We've been laying low this week. Monday, Mike came over for a while after work. He's still conflicted. Has been thinking about breaking up with Cassandra because she just doesn't seem very... I don't know. She has a lot of things to work through. So Mike's been studying the marriage institute manual and praying and talking to family members. He received an awesome email from Melissa last night. I'm not quite sure what he'll decide to do, but I sure hope he finds some happiness, even if and even though it will require lots of hard work. Guy deserves it.
Mike,
Vince and I were talking this evening, and we believe that the single question you have to worry about is this: do you love her? I know you are wondering if you could be happy with someone else, and i have thought on that particular question today a lot because it hasn't sat well with me since you raised it this morning. Vince recalled that once he decided he loved me, everything else didn't matter--the distance apart, the time to wait, the details and logistics, etc. Think of our own ancestors and favorite old testament story of Jacob and Rachel. ;-) Sure Jacob had to wait 14 years for Rachel, but does anyone question whether he loved her? Absolutely not, least of all her, and that was surely a tremendous blessing to them both. If you love her, stand firm--even when it scares you silly. Marriage is an opportunity for two imperfect people to grow towards perfection together. Flaws are inevitable--even the most amazing people have them. Remember carefully every good feeling, every good thing about and every virtuous trait in your sweetheart. Remember that she IS your sweetheart. Remember every inspiration and confirmation you have received about her, and remember why you bought that gorgeous ring in the first place.
This is your decision to make with the Lord, but I do not think a break is a good tool to strengthen or save a relationship. If you love her, stand firm and strong in that love. Move forward together, and learn together how to follow the path you have chosen.
Melissa
I have an awesome family. I hope that my children love each other and support each other as much as Jake and his siblings do.
Jake and I have spent a lot of time thinking/talking about our own love story this week. We shared it as part of our little talk at standard's night last night. Our topic was dating and sexual purity. I've thought about the first time I met and saw Jake. Him standing behind the podium at the little Escanaba branch. I realize now that he was like most RM's -- full of the Spirit, full of energy and love, full of hope and optimism. At the time, because I was pretty inexperienced, I kind of thought it was singular, unique to him. But his sincerity and positivity attracted me to him instantly. I saw that he loved God and he loved obeying the commandments, and I so clearly remember thinking, "That is the kind of man I want to marry." And it was a crazy rollercoaster ride from that time until we were married, and probably the first year or so of our marriage could count as part of that, but boy, were we in love with each other. We were crazy, head-over-heels in love. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything and I value it so much. We've learned since then, and we've known all along, that marriage is based on much more than that feeling, but I'm so grateful that we experienced that "high." It bound us together, and even now, I sometimes look at him and remember what it was like when I was 17 and he was 21 and we were so in love.
We sure love each other a lot, that Jake and I. We laugh together a lot and tease each other a lot. Last night was our first official date night as part of the babysitting swap. We dropped Lila off at Alicia's, and I was a little nervous because it was our first time leaving her with non-family. We've left her with Mike, Emily, and my parents, but never with friends. She'd had a pretty rough day... hadn't eaten or napped very well, but she was excited to play with "Briggy" (she's been adding -y's to the end of a lot of words now), and I'm okay with her being a little nervous/unsure about being away from Mom. She needs to get more used to that. So, we brought her in, made sure to bring some snacks ("conny" or candy, which are fruit snacks), and her blanket. She was happy to see Brig and they walked over to the sliding glass door and happily started pounding on it together, so we made a run for it when she wasn't looking.
Our date night was the standards night. It went well. We were both a little nervous. We spoke to both parents and youth. We were only supposed to talk for 5-8 minutes, but I think we spoke twice as long. But, all three other couples who spoke went over too. That's just not a lot of time to speak on such serious topics. There wasn't enough time to have the panel discussion at the end like they had planned, so it ended after everyone spoke, but we'll have the discussion on Sunday during 3rd hour, so that will work well. It was a good experience for Jake and I, anyway. I shared Elder Holland's three reasons why it's important to be sexually pure, from his talk "Personal Purity." And Jake shared some quotes about pornography by Elder Oaks. This experience has reminded us of why we love the gospel and the standards we're asked to live. They really do bring us happiness, and not following them really does bring misery. We are committed to teaching our children the gospel.
Lila did fine at the Thompson's. She cried for 10 minutes, but that was it. They had snacks, watched a movie, read books. Alicia said it was fun to have a kid who talks for a while. Brig is 21 months old (the age Lila will be when Jared is born) but not talking yet. So, that's awesome. I'm proud of Lila.
What else is new... Monday night we took Lila, Toby, and Brody for a walk to see the "cowies" which are actually horses. Lila gets the two confused a lot. :) She makes horsey sounds (neighing, really funny). We sat on Terie's porch after that visiting until the boys had to go in because they weren't listening... riding their bikes onto the road.
It's definitely fall. The past few days have been chilly. I'm excited to take Lila to the cider mill, for Halloween, for walks in the leaves, to carve a pumpkin. I love having Lila around. She makes life a lot more fun.
And some sad news -- Ben O'Brien (Jake's good friend from church in Petoskey) and his wife were expecting a little girl a few weeks before Jared was due. She was born on Saturday, stillborn. So heartbreaking. It was their first baby. I'm grateful everytime I feel my little one kick (it's not as often as Lila kicked, not yet anyway), but I pray every day that he'll continue to grow strong and healthy. Ben's wife shared the news here on their blog.
Oh, that's heartbreaking about the O'Briens. So sad. Kind of a lovey-dovey post, Rudi...I don't know if I can keep reading this while Tyler's on so many 24-hour shifts! :) Just kidding. For Mike...my first thought is "Geez, just let her go! It doesn't have to be so difficult!" because I feel like falling in love, getting married, making choices we have to get to where we are today were so easy. Everything has always been so easy between Tyler & I. No drama. I know I'm lucky and that not everyone is as calm & selfless as Tyler is...seriously, it's him, not me! If it were up to me, we'd have a lot more drama, haha. Anyhow, I think that once you're married, then no matter what, you have to work it out. But at their not-engaged yet stage, I think it's ok to question and figure things out. I agree with Melissa that a break would be really hard to get over at this point, though. I don't know. Good luck to him and Cassandra.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could see Lila now! She just sounds like so much fun. I know my girls would get along with her famously. Call us on Skype one of these days when you're bored. Tyler's parents are in China now, so we usually leave it on when we're at home. And when we're not...so if we don't answer, don't think I'm ignoring you. :)