Full Term (36w) and Sexual Intimacy

I'm 36 weeks today, which is considered full term.  Hooray for me.  I am feeling... done.  I'm exhausted and uncomfortable and really looking forward to not being pregnant anymore.  I used to be nervous about having another baby, but now it's like... anything would be better than being pregnant. :)  There's so much on my to do list still, but I need help with it all because it's all pretty labor intensive (har har, labor) and Lila is a handful.  So I'll have to wait till tomorrow and this weekend till Jake is around to help.  I want to do some freezer meals (I can get the chicken cooked and shredded or chopped today, at least), decorate for Christmas (Natalie dropped off the tree yesterday), make some returns at Target and spend Kohl's cash, mail out Melissa's girls' Christmas presents, clean up.  But I'm just so tired and all I want to do is lay on the couch or in bed.  So, I'll let myself rest and try not to feel so guilty about it.  I keep forgetting how pregnant I am and that I do need rest.  I cried about this morning to Jake and kept asking him to tell me that it's okay to take it easy.  I'll try not to feel guilty.  I actually love just lounging around the house with Lila and playing, so that's what we'll do today.

Lila's doing well but has been pretty clingy still.  I think she has a bit of a cold, runny nose, tired, etc.  So we're kind of running at the same pace.  Lately her favorite place is my lap, which is fine most of the time, but it gets hard after a while.  Not much room in my lap.  Last night I was having contractions and feeling nauseous (Braxton Hicks)... probably from walking around at the mall and Kohl's all evening, and she was bouncing around on my lap and freaked out if I put her down, so that was pretty awful.  Yesterday I took out all the newborn and size 1 diapers that were leftover from when Lila was a baby.  I can't believe how tiny they are!!  You forget how small they start out, I guess.  Lila had so much fun unpacking and playing with the diapers.  "Jared brudder diaper change."


On Tuesday night we went to Meijer and Walmart.  Lila freaked out at Meijer because she wanted mommy to carry her.  She's heavy.  We let her freak out for a while but then she got distracted after I took her to the cafe.  I think I made three more loaves of banana bread that day.

Yesterday we spent most of the day at home, playing.  My mom sent some Christmas gel window clings for Lila and she played with those for an hour!  It was awesome.  Jake left early that morning for Ohio and wouldn't be back till 1am.  He was supposed to get home at 10:30 or so, but went out to dinner with the president of Zimmer Surgical, one of Stryker's competitors.  Sounds like a really hard job to me... wining and dining with presidents of companies ;)

Before dinner time, we headed to the mall.  Had chicken nuggets there that Lila loved.  Went to JC Penney to return a few things and I bought some gloves and a pretty silver scarf for me.  Lila of course, doesn't "yike" it when I wear the scarf and freaks out.  And then we sat in the lounge at the mall for a long time so that Lila could play with the kid-sized table and chairs--she loves those things, we should get her some.  And I sat on the couch and surfed the internet.  Fun, fun. :)

Stopped at Kohl's on the way home, even though it was past 7:00, because I have $30 Kohl's cash and I thought I had a 20% coupon.  But the coupon doesn't work till today, so I ended up not buying anything, and had to carry a crying Lila through the store.  YIKES.  Bad idea.  She fell asleep on the way home and I let her sleep for at least a half hour.  Probably was a bad idea, because then she was up crying till almost midnight.  Another YIKES.  I was so tired.  One of those nights where I just wanted to get away... but couldn't because Jake wasn't home.  He won't be home tonight either, bummer.

Talked to Mike for a while.  They've sent out the first batch of wedding invites.  Their wedding is less than a month away and I think they still have a ways to go with wedding planning.  I don't think Cassandra's dress is anywhere near being finished.  And he's mad because Cassandra's going to spend an extra weekend in Canada with her mom visiting friends (and not working on the dress), even though she stayed behind and didn't go to Ironwood because she wanted to work on the wedding dress.  I told him to tell her how he feels, because I don't think he was going to, and he needs to practice doing that. :)

Jake got to sleep in this morning and didn't go to work till 10, which was nice.  We got to doze on the couch while Lila watched cartoons, and then we visited while we had breakfast and he fixed his lunch. I sent him a blog post yesterday about teaching children about sexual intimacy.  We both read it, and as he was driving last night he also listened to talks and panel discussions on the Mormon Channel, church leaders.  He feels really strongly that we need to not only teach our children, but protect them from things, protect their virtue.  He thinks especially from media that makes immoral things look normal.  Like, a lot of TV shows and whatever.  He thinks that means The Office, that we stop watching it or something.  I don't know, we didn't have a lot of time to talk.  We'll have to strike a balance about that, because The Office is my favorite show!  (The old episodes, not the current ones.)  And in response to that, he said, "But what are you willing to give up for eternal life?"  Oh, Jake.  He is so fiercely and totally obedient.  I have a hard time keeping up with him.  But I do agree that we need to protect our children from a lot of things, and teach them and guide them too.

My parents never had a sex talk with me, and Jake's never had one with him.  It's pretty ridiculous, if you think about it.  It's one of the most important things we can teach our children about, and both of our parents never talked to us about it.  Even before I got married.  My mom did schedule and take me to a doctor's appointment to get my first gyno exam and birth control, but we never talked about it.  Jake and I were talking this morning about how awesome it would've been to have someone guiding and coaching you along, and that that's what we want to be for our kids.  (Keep in mind, we're talking about age-appropriate, non-creepy guidance and teaching.)  I don't write about it (sex and intimacy) a lot here, but maybe I should, because I do intend for my children to read my journals someday.  It's why I keep journals, for them and for my posterity.  So that they'll know of my testimony of and gratitude for the gospel and Heavenly Father's love for us.  It is a very important and central part of mine and Jake's marriage.  When we first got married, it definitely took a while for us to figure things out, especially how to figure out a healthy balance.  Because Jake, like most (or all) men I'm guessing, is go, go, go and I had a hard time figuring out how to keep up with his needs, especially when I wasn't necessarily "in the mood."  It was after I realized how it fulfills much, much more than a physical need for him that it finally became such a happy thing in our marriage, and now it only enhances what we have and doesn't cause any stress or tension in our marriage.  I think the message we get, or at least the message I got, growing up, is that men are kind of animals who have these physical needs that are really hard to control, and women are the ones who are in control.  Because when we talk about modesty, for example, women (and young women) are always taught that we need to dress modestly to help the men/young men have pure thoughts, because they are visual creatures, etc.  And while that is true, I also think it needs to be taught that men aren't just sex-starved animals, but that they can be just as virtuous and in control of themselves as women are.  But once I realized that it fulfills a much deeper purpose than just physical pleasure, it changed things for me.  Dr. Laura talks about this a lot in her book.  I liken it to how women need and crave emotional intimacy... we love talking and bonding over shared experiences and feelings.  Men don't bond that way, they bond through sex and physical touch.  At least Jake does.  Whenever I notice that he's a little more withdrawn and tense than usual, I know that if we take time to fill his needs physically, he is so much happier and relaxed and loving.  And he doesn't withdraw himself or become tense consciously, as a way to manipulate me, it's a natural thing.  He doesn't even realize it most of the time.  It's basically my policy to not say no to him... and I do it out of love for him and our marriage.  (And it's not like he asks for it all the time either... we're both busy and tired people!)  And our marriage is awesome.  We don't fight or argue, we're a team.  He always tells me, and Dr. Laura put this into words for him, that because I fill his needs, he will happily do whatever I ask him to.  And he does.  So, it works for us.  And I hope that our children can have happy, satisfying marriages like Jake and I do.  It brings me more joy and peace than anything else in the world--having a happy marriage.