeks is to be more like Him.  These times when she's little and helpless and needs her mother so desperately won't be forever.  But what I do for her now is establishing a strong foundation of love for our future together.  Someday we will be friends.  Someday I will be able to have conversations with her and laugh with her and bond with her emotionally.  I so look forward to that time.  But I try to live in the now, and to appreciate and love her now because I know that this time, when she's so little, is so important.  It's for me as much as it is for her.

The thought has also struck me lately that while I have a very natural and strong, instinctive love for her, my daughter, she is not necessarily born with that same love, fondness, and devotion to me, her mother.  I have to earn her love.  I know that she adores me and loves me, but it's because I have devoted my life to her since she's been here.  I serve her every day and give so much of myself to her.  But that's why she loves me.

The video I posted above made me weep this afternoon.  I am building and working towards something so much bigger than I can imagine.  I am raising a little toddler who will someday be a young woman, and eventually a woman, wife, and mother.  I hope and pray that I will be a good enough mother--with the help of Heavenly Father and Christ--that someday Lila will say those things about me.  That she will love and admire me and enjoy my company.  That she will look to me for guidance and direction, and that together we can search, ponder, and pray.

One more thought, in closing.  I read this quote in an interview on www.mormonwomen.com, coming from a woman who has five children under the age of five, including two sets of twins.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this time when it’s common for young mothers to feel spiritually barren. We’re in our own little wilderness. A good friend of mine keeps a letter in her scriptures that her mother gave her before she went on her mission. She wrote, “Like Alma, John the Baptist and all the other recobites, you will be out in the wilderness. But that is where all the fiery things happen. It is where God likes to come.” I love that idea. Even though this is such an intense time, He does not forsake us—even when we can’t be as spiritually committed as we’d like and when our spiritual study isn’t what we want it to be.

My heart is there. I want to give my spirit the time. I want to be diligent, but I’m doing the best I can. I have to trust that’s enough. And when I look back, I think I’ll see that He really does visit in those times. He’s a part of it. He’s there. He’s handling my life even when I don’t see and feel it.

God is with Mothers

This week has been rough in terms of sleep.  Lila's teething has been awful and she's up most nights crying and nursing for a long time.  Last night was probably the worst of it.  I was so exhausted and I just couldn't take anymore, so Jake took her downstairs and they watched the end of a movie.  After it ended, she was sitting by him on the couch, flipping through the Book of Mormon for a while (lol) and she dozed off reading it. While I was in bed alone, I was so exhausted, but in that state where I was too tired and stressed and tense to fall asleep.  I had a headache, so I got up, took some medicine, ate a little something, and then sat down on the couch for a little bit.  I opened up my high school scriptures and it flipped open to Alma 32.

God is with mothers.  He's with us when we're humbled by the trials of raising children, when we're exhausted.  It helps us be open to revelation and wisdom from Him.  He also blesses us when we choose to be humble throughout our day-to-day routines; when we recognize that we always need His help and love and direction as we raise our children.

What struck me the most were the last three verses and then a quote I had glued into that chapter years ago.

I replaced some words in the last three verses to reflect my situation as a mother --

But if ye will nourish [Lila], yea, nourish [Lila] as she beginning to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, [she] shall take root; and behold [she] shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.

And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing [her], that [she] may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

Then, [mothers], ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience and long-suffering, waiting for [Lila] to bring forth fruit unto you.

And the quote I had was this --

[Mothers] who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can.  He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace." --Ezra Taft Benson

I shared this with Jake this morning, when we were both tired and kind of reeling from the night's adventures.  He said, "You know, before you become parents, people warn you that it's so difficult and tiring, but most of the time it's not a big deal and not too difficult.  But when it's difficult, it's difficult because you're so tired!  And it feels like it's always difficult."  And then we talked again about how someday Lila will be one of our best and dearest friends.  Like Melissa is, the oldest daughter.  In Julie Beck's interview on the Mormon Channel, she said that as she was raising her children, her philosophy was that she wanted to raise her children to be people that would someday be her friends, people she enjoyed being around.  And how now that they're adults, they are her best friends and she considers them peers.  That's exactly how I want to raise my children and I just need to keep in mind that that's the end goal.

Personal Purity

Read these talks tonight.  Amazing.

Personal Purity - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/personal-purity?lang=eng

Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm

Motherhood: "You are the closest thing to the Savior your child will ever know in this life."

Read this tonight as I was nursing Lila.  I've been reading interviews on www.mormonwomen.com and it's been very inspiring.  This has been the best thing I've read yet.  I love being a mother and I feel the Spirit testify to me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now.  I just feel drawn to Lila and to being there for her, to sacrificing things for her, and I want to be a good mother... close to the Lord, relying on Him for guidance, mercy, and help as I raise my children.  This was written by a woman named Emily Spencer.



When we moved to Wisconsin for my husband’s medical schooling, we were hit with about every possible major life change imaginable: a move from where both our families lived to halfway across the country where we had no family or any friends at all, a brand new (and our first) baby, the simultaneous drop of two full-time incomes to zero income, my husband returning to full-time schooling, me going from full-time work to constantly being at home, and then feeling trapped there, because we had also dropped from two vehicles to one, which my husband then took to school, etc. Besides all these major life-changes hitting at once, my precious new baby also happened to be extremely colicky; thus it is sufficient to say my induction into the world of motherhood was not the rosy picture I’d always envisioned. Adding to this was the postponement of my educational goals and dreams, which I desired greatly, while I watched my husband go off to school each day to learn all kinds of fascinating things, throwing his heart and soul into a field he loved, and got to choose, whereas mothering seemed to be my predetermined and singular path, regardless of my talents or interests.

This was a very hard time for me. I felt a great sense of pain and failure at not feeling the peace, joy, and contentment that I’d always been taught I would I feel in this new role—a role I’d always thought I would embrace. Finally it had arrived, and not only did I not enjoy being a mother—I hated it. Of course I loved my child, but the passing hours felt so menial and mundane. They inspired no sense of accomplishment, no intellectual stimulation, no intrigue. Where was all the profound joy I was supposed to be feeling that I’d heard about all my life? And what were my gifts and talents, my ambitions and goals—the righteous desires of my heart—given to me for, if I was now to shut them off (as the culture seemed to indicate was the “right” thing to do)? Lastly, if I was forsaking these things for a higher calling, why didn’t the intrinsic joys of the higher calling not only replace but transcend the joy I’d felt before? If I was faithfully and dutifully doing what I was supposed to be doing, why wasn’t I happy?

We happened to be visiting my parents right at the height of my bitterness. I remember pulling my dad aside and sobbing to him as I related my misery. His answer to me was that I must pray—pray for peace, pray for help, pray for understanding—that I would be able to discover the divinity of motherhood, and find peace and joy in this calling. Though I knew he was right, feelings of bitterness and cynicism persisted. That night, emotionally drained, I crawled into bed and mustered enough energy to mumble only half-heartedly into my pillow, “Please help me. I really, really need help.” Then, emotionally exhausted, I fell asleep.

Two days later, we were back home in Wisconsin, and we were getting ready to turn in for the night. As my husband began to pray, I suddenly felt an impression begin to enter my mind, which then spread to my heart and subsequently consumed my whole being. It was clearly coming from a source outside of myself, a power greater and higher than I was. It was quiet and still, and yet it consumed my whole soul. It felt as though time had stopped and my consciousness hovered in a state of suspension between two different realms. I don’t remember hearing the rest of my husband’s prayer, though it was still going on. I could fill volumes detailing the piercing and powerful message that was conveyed, and yet it came to me fully in only a matter of seconds, and it came in perfect stillness and gentleness, and was imparted tenderly, lovingly, and totally void of any judgment. To describe all that I received and felt is beyond the scope of discussion here, but the crux of the message was this: You are the closest thing to the Savior your child will ever know in this life.

After this moment passed, I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time. The anger and bitterness that had raged in my heart was quiet. I had heard all my life that “motherhood is next to godhood” and “motherhood is divine” and so forth, but I had never felt the depth or literal nature of this truth. It had always seemed to me just something nice to say—cliché expressions at best. Now, for the first time ever in my life, I sat and thought, motherhood is divine. Motherhood is the noblest thing a woman can consecrate her life to.

A mother is Christ’s sacred stand-in. She is a type and shadow. As I cling to Jesus to save my soul, so does a child cling to its mother for all sense of salvation that it knows. Jesus, Mother—these are the names that are called out when we need protection, guidance, wisdom, love, comfort, sustenance, rescue. Whether we know God or not, whether we have loving relationships with our biological mothers or not, we all crave the nurture of some higher power, of some loving guardian. Since that life-changing experience, I have discovered this metaphor to have boundless applications. To me, the fact that women have generally been regarded as lowly and lesser throughout the ages is just another symbolism between women and Christ. People mock and spit in the face of motherhood—the most exquisite and godlike of all her capabilities, that of being able to beget, nurture, and guide life—the same way they mocked and spit in the face of Him who saved us. Just as there was “no form nor comeliness; ….no beauty that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2), there is nothing on the surface level that is overtly triumphant or exalting about motherhood; indeed, in the flow of day-to-day rhythms, it can seem rather common and mundane, like “a root out of a dry ground” (vs. 2). As “he is despised and rejected of men” (vs. 3), so is motherhood. As we “hid as it were our faces from him” and “esteemed him not” (vs. 3), so does society hide its face from mothers, so does it not esteem them.  Just as “surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” (vs. 4), so does a mother weep with her child that weeps. Just as “with his stripes we are healed” (vs. 5), so does any benefit to the child represent some sacrifice of the mother—time, money, education, employment, leisure, sleep, etc. Anything the child gains is something, in some form, that she cannot have for herself.

One brief verse of Isaiah that is very poignant to me is where the Lord plainly and succinctly states how He succors His children: “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13).  To me, this verse perfectly encapsulates the metaphor between the mission of mothers and the mission of the Savior.  It embodies the very heart of both motherhood and womanhood, and why we do what we do: it is to emulate Him who is the greatest nurturer of us all.

Quotes on Motherhood

Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us. I was thrilled recently to see one of my youth leaders for the first time in years. As a teenager who had absolutely no self-confidence, I always sidled up to this woman because she would put her arm around me and say, “You are just the best girl!” She loved me, so I let her lead me. How many young men and women are desperate for your love and leadership? Do we fully realize that our influence as mothers in Israel is irreplaceable and eternal?

- Sheri Dew, Are We Not All Mothers, Ensign, October 2001.

To nurture and feed them physically is as much an honor as to nurture and feed them spiritually. She is “not weary in well-doing” and delights to serve her family, because she knows that “out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33).

Oh, that every girl and woman would have a testimony of her potential for eternal motherhood as she keeps her earthly covenants. “Each is a beloved … daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine … destiny” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). As spirit daughters of God, women “received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth” (D&C 138:56) on the earth. They were among the “noble and great ones” (D&C 138:55) who “shouted for joy” (Job 38:7) at the creation of the earth because they would be given a physical body with the opportunity to be proven in a mortal sphere (see Abr. 3:25). They wished to work side by side with righteous men to accomplish eternal goals that neither can attain independently.

Julie B. Beck, A "Mother Heart", Ensign, April 2004.

I have found that what she said is true. The stages of childhood are not permanent—they only seem that way while our children are going through them. Eventually each phase is replaced by another, and suddenly the stage that has just ended becomes a treasured memory.

Karla Gaines, "Motherhood--Expectations and Lessons", Ensign, March 1992

 

Personal Revelation about Lila

Yesterday started off great.  We went to Emily's in the morning to pick up some things she brought from Mom and Dad's house... a 30% Kohl's coupon, which we'll go shopping with today to buy Lila summer clothes... money for the microwave... chicken pajamas for Lila, who likes to say "bawk bawk."

Lila loves shoes now, by the way.  Particularly her new pink sandals.  Yesterday morning while she was still in her footie pajamas, she was sitting on the floor, trying to put them on herself.  It was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen her do.  She would grab her foot with one of her hands, the sandal with the other, and then try to shove her foot in.  She had the sandal balanced on her foot for a little bit.  So I went to take off her pajamas so that I could get her dressed and put the sandals on, but she had a fit, so I just put her sandals on over her pajamas, so funny.  She happily walked around in them.  And when I take them off of her, she wants them right back on.  When she's wearing them and I ask her where her toes are, she bends down and points to them.  And, what's funnier: this morning we were looking at a book that has pictures of objects in them.  One of the pictures is of a pair of red shoes.  She picked up her foot and tried to put them into the picture of the shoe!!! LOL.  It was so funny.  She's learning so fast.

Jake stopped by Emily's for lunch, picked up some food for us.  Lila seems to really like chicken nuggets, which is great, and she ate more than usual.  She also tried some beef.  Then we headed downtown for a doctor's appointment.  Lila fell asleep on the way home.  When we got home, I stupidly took her out of the car seat, hoping that she'd stay asleep and go to sleep in bed because I wanted to lay down too, but nope.  So she only napped for like 15 minutes.  I felt bad.

We spent the afternoon playing and relaxing.  I tickled her a lot, which is fun for both of us.  Then I took her for a walk in the neighborhood while talking to Mike on the phone.  Last night he and Casandra met at the Detroit temple.  She told him that on Saturday it became really clear to her that she wants/needs to marry Mike... but she's still planning on going to Toronto.  They're spending Friday-Monday together, and are excited for that.  They haven't talked dates at all really, and haven't really talked about getting engaged yet.  She wants to meet Mike's parents first, so probably sometime after the 4th.

We Skyped with my parents while waiting for Jake to get home from work.  He got home about 5:40, a little too late for my taste, especially since I knew Lila would be going to bed early.  We had a quick dinner (leftovers) that Lila halfheartedly tried to eat.  Jake let her walk around on the counter and play with the cupboards, so now that's her favorite thing to do.  Thanks Jake! :)  She had a meltdown pretty quick after that so we rushed her off to bed and I think she was asleep at around 6:15.

Jake and I got to watch the Netflix movie we've had for over a month, Crash.  Pretty crazy movie.  It was nice that she went to bed so early, so that we could have time together before bed that didn't go too late.  I was feeling pretty blah and tired by the time the movie was over, so we went up to get ready for bed at around 9:00 I think.  Lila spent the next hour or so freaking out.  I don't know what her deal was, but she's been doing this more lately, when she's tired.  She kept farting a lot so I think she had bad gas or something... which is kind of funny, but the screaming and crying was pretty ridiculous.  I laid there for a while, just praying to know what to do to help my daughter.  I was feeling worn out and feeling like she needs me way too much, is too dependent on me for sleep and being comforted.  I wondered if I'm just doing the things I'm doing (nursing her before bed, etc) because it's the easier thing to do, or if it's really because I feel prompted by the Spirit to do these things for her, and that this is what she, in particular, needs from me.  So I prayed in my mind to just know what I needed to do to help her, for direction, for the Spirit to speak to me.  I didn't expect anything right away, I thought the answers would come as I studied throughout this week.  But, all of a sudden, my fuzzy, foggy mind cleared and I had these very clear thoughts come to me:  Someday, Lila will be one of your best friends.  This bond you are building is eternal.  Do everything that you can to build it and strengthen it.  This little toddler isn't who Lila really is... her spirit is who she really is.  Try to see her spirit when you look at her.  Remember that this screaming, crying childhood is temporary, but the relationship you have with her is forever. 

Wow.  It was powerful.  I haven't had clarity like that about our relationship--my role as her mother--in a long time, and it is just what I needed.  I've been feeling really vague lately about my relationship with her... because she's growing and changing so much.  She used to just be this little infant that I would care for, but now she's turning into a little girl with different needs than before.  I'm very grateful for the inspiration I received last night and I know that it came from Heavenly Father.  I will keep on keepin' on.

Also, I love my husband.

7w 4d - thoughts on motherhood

I've been having a lot of thoughts floating around lately...

• Sometimes I feel pretty inadequate.  I've been reading blogs lately written by some pretty amazing women who seem to accomplish so much every day.  One who has 4 children, teaches university classes because she has a Masters so that her husband can finish his PhD without any debt, and she's not even 30 yet.  And just others who are amazing women who seem to have so many interests and abilities.  I'm feeling like... wow... I'm pretty lame.  I don't have many interests or hobbies outside of my family life.  I think that's a good thing... that my family makes me happy... but maybe I should be broadening my horizons a bit?  Learning more about different things?  Who knows.  


• I told Jake the other day that it just feels like my sphere of influence is very small.  Other women seem to do so much charity work and serve people outside of their families... but I don't do a whole lot of that.  I feel like I need to do better there.  To at least do my visiting teaching every month.  (I don't have a route right now, but will soon, hopefully.)


• What am I teaching Lila?  I feel like I don't do much "structured" teaching... should I be?  I feel like I need to be more often verbally teaching her about prayer, scriptures, Christ, Heavenly Father, etc.  


• Feeling exhausted lately... physically and mentally.  It's so hard to want to do anything.


• I still have a hard time believing that we're having another baby.  Probably because it's still so early yet and I don't want to get too "attached" yet in case something happens.  But I'm starting to get the feeling that everything will be ok.  


• Jake keeps referring to the baby as a boy.  He really wants a boy next and it's no secret.  I'm starting to think of the baby as a boy too... but maybe just because Jake's so insistent.  I can see us having another girl too though... and I can't lie, I would love that.  I would love two little girls... for Lila to have a sister.  We wouldn't have to buy a lot of clothes.  And I have a lot more girl names than boy names that I like.  And, I feel like I just would bond easier with girls.  Still.  But, as long as he/she is healthy... really.


• This weekend I really started feeling... pregnant.  It took all the motivation I had to get into the shower, which is something I usually really love.  Feeling a little down in the dumps.  Today was tough at times.  Felt like crying.  I just want to be with Jake now... just want to be near him.  I love him a lot, but moreso when I'm pregnant, I think.