Lila is 18 months old today! Time is flying. Can't believe it's already been 6 months since her birthday, and a whole year since she was 6 months old. Before you know it she'll be 2. Her present to herself, and also to me, was to go down for a second nap. :) Her normal nap at noon didn't last too long, a little over an hour, so I'm really glad she went down again. Especially because she didn't get to bed till 11pm last night.
I am 26 weeks today. Time is flying. We still have 3 months to go, but I think it'll happen so quickly. The baby has started moving a lot more the past few days. Out of the corner of my eye, sometimes I see my belly popping up where he's kicking. He's kicking more often too.
Found out today that Emily has December 15-January 16 off of school! That's AMAZING. I was thinking she'd probably have to go back shortly after New Years, but YAY. She'll definitely be available to watch Lila when we're at the hospital with Jared... if my parents are also here during that time, it's not that big of a deal, but this baby could technically come before or after the holidays. I feel really relieved about that--I'd been pretty worried about how that would all work. She might go home for a week or so during that time, but if Jake is home from work, that shouldn't be too bad. It would be great to have her help those first few weeks.
I've just spent the past half hour reading through posts on this blog. About a family who lost their first (and only) daughter to cancer when she was 11 months old. I've been sitting here crying, feeling heartbroken for them, and feeling so grateful for my sweet Lila. I'm going to smother her with kisses when she wakes up. I am so blessed to have her.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Unmotivated
When Jake went to bed early on Monday night, she and I did our nightly routine without him. When it came time to read the Book of Mormon, I gave her a blue missionary copy to "read" and started reading out loud. She walked out of the living room, into our bedroom, and came back eventually. When I walked into our room later, I noticed that she had put her copy of the Book of Mormon next to Jake while he was sleeping. How cute is that? She wanted Daddy to read with us. Also, when I gave her her toothbrush, she brought it to sleeping Jake, because he usually brushes teeth with her. Cute.
This has been a pretty lame week. Lame because I'm just feeling really blah and unmotivated. Lila's been under the weather, but it hasn't been too bad. She's actually just been sleeping more, which is fine by me. But we haven't been going out and doing a lot like usual, so I'm just not used to sitting at home all the time. But I need to get used to it... we'll be doing a lot of that this winter!
Yesterday at around 4 we stopped at Kate Whitaker's to visit. That was nice. Jake and I were supposed to drop Lila off at Holly's for our date night, but since she has a cold, we didn't. We did go pick up a bed rail for Lila from Craigslist and then went out to get custard at Culver's, so it was still a fun night as a family. Lila is so darn cute. We love her.
Lately she's been loving the green smoothies that Jake makes and regularly requests "moonies" (smoothies). She also likes string cheese. We went for a walk as a family last night and then had smoothies. But I can't drink the ones Jake usually makes because I've developed an allergy to peaches. Bummer.
We spent time talking to Mike on the phone. Things are still shakey with Cassandra, and I suspect they will continue to be for a while, but Mike is still willing and wanting to work on it, which is good. I actually wrote Cassandra an email, because I felt prompted to. In response, she said she and Mike were having a lot of ups and downs and asked if Jake and I experienced that. I wrote this --
Hey Cassandra,
Life here is good. Trying to enjoy the last of the warm weather and life with just one child. I have a feeling that the transition to two kids is going to be pretty hard, but even so, we're so excited to meet him and for Lila to have a little brother. Kids are a lot of fun. Mike's been sharing some of his side of the story, so I kind of know what's going on, but his perception of it is probably different than yours. :) I do think that I understand where you're coming from, at least from the things that Mike has said. I had a lot of big decisions to make after I met Jake. It all seemed to happen very quickly, and Jake was very intense too :) There were definitely some ups and downs in our relationship in the beginning, but those ended as soon as I decided once and for all that I was going to marry Jake. After we decided to merge our lives together, things were still very difficult--because my parents and other family members weren't supportive of our decision to marry at such young ages and in the temple... and because it takes a lot of work to see eye-to-eye and figure out how to make a relationship work--but we faced those problems together, and I think that built a strong foundation for our whole marriage. Actually, the period of our engagement was the most difficult time of my whole life. I was heartbroken that my parents weren't supportive and wouldn't be able to be at the sealing (my dad, though endowed, decided to sit with my mom during the ceremony), and it was really hard to be living 3 hours away from Jake (he was at college). I was under a lot of stress, especially not being able to see how it would all work out in the end. But, I felt so strongly that Heavenly Father would bless me, our marriage, and our future children, for the righteous decisions I was making: to be sealed for eternity to a righteous man that I loved. And Heavenly Father has surely blessed us. My relationship with my parents has never been better. Especially with my mom. She adores Jake and especially adores her grandchildren. And even though I was told before I got married that happiness in marriage is so wonderful, I had no idea that Jake and I could be so happy together. We are so happy together, every day.
Thinking back to the time when I was trying to make a decision about what I should do (I needed to first of all decide if I was going to go to BYU as planned or if I was going to stay in the UP, and I knew that if I stayed in the UP I would marry Jake), I received advice from my parents at times when I was very distraught and confused that helped me make the decision. Even though we didn't see eye-to-eye about me marrying Jake, they knew that Jake and I were very much in love and very happy together. I remember talking with my dad once, and he told me that as long as I was being obedient to Heavenly Father's commandments and living righteously, I could do what I wanted to do (in regards to marrying Jake or not), and I would be happy. I just needed to do what felt right. And then talking to my mom, she said something along the lines of, "I don't think you could find a better man than Jake. He loves you so much. He is a good man." I knew that was true. I understood that if I didn't want to marry Jake--I knew it was about what I wanted to do--that I would eventually find another man who would be good and kind and righteous. He wouldn't be better than Jake, he would just be different. And I knew that I would be just as happy with one righteous man as I would with another, because usually marriage is what you make of it. But, I realized that no, I couldn't hope to find another man better than Jake. He was good, kind, loving, wonderful... even though in many ways he was not the kind of person I expected I'd marry (I never ever imagined that I'd marry such a practical engineer type guy). Most importantly, he loved me fiercely and was so loyal and committed to having a happy marriage. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, and of him moving on and of him marrying/loving another woman. So I made my decision. And I have never, ever regretted it.
Oh, and here's a quote from Elder Holland I read recently that I loved. I shared it with Mike too.
Looking back, I'm so grateful for those opportunities I was given to grow. It tested my faith a lot, but because Jake and I moved forward, we've been blessed. Marriage is wonderful, Cassandra. It is so worth every sacrifice and difficult decision, and all the late nights talking and figuring things out together. I hope you and Mike can come to a decision together that you'll be happy with. How are you feeling about everything? Remember to relax and have fun together too. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the intense and important things that we forget to just have fun and laugh together.
Rudi
Anyway. They both still have a lot to learn about relationships. :)
Bedtime was rough. Lila wasn't feeling well and I was exhausted, so she didn't get to bed till 11. Jake was awesome though and cleaned the kitchen and living room for me. Good man. Oh, one of the reasons I was worn out was because Lila threw her first full-fledged tantrum yesterday morning. It wasn't horrible, but it was annoying. :) She was mad because I took her owl jammies off to change her diaper and put clothes on her. And she lost it. I picked out a shirt that she wanted to wear, and even though she wanted me to put it on her, every time I tried she would freak out. So that lasted 20 minutes or so, but ended just as quickly and easily as it began. Weird. Guess I'll have to get used to that. Just lots of crying and screeching and gagging, nothing major. I remember crying like that when I was little... I remember laying on the ground and crying and feeling the tears fall into my ears and my hair and while I was laying there, thinking very clearly, "I don't know why I'm crying, but it feels good." lol. So, at least I kind of know what she's going through.
This has been a pretty lame week. Lame because I'm just feeling really blah and unmotivated. Lila's been under the weather, but it hasn't been too bad. She's actually just been sleeping more, which is fine by me. But we haven't been going out and doing a lot like usual, so I'm just not used to sitting at home all the time. But I need to get used to it... we'll be doing a lot of that this winter!
Yesterday at around 4 we stopped at Kate Whitaker's to visit. That was nice. Jake and I were supposed to drop Lila off at Holly's for our date night, but since she has a cold, we didn't. We did go pick up a bed rail for Lila from Craigslist and then went out to get custard at Culver's, so it was still a fun night as a family. Lila is so darn cute. We love her.
Lately she's been loving the green smoothies that Jake makes and regularly requests "moonies" (smoothies). She also likes string cheese. We went for a walk as a family last night and then had smoothies. But I can't drink the ones Jake usually makes because I've developed an allergy to peaches. Bummer.
We spent time talking to Mike on the phone. Things are still shakey with Cassandra, and I suspect they will continue to be for a while, but Mike is still willing and wanting to work on it, which is good. I actually wrote Cassandra an email, because I felt prompted to. In response, she said she and Mike were having a lot of ups and downs and asked if Jake and I experienced that. I wrote this --
Hey Cassandra,
Life here is good. Trying to enjoy the last of the warm weather and life with just one child. I have a feeling that the transition to two kids is going to be pretty hard, but even so, we're so excited to meet him and for Lila to have a little brother. Kids are a lot of fun. Mike's been sharing some of his side of the story, so I kind of know what's going on, but his perception of it is probably different than yours. :) I do think that I understand where you're coming from, at least from the things that Mike has said. I had a lot of big decisions to make after I met Jake. It all seemed to happen very quickly, and Jake was very intense too :) There were definitely some ups and downs in our relationship in the beginning, but those ended as soon as I decided once and for all that I was going to marry Jake. After we decided to merge our lives together, things were still very difficult--because my parents and other family members weren't supportive of our decision to marry at such young ages and in the temple... and because it takes a lot of work to see eye-to-eye and figure out how to make a relationship work--but we faced those problems together, and I think that built a strong foundation for our whole marriage. Actually, the period of our engagement was the most difficult time of my whole life. I was heartbroken that my parents weren't supportive and wouldn't be able to be at the sealing (my dad, though endowed, decided to sit with my mom during the ceremony), and it was really hard to be living 3 hours away from Jake (he was at college). I was under a lot of stress, especially not being able to see how it would all work out in the end. But, I felt so strongly that Heavenly Father would bless me, our marriage, and our future children, for the righteous decisions I was making: to be sealed for eternity to a righteous man that I loved. And Heavenly Father has surely blessed us. My relationship with my parents has never been better. Especially with my mom. She adores Jake and especially adores her grandchildren. And even though I was told before I got married that happiness in marriage is so wonderful, I had no idea that Jake and I could be so happy together. We are so happy together, every day.
Thinking back to the time when I was trying to make a decision about what I should do (I needed to first of all decide if I was going to go to BYU as planned or if I was going to stay in the UP, and I knew that if I stayed in the UP I would marry Jake), I received advice from my parents at times when I was very distraught and confused that helped me make the decision. Even though we didn't see eye-to-eye about me marrying Jake, they knew that Jake and I were very much in love and very happy together. I remember talking with my dad once, and he told me that as long as I was being obedient to Heavenly Father's commandments and living righteously, I could do what I wanted to do (in regards to marrying Jake or not), and I would be happy. I just needed to do what felt right. And then talking to my mom, she said something along the lines of, "I don't think you could find a better man than Jake. He loves you so much. He is a good man." I knew that was true. I understood that if I didn't want to marry Jake--I knew it was about what I wanted to do--that I would eventually find another man who would be good and kind and righteous. He wouldn't be better than Jake, he would just be different. And I knew that I would be just as happy with one righteous man as I would with another, because usually marriage is what you make of it. But, I realized that no, I couldn't hope to find another man better than Jake. He was good, kind, loving, wonderful... even though in many ways he was not the kind of person I expected I'd marry (I never ever imagined that I'd marry such a practical engineer type guy). Most importantly, he loved me fiercely and was so loyal and committed to having a happy marriage. And I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, and of him moving on and of him marrying/loving another woman. So I made my decision. And I have never, ever regretted it.
Oh, and here's a quote from Elder Holland I read recently that I loved. I shared it with Mike too.
"To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person. No serious courtship or engagement is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the one we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together.
Looking back, I'm so grateful for those opportunities I was given to grow. It tested my faith a lot, but because Jake and I moved forward, we've been blessed. Marriage is wonderful, Cassandra. It is so worth every sacrifice and difficult decision, and all the late nights talking and figuring things out together. I hope you and Mike can come to a decision together that you'll be happy with. How are you feeling about everything? Remember to relax and have fun together too. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the intense and important things that we forget to just have fun and laugh together.
Rudi
Anyway. They both still have a lot to learn about relationships. :)
Bedtime was rough. Lila wasn't feeling well and I was exhausted, so she didn't get to bed till 11. Jake was awesome though and cleaned the kitchen and living room for me. Good man. Oh, one of the reasons I was worn out was because Lila threw her first full-fledged tantrum yesterday morning. It wasn't horrible, but it was annoying. :) She was mad because I took her owl jammies off to change her diaper and put clothes on her. And she lost it. I picked out a shirt that she wanted to wear, and even though she wanted me to put it on her, every time I tried she would freak out. So that lasted 20 minutes or so, but ended just as quickly and easily as it began. Weird. Guess I'll have to get used to that. Just lots of crying and screeching and gagging, nothing major. I remember crying like that when I was little... I remember laying on the ground and crying and feeling the tears fall into my ears and my hair and while I was laying there, thinking very clearly, "I don't know why I'm crying, but it feels good." lol. So, at least I kind of know what she's going through.
Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World
Quotes from President Hinckley's address to the Relief Society, during which the Proclamation to the Family was first read. Found here.
To you wives and mothers who work to maintain stable homes where there is an environment of love and respect and appreciation I say, the Lord bless you. Regardless of your circumstances, walk with faith. Rear your children in light and truth. Teach them to pray while they are young. Read to them from the scriptures even though they may not understand all that you read. Teach them to pay their tithes and offerings on the first money they ever receive. Let this practice become a habit in their lives. Teach your sons to honor womanhood. Teach your daughters to walk in virtue. Accept responsibility in the Church, and trust in the Lord to make you equal to any call you may receive. Your example will set a pattern for your children. Reach out in love to those in distress and need.
It is the home which produces the nursery stock of new generations. I hope that you mothers will realize that when all is said and done, you have no more compelling responsibility, nor any laden with greater rewards, than the nurture you give your children in an environment of security, peace, companionship, love, and motivation to grow and do well.
The more surely you rear your children in the ways of the gospel of Jesus Christ, with love and high expectation, the more likely that there will be peace in their lives.
Set an example for them. That will mean more than all the teaching you can give them. Do not overindulge them. Let them grow up with respect for and understanding of the meaning of labor, of working and contributing to the home and its surroundings, with some way of earning some of their own expense money. Let your sons save for missions, and encourage them to prepare themselves, not only financially, but spiritually and in an attitude to go out to serve the Lord without selfishness of any kind. I do not hesitate to promise that if you will do so, you will have reason to count your blessings.
May the Lord bless you, my beloved sisters. You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God. May you be strengthened for the challenges of the day. May you be endowed with wisdom beyond your own in dealing with the problems you constantly face. May your prayers and your pleadings be answered with blessings upon your heads and upon the heads of your loved ones. We leave with you our love and our blessing, that your lives may be filled with peace and gladness. It can be so. Many of you can testify that it has been so. The Lord bless you now and through the years to come, I humbly pray in the name of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A Good Sunday and a lame-ish Monday (25w 5d)
We all woke up by 7:30, but we were still late for church. Jake brought up the tub of 12-24 mo. clothes from storage to find some tights for Lila, and we discovered that she fits in a lot of the 24 mo. clothes still that I thought she'd outgrown. Because now she isn't nearly as chubby, and they'll fit over her tummy. Hehe. It's so funny to me that she'll be able to wear a lot of the clothes this fall/winter that she was wearing last fall/winter. Brings back a lot of memories to look through them, and I thought we had tucked them away forever.
Lila played well in Nursery during 2nd hour, but Jake was there the whole time, and she cried when he did eventually leave. We had to do the youth panel discussion during 3rd hour, but we ended up taking her and she did just fine, snacking on fruit snacks and granola bars. The discussion went well. I sure love the youth. It wasn't so long ago that I was one myself. One of the comments we made as a panel was that life is so much easier after high school. I mean, it's harder in a lot of ways (a lot more responsibilities, a lot of sacrifice), but so much easier too.
She fell asleep on the way home from church, which was great, because we only stopped at home to change and grab lunch before heading to Holland to visit Jim. She slept the whole way there, which was also awesome. Jake and I were both tired. And he broke his (very cheap) sunglasses in half just by opening them, so we had a good laugh about that. It was a nice visit with Jim and his family. Emily was sick (coughing) and had stayed home from church, so Jake and I were a little annoyed that they hadn't rescheduled, but whatever. We had a very delicious lunch and went to the park to play. Emily pushed Lila in a baby swing almost the whole time. On a regular swing, Lila gets scared very easily if we push her even a tiny bit high, but she was having a blast on this swing. Laughing and saying "Whoa!" and "Wee!" So that was fun.
We left at around 6. Jim and Angela were watching a movie, so we fed Lila some dinner and then hit the road. Lila fell asleep on the way home, so got an extra nap, which meant that she went to bed an hour later... so not till around 10:30. Mike came over to get a blessing from Jake and to tell us about his weekend with Cassandra. They're still dating but he's now not convinced that she's "the one." So, more drama, but it's okay. We ended up going to bed after midnight, not good.
Yesterday we laid low most of the day, but did manage to make a big grocery shopping trip after Lila's nap. Now that Lila's eating, it's become a lot more important to me to have the house well-stocked with food and to have a good dinner (almost) every night. So I've been doing a lot better with that. Before, when it was just Jake and I eating, it wasn't that big of a deal to me... because Jake seems pretty indifferent about food and what I make. It's never a big deal to him, so it's not a big deal to me. (He doesn't get excited about good food, really.) But it's a big deal to Lila and it's important that she gets good food in her belly. We're all happier that way. I've been making a lot of soups, pastas, and casseroles because she usually eats those pretty well, and will eat the vegetables in them.
We had dinner together. Jake got home right at 5:30, which was nice. He called me during the day to chat too because he had to drive downtown and back, and that was also nice. Good to talk during the day. We videochatted with his dad after dinner and then right after that, at around 7:30 or 8:00, he went to bed. And I was up with Lila till 10:30. She was pretty miserable. Crying and fighting bedtime. I finally lured her into bed by watching Blue's Clues there, and after that she did fall asleep and slept very well. But was up at 7:30am. I think I'll take her to the library after her nap. She's still under the weather, but it will be good to get out and do something. It's a beautiful sunny day out too, which also makes a difference.
As of today, there are 100 days till my due date!! It's coming! He's coming! I'm really excited to meet him. He's kicking more, but I seem to remember Lila being more active. Who knows. Maybe it's just that I'm not sitting around as much as I was with Lila, so I don't notice it as much.
Hmm... what else. The other day, Jake and I were talking about our family, and he said that he feels a lot of "pressure" from me to spend his extra time at home, with Lila and I. I thought it was interesting that he used the word pressure... because I know that it sometimes feels like I put some pressure on him. He didn't mean it in a negative way, because he continued to say that he's so grateful that I put an emphasis on that because it blesses his own life and our whole family a lot. To have a very strong, influential, righteous, and loving husband/father in our home makes a huge difference. And Lila and our other children will have lots of good memories with him, and will have strong relationships with him. I feel like that is so important. He said that his dad was like that too... when Jake and his siblings were growing up, Dad didn't have hobbies that took him outside of the home. I really appreciate that example. I know that it's important for me to get out of the house and away from Lila once in a while, but it's maybe once a month that I feel that way, and it's only for a few hours. But what makes me the happiest is to be at home with my family.
A quote that I sent to Mike today (he returned the engagement ring yesterday, but is still dating Cassandra, who still seems to want marriage, but not willing to commit or actually move forward with it). By Elder Holland (I love Elder Holland) --
That's exactly what it felt like when Jake and I got engaged... that we were holding on to each other tightly and jumping into the pool together. :)
Lila played well in Nursery during 2nd hour, but Jake was there the whole time, and she cried when he did eventually leave. We had to do the youth panel discussion during 3rd hour, but we ended up taking her and she did just fine, snacking on fruit snacks and granola bars. The discussion went well. I sure love the youth. It wasn't so long ago that I was one myself. One of the comments we made as a panel was that life is so much easier after high school. I mean, it's harder in a lot of ways (a lot more responsibilities, a lot of sacrifice), but so much easier too.
She fell asleep on the way home from church, which was great, because we only stopped at home to change and grab lunch before heading to Holland to visit Jim. She slept the whole way there, which was also awesome. Jake and I were both tired. And he broke his (very cheap) sunglasses in half just by opening them, so we had a good laugh about that. It was a nice visit with Jim and his family. Emily was sick (coughing) and had stayed home from church, so Jake and I were a little annoyed that they hadn't rescheduled, but whatever. We had a very delicious lunch and went to the park to play. Emily pushed Lila in a baby swing almost the whole time. On a regular swing, Lila gets scared very easily if we push her even a tiny bit high, but she was having a blast on this swing. Laughing and saying "Whoa!" and "Wee!" So that was fun.
We left at around 6. Jim and Angela were watching a movie, so we fed Lila some dinner and then hit the road. Lila fell asleep on the way home, so got an extra nap, which meant that she went to bed an hour later... so not till around 10:30. Mike came over to get a blessing from Jake and to tell us about his weekend with Cassandra. They're still dating but he's now not convinced that she's "the one." So, more drama, but it's okay. We ended up going to bed after midnight, not good.
Yesterday we laid low most of the day, but did manage to make a big grocery shopping trip after Lila's nap. Now that Lila's eating, it's become a lot more important to me to have the house well-stocked with food and to have a good dinner (almost) every night. So I've been doing a lot better with that. Before, when it was just Jake and I eating, it wasn't that big of a deal to me... because Jake seems pretty indifferent about food and what I make. It's never a big deal to him, so it's not a big deal to me. (He doesn't get excited about good food, really.) But it's a big deal to Lila and it's important that she gets good food in her belly. We're all happier that way. I've been making a lot of soups, pastas, and casseroles because she usually eats those pretty well, and will eat the vegetables in them.
We had dinner together. Jake got home right at 5:30, which was nice. He called me during the day to chat too because he had to drive downtown and back, and that was also nice. Good to talk during the day. We videochatted with his dad after dinner and then right after that, at around 7:30 or 8:00, he went to bed. And I was up with Lila till 10:30. She was pretty miserable. Crying and fighting bedtime. I finally lured her into bed by watching Blue's Clues there, and after that she did fall asleep and slept very well. But was up at 7:30am. I think I'll take her to the library after her nap. She's still under the weather, but it will be good to get out and do something. It's a beautiful sunny day out too, which also makes a difference.
As of today, there are 100 days till my due date!! It's coming! He's coming! I'm really excited to meet him. He's kicking more, but I seem to remember Lila being more active. Who knows. Maybe it's just that I'm not sitting around as much as I was with Lila, so I don't notice it as much.
Hmm... what else. The other day, Jake and I were talking about our family, and he said that he feels a lot of "pressure" from me to spend his extra time at home, with Lila and I. I thought it was interesting that he used the word pressure... because I know that it sometimes feels like I put some pressure on him. He didn't mean it in a negative way, because he continued to say that he's so grateful that I put an emphasis on that because it blesses his own life and our whole family a lot. To have a very strong, influential, righteous, and loving husband/father in our home makes a huge difference. And Lila and our other children will have lots of good memories with him, and will have strong relationships with him. I feel like that is so important. He said that his dad was like that too... when Jake and his siblings were growing up, Dad didn't have hobbies that took him outside of the home. I really appreciate that example. I know that it's important for me to get out of the house and away from Lila once in a while, but it's maybe once a month that I feel that way, and it's only for a few hours. But what makes me the happiest is to be at home with my family.
A quote that I sent to Mike today (he returned the engagement ring yesterday, but is still dating Cassandra, who still seems to want marriage, but not willing to commit or actually move forward with it). By Elder Holland (I love Elder Holland) --
To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. It is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person. No serious courtship or engagement is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the one we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together.
That's exactly what it felt like when Jake and I got engaged... that we were holding on to each other tightly and jumping into the pool together. :)
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Good Life
Thursday turned out to be a good day. Emily and I (and Lila) went to Kohl's, Target, and Payless to get some clothes/shoes for Lila. We had dinner together, that Jake had to eat on his way to his meeting. Emily gave Lila a bath, we Skyped with Mom and Dad. And then Jake came home at 9:30 instead of midnight! They had Stake Priesthood Leadership Training that night and didn't reconvene after the meeting. I was so happy, and so was he. And even though we were both tired and had the opportunity to go to bed early, we were up till midnight. We always do that. It was a really nice treat, for him to be home that early. He got to see Lila for a little bit before she went to bed, too.
Yesterday afternoon Lila and I went to the nearby cider mill with Kate and baby George. It's like a mile away from our house, which is pretty cool. They have yummy donuts there. :) So we ate donuts and visited for quite some time. Lila walked around, pet the farm dog there, and was pretty whiney most of the time, actually. Kate came over for a little while after that, till it was time for our husbands to come home. I think it's so awesome that they live in our neighborhood. I think we'll become very close, especially as George gets older and likes playing with kids. Next summer will be fun, I'm sure we'll be playing lots together... especially because there aren't many other SAHM's in the neighborhood.
For dinner we picked up some food at Menna's Joint. Lila fell asleep on the way there, so we got it to go. Jen Randall (Jake's boss and the YW President at church) and her family (husband Sean and boys Reid (12) and Mackenzie (6)) came over for green smoothies after that and were here till 9:45. Lila had a BLAST running around after them and they were really good with her. I think motherhood probably becomes easier in a lot of ways once your kids are older and can play together. Right now I'm Lila's only entertainment during the day. It was a nice visit. I really like them. She told Jake at work that she thinks I'm very gifted at public speaking, that we both did a great job at the Standards Night.
Jake and I were up past midnight again, as usual. Emily got home from the YSA Conference that the branch is hosting. She actually helped plan it. So we talked to her about that, and we were also talking to Mike on the phone too.
Today was good. Lila slept great last night, which means we did too. Relatively, anyway. It's always relative when I'm pregnant. She slept great except for when she fell off the bed. Woops. We haven't gotten a bed rail for her yet, we just stack pillows up, but I guess that didn't work.
We were up early. Went to Kohl's to get jeans and some long-sleeved shirts for Jake. He really doesn't like shopping. I told him that if I could know exactly what would fit him and what wouldn't, I would do all of his shopping for him. He appreciated that. Lila was pretty cranky at Kohl's. We also got her some more long-sleeved shirts and a sweatshirt. I thought that since her summer clothes were all 3T, she'd be in that for the fall too, but she's in 2T for fall clothes, because her limbs aren't long enough. She loves her new shirts, they have butterflies and monkeys on them. She thinks that's really cool.
From there we stopped at some neighborhood garage sales on the way to the farmer's market. I got some maternity pants (awesome!) and some baby boy clothes and a shirt for Lila. Came home, Lila went down for a nap, and we worked out in the yard. Pulled the rest of the flowers out so that we can plant grass in the spring. Good to have that taken care of.
Lila likes just going for walks now, walking next to me down the road. So we did that a few times this afternoon. After dinner we had another camp fire at Terie's. After that, Mike and Cassandra came over and we spent the whole time playing with and laughing at Lila, how cute she is. And now here we are. Another week over.
Lila @ almost 18 months
She'll actually be 18 months old in just a week, but here's what Lila's up to lately --
- She loves coloring. Which means, she loves getting the crayons (she asks for them by name) and then telling me to draw things. Her favorite thing for me to draw are "bwoonies" (balloons) and buggies. She also likes socks and bikes. And recently eye glasses.
- She has favorite songs. She loves "Book of Mormon Stories" and can all do the hand motions with me. She often starts singing this on her own by making a book and singing "Muck-a-mommy" which is how she says Book of Mormon. She also loves "I Love to See the Temple." Whenever she sees one or we say the word temple, she starts singing "want temple." She also loves the ABC's or the "baby c's." We have a toy that sings the ABC's and she bounces around, dancing to it.
- She tries to jump, and it's the cutest thing ever. She only gets to her tip-toes, but she kind of throws her arms into the air too. Very cute.
- She's pretty good at praying. She knows to close her eyes, or she'll squint, but only for a few seconds. Sometimes she'll kneel with us. She can fold her arms, but first she'll often stick up her right arms into the air and then fold them. Funny. She still mostly squirms around while we pray, but that's okay. A lot of times she'll say amen.
- Jake's been teaching her Chinese whenever he changes her diaper. She says "Jia you!" while waving her arm, which literally means "Add oil!" - it's a phrase of encouragement. She'll say it without any prompting, and then we'll all start doing it. She won't say "I love you" when we ask her to, but she will say "Wo ai ni" (her version is "ai ni ni") which is I love you in Chinese.
- She tells me when things are "scary" - skee-wee. Also very cute.
- When she wants to go to bed, she comes to me, and says "Bye bye Daddy!" in a kind of pouty, tired voice.
- Our nighttime routine is to play with her and have some snacks. She'll do "airplane" with Daddy and Jake loves doing that with her. She thinks it's fun too. And she climbs all over him while he's laying on the floor. And then we'll read from the Book of Mormon and have a prayer. And then we'll brush teeth. She likes brushing her own teeth, but doesn't do a very good job at it. She'll stand at the sink and say "teefy" when she wants to. She mostly likes sucking the berry-flavored toothpaste off of it. She's sleeping in her own bed now and always sleeps with her "bankie."
- She asks for high fives by saying "high fi' Tubby!" which means "high five Toby!" because she and Toby give each other high fives.
- She really likes riding her bike. Brody and Toby taught her to "crash" into things, so she thinks that's really funny and says "boom" when she does. She doesn't pedal, but tries to sometimes. Just pushes herself with her feet, and she can go pretty fast.
- I have a plastic tricycle for her in the basement for when it's cold/rainy outside and she pretends it's a motorcycle. She calls it a motorcycle and says "vroom vroom."
- She loves bath time. We let her have bubbles every time, and she loves that. She likes playing with washcloths and putting them on her head, sucking on them, and washing herself. When she's done with the bath, she says, "Bye Bye Tubby."
- Whenever we need to leave or move on, we ask her to say bye bye to whatever she's currently interested in, and she says it, and then moves on.
- She likes going for walks after dinner in her "stwowwer" (stroller). She likes to see the "cowies."
- Nursery isn't going so well. She has a favorite toy there, but doesn't seem to understand that you can play with other kids too. Maybe it will help having Brig in there. Her first official day is Jake's birthday in a few weeks, but we've been bringing her in lately. It doesn't help that the nursery leaders aren't usually there, so it's someone different every week.
- One of her obsessions is clothes. She especially likes shirts and one of her most often-said phrases is "Daddy's sheet (shirt)" or "Mommy sheet." She knows socks and towels and shoeys and jammies. When she sees a man in a shirt and tie, she says "Daddy sheet." She loves identifying people's shoes. "Mommy shoeys" or "Daddy shoeys" or "Mike shoes" or "Nemmy shoeys."
- She still loves Nemmy and Mike. Especially Nemmy.
- She still always poops in mine and Jake's closet. It's one of her favorite places. She walks in and closes the door by holding onto the doorknob, but leaves it open a crack. She freaks out if she closes it all the way. She's been really awesome lately at telling us when she's pooping. She'll point and tell us "Pooping." And the look on her face (the watery, red eyes) give it away too.
- When she's carrying something heavy, she says, "It heavy."
- She's very independent. Says "no" a lot when we ask her if she wants something or wants to do something.
- She recently started liking swings on the playground, but not baby swings, big kid swings. She calls it "nwinging." She'll sit on the swing for a really long time, and only likes to be pushed a very little bit, otherwise she says it's "skee-wee."
- She loves Baby Jared already. She loves giving my belly kisses and resting her head on it. She asks to see his ultrasound pictures now too. She usually doesn't give me kisses when I ask for them, but she will always give him kisses. She points to my belly (and she always has to lift my shirt up to talk to him) and says "Mommy Jee-weet." I think she's going to be a great big sister.
- She is quite a talker. Loves talking and loves hearing her voice, I guess. Babbles but says a lot of real words too. She must be able to say 70-80 or more words. She has a very big vocabulary, and even understands abstract ideas, like feelings. Sometimes we'll be laughing together and she'll sigh and say, "Funny." Or she understands what "scary" is. I think she's a very smart girl. I think she'll be an early reader and that she'll be talking quite well by the time she turns 2.
- We really, really, really love this kid. She makes us laugh all the time and she's the best part of our day. When she wakes up from naps and we're both home, we always race to her room so we can see her and play with her again. We love having her as our daughter and she's become the center of our family. I love her so much.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Blessings
Well, Lila is still on a wonky sleep schedule, but the past few nights haven't been so terrible. Actually, last night was pretty great. She did wake up once at midnight (after putting her down at 10) freaking out. She was really upset and I cradled her and walked her up and down the hallway for a while like she was a little baby, but eventually brought her to bed with us and she slept from then till 7:30. And then she woke up for a half hour and is now still sleeping. So, much better. Monday and Tuesday nights I slept pretty horribly. Tuesday I was up from 3am-6am, couldn't sleep. Insomnia. It was no fun and I was so tired the next day (yesterday). I slept pretty well last night.
We've been laying low this week. Monday, Mike came over for a while after work. He's still conflicted. Has been thinking about breaking up with Cassandra because she just doesn't seem very... I don't know. She has a lot of things to work through. So Mike's been studying the marriage institute manual and praying and talking to family members. He received an awesome email from Melissa last night. I'm not quite sure what he'll decide to do, but I sure hope he finds some happiness, even if and even though it will require lots of hard work. Guy deserves it.
Vince and I were talking this evening, and we believe that the single question you have to worry about is this: do you love her? I know you are wondering if you could be happy with someone else, and i have thought on that particular question today a lot because it hasn't sat well with me since you raised it this morning. Vince recalled that once he decided he loved me, everything else didn't matter--the distance apart, the time to wait, the details and logistics, etc. Think of our own ancestors and favorite old testament story of Jacob and Rachel. ;-) Sure Jacob had to wait 14 years for Rachel, but does anyone question whether he loved her? Absolutely not, least of all her, and that was surely a tremendous blessing to them both. If you love her, stand firm--even when it scares you silly. Marriage is an opportunity for two imperfect people to grow towards perfection together. Flaws are inevitable--even the most amazing people have them. Remember carefully every good feeling, every good thing about and every virtuous trait in your sweetheart. Remember that she IS your sweetheart. Remember every inspiration and confirmation you have received about her, and remember why you bought that gorgeous ring in the first place.
I have an awesome family. I hope that my children love each other and support each other as much as Jake and his siblings do.
Jake and I have spent a lot of time thinking/talking about our own love story this week. We shared it as part of our little talk at standard's night last night. Our topic was dating and sexual purity. I've thought about the first time I met and saw Jake. Him standing behind the podium at the little Escanaba branch. I realize now that he was like most RM's -- full of the Spirit, full of energy and love, full of hope and optimism. At the time, because I was pretty inexperienced, I kind of thought it was singular, unique to him. But his sincerity and positivity attracted me to him instantly. I saw that he loved God and he loved obeying the commandments, and I so clearly remember thinking, "That is the kind of man I want to marry." And it was a crazy rollercoaster ride from that time until we were married, and probably the first year or so of our marriage could count as part of that, but boy, were we in love with each other. We were crazy, head-over-heels in love. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything and I value it so much. We've learned since then, and we've known all along, that marriage is based on much more than that feeling, but I'm so grateful that we experienced that "high." It bound us together, and even now, I sometimes look at him and remember what it was like when I was 17 and he was 21 and we were so in love.
We sure love each other a lot, that Jake and I. We laugh together a lot and tease each other a lot. Last night was our first official date night as part of the babysitting swap. We dropped Lila off at Alicia's, and I was a little nervous because it was our first time leaving her with non-family. We've left her with Mike, Emily, and my parents, but never with friends. She'd had a pretty rough day... hadn't eaten or napped very well, but she was excited to play with "Briggy" (she's been adding -y's to the end of a lot of words now), and I'm okay with her being a little nervous/unsure about being away from Mom. She needs to get more used to that. So, we brought her in, made sure to bring some snacks ("conny" or candy, which are fruit snacks), and her blanket. She was happy to see Brig and they walked over to the sliding glass door and happily started pounding on it together, so we made a run for it when she wasn't looking.
Our date night was the standards night. It went well. We were both a little nervous. We spoke to both parents and youth. We were only supposed to talk for 5-8 minutes, but I think we spoke twice as long. But, all three other couples who spoke went over too. That's just not a lot of time to speak on such serious topics. There wasn't enough time to have the panel discussion at the end like they had planned, so it ended after everyone spoke, but we'll have the discussion on Sunday during 3rd hour, so that will work well. It was a good experience for Jake and I, anyway. I shared Elder Holland's three reasons why it's important to be sexually pure, from his talk "Personal Purity." And Jake shared some quotes about pornography by Elder Oaks. This experience has reminded us of why we love the gospel and the standards we're asked to live. They really do bring us happiness, and not following them really does bring misery. We are committed to teaching our children the gospel.
Lila did fine at the Thompson's. She cried for 10 minutes, but that was it. They had snacks, watched a movie, read books. Alicia said it was fun to have a kid who talks for a while. Brig is 21 months old (the age Lila will be when Jared is born) but not talking yet. So, that's awesome. I'm proud of Lila.
What else is new... Monday night we took Lila, Toby, and Brody for a walk to see the "cowies" which are actually horses. Lila gets the two confused a lot. :) She makes horsey sounds (neighing, really funny). We sat on Terie's porch after that visiting until the boys had to go in because they weren't listening... riding their bikes onto the road.
It's definitely fall. The past few days have been chilly. I'm excited to take Lila to the cider mill, for Halloween, for walks in the leaves, to carve a pumpkin. I love having Lila around. She makes life a lot more fun.
And some sad news -- Ben O'Brien (Jake's good friend from church in Petoskey) and his wife were expecting a little girl a few weeks before Jared was due. She was born on Saturday, stillborn. So heartbreaking. It was their first baby. I'm grateful everytime I feel my little one kick (it's not as often as Lila kicked, not yet anyway), but I pray every day that he'll continue to grow strong and healthy. Ben's wife shared the news here on their blog.
We've been laying low this week. Monday, Mike came over for a while after work. He's still conflicted. Has been thinking about breaking up with Cassandra because she just doesn't seem very... I don't know. She has a lot of things to work through. So Mike's been studying the marriage institute manual and praying and talking to family members. He received an awesome email from Melissa last night. I'm not quite sure what he'll decide to do, but I sure hope he finds some happiness, even if and even though it will require lots of hard work. Guy deserves it.
Mike,
Vince and I were talking this evening, and we believe that the single question you have to worry about is this: do you love her? I know you are wondering if you could be happy with someone else, and i have thought on that particular question today a lot because it hasn't sat well with me since you raised it this morning. Vince recalled that once he decided he loved me, everything else didn't matter--the distance apart, the time to wait, the details and logistics, etc. Think of our own ancestors and favorite old testament story of Jacob and Rachel. ;-) Sure Jacob had to wait 14 years for Rachel, but does anyone question whether he loved her? Absolutely not, least of all her, and that was surely a tremendous blessing to them both. If you love her, stand firm--even when it scares you silly. Marriage is an opportunity for two imperfect people to grow towards perfection together. Flaws are inevitable--even the most amazing people have them. Remember carefully every good feeling, every good thing about and every virtuous trait in your sweetheart. Remember that she IS your sweetheart. Remember every inspiration and confirmation you have received about her, and remember why you bought that gorgeous ring in the first place.
This is your decision to make with the Lord, but I do not think a break is a good tool to strengthen or save a relationship. If you love her, stand firm and strong in that love. Move forward together, and learn together how to follow the path you have chosen.
Melissa
I have an awesome family. I hope that my children love each other and support each other as much as Jake and his siblings do.
Jake and I have spent a lot of time thinking/talking about our own love story this week. We shared it as part of our little talk at standard's night last night. Our topic was dating and sexual purity. I've thought about the first time I met and saw Jake. Him standing behind the podium at the little Escanaba branch. I realize now that he was like most RM's -- full of the Spirit, full of energy and love, full of hope and optimism. At the time, because I was pretty inexperienced, I kind of thought it was singular, unique to him. But his sincerity and positivity attracted me to him instantly. I saw that he loved God and he loved obeying the commandments, and I so clearly remember thinking, "That is the kind of man I want to marry." And it was a crazy rollercoaster ride from that time until we were married, and probably the first year or so of our marriage could count as part of that, but boy, were we in love with each other. We were crazy, head-over-heels in love. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything and I value it so much. We've learned since then, and we've known all along, that marriage is based on much more than that feeling, but I'm so grateful that we experienced that "high." It bound us together, and even now, I sometimes look at him and remember what it was like when I was 17 and he was 21 and we were so in love.
We sure love each other a lot, that Jake and I. We laugh together a lot and tease each other a lot. Last night was our first official date night as part of the babysitting swap. We dropped Lila off at Alicia's, and I was a little nervous because it was our first time leaving her with non-family. We've left her with Mike, Emily, and my parents, but never with friends. She'd had a pretty rough day... hadn't eaten or napped very well, but she was excited to play with "Briggy" (she's been adding -y's to the end of a lot of words now), and I'm okay with her being a little nervous/unsure about being away from Mom. She needs to get more used to that. So, we brought her in, made sure to bring some snacks ("conny" or candy, which are fruit snacks), and her blanket. She was happy to see Brig and they walked over to the sliding glass door and happily started pounding on it together, so we made a run for it when she wasn't looking.
Our date night was the standards night. It went well. We were both a little nervous. We spoke to both parents and youth. We were only supposed to talk for 5-8 minutes, but I think we spoke twice as long. But, all three other couples who spoke went over too. That's just not a lot of time to speak on such serious topics. There wasn't enough time to have the panel discussion at the end like they had planned, so it ended after everyone spoke, but we'll have the discussion on Sunday during 3rd hour, so that will work well. It was a good experience for Jake and I, anyway. I shared Elder Holland's three reasons why it's important to be sexually pure, from his talk "Personal Purity." And Jake shared some quotes about pornography by Elder Oaks. This experience has reminded us of why we love the gospel and the standards we're asked to live. They really do bring us happiness, and not following them really does bring misery. We are committed to teaching our children the gospel.
Lila did fine at the Thompson's. She cried for 10 minutes, but that was it. They had snacks, watched a movie, read books. Alicia said it was fun to have a kid who talks for a while. Brig is 21 months old (the age Lila will be when Jared is born) but not talking yet. So, that's awesome. I'm proud of Lila.
What else is new... Monday night we took Lila, Toby, and Brody for a walk to see the "cowies" which are actually horses. Lila gets the two confused a lot. :) She makes horsey sounds (neighing, really funny). We sat on Terie's porch after that visiting until the boys had to go in because they weren't listening... riding their bikes onto the road.
It's definitely fall. The past few days have been chilly. I'm excited to take Lila to the cider mill, for Halloween, for walks in the leaves, to carve a pumpkin. I love having Lila around. She makes life a lot more fun.
And some sad news -- Ben O'Brien (Jake's good friend from church in Petoskey) and his wife were expecting a little girl a few weeks before Jared was due. She was born on Saturday, stillborn. So heartbreaking. It was their first baby. I'm grateful everytime I feel my little one kick (it's not as often as Lila kicked, not yet anyway), but I pray every day that he'll continue to grow strong and healthy. Ben's wife shared the news here on their blog.
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