All I really remember from Tuesday is that Lila and I met Jake at Panera for dinner. Originally, I was going to need to go to a Scout meeting at 6, but Rachel Mills called and said she could go instead. But Jake and I met for dinner anyway because he needed to go to the Stake center before his meeting at 7 to get stuff done. It was a good visit. Lila ate more soup from a soup (she fed herself) and even ate a few little bites of cinnamon roll. And drank water from my cup. Lots of older women thought she was so cute and waved/talked to her from their tables. She had only taken one nap that day, in the morning, so by the time we got home she was ready for bed. I think she was asleep around 7:30.
By 10:00, I could barely keep my eyes open, and was getting a headache, so I laid down (and fell asleep) till Jake got home at 11:15. We visited till midnight. Oh, now that it's "public" I guess I can write it in my journal now... President Anderson, our Stake president, was recently called to be the new mission president for the Colorado Springs mission (the same mission that Shane Murphy is currently serving in; Pres. Anderson will probably send him home in July). He reports to the MTC on June 23rd. The Stake conference where the new presidency will be called is on April 10th, so on April 9th all the interviews will take place. Jake and I will be interviewed, too, but typically the Stake Clerk doesn't get released when a presidency is reorganized. Jake's excited about the new changes.
Yesterday Lila was up before 7:00 but was down for a nap before 10 and slept for almost 2 hours. I even got to nap for a little bit, too. After lunch (macaroni and cheese--she even ate a few little bites, and drank water from my cup too... and she even sucked on a piece of chocolate for a while!) we picked Emily up and went to Target. Got a few things from Annette and Desiree's baby shower registries. Oh gosh, I want another baby so bad :) It's so much fun shopping for baby things... and remembering how exciting everything was around this time a year ago, waiting for Lila to come. Lila sucked on a potato chip while shopping. After that we went to Emily's apartment and hung out there till we looked at houses. It's nice to get out of our apartment, especially on days Lila only takes one nap. I was showing Emily the houses we were going to look at that day, and we looked over at Lila and she had taken out a chocolate chip cookies from a Ziploc bag on the couch and was "eating" it. So funny!
We saw three houses last night. The first had a woodsy (more like a swampy) backyard that Jake's into, but it needs a lot of updating. The second house, I just love. I love it! Jake likes it too. I think it might be "the one." But we're going to sleep on it for a little while and come up with some questions, and maybe look at one or two more houses. I think it'll be hard for us to officially commit to a house, just because this is such a big step for us to take. The third house was really expensive and lame. We headed home, put Lila to bed, and then talked for a while about houses, looked for more houses online, and then watched an episode of Parks and Rec. And still made it to bed around 11. (It's nice when Lila goes to bed a little earlier.)
Today has been boring. We drove Jake halfway to work, because we forgot to pick up his car last night after looking at houses. One of Jake's concerns about this house that I like is that there's not room in the backyard for him to build a go-cart track. :\ I think he's serious, too. Lila's morning nap was only 20-30 minutes long, and then she fought her afternoon nap for a while but has been sleeping for over an hour now. We read books and I tickled and played with her for a while. She laughs when we through things at her (soft things, like socks) and hit her (gently) with pillows.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Why I Love the Betzold Family
Mike emailed the family this picture this morning. He's in San Diego for a week.
Subject: I'm on a boat!
Replies thus far --
Me: I never thought you'd be on a boat.
Brother Jim: Boats are useful for traveling on water.
Dad: Did you go for a walk when you were out there?
Dad: If you were in Canada it would be a boot.
Me: In the thumbnail of the picture it kind of looked like you were wearing an ascot and blazer. That would've been awesome.
Dad: Wearing a mascot?
Mike: Poseidon, lookin' at me.
Subject: I'm on a boat!
Replies thus far --
Me: I never thought you'd be on a boat.
Brother Jim: Boats are useful for traveling on water.
Dad: Did you go for a walk when you were out there?
Dad: If you were in Canada it would be a boot.
Me: In the thumbnail of the picture it kind of looked like you were wearing an ascot and blazer. That would've been awesome.
Dad: Wearing a mascot?
Mike: Poseidon, lookin' at me.
Monday, February 28, 2011
First Steps!
Jake and Lila are both in bed asleep already and it's only 9:18. Lila took just that one nap today and passed out at 7:50. She would've been in bed sooner but we did showers tonight and it took a while to eat dinner. I spent almost an hour trying to get her to nap this afternoon while Emily was here (she made yummy banana butterscotch muffins), but she just wasn't interested. As soon as I get her on a schedule and we get into a good routine, she changes. And that's fine.
Jake got home a little later than usual, 6 or later. We had dinner. Lila ate a black bean. Kind of gagged but she kept it in her mouth and swallowed it. So that's good.
After dinner we played the "walking game" where we have Lila walk between us, and Lila took what we will call her first official steps. She was standing by Jake, holding onto him for balance, and I sat a few feet away. What we'll usually do is help her start walking towards the other person. But this time, I just held out my hands a little bit and said, "Walk to Mama!" and she let go of Jake on her own and took three steps to me! It was awesome! She did it all by herself. And then, she refused to walk to Jake when we'd encourage her to. She'd hesitantly take one small step in his direction, and then quickly turn back to me and give me a big hug. She did that over and over. :) She sure loves her mama.
Since Lila went to bed so early, we did FHE after she went to bed. Read a section on Parents and Children from the Handbook. I cleaned up the kitchen. Now I'm uploading Facebook pictures and relaxing. I'll probably go read my book now.
Jake got home a little later than usual, 6 or later. We had dinner. Lila ate a black bean. Kind of gagged but she kept it in her mouth and swallowed it. So that's good.
After dinner we played the "walking game" where we have Lila walk between us, and Lila took what we will call her first official steps. She was standing by Jake, holding onto him for balance, and I sat a few feet away. What we'll usually do is help her start walking towards the other person. But this time, I just held out my hands a little bit and said, "Walk to Mama!" and she let go of Jake on her own and took three steps to me! It was awesome! She did it all by herself. And then, she refused to walk to Jake when we'd encourage her to. She'd hesitantly take one small step in his direction, and then quickly turn back to me and give me a big hug. She did that over and over. :) She sure loves her mama.
Since Lila went to bed so early, we did FHE after she went to bed. Read a section on Parents and Children from the Handbook. I cleaned up the kitchen. Now I'm uploading Facebook pictures and relaxing. I'll probably go read my book now.
Mike Update
Here's how his date went (he sent out this email Friday morning, after his date with Cassandra, to the whole family):
Okay, So Cassandy and I went out last night. I picked her up at 7:05. It was really nice that my HAZWOPER training in Bay City got out early and that I don’t live as far from Bay City as I thought I did, because that gave me some extra time to get home, shower, and be cool. Her mom answered the door. Cassandra was just finishing gluing some piano keys for her mother. Her mom and I talked for a little bit. She was pretty cool. We talked about Petoskey a little bit. It turns out that she used to nanny in Harbor Springs for the children of Grandpa Bud’s brother. So, she threw some names around that she thought we both might know such as the Waters and the Howses. She was pretty impressed to learn that Jake worked at the Fudge Shop. We also talked about musical talent; that Jake and I were in percussion, that Jake is an amazing drummer, that Jim and I play guitar, and that we used to rock out in our room, the garage. When Cassandra finished up with her glue, we took off to the Millennium Park skate rink in Kalamazoo. There was some special Mascot activity night going on, so the mascots from the K-Wings (Kalamazoo hockey team), Little Caesar’s, Sonic drive-thru, Crispy the Celery stalk, McGruff the crime dog, and a few others were all there out on the ice. Neither of us had gone skating in a long time, so we took it easy, just following the flow of traffic. Then we taught ourselves how to skate backwards…not very effective at this point, but I’m sure it won’t take much to get better. Then we figured out how to spin in a circle individually and as a couple (where you skate towards each other in opposite direction, lock arms, and spin around in a stationary circle. It was fun. At one point, I grabbed her hand and skated with her, but that only lasted about 15 second, because she stumbled and pulled her hand away. On purpose? Maybe. There was a map just outside of the skating rink that showed all of the parks and biking/walking trails in the immediate area, so we were taking a look at that as this older fellow who works for the parks walked over and started talking to us. Cassandra asked some questions about the parks in the area, so he told us which trails were plowed, which ones were lit, and how to get into them after the gates are closed at dark. Nice guy. After skating was over we went up to Panera to get some hot chocolate. We also got a “Fresh Fruit Cup” and the girls there saw us talking to Emily Ollero, who was working at the time, and they offered us a couple cups of free orange juice. Apparently it was just extra stuff that was going to go to waste. We grabbed the goods and off we went to drive around to find some trees still covered with ice from the recent ice storm. We drove all over the place, out in the country, talking about valuable topics that helped to let each other know where we stand spiritually. She asked about Dan, because she knows that he was living with me, so we talked about him for a bit and how sad it is to see guys like him and friends like Dave Waters fall away from the church. We also talked about all the blessings and happiness that come from living the gospel and how there are so many people who want that happiness, and some even know that they can have it, but they still reject it. I also asked questions about her parents to get an idea for what they are like and what her perceptions are of them. It went really well. We also covered the topic of having a stay-at-home mom and she made it clear that she really wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She sees the value in family development that directly correlates with having a mother at home. My conclusion on all this is that we’re at the same place and have the same goals as far as things such as church, family, and the home go. That is surprisingly not really an easy thing to find these days.
After we got back to her house at the end of the night, we sat in the Sequoia and just talked for a bit. She’s not planning on going to the YSA dance in Bloomfield Hills this Saturday, but she is going to a dance in Toronto tonight (Friday night). She’s helping a friend put on some sort of a scout dinner Saturday night, and she wasn’t too interested in changing those plans around. Not really a bad thing. I asked her when she’d be back next. She said that Savannah is speaking the second weekend in March and that she really wants to come back for that. There will also be contra-dancing that weekend, so I’m sure it’s a partial motivator for making it back. Then she said that she has a friend whose wedding reception will be in Kalamazoo the following weekend. She also threw in there that another friend is coming out from Colorado “Because he’s never been to Michigan before, so he’s coming out to see what Michigan is like.” Lame. Well then I started asking questions about this friend of hers who is getting married. Apparently Cassandra grew up through YW with this girl, Sarina Baker. So she told me that “Sarina’s parents went through a really bad divorce and I don’t think they even know where her dad is now.” Well, this opened the door. So, I let her finish talking about Sarina and then I said “So, did you know that I’m divorced?” Now, I thought she said “No…what do you think about that?” But, it’s possible that she didn’t say “no” and that I just imagined it because it seemed to fit with her response. So, I told her that it was difficult to go through and that apparently “my ex-wife didn’t realize the importance of keeping commandments, covenants, and being faithful; because it is important.” She asked when it happened, so I told her that Kalina asked for a divorce on September 23rd and that it was done with on December 20th. She said “Wow, that’s fast.” I replied “Well, that’s what happens when you have a brother who is a lawyer and when something needs to happen fast. She had already moved out and did not want to change.” I also told her “I did everything that I possibly could to preserve our marriage, even after I found out that she had been unfaithful. I did everything possible, and she still wanted to keep doing what she was doing.” Cassandra asked “Do you think she’ll ever come back? Do you think she’ll ever be active in church again?” So I told her that Kalina showed up at church twice since the divorce, but that she doesn’t seem to be there for her, but more so to elevate her outward appearance. Oh, and I didn’t actually mention Kalina’s name at all through all this. Cassandra said “Well, I haven’t been through this, but it must have been so difficult, and probably still is. I know that for me it would take a long time to get over something like that. How long were you guys married?” I said “Three and three-quarters of a year. And it is hard sometimes when I think about it, I can get some negative feelings and thoughts, but when I don’t think about it, I don’t get those feelings; not that I’m trying to avoid it, but it’s part of the process.” And Cassandra added “Yeah, just moving forward, what else can you do, right?” I said “Yep, moving forward. But Heavenly Father has definitely blessed me with an awesome family and some great friends who have really helped me along the way. He definitely knows our trials well before we go through them, and He put’s the people that we need in our lives to help us overcome them.” When she had asked if I thought Kalina would come back, I did say that I hope that she does at some point, but only in the same way that I hope Dan, Dave Waters, or any of God’s children turn to the gospel to enrich their lives. I think that the conversation went really well. So, it was about 1am by that time. We got out of my Sequoia, hugged, she thanked me for taking her skating and said that it was a lot of fun. Then she remembered to grab her gloves and ear muffs from my car, so she did. I gave her another hug, she said “thanks for telling me about your ex-wife.” I said “you’re welcome. Thanks for going out with me tonight, I had a lot of fun and I hope that we can go out again.” She said “Oh, I’m sure that we will. Drive safely, and have fun in San Diego next week.” We said goodbye, and that ended the night.
This morning, I received an email from her. I was shocked to get this, but here’s what it said :
Hey Mike!
Thanks again for the fun times last night, sure enjoyed it.
fyi: I already knew you were divorced. wondered when/how you'd tell me that. actaully, I won a bet over it, so you owe a couple of us some Culver's shakes... :)
Have fun in California!
-Cassandra
Go figure. She got me on that one. And she spelt actually wrong. Slam! What a girl.
So then he had to spend a lot of time trying to interpret her email. Sounds pretty rude, right? Here's Dad's thoughts on it:
I think the way she handled it does show insensitivity. But not meaness. If she had gone through a divorce she would be pre-disposed to genuine empathy on the subject.
We know you and love you so when You were going through it (and even now) we felt (and feel) a portion of the hurt, betrayal and huge sadness that you felt (and feel). I mean if you think about it you will recall us expressing anger and disgust to you towards Kalina. And we hurt and cried too. And prayed much on your behalf. And fasted. And put your name in the temple. It was and is a traumatic thing to see those you love going through pain and sorrow.
I recall as a BP being taught by an LDS social services Rep, in a BP training session, that the worst thing you can say in counseling someone is "I know how you feel" and the second worst thing is "I know exactly how you feel". Yet we suffered with you and did and do in large measure know how you feel. We know your heart. We know you.
Cassandra is just getting to know you. She couldn't possible relate in the same way yet. I would have expected more empathy to be exhibited but her life experiences haven't put her there yet. I agree with Jake I think she did feel some guilt and she wanted to come clean in some way. I think that's because she realized you're the real deal and she cheapened herself and your ordeal by not being honest about her foreknowledge.
If she intends on seeing you more, my guess is she wants to, she'll become even more convinced you are the real deal, the kind of guy she wants to be with. She'll also recognize more clearly she was insensitive and she'll vow to herself to do better with that.
I'd chalk it up to her lack of experience. She's gaining wisdom as she goes. Hopefully we all are.
If she doesn't want to see more of you.... You just keep being who you are.
"There is a plan, and it's unfolding"
My thoughts:
Amen and Amen. Good stuff, Dad.
I mentioned in a text earlier that marriage (to a good man) helps a woman mature. I was very inexperienced and young and immature when I got married. (Granted, I was 18, and that's to be expected, but I was still all of those things.) I count it as the greatest blessing of my life that I married a man who saw the potential in me and had faith in me and built me up. Jake has been so patient and loving with me as I've learned and grown through life's experiences. As a general rule, look for a solid foundation of faith, affection, and goodness in the women you date, but also remember the potential that she has and that you can help cultivate. Your future wife will do the same for you. Remember that most people your age haven't gone through such a life-altering experience.
I think it shows a great degree of maturity for her to take a "risk" on someone she knows has been divorced. I know it's unfair, but there is a degree of "taboo" around the label of divorce. Especially in Mormon culture, where so much emphasis is placed on forever families. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have considered dating someone who was divorced (back when I was young and inexperienced). So I give her a lot of credit and I think it says a lot about her that she's still wanting to get to know you to find out for herself that you're the "real deal."
Mike's thoughts:
I'm thinking of a response along the lines of "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were."
Is that too friend-zoneish? I was trying to determine if I've been put in the friend zone already. And although it seems like I have, there is a good potential explanation for all this that puts me not in the friend zone. You see, Melissa and I were discussing what my response should be, and I said "maybe I should just be me, and be straight with her, and say "well, that's a little insensitive. What gives?" and then we thought: is Cassandra actually just being straight and candid with me? Is this just the real her, and she wants it to be made known, and she wants to see the real me and not some powder puff version of me? If so, here's what makes sense: first off, she has known about the divorce for a while, so she's already had some time to process it, and now it makes sense why it felt like she was exercising a significant degree of caution. Because she was. But she still wanted to see when and how this divorce thing would come up to maybe make heads or tails of it. Because she's known about it for a while, it was easy for her to make light of it this morning. Also, telling me about this guy coming out in a few weeks: maybe that was her way of clearing the air because she knew that it was going to happen and that I would find out, and she wanted to be sure and forewarn me...either to avoid my hurt feelings, or to minimalize the significance of his visit. Maybe because she doesn't want to blow her chances with me just yet. Anyhow, her email this morning makes sense if instead of interpreting it as being insensitive and immature it is interpreted as being cool about the situation without being totally weird. And it shows that she recognizes that life happens and rather than dwell on it like Kalina would, she moves forward and past it. It does still feel a little friend-zoneish, but it really might not be. What do you think?
And then mine:
I definitely don't think you're in the friend zone. The girl has plenty of friends, why would she want to spend time with you, alone, if she wasn't at least a little romantically interested in you? Girls just don't do that... if she would have suggested bringing her sisters along, I'd say you were in the friend zone. But girls don't hang out with guys alone if they're just in the friend zone. At least not so early on in a relationship.
That you guys talked about family backgrounds, goals is really good. Her asking about Dan is a good thing... wanting to know more about your family, especially a wayward family member, is her trying to get information about you and how you deal with that...
the friend from colorado... I think the points you made about that were right.
It's interesting that when she was telling you about Serena she mentioned that Serena's parents are divorced. It's pretty well-known in the Stake that it was a messy divorce, and Serena's mom is very active and well-known too (she's the RS president in one of the Kzoo wards). But it's kind of a random fact to add in there, and I wonder if that was Cassandra trying to give you a chance to talk about it, to see if you would.
She asked you when the divorce happened... how long you were married... she's curious. She's trying to put together your story and the timeline. And that could be important information because it then gives her a better idea of when you'll be "ready" to be in a relationship again. She mentioned that it would take her a long time to get over it... she recognizes the need you have to heal from that, and that it can't be done in a few months. The fact that she pulled her hand away (or stumbled, or whatever) when you were ice skating is significant and I think she probably did it on purpose. I think she's trying to give you sufficient space and time to heal, while still maintaining a friendship. I think once more time has passed, maybe even after a year, she'll want to start actually dating.
"thanks for telling me about your ex-wife." she values openness and honesty. she recognizes it was a big step for you to do that. it was a sensitive thing of her to do, which makes the email she sent you this morning this morning seem less insensitive.
the email this morning is a GOOD thing. "wondered when/how you'd tell me that." if you were in the friend zone, it wouldn't really matter to her, this wouldn't really be an issue. but this indicates that she's been thinking about you, your situation, your relationship with her, the future of your relationship, etc. she realizes that there is something between you, because she realizes that it was a big/important/necessary thing for you to tell her... and not just to tell her, but when and how you told her was important too.
Culver's shakes/the bet: I would assume that she's talking about her sisters. I wonder when she found out that you were divorced. If it was right after you guys met and if that's why she suddenly stopped writing. Or if it was after you told some people at Ultimate Frisbee (Christian Green, Preston, etc.). I can't imagine her talking and joking about it with people other than her family... but who knows. The fact that she and whoever she was talking about it with made light of it by joking about it instead of it being a serious, weird issue is good!
As far as your response to her email... the one you wrote ( "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were.) seems a little too... mean? haha. Her email wasn't the "nicest" either, but I think it was her way of saying that she's ok with it. Maybe say something like, "Culvers it is. I'll be interested to find out who else was betting on me." It shows that you have a good sense of humor, that you're interested in finding about more about the bet... but since she doesn't have a great history of writing you back (maybe it's her way of giving both you and her some space and time), to put it in a statement makes it less awkward than asking a question, in case she doesn't want to write back (to give you some space/time to heal).
He wrote Cassandra a short response. And then Sunday he wrote this to me:
So I was thinking about Cassandra and some of the hurdles that might exist should things ever move forward between us. And I mean really move forward. So, this really isn't relevant right now, and may never become relevant, but I do believe that considering these things is productive for the sake of figuring out what I do and don't want in my eternal mate.
Facebook friends. This girl has 900 some friends on Facebook, many of whom are guys. How much would she have to change her ways to pull her communication away from them and toward me? I guess that is one of the reasons for a lengthy courtship. But I imagine that it could be hard for someone who is a social butterfly such as her to retract from so much of her social "spread." She knows and is friends with a lot of guys. Would she just up and cut that off? How many guys would i be competing with? How many guys would still be sending her facebook messages every day? This may sound like "unproductive worry," but I'm really not worried here. I'm just trying to determine what my definition of the pinnacle of perfection is.
The boss. Bossy boss. I wonder why Cassandra thinks that her sisters would say that she's bossy. I don't want a bossy wife, i want a loving companion. And maybe if there is some bossiness there, Lund could help alleviate it. But I do want my wife to be driven.
I think about Sammi. She seems to be very low key compared to Cassandra, but equally talented, driven, and amazing. Nope, she doesn't have the facebook account with a thousand friends, and she hasn't dated every guy in the stake and from every EFY, but I think she has (obviously I'm really far from actually knowing this) what I am looking for in a wife. Those same things that attract me to Cassandra. So, would i prefer the girl that has all the things i want plus all sorts of other relationships and friendships with people that i may never meet, or the girl who has what I want, but will be building her friendship with ME and not the rest of the world too? It's hard to say. I don't know (not to be selfish or controlling here, but I'm just trying to be honest) if I could handle my wife having all sorts of guy friends that I'm not really privy to. And even if I am, her talking to another guy is her not talking to me. There is certainly potential for her to just kick all those friend-zoners out of her life, but it might actually be a big trial. She could also do it, but have it not last, and then go back to playing the friend-zone field again, because those guys are all just the gay friends, what's the harm in that? That was sarcastic of course.
On the phone with you now...not going to add anything here, because I don't know what to add.
It can get pretty old sometimes how much he needs to analyze things, but Jake talked to him on the phone after that and just empathized with him. Jake was awesome--he's learned a lot since marrying me. :) I realized that Mike's just in a lot of pain right now and very lonely, so I wasn't as annoyed and wrote this back:
Hey Mike,
I think it's really good that you're thinking of these things. Like you said, they might end up not being relevant with Cassandra (or Sammi), but it's got you thinking about things you want and need in a mate. It's definitely apparent that Kalina really did a number on you. You have a lot of trust issues... how you're worried that Cassandra might not be able to cut off friendships with guys, her relationships on Facebook, not wanting her (or I'm guessing any woman you date/marry) to carry on friendships with men outside of your marriage. It's interesting, because honestly, it was never, ever--and it never has been--a concern of mine or Jake's that we would cheat on each other. The thought never enters our minds. I'm wondering if this is something you've always worried about, even before you were in a relationship with Kalina? Like with your past girlfriends. Your trust issues are something you'll have to work through. It's totally and completely normal and understandable that you would have them, given what Kalina did to you. She really messed with your mind! Reading about some of your concerns that you have about Cass/Sam, it's really evident that she did. I think it's a blessing that Heavenly Father is giving you time to heal and sort through a lot of these things before you're actually in a relationship with someone.
You mentioned having a lengthy courtship in your email... I think that with whoever you date, it will probably be important for your own peace of mind to take your time so that you can build a strong foundation of trust with your future wife. So that you really get to know her and her family and feel comfortable with them, and know that she would never leave you. Like I said... I know that Jake would never leave me. Even when we were dating, I knew it, and it's because we took time to get to know each other. And I'm not recommending that you date/court her for an X amount of time. I know that you won't rush things and that you'll be smart about everything... I just think it's important to know that time heals things and that, hopefully, a lot of these concerns and heartaches you have will be remedied with time.
As you are dating your future wife, you will come to a point where you will get to bring these concerns to the table. (Both general and specific concerns... general concerns=not feeling comfortable with friendships with men outside of marriage, etc). You will get a chance to communicate these issues. Remember that your future wife--whoever she is--will sincerely care about you and your feelings. She will treat you with compassion and mercy, and take the concerns that you have seriously. You will recognize that sincerity when you see it. You probably did not receive much of that (that kind of love/sincerity/compassion) from Kalina, and so maybe it's hard for you to realize that that's what (good) wives do: we treat our husbands with compassion and protect them and their feelings. Reminds me of something I read recently while studying Adam and Eve. We know that Eve is referred to as a help meet for Adam. Here's a quote about the phrase "help meet" --
The word help is translated from a Hebrew root meaning "to surround, to protect, and to aid." We have a stereotype of the man as the protector, but the wife also surrounds, protects, and aids her husband. The spirit and influence of wives and mothers make our homes places where we are surrounded by peace and love and protected from the contention, temptations, and opposition of the world. In this context, meet means "equal to, suitable for, becoming, right, fit, worthy, sufficient, competent, well-placed, necessary, proper, fulfilling, and satisfying. Eve was all of this to Adam. She was equal to him. She was suitable, becoming, and of value. Her help and companionship were right. She was fit, worthy, sufficient, and competent. She was well-placed beside Adam, a necessary and proper companion. Her help was fulfilling and brought satisfaction.
Have faith that you will find a woman like that. I know that you will.
About your specific concerns with Cassandra:
The friends on Facebook--I know Facebook played a significant role in the downfall of your marriage to Kalina, but I wouldn't worry about it too much with Cassandra. I'm sure that most people on her Facebook she barely ever communicates with. I know you're pretty selective with who you become friends with on Facebook, but a lot of people aren't. I don't care about or communicate with probably half of my Facebook friends. You can share passwords with your significant other. The woman who you'll marry will not have serious friendships with men outside of marriage... as you are dating her it should naturally happen for her to just stop talking with other guys. I also doubt that your wife will have a bunch of friendships that you're not privy too... because your standards are pretty high (you're not going to settle this time ;). You will weed out the "losers" in the dating process.
Bossy-ness--it is really normal for older siblings to "boss" younger ones around. I'm sure Emily would call me bossy too. And I've seen you boss Dan around a number of times :) So, don't hold that against her.
I truthfully don't know Sammi well at all, so I can't really give much of an opinion there. I do know that she intends on going on a mission, and I hope that she does get to. I think you should continue to be friends with her, but wouldn't encourage you to pursue anything with her. Just let things happen naturally.
One more thought. A while ago I was reading on an LDS parenting blog. A mom wrote in to say that she was terribly lonely because her husband worked a lot and she had a toddler and didn't have many friends. I could relate to her... sometimes mothering can be pretty lonely, when you're at home a lot. I loved the advice that was given by a mom of 11 children --
I've discovered over my lifetime, that there are some lonely seasons. I've gone through them. I've watched my children go through them. I think they serve a purpose. We really learn compassion when we experience that isolated feeling. We don't like to see someone sitting alone. We are motivated to teach our children how to notice and include people. But more than even these valuable lessons, I think we really discover the reality of a Heavenly Father. I've never felt closer to him than during those times when I've run out of places to turn. The more lonely I've felt, the more open I've been to his love. Maybe it's just that we have to be really empty before we recognize how it feels to be filled. Certainly, those times of isolation and need have deepened my testimony more than the times of feast.
You're definitely in the midst of a lonely season, but remember that it's only a short season of your life. Learn from it what you can; I know you're working very hard to do just that. Heavenly Father is working miracles in your life every day and someday you'll see that all of your experiences, the good and the bad, will lead you to your future wife. It will be worth the wait!
Hope you had a good flight.
And then this morning, his reply was:
Thanks for the lengthy reply. There's a lot in there. It's constructive.
I was never worried about my wife cheating on me. There was that weird thing where she seemed to start having feelings (maybe just feelings of empathy) for that guy by the name of Jake who worked at Shopko and showed up at the Comfort Inn one night, talking with Kal about stuff on a pretty personal level. I had feelings of jealousy at the time, because this was all new to me and something didn't feel right about it. Now I know that it shouldn't have been okay with her for this guy to show up and shoot the breeze for several hours. I usually sense very quickly when I'm talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to or when I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. She must have ignored those feelings when they came to her, or she just didn't recognize them. But, never ever was I concerned about her cheating on me. Yep, no doubt this is a trust issue. And I don't know how it can be rebuilt without being in another relationship. But that's okay, because I can take the time necessary to rebuild it when the opportunity arises. I do think that you are right, that I never (other than while dating I guess) really felt the love, compassion, and sincerity that is meant to be felt in a marriage. What a lame relationship to have. I am excited to have love, compassion, and sincerity in my marriage and to be able to have someone else feel love, compassion, and sincerity through my love. I need me an Eve :)
I had an impression/feeling tonight that I'd like to share. After boarding my flight, I re-read that weird email Cassandra sent me. I felt like I needed to see if there was something I was missing from it or something i didn't pick up on. I've already read it several times using different tones in my head to see if it would make better sense when read with one tone of voice instead of another. After I read it a time or two, it didn't mean anything different, but I got the feeling (received an impression) that said "hey, this girl likes you. She likes you." This feeling came with a dose of peace. It was unique and it spoke peace to my mind. I felt calm. And then my mind was free to move on to other things. I pulled out my iPod, listened to some Lund, then moved onto my iPad, watched some Psych, and then I tried to catch some z's. Not exactly a comfortable flight, but it was decent.
When I landed in San Diego, i went to the baggage claim with Matt and Marlin. I was sitting down, whipped out my ipad, and checked my email. Alas, a reply from Cassandra that was sent only minutes before. Literally, minutes. It's nothing spectacular, but it is something. Finally! And what's really neat is that I'm now friends with Michelle and Jessica on Facebook. I think this is good...Being friends with the friends. Here's what Cassandra had to say:
Wow, some of those [pictures] turned out pretty good! some others...not so much...might need replacing.
You actaully owe all four of the Lillrose girls Culver's shakes. We all had the same bet.
How's sunny CA? When are you going to be working back on the east side of MI? Sarnia's only 59 min from my front door, you should let me know when you're over there.
-Cassandra
So...she wants a visit. Cool. Ha, and all four Lillrose girls were in on this. Imagine how big of a douche they would take me for if I still hadn't brought this up yet. Golly. And this means that Cassandra had spread the word to all her sisters that she was going out with me that night. That doesn't mean much for Savannah and Sammi, but it does mean that she went out of her way to talk to Tiffany about it. And the topic of their conversation was "is Mike finally going to tell you that he was married/is divorced?"
That's all I've got for tonight. Mon thru Thursday I have class from 8-3 with some degree of variance I'm sure. California time zone, 3 hrs difference.
I rented a convertible mustang :) it's kind of cool.
And so now we're caught up. Mike's funny. Jake and I are glad to be there to help.
Okay, So Cassandy and I went out last night. I picked her up at 7:05. It was really nice that my HAZWOPER training in Bay City got out early and that I don’t live as far from Bay City as I thought I did, because that gave me some extra time to get home, shower, and be cool. Her mom answered the door. Cassandra was just finishing gluing some piano keys for her mother. Her mom and I talked for a little bit. She was pretty cool. We talked about Petoskey a little bit. It turns out that she used to nanny in Harbor Springs for the children of Grandpa Bud’s brother. So, she threw some names around that she thought we both might know such as the Waters and the Howses. She was pretty impressed to learn that Jake worked at the Fudge Shop. We also talked about musical talent; that Jake and I were in percussion, that Jake is an amazing drummer, that Jim and I play guitar, and that we used to rock out in our room, the garage. When Cassandra finished up with her glue, we took off to the Millennium Park skate rink in Kalamazoo. There was some special Mascot activity night going on, so the mascots from the K-Wings (Kalamazoo hockey team), Little Caesar’s, Sonic drive-thru, Crispy the Celery stalk, McGruff the crime dog, and a few others were all there out on the ice. Neither of us had gone skating in a long time, so we took it easy, just following the flow of traffic. Then we taught ourselves how to skate backwards…not very effective at this point, but I’m sure it won’t take much to get better. Then we figured out how to spin in a circle individually and as a couple (where you skate towards each other in opposite direction, lock arms, and spin around in a stationary circle. It was fun. At one point, I grabbed her hand and skated with her, but that only lasted about 15 second, because she stumbled and pulled her hand away. On purpose? Maybe. There was a map just outside of the skating rink that showed all of the parks and biking/walking trails in the immediate area, so we were taking a look at that as this older fellow who works for the parks walked over and started talking to us. Cassandra asked some questions about the parks in the area, so he told us which trails were plowed, which ones were lit, and how to get into them after the gates are closed at dark. Nice guy. After skating was over we went up to Panera to get some hot chocolate. We also got a “Fresh Fruit Cup” and the girls there saw us talking to Emily Ollero, who was working at the time, and they offered us a couple cups of free orange juice. Apparently it was just extra stuff that was going to go to waste. We grabbed the goods and off we went to drive around to find some trees still covered with ice from the recent ice storm. We drove all over the place, out in the country, talking about valuable topics that helped to let each other know where we stand spiritually. She asked about Dan, because she knows that he was living with me, so we talked about him for a bit and how sad it is to see guys like him and friends like Dave Waters fall away from the church. We also talked about all the blessings and happiness that come from living the gospel and how there are so many people who want that happiness, and some even know that they can have it, but they still reject it. I also asked questions about her parents to get an idea for what they are like and what her perceptions are of them. It went really well. We also covered the topic of having a stay-at-home mom and she made it clear that she really wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She sees the value in family development that directly correlates with having a mother at home. My conclusion on all this is that we’re at the same place and have the same goals as far as things such as church, family, and the home go. That is surprisingly not really an easy thing to find these days.
After we got back to her house at the end of the night, we sat in the Sequoia and just talked for a bit. She’s not planning on going to the YSA dance in Bloomfield Hills this Saturday, but she is going to a dance in Toronto tonight (Friday night). She’s helping a friend put on some sort of a scout dinner Saturday night, and she wasn’t too interested in changing those plans around. Not really a bad thing. I asked her when she’d be back next. She said that Savannah is speaking the second weekend in March and that she really wants to come back for that. There will also be contra-dancing that weekend, so I’m sure it’s a partial motivator for making it back. Then she said that she has a friend whose wedding reception will be in Kalamazoo the following weekend. She also threw in there that another friend is coming out from Colorado “Because he’s never been to Michigan before, so he’s coming out to see what Michigan is like.” Lame. Well then I started asking questions about this friend of hers who is getting married. Apparently Cassandra grew up through YW with this girl, Sarina Baker. So she told me that “Sarina’s parents went through a really bad divorce and I don’t think they even know where her dad is now.” Well, this opened the door. So, I let her finish talking about Sarina and then I said “So, did you know that I’m divorced?” Now, I thought she said “No…what do you think about that?” But, it’s possible that she didn’t say “no” and that I just imagined it because it seemed to fit with her response. So, I told her that it was difficult to go through and that apparently “my ex-wife didn’t realize the importance of keeping commandments, covenants, and being faithful; because it is important.” She asked when it happened, so I told her that Kalina asked for a divorce on September 23rd and that it was done with on December 20th. She said “Wow, that’s fast.” I replied “Well, that’s what happens when you have a brother who is a lawyer and when something needs to happen fast. She had already moved out and did not want to change.” I also told her “I did everything that I possibly could to preserve our marriage, even after I found out that she had been unfaithful. I did everything possible, and she still wanted to keep doing what she was doing.” Cassandra asked “Do you think she’ll ever come back? Do you think she’ll ever be active in church again?” So I told her that Kalina showed up at church twice since the divorce, but that she doesn’t seem to be there for her, but more so to elevate her outward appearance. Oh, and I didn’t actually mention Kalina’s name at all through all this. Cassandra said “Well, I haven’t been through this, but it must have been so difficult, and probably still is. I know that for me it would take a long time to get over something like that. How long were you guys married?” I said “Three and three-quarters of a year. And it is hard sometimes when I think about it, I can get some negative feelings and thoughts, but when I don’t think about it, I don’t get those feelings; not that I’m trying to avoid it, but it’s part of the process.” And Cassandra added “Yeah, just moving forward, what else can you do, right?” I said “Yep, moving forward. But Heavenly Father has definitely blessed me with an awesome family and some great friends who have really helped me along the way. He definitely knows our trials well before we go through them, and He put’s the people that we need in our lives to help us overcome them.” When she had asked if I thought Kalina would come back, I did say that I hope that she does at some point, but only in the same way that I hope Dan, Dave Waters, or any of God’s children turn to the gospel to enrich their lives. I think that the conversation went really well. So, it was about 1am by that time. We got out of my Sequoia, hugged, she thanked me for taking her skating and said that it was a lot of fun. Then she remembered to grab her gloves and ear muffs from my car, so she did. I gave her another hug, she said “thanks for telling me about your ex-wife.” I said “you’re welcome. Thanks for going out with me tonight, I had a lot of fun and I hope that we can go out again.” She said “Oh, I’m sure that we will. Drive safely, and have fun in San Diego next week.” We said goodbye, and that ended the night.
This morning, I received an email from her. I was shocked to get this, but here’s what it said :
Hey Mike!
Thanks again for the fun times last night, sure enjoyed it.
fyi: I already knew you were divorced. wondered when/how you'd tell me that. actaully, I won a bet over it, so you owe a couple of us some Culver's shakes... :)
Have fun in California!
-Cassandra
Go figure. She got me on that one. And she spelt actually wrong. Slam! What a girl.
So then he had to spend a lot of time trying to interpret her email. Sounds pretty rude, right? Here's Dad's thoughts on it:
I think the way she handled it does show insensitivity. But not meaness. If she had gone through a divorce she would be pre-disposed to genuine empathy on the subject.
We know you and love you so when You were going through it (and even now) we felt (and feel) a portion of the hurt, betrayal and huge sadness that you felt (and feel). I mean if you think about it you will recall us expressing anger and disgust to you towards Kalina. And we hurt and cried too. And prayed much on your behalf. And fasted. And put your name in the temple. It was and is a traumatic thing to see those you love going through pain and sorrow.
I recall as a BP being taught by an LDS social services Rep, in a BP training session, that the worst thing you can say in counseling someone is "I know how you feel" and the second worst thing is "I know exactly how you feel". Yet we suffered with you and did and do in large measure know how you feel. We know your heart. We know you.
Cassandra is just getting to know you. She couldn't possible relate in the same way yet. I would have expected more empathy to be exhibited but her life experiences haven't put her there yet. I agree with Jake I think she did feel some guilt and she wanted to come clean in some way. I think that's because she realized you're the real deal and she cheapened herself and your ordeal by not being honest about her foreknowledge.
If she intends on seeing you more, my guess is she wants to, she'll become even more convinced you are the real deal, the kind of guy she wants to be with. She'll also recognize more clearly she was insensitive and she'll vow to herself to do better with that.
I'd chalk it up to her lack of experience. She's gaining wisdom as she goes. Hopefully we all are.
If she doesn't want to see more of you.... You just keep being who you are.
"There is a plan, and it's unfolding"
My thoughts:
Amen and Amen. Good stuff, Dad.
I mentioned in a text earlier that marriage (to a good man) helps a woman mature. I was very inexperienced and young and immature when I got married. (Granted, I was 18, and that's to be expected, but I was still all of those things.) I count it as the greatest blessing of my life that I married a man who saw the potential in me and had faith in me and built me up. Jake has been so patient and loving with me as I've learned and grown through life's experiences. As a general rule, look for a solid foundation of faith, affection, and goodness in the women you date, but also remember the potential that she has and that you can help cultivate. Your future wife will do the same for you. Remember that most people your age haven't gone through such a life-altering experience.
I think it shows a great degree of maturity for her to take a "risk" on someone she knows has been divorced. I know it's unfair, but there is a degree of "taboo" around the label of divorce. Especially in Mormon culture, where so much emphasis is placed on forever families. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have considered dating someone who was divorced (back when I was young and inexperienced). So I give her a lot of credit and I think it says a lot about her that she's still wanting to get to know you to find out for herself that you're the "real deal."
Mike's thoughts:
I'm thinking of a response along the lines of "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were."
Is that too friend-zoneish? I was trying to determine if I've been put in the friend zone already. And although it seems like I have, there is a good potential explanation for all this that puts me not in the friend zone. You see, Melissa and I were discussing what my response should be, and I said "maybe I should just be me, and be straight with her, and say "well, that's a little insensitive. What gives?" and then we thought: is Cassandra actually just being straight and candid with me? Is this just the real her, and she wants it to be made known, and she wants to see the real me and not some powder puff version of me? If so, here's what makes sense: first off, she has known about the divorce for a while, so she's already had some time to process it, and now it makes sense why it felt like she was exercising a significant degree of caution. Because she was. But she still wanted to see when and how this divorce thing would come up to maybe make heads or tails of it. Because she's known about it for a while, it was easy for her to make light of it this morning. Also, telling me about this guy coming out in a few weeks: maybe that was her way of clearing the air because she knew that it was going to happen and that I would find out, and she wanted to be sure and forewarn me...either to avoid my hurt feelings, or to minimalize the significance of his visit. Maybe because she doesn't want to blow her chances with me just yet. Anyhow, her email this morning makes sense if instead of interpreting it as being insensitive and immature it is interpreted as being cool about the situation without being totally weird. And it shows that she recognizes that life happens and rather than dwell on it like Kalina would, she moves forward and past it. It does still feel a little friend-zoneish, but it really might not be. What do you think?
And then mine:
I definitely don't think you're in the friend zone. The girl has plenty of friends, why would she want to spend time with you, alone, if she wasn't at least a little romantically interested in you? Girls just don't do that... if she would have suggested bringing her sisters along, I'd say you were in the friend zone. But girls don't hang out with guys alone if they're just in the friend zone. At least not so early on in a relationship.
That you guys talked about family backgrounds, goals is really good. Her asking about Dan is a good thing... wanting to know more about your family, especially a wayward family member, is her trying to get information about you and how you deal with that...
the friend from colorado... I think the points you made about that were right.
It's interesting that when she was telling you about Serena she mentioned that Serena's parents are divorced. It's pretty well-known in the Stake that it was a messy divorce, and Serena's mom is very active and well-known too (she's the RS president in one of the Kzoo wards). But it's kind of a random fact to add in there, and I wonder if that was Cassandra trying to give you a chance to talk about it, to see if you would.
She asked you when the divorce happened... how long you were married... she's curious. She's trying to put together your story and the timeline. And that could be important information because it then gives her a better idea of when you'll be "ready" to be in a relationship again. She mentioned that it would take her a long time to get over it... she recognizes the need you have to heal from that, and that it can't be done in a few months. The fact that she pulled her hand away (or stumbled, or whatever) when you were ice skating is significant and I think she probably did it on purpose. I think she's trying to give you sufficient space and time to heal, while still maintaining a friendship. I think once more time has passed, maybe even after a year, she'll want to start actually dating.
"thanks for telling me about your ex-wife." she values openness and honesty. she recognizes it was a big step for you to do that. it was a sensitive thing of her to do, which makes the email she sent you this morning this morning seem less insensitive.
the email this morning is a GOOD thing. "wondered when/how you'd tell me that." if you were in the friend zone, it wouldn't really matter to her, this wouldn't really be an issue. but this indicates that she's been thinking about you, your situation, your relationship with her, the future of your relationship, etc. she realizes that there is something between you, because she realizes that it was a big/important/necessary thing for you to tell her... and not just to tell her, but when and how you told her was important too.
Culver's shakes/the bet: I would assume that she's talking about her sisters. I wonder when she found out that you were divorced. If it was right after you guys met and if that's why she suddenly stopped writing. Or if it was after you told some people at Ultimate Frisbee (Christian Green, Preston, etc.). I can't imagine her talking and joking about it with people other than her family... but who knows. The fact that she and whoever she was talking about it with made light of it by joking about it instead of it being a serious, weird issue is good!
As far as your response to her email... the one you wrote ( "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were.) seems a little too... mean? haha. Her email wasn't the "nicest" either, but I think it was her way of saying that she's ok with it. Maybe say something like, "Culvers it is. I'll be interested to find out who else was betting on me." It shows that you have a good sense of humor, that you're interested in finding about more about the bet... but since she doesn't have a great history of writing you back (maybe it's her way of giving both you and her some space and time), to put it in a statement makes it less awkward than asking a question, in case she doesn't want to write back (to give you some space/time to heal).
He wrote Cassandra a short response. And then Sunday he wrote this to me:
So I was thinking about Cassandra and some of the hurdles that might exist should things ever move forward between us. And I mean really move forward. So, this really isn't relevant right now, and may never become relevant, but I do believe that considering these things is productive for the sake of figuring out what I do and don't want in my eternal mate.
Facebook friends. This girl has 900 some friends on Facebook, many of whom are guys. How much would she have to change her ways to pull her communication away from them and toward me? I guess that is one of the reasons for a lengthy courtship. But I imagine that it could be hard for someone who is a social butterfly such as her to retract from so much of her social "spread." She knows and is friends with a lot of guys. Would she just up and cut that off? How many guys would i be competing with? How many guys would still be sending her facebook messages every day? This may sound like "unproductive worry," but I'm really not worried here. I'm just trying to determine what my definition of the pinnacle of perfection is.
The boss. Bossy boss. I wonder why Cassandra thinks that her sisters would say that she's bossy. I don't want a bossy wife, i want a loving companion. And maybe if there is some bossiness there, Lund could help alleviate it. But I do want my wife to be driven.
I think about Sammi. She seems to be very low key compared to Cassandra, but equally talented, driven, and amazing. Nope, she doesn't have the facebook account with a thousand friends, and she hasn't dated every guy in the stake and from every EFY, but I think she has (obviously I'm really far from actually knowing this) what I am looking for in a wife. Those same things that attract me to Cassandra. So, would i prefer the girl that has all the things i want plus all sorts of other relationships and friendships with people that i may never meet, or the girl who has what I want, but will be building her friendship with ME and not the rest of the world too? It's hard to say. I don't know (not to be selfish or controlling here, but I'm just trying to be honest) if I could handle my wife having all sorts of guy friends that I'm not really privy to. And even if I am, her talking to another guy is her not talking to me. There is certainly potential for her to just kick all those friend-zoners out of her life, but it might actually be a big trial. She could also do it, but have it not last, and then go back to playing the friend-zone field again, because those guys are all just the gay friends, what's the harm in that? That was sarcastic of course.
On the phone with you now...not going to add anything here, because I don't know what to add.
It can get pretty old sometimes how much he needs to analyze things, but Jake talked to him on the phone after that and just empathized with him. Jake was awesome--he's learned a lot since marrying me. :) I realized that Mike's just in a lot of pain right now and very lonely, so I wasn't as annoyed and wrote this back:
Hey Mike,
I think it's really good that you're thinking of these things. Like you said, they might end up not being relevant with Cassandra (or Sammi), but it's got you thinking about things you want and need in a mate. It's definitely apparent that Kalina really did a number on you. You have a lot of trust issues... how you're worried that Cassandra might not be able to cut off friendships with guys, her relationships on Facebook, not wanting her (or I'm guessing any woman you date/marry) to carry on friendships with men outside of your marriage. It's interesting, because honestly, it was never, ever--and it never has been--a concern of mine or Jake's that we would cheat on each other. The thought never enters our minds. I'm wondering if this is something you've always worried about, even before you were in a relationship with Kalina? Like with your past girlfriends. Your trust issues are something you'll have to work through. It's totally and completely normal and understandable that you would have them, given what Kalina did to you. She really messed with your mind! Reading about some of your concerns that you have about Cass/Sam, it's really evident that she did. I think it's a blessing that Heavenly Father is giving you time to heal and sort through a lot of these things before you're actually in a relationship with someone.
You mentioned having a lengthy courtship in your email... I think that with whoever you date, it will probably be important for your own peace of mind to take your time so that you can build a strong foundation of trust with your future wife. So that you really get to know her and her family and feel comfortable with them, and know that she would never leave you. Like I said... I know that Jake would never leave me. Even when we were dating, I knew it, and it's because we took time to get to know each other. And I'm not recommending that you date/court her for an X amount of time. I know that you won't rush things and that you'll be smart about everything... I just think it's important to know that time heals things and that, hopefully, a lot of these concerns and heartaches you have will be remedied with time.
As you are dating your future wife, you will come to a point where you will get to bring these concerns to the table. (Both general and specific concerns... general concerns=not feeling comfortable with friendships with men outside of marriage, etc). You will get a chance to communicate these issues. Remember that your future wife--whoever she is--will sincerely care about you and your feelings. She will treat you with compassion and mercy, and take the concerns that you have seriously. You will recognize that sincerity when you see it. You probably did not receive much of that (that kind of love/sincerity/compassion) from Kalina, and so maybe it's hard for you to realize that that's what (good) wives do: we treat our husbands with compassion and protect them and their feelings. Reminds me of something I read recently while studying Adam and Eve. We know that Eve is referred to as a help meet for Adam. Here's a quote about the phrase "help meet" --
The word help is translated from a Hebrew root meaning "to surround, to protect, and to aid." We have a stereotype of the man as the protector, but the wife also surrounds, protects, and aids her husband. The spirit and influence of wives and mothers make our homes places where we are surrounded by peace and love and protected from the contention, temptations, and opposition of the world. In this context, meet means "equal to, suitable for, becoming, right, fit, worthy, sufficient, competent, well-placed, necessary, proper, fulfilling, and satisfying. Eve was all of this to Adam. She was equal to him. She was suitable, becoming, and of value. Her help and companionship were right. She was fit, worthy, sufficient, and competent. She was well-placed beside Adam, a necessary and proper companion. Her help was fulfilling and brought satisfaction.
Have faith that you will find a woman like that. I know that you will.
About your specific concerns with Cassandra:
The friends on Facebook--I know Facebook played a significant role in the downfall of your marriage to Kalina, but I wouldn't worry about it too much with Cassandra. I'm sure that most people on her Facebook she barely ever communicates with. I know you're pretty selective with who you become friends with on Facebook, but a lot of people aren't. I don't care about or communicate with probably half of my Facebook friends. You can share passwords with your significant other. The woman who you'll marry will not have serious friendships with men outside of marriage... as you are dating her it should naturally happen for her to just stop talking with other guys. I also doubt that your wife will have a bunch of friendships that you're not privy too... because your standards are pretty high (you're not going to settle this time ;). You will weed out the "losers" in the dating process.
Bossy-ness--it is really normal for older siblings to "boss" younger ones around. I'm sure Emily would call me bossy too. And I've seen you boss Dan around a number of times :) So, don't hold that against her.
I truthfully don't know Sammi well at all, so I can't really give much of an opinion there. I do know that she intends on going on a mission, and I hope that she does get to. I think you should continue to be friends with her, but wouldn't encourage you to pursue anything with her. Just let things happen naturally.
One more thought. A while ago I was reading on an LDS parenting blog. A mom wrote in to say that she was terribly lonely because her husband worked a lot and she had a toddler and didn't have many friends. I could relate to her... sometimes mothering can be pretty lonely, when you're at home a lot. I loved the advice that was given by a mom of 11 children --
I've discovered over my lifetime, that there are some lonely seasons. I've gone through them. I've watched my children go through them. I think they serve a purpose. We really learn compassion when we experience that isolated feeling. We don't like to see someone sitting alone. We are motivated to teach our children how to notice and include people. But more than even these valuable lessons, I think we really discover the reality of a Heavenly Father. I've never felt closer to him than during those times when I've run out of places to turn. The more lonely I've felt, the more open I've been to his love. Maybe it's just that we have to be really empty before we recognize how it feels to be filled. Certainly, those times of isolation and need have deepened my testimony more than the times of feast.
You're definitely in the midst of a lonely season, but remember that it's only a short season of your life. Learn from it what you can; I know you're working very hard to do just that. Heavenly Father is working miracles in your life every day and someday you'll see that all of your experiences, the good and the bad, will lead you to your future wife. It will be worth the wait!
Hope you had a good flight.
And then this morning, his reply was:
Thanks for the lengthy reply. There's a lot in there. It's constructive.
I was never worried about my wife cheating on me. There was that weird thing where she seemed to start having feelings (maybe just feelings of empathy) for that guy by the name of Jake who worked at Shopko and showed up at the Comfort Inn one night, talking with Kal about stuff on a pretty personal level. I had feelings of jealousy at the time, because this was all new to me and something didn't feel right about it. Now I know that it shouldn't have been okay with her for this guy to show up and shoot the breeze for several hours. I usually sense very quickly when I'm talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to or when I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. She must have ignored those feelings when they came to her, or she just didn't recognize them. But, never ever was I concerned about her cheating on me. Yep, no doubt this is a trust issue. And I don't know how it can be rebuilt without being in another relationship. But that's okay, because I can take the time necessary to rebuild it when the opportunity arises. I do think that you are right, that I never (other than while dating I guess) really felt the love, compassion, and sincerity that is meant to be felt in a marriage. What a lame relationship to have. I am excited to have love, compassion, and sincerity in my marriage and to be able to have someone else feel love, compassion, and sincerity through my love. I need me an Eve :)
I had an impression/feeling tonight that I'd like to share. After boarding my flight, I re-read that weird email Cassandra sent me. I felt like I needed to see if there was something I was missing from it or something i didn't pick up on. I've already read it several times using different tones in my head to see if it would make better sense when read with one tone of voice instead of another. After I read it a time or two, it didn't mean anything different, but I got the feeling (received an impression) that said "hey, this girl likes you. She likes you." This feeling came with a dose of peace. It was unique and it spoke peace to my mind. I felt calm. And then my mind was free to move on to other things. I pulled out my iPod, listened to some Lund, then moved onto my iPad, watched some Psych, and then I tried to catch some z's. Not exactly a comfortable flight, but it was decent.
When I landed in San Diego, i went to the baggage claim with Matt and Marlin. I was sitting down, whipped out my ipad, and checked my email. Alas, a reply from Cassandra that was sent only minutes before. Literally, minutes. It's nothing spectacular, but it is something. Finally! And what's really neat is that I'm now friends with Michelle and Jessica on Facebook. I think this is good...Being friends with the friends. Here's what Cassandra had to say:
Wow, some of those [pictures] turned out pretty good! some others...not so much...might need replacing.
You actaully owe all four of the Lillrose girls Culver's shakes. We all had the same bet.
How's sunny CA? When are you going to be working back on the east side of MI? Sarnia's only 59 min from my front door, you should let me know when you're over there.
-Cassandra
So...she wants a visit. Cool. Ha, and all four Lillrose girls were in on this. Imagine how big of a douche they would take me for if I still hadn't brought this up yet. Golly. And this means that Cassandra had spread the word to all her sisters that she was going out with me that night. That doesn't mean much for Savannah and Sammi, but it does mean that she went out of her way to talk to Tiffany about it. And the topic of their conversation was "is Mike finally going to tell you that he was married/is divorced?"
That's all I've got for tonight. Mon thru Thursday I have class from 8-3 with some degree of variance I'm sure. California time zone, 3 hrs difference.
I rented a convertible mustang :) it's kind of cool.
And so now we're caught up. Mike's funny. Jake and I are glad to be there to help.
Church, Sunday Drive, Photo Shoot
Saturday night we actually stayed up way too late watching Parks and Rec. It's a funny show!
Lila was up at 7:30 again. We felt dumb for staying up too late watching Parks and Rec :)
Church was good. Standard. Jake took Lila to the nursing home during 2nd hour. She fell asleep on the way back to church, so he drove around and looked at some of the neighborhoods/houses we were thinking about viewing. Then he sat in the car and waited for me for a half hour. I didn't know he was out there after church, so I just went to choir. (He had my phone in the diaper bag.) Jake finally came in to get me. We had lunch and then he was gone home teaching for 2 hours. When he got home, Lila needed another nap, so we went driving to look at more houses. We checked out one in particular that we're interested in. Lila pooped big time on the way home. It was a fun way to spend the evening, driving around, visiting, relaxing.
Dinner was great. We made quesadillas. Played with Lila. She's walking a little better now and standing up more. Being more adventurous. And funny too. She's been a little better about eating and drinking this weekend. She doesn't necessarily eat food, but she's sucking on chips and crackers more than she used to, and on Saturday she drank an ounce or two of water from my water bottle and last night drank a lot of water out of my cup! We tried giving her a few sips of juice after that, but she made a sour face and stopped drinking after that. I'm thinking she has a weird food texture problem that may even require texture therapy (a form of occupational therapy... I've been doing some reading about it online). I'm going to talk to her doctor about it the next time we go in (in a few weeks).
After she went to bed at 9, we cleaned up and wrote some emails. Jake wrote our realtor about houses we'd like and wouldn't like to see. I wrote Mike. Mike is in California this week on business. I'll write a post about what's up with him later.
We were up late again, till almost midnight.
This morning Lila was up at 7:30 again (maybe this will be a regular thing now). At 10 we went to Kasey Hunt's house. She's starting a "photography club" and this month's (our first time "meeting") the theme was maternity. So we had Sonja Staples and Annette Shumway come to get their pictures taken (they're due on April 20th and 19th, respectively). I was super awesome and forgot my camera. :) So Kasey and Valerie Michalek did the pictures. Kasey's awesome. She had bagels from Panera and fun music and props. Alicia and Brig Thompson were there just to hang out, and later on Kendra Johnson and her kids came over. It was a fun morning just hanging out and visiting. I love all these fun women. Talked about buying houses with Sonja and Alicia. Sonja has been asking me for years now when we're finally going to buy a house here so she was excited to hear that we're going to.
Lila was exhausted by the time we left at noon and fell asleep within minutes. So I got some lunch and drove around and read my book while she slept for over an hour. And now, we're playing more with toys. She's a cutie.
Lila was up at 7:30 again. We felt dumb for staying up too late watching Parks and Rec :)
Church was good. Standard. Jake took Lila to the nursing home during 2nd hour. She fell asleep on the way back to church, so he drove around and looked at some of the neighborhoods/houses we were thinking about viewing. Then he sat in the car and waited for me for a half hour. I didn't know he was out there after church, so I just went to choir. (He had my phone in the diaper bag.) Jake finally came in to get me. We had lunch and then he was gone home teaching for 2 hours. When he got home, Lila needed another nap, so we went driving to look at more houses. We checked out one in particular that we're interested in. Lila pooped big time on the way home. It was a fun way to spend the evening, driving around, visiting, relaxing.
Dinner was great. We made quesadillas. Played with Lila. She's walking a little better now and standing up more. Being more adventurous. And funny too. She's been a little better about eating and drinking this weekend. She doesn't necessarily eat food, but she's sucking on chips and crackers more than she used to, and on Saturday she drank an ounce or two of water from my water bottle and last night drank a lot of water out of my cup! We tried giving her a few sips of juice after that, but she made a sour face and stopped drinking after that. I'm thinking she has a weird food texture problem that may even require texture therapy (a form of occupational therapy... I've been doing some reading about it online). I'm going to talk to her doctor about it the next time we go in (in a few weeks).
After she went to bed at 9, we cleaned up and wrote some emails. Jake wrote our realtor about houses we'd like and wouldn't like to see. I wrote Mike. Mike is in California this week on business. I'll write a post about what's up with him later.
We were up late again, till almost midnight.
This morning Lila was up at 7:30 again (maybe this will be a regular thing now). At 10 we went to Kasey Hunt's house. She's starting a "photography club" and this month's (our first time "meeting") the theme was maternity. So we had Sonja Staples and Annette Shumway come to get their pictures taken (they're due on April 20th and 19th, respectively). I was super awesome and forgot my camera. :) So Kasey and Valerie Michalek did the pictures. Kasey's awesome. She had bagels from Panera and fun music and props. Alicia and Brig Thompson were there just to hang out, and later on Kendra Johnson and her kids came over. It was a fun morning just hanging out and visiting. I love all these fun women. Talked about buying houses with Sonja and Alicia. Sonja has been asking me for years now when we're finally going to buy a house here so she was excited to hear that we're going to.
Lila was exhausted by the time we left at noon and fell asleep within minutes. So I got some lunch and drove around and read my book while she slept for over an hour. And now, we're playing more with toys. She's a cutie.
Battle Creek, Period, Jeggings, Houses, Dodgeball
Wednesday morning, Emily's landlord texted to say that her apartment had power again. She headed off to class. Lila refused to take her normal morning nap so she and I met Jake for lunch. She likes seeing him during the day. When we were done, we met Emily back at my place and from there drove to Battle Creek. Lila slept a little on the way. We dropped off Emily's application to their dental hygiene program. It was nice to see the campus and Emily was excited to have that done. Jake asked why I had to go with her, and I kind of wondered the same thing, but I was happy to do it. Emily tags along on a lot of the errands I run (and helps so much with the baby) that it's nice to be able to do something for/with her.
Emily went home after that. Jake, Lila, and I had dinner and then home taught the Hunts. (Jake's companion couldn't go, so we went with.) Waylon's a week older than Lila and walking all over the place. He's taller than Lila is--so big! After Lila went to bed, Jake and I watched Big Fish. I saw it when it first came out, but Jake never had. We enjoyed it and laughed a lot.
Oh, this is pretty exciting: I got my period on Wednesday night. It was a 48 day cycle (the only one I had before that was 33 days). We are so excited to get pregnant again.
Thursday, Lila and I went to the mall in the afternoon. For a while there, she was taking pretty regular naps (at 12 and 4, and then for a while at 11 and 3) but she's been fighting naps this week, so instead of just waiting around for her to nap, we went out. It was fun, actually. Lila did great at the mall. She was smiling and laughing at strangers--not a serious, stoic baby like she used to be. I got some fries at the food court and she happily sucked on a few for quite a while. Even as we walked around the mall, she sat back and relaxed in her stroller and sucked on them, which is a pretty big deal, for her. I dropped off my anniversary ring at the jeweler's (one of the little diamonds fell out) and got my eyebrows waxed (way overdue on that one), and looked around. I went to The Children's Place for the first time ever and was tempted to get Lila some cute shirts, but I'll wait until the weather is warmer. Who knows what size she'll be in a few months. She's outgrown most of her 18-month shirts and fits perfectly in 24 mo. shirts. But, I did find some jeggings (jean leggings) that are SO ADORABLE. I've been trying to find her a pair of jeans that will fit. I bought some 2T jeans at Kohl's but they wouldn't fit over her juicy thighs, so funny. So the 3T jeggings fit and they are absolutely adorable. I call her J. Lo when she wears them.
We saw two houses that night, and I really liked them both! They were both big ranches. The first had five bedrooms, a big basement. The second had a lot of updates and was really big too. But Jake's not a big fan of either. Sigh. So we'll keep looking, I guess. Rich was helpful... answered a lot of questions we had and had a lot of tips about buying houses and what to look for. So he scored some points with me.
By the time we were done with that, it was 7. Lila hadn't napped before we went out, but fell asleep in the car while we were driving. When she woke up we had dinner at Panera. She ate a teeny bit of my soup, we put some on a spoon for her to feed herself with. We've learned that Lila 1) will not eat if we feed her; she has to feed herself, and 2) she doesn't like mushy things. Like if I gave her a pretzel dipped in actual yogurt, she wouldn't eat it, but we got some yogurt-covered pretzels at the store yesterday and she'll occasionally suck on those. It has to be a "dry" texture. She did like the soup though, until a little piece of broccoli got into her mouth. Then she gagged and stopped eating. I think we let Lila stay up to watch The Office with us (mostly so that we could watch it together). Mike's big date was Thursday night. More on that later.
Friday, Jake met us at the pediatrician/lab near his work. Lila had to get a venous blood draw to re-check her lead levels. When children get their lead levels checked through finger pricks, 90% of the results are negative. But sometimes positive results can be false, so we needed to get a more accurate reading. It actually was a lot easier than the finger pricks, because they could collect the blood a lot faster. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. Jake's great. I'm glad he could come with and help out. He held Lila while that was happening.
After that, Lila fell asleep in the car. Jake went with me to grab some lunch and we picked up some donuts for his big work meeting that day (he was leading the meeting). So we got to visit a little bit. I made pizza for dinner. Mike stopped by for a little bit, then he and Emily went bowling and got shamrock shakes.
Saturday morning, Lila woke up early (7:30). We played in bed with her and then got ready for the dodgeball tournament. Got there at 9:30 for registration. It was at the Battle Creek chapel... a fundraiser for their boy scouts. Jake and Mike were originally going to play on Preston's team ("Special K"), but Mike's YM didn't have enough members ("Team X"), so they joined that team. I sat with Annette and Robyn Green and Kendra Johnson and enjoyed visiting with them. Lila took a nap in the mother's room (I rocked/nursed her to sleep, didn't take very long at all) and she slept for almost an hour. I read The Age of Innocence on Jake's iPhone while she slept. He brought me water and a hot dog. Jake's team won the whole tournament! Pretty funny! I was teasing Jake all morning because he's not the most athletic guy, but he did alright! It was a fun morning. Mike had fun carting Lila around. Lila enjoyed climbing stairs and wearing Jake's metal.
After that we went grocery shopping. Took showers when we got home and all took naps. Jake had Stake meetings from 5-11pm, so I was alone with Lila for the evening. We just hung out, played around. She was asleep at 9:30. For the rest of the evening, I worked on Lila's book (making a Blurb book with the letters I've written to her this year and pictures). When Jake got home (at 11 or after!), we talked about the Priesthood meeting. Good man, that Jake.
Emily went home after that. Jake, Lila, and I had dinner and then home taught the Hunts. (Jake's companion couldn't go, so we went with.) Waylon's a week older than Lila and walking all over the place. He's taller than Lila is--so big! After Lila went to bed, Jake and I watched Big Fish. I saw it when it first came out, but Jake never had. We enjoyed it and laughed a lot.
Oh, this is pretty exciting: I got my period on Wednesday night. It was a 48 day cycle (the only one I had before that was 33 days). We are so excited to get pregnant again.
Thursday, Lila and I went to the mall in the afternoon. For a while there, she was taking pretty regular naps (at 12 and 4, and then for a while at 11 and 3) but she's been fighting naps this week, so instead of just waiting around for her to nap, we went out. It was fun, actually. Lila did great at the mall. She was smiling and laughing at strangers--not a serious, stoic baby like she used to be. I got some fries at the food court and she happily sucked on a few for quite a while. Even as we walked around the mall, she sat back and relaxed in her stroller and sucked on them, which is a pretty big deal, for her. I dropped off my anniversary ring at the jeweler's (one of the little diamonds fell out) and got my eyebrows waxed (way overdue on that one), and looked around. I went to The Children's Place for the first time ever and was tempted to get Lila some cute shirts, but I'll wait until the weather is warmer. Who knows what size she'll be in a few months. She's outgrown most of her 18-month shirts and fits perfectly in 24 mo. shirts. But, I did find some jeggings (jean leggings) that are SO ADORABLE. I've been trying to find her a pair of jeans that will fit. I bought some 2T jeans at Kohl's but they wouldn't fit over her juicy thighs, so funny. So the 3T jeggings fit and they are absolutely adorable. I call her J. Lo when she wears them.
We saw two houses that night, and I really liked them both! They were both big ranches. The first had five bedrooms, a big basement. The second had a lot of updates and was really big too. But Jake's not a big fan of either. Sigh. So we'll keep looking, I guess. Rich was helpful... answered a lot of questions we had and had a lot of tips about buying houses and what to look for. So he scored some points with me.
By the time we were done with that, it was 7. Lila hadn't napped before we went out, but fell asleep in the car while we were driving. When she woke up we had dinner at Panera. She ate a teeny bit of my soup, we put some on a spoon for her to feed herself with. We've learned that Lila 1) will not eat if we feed her; she has to feed herself, and 2) she doesn't like mushy things. Like if I gave her a pretzel dipped in actual yogurt, she wouldn't eat it, but we got some yogurt-covered pretzels at the store yesterday and she'll occasionally suck on those. It has to be a "dry" texture. She did like the soup though, until a little piece of broccoli got into her mouth. Then she gagged and stopped eating. I think we let Lila stay up to watch The Office with us (mostly so that we could watch it together). Mike's big date was Thursday night. More on that later.
Friday, Jake met us at the pediatrician/lab near his work. Lila had to get a venous blood draw to re-check her lead levels. When children get their lead levels checked through finger pricks, 90% of the results are negative. But sometimes positive results can be false, so we needed to get a more accurate reading. It actually was a lot easier than the finger pricks, because they could collect the blood a lot faster. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. Jake's great. I'm glad he could come with and help out. He held Lila while that was happening.
After that, Lila fell asleep in the car. Jake went with me to grab some lunch and we picked up some donuts for his big work meeting that day (he was leading the meeting). So we got to visit a little bit. I made pizza for dinner. Mike stopped by for a little bit, then he and Emily went bowling and got shamrock shakes.
After that we went grocery shopping. Took showers when we got home and all took naps. Jake had Stake meetings from 5-11pm, so I was alone with Lila for the evening. We just hung out, played around. She was asleep at 9:30. For the rest of the evening, I worked on Lila's book (making a Blurb book with the letters I've written to her this year and pictures). When Jake got home (at 11 or after!), we talked about the Priesthood meeting. Good man, that Jake.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Anemia, Lead Levels, and a Hot Date for Mike
Jake's campus/office was officially closed yesterday, but he went into work there anyway. Most of his co-workers did too. The weather wasn't terrible, but things were still icy and a lot of the city was still without power. Emily had slept over, so we hung out in the morning and while Lila took her morning nap. She's a good baby. A little crankier than normal right now, but still a good, sweet baby.
Emily originally wanted to drive to Battle Creek to drop off her application to their dental hygiene program but I didn't want to drive there because of the roads/weather. But she really wanted to go out, so we decided to stay in town. I was originally going to drive to the mall, but major intersections were without power and had police cars everywhere, so we went down West Main. Right as we pulled out of the apartment complex, Dr. LaRue (Lila's pediatrican) called with the results of Lila's blood work. She is anemic and we'll have to have her take iron supplements and vitamins to correct that. But what was more surprising/weird is that her lead levels are elevated! We have no idea how that happened. Jake did some reading online and it's possible that it's innacurate because it was just from a finger prick (I think that's what he read). But we live in a newly renovated apartment--we're the first people to live her. She doesn't have old toys or spend time in old homes. So I have no idea. A "lead nurse" from the health department is supposed to contact me soon to talk about it. So weird. That whole phone call made me pretty upset. I feel so bad for Lila. I wish she would just eat food.
After that we went to the pharmacy to pick up her vitamins and supplement and then went to Kohl's so I could make some exhanges. Headed home and it took an hour to get Lila down for her nap. She was fighting sleep a lot.
Jake got home and we had dinner (hamburger helper, corn muffins, and peaches). We also gave her her iron supplement mixed in with some orange juice and had to force her to take it. She was really upset after that and completely refused any food we offered her at dinner. She sat on Jake's lap for the last half of dinner and fed him with a fork, which was pretty adorable.
He took off for his church meeting. Emily and I played with the baby. I put her in her bouncer--she hasn't been in that in a long time. Lila started climbing over the top of the loveseat and probably would have fallen off head-first if I hadn't stopped her. We played peek-a-boo and practiced walking. At around 7:45 she hit a wall and wanted to go to bed immediately. So we got her ready for bed and she was asleep around 8:30.
After that, we had some cookies and I wrote Lila's letter, which took a while and seemed like more work than usual. Looked at pictures on Facebook of a girl from Kalamazoo who was one of my YW when we first moved here. She had a baby right after she graduated high school (not married). What a life that would be.
Jake got home at 11. We had a talk about marriage. I'm just way too sensitive lately, I think, and a little down. I think I have a mild seasonal depression type thing. Nothing serious... but the weather really does affect my mood and happiness. We read a little from the handbook. Jake just loves that handbook :)
The "big" news of the evening was about Mike -- in his words:
Okay, finally some good news. So, I went to the Detroit temple tonight. I have work on this side of the state in the morning, so I went and picked up a hotel room. On my elevator ride up to my room, I received an answer to my prayers, a blessing for temple service (well, really it was a text message from Cassandy). Meanwhile, I was getting ready and going out with one of my coworkers, so the conversation wasn’t as fluid as it would have been if I was just sitting around. But this was kind of fun. And really exciting. Enjoy...confidentially. (Oh, and as a disclaimer, I do recognize that creamation is spelt wrong, but I was just going off of the way she spelt creamate, so I take no responsibility for that one) Here goes:
Cassandra @ 9:06pm: So I drove through battle creek yesterday on my way home. You guys really got hit with that ice storm! Did people lose power? We did…
Mike @ 9:41pm: Yeah! Lots of people lost power. Lost it at work too. How long were you without power? So you’re home now?
Cassandra @ 9:51pm: We still don’t have power, maybe not til Friday morning. I leave Friday.
Mike @ 10:02pm: Wow. Do you have a generator or are you staying somewhere else? Where are you leaving to?
Cassandra @ 10:03pm: We’ve got a wood stove and a generator. It’s reading week at school and they let us take it off, so I’m in Kalamazoo, Friday I head back to Canada.
Mike @ 10:08pm: That’s good. What on earth is reading week? Are you going home Friday morning or evening?
Cassandra @ 10:11pm: Morning. It’s what Canadians do instead of spring break…a whole week to study midterms.
Mike @ 10:18pm: That’s pretty neat. I think I’d rather be done with midterms before “spring break” and not mix the two though. I actually have Friday off. Would you like to do something Thursday night?
Cassandra @ 10:25pm: I’m game for that…what would you have in mind?
Mike @ 10:31pm: Hmm. I haven’t really thought this through. We could go bowling…
Mike @ 10:33pm: Or to a movie. Or sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, or we could play skip bo.
Mike @ 10:36pm: I’m also open to any suggestions if you have them :)
Cassandra @ 10:37pm: …we could do pretty much anything that involves ice…as long as it also involves hot chocolate. Even a movie. :)
Cassandra @ 10:41pm: I haven’t been had skating in a while, that’d be fun (I typed this out verbatim...so, just a slip I guess. Haha, “I haven’t been had skating in a while”...lol).
Mike @ 10:42pm: Oh my. I can try it. I haven’t skated in at least a decade.
Mike @ 10:45pm: We could hold some sort of an ice vigil ceremony for all of the trees that got toppled by the ice storm. That would warrant some hot cocoa.
Cassandra @ 10:45pm: And you call yourself a U-per…Isn’t that some kind of oxymoron?
Cassandra @ 10:47pm: Haha! I like that idea. Maybe we should creamate them.
Mike @ 10:48pm: No. We go snowmobiling in the UP. Not ice skating. But fishing is mandatory up there. And yeah, a creamation service would be very touching.
Cassandra @ 10:51pm: Just found out we’ve got a leak in the barn. Gotta run. Let me know when you want to meet up Thursday. Goodnight :)
Mike @ 11:23pm: Yikes! Good luck with that leak. I’ll get back with you about the time tomorrow. Goodnight!
Emily originally wanted to drive to Battle Creek to drop off her application to their dental hygiene program but I didn't want to drive there because of the roads/weather. But she really wanted to go out, so we decided to stay in town. I was originally going to drive to the mall, but major intersections were without power and had police cars everywhere, so we went down West Main. Right as we pulled out of the apartment complex, Dr. LaRue (Lila's pediatrican) called with the results of Lila's blood work. She is anemic and we'll have to have her take iron supplements and vitamins to correct that. But what was more surprising/weird is that her lead levels are elevated! We have no idea how that happened. Jake did some reading online and it's possible that it's innacurate because it was just from a finger prick (I think that's what he read). But we live in a newly renovated apartment--we're the first people to live her. She doesn't have old toys or spend time in old homes. So I have no idea. A "lead nurse" from the health department is supposed to contact me soon to talk about it. So weird. That whole phone call made me pretty upset. I feel so bad for Lila. I wish she would just eat food.
After that we went to the pharmacy to pick up her vitamins and supplement and then went to Kohl's so I could make some exhanges. Headed home and it took an hour to get Lila down for her nap. She was fighting sleep a lot.
Jake got home and we had dinner (hamburger helper, corn muffins, and peaches). We also gave her her iron supplement mixed in with some orange juice and had to force her to take it. She was really upset after that and completely refused any food we offered her at dinner. She sat on Jake's lap for the last half of dinner and fed him with a fork, which was pretty adorable.
He took off for his church meeting. Emily and I played with the baby. I put her in her bouncer--she hasn't been in that in a long time. Lila started climbing over the top of the loveseat and probably would have fallen off head-first if I hadn't stopped her. We played peek-a-boo and practiced walking. At around 7:45 she hit a wall and wanted to go to bed immediately. So we got her ready for bed and she was asleep around 8:30.
After that, we had some cookies and I wrote Lila's letter, which took a while and seemed like more work than usual. Looked at pictures on Facebook of a girl from Kalamazoo who was one of my YW when we first moved here. She had a baby right after she graduated high school (not married). What a life that would be.
Jake got home at 11. We had a talk about marriage. I'm just way too sensitive lately, I think, and a little down. I think I have a mild seasonal depression type thing. Nothing serious... but the weather really does affect my mood and happiness. We read a little from the handbook. Jake just loves that handbook :)
The "big" news of the evening was about Mike -- in his words:
Okay, finally some good news. So, I went to the Detroit temple tonight. I have work on this side of the state in the morning, so I went and picked up a hotel room. On my elevator ride up to my room, I received an answer to my prayers, a blessing for temple service (well, really it was a text message from Cassandy). Meanwhile, I was getting ready and going out with one of my coworkers, so the conversation wasn’t as fluid as it would have been if I was just sitting around. But this was kind of fun. And really exciting. Enjoy...confidentially. (Oh, and as a disclaimer, I do recognize that creamation is spelt wrong, but I was just going off of the way she spelt creamate, so I take no responsibility for that one) Here goes:
Cassandra @ 9:06pm: So I drove through battle creek yesterday on my way home. You guys really got hit with that ice storm! Did people lose power? We did…
Mike @ 9:41pm: Yeah! Lots of people lost power. Lost it at work too. How long were you without power? So you’re home now?
Cassandra @ 9:51pm: We still don’t have power, maybe not til Friday morning. I leave Friday.
Mike @ 10:02pm: Wow. Do you have a generator or are you staying somewhere else? Where are you leaving to?
Cassandra @ 10:03pm: We’ve got a wood stove and a generator. It’s reading week at school and they let us take it off, so I’m in Kalamazoo, Friday I head back to Canada.
Mike @ 10:08pm: That’s good. What on earth is reading week? Are you going home Friday morning or evening?
Cassandra @ 10:11pm: Morning. It’s what Canadians do instead of spring break…a whole week to study midterms.
Mike @ 10:18pm: That’s pretty neat. I think I’d rather be done with midterms before “spring break” and not mix the two though. I actually have Friday off. Would you like to do something Thursday night?
Cassandra @ 10:25pm: I’m game for that…what would you have in mind?
Mike @ 10:31pm: Hmm. I haven’t really thought this through. We could go bowling…
Mike @ 10:33pm: Or to a movie. Or sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, or we could play skip bo.
Mike @ 10:36pm: I’m also open to any suggestions if you have them :)
Cassandra @ 10:37pm: …we could do pretty much anything that involves ice…as long as it also involves hot chocolate. Even a movie. :)
Cassandra @ 10:41pm: I haven’t been had skating in a while, that’d be fun (I typed this out verbatim...so, just a slip I guess. Haha, “I haven’t been had skating in a while”...lol).
Mike @ 10:42pm: Oh my. I can try it. I haven’t skated in at least a decade.
Mike @ 10:45pm: We could hold some sort of an ice vigil ceremony for all of the trees that got toppled by the ice storm. That would warrant some hot cocoa.
Cassandra @ 10:45pm: And you call yourself a U-per…Isn’t that some kind of oxymoron?
Cassandra @ 10:47pm: Haha! I like that idea. Maybe we should creamate them.
Mike @ 10:48pm: No. We go snowmobiling in the UP. Not ice skating. But fishing is mandatory up there. And yeah, a creamation service would be very touching.
Cassandra @ 10:51pm: Just found out we’ve got a leak in the barn. Gotta run. Let me know when you want to meet up Thursday. Goodnight :)
Mike @ 11:23pm: Yikes! Good luck with that leak. I’ll get back with you about the time tomorrow. Goodnight!
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