Sent 1-24-11 at 12:23 am.
Jake and Rudi,
I’m trying to come up with a list of things that will make me successful without me having to put any effort into them. What do you think? LOL. Just kidding. Here’s the real deal: I once was taught that miraculous things don’t just happen, but they are put into play long before those miraculous events come to fruition. For example, that bright star that shined above the location where the savior was born didn’t just magically appear. It was in it’s own start orbit or whatever for a long time.
Not that I’m talking about anything miraculous here (at least not miraculous yet) but I have noticed some things that fell into place for me that continue to snowball as the blessings that they bring are added on and on. For example, we all recognize that my New Year’s Eve and Day events were pretty unlikely to have worked out so well as they did. Now, they didn’t just “happen”...well, they kind of did. That was pretty amazing. Sure, I had wanted them to happen for about a month previous, but I hadn’t done anything to make them happen until the day before. But, the two of you already had a long standing relationship with Cassandra which allowed you to invite her, without her having to worry too much about what she was getting into. Then I started thinking about this dance on Friday night. If I hadn’t had those dates (I’ll call them dates) with Cassandra, I would not have known any of the Lillrose girls. If I hadn’t known the Lillrose girls, they would have had no interest in hanging out with me at the dance like they did, and I would have left that dance without forming any new acquaintances. If I hadn’t gone to that dance and stayed around long enough, I wouldn’t have been invited and encouraged to attend ultimate Frisbee or Contra Dancing. Both of which were great to participate in and at both of which I met a couple other new people. I just wanted to make mention of this to you two since you have been instrumental in helping me along my path to recovery from what Kalina did to me. I think it is neat to “count” the blessings. I’m seeing a lot of them.
About Kalina...while I was cleaning tonight, I had a few thoughts about her. I get angry so quickly that I have to take a breath and start thinking about something else. It has taken a long time to really accept just how awful she was to me by what she did. Talk about mental/emotional abuse. I don’t think it could get any worse than being cheated on by your spouse...especially while your spouse then sits in front of you swearing to something completely different. That is definitely the way to cause emotional damage. And then all of the deceptive things that she brought along with what she did...it was just pathetic and awful. Anyhow, I know that I have to process this stuff, and it’s happening in small bits. That’s the way it has to happen so that I can maintain the spirit as I go through it. It’s too easy to start cursing her out in my mind when I think about it.
Now...in speculation regarding the Lillrose girls, it makes sense that they all just treat me as a friend. It seems like it, and that seems to make sense. But there are two things that may speak to a higher purpose. First, my interactions keep coming back to the Lillroses. Surely there are at least a couple others I could be progressing and developing with, but events seem to return me to interaction with the Lillrose girls. Second, those girls sure do give me a lot more attention than they do any other guys that I’ve seen them around (like at the dance for instance). They weren’t trying to coerce any other guys into playing Frisbee Saturday morning or into Contra dancing Saturday night. Why me and not some other dude? Why them and not some other ladies? So, there still is potential with Cassandra, but the realist in me says “get real dude, it should be obvious that there isn’t.” Well either way, I’m happy to see how it all develops.
Thank-you again for all that you have done for me. I do recognize that you have sacrificed a lot of time on my behalf and I really appreciate it. I love you both and am so thankful for your love and example.
Mike
Sent 1-24-11 at 12:29 pm.
Mike,
It took me a moment to get the "things that will make me successful without having to put effort into them," but as soon as I did, I got a good laugh.
I also believe and have seen miraculous things in my life transpire and the things that had to take place in order for them to happen. Especially with Jake. Had one of us been born even 6 months earlier or later, we probably wouldn't have been in a place to meet or date. Or how your family moved to Escanaba while he was on his mission... etc. Jake and I have had many long conversations about all the things that happened prior to our meeting that made it possible for us to end up together. So I also see the things happening with you and the Lillroses and think, well, maybe things will happen with Cassandra after all. Maybe Heavenly Father just has things for both you and her to do before things happen. Maybe your healing is one of those things. You're right: the things Kalina did to you and to your marriage were abusive and awful. I think you navigated your way through that whole ordeal in a very honorable and healthy way--you used the spirit, you treated her with love and respect, and you acted with integrity. Actually getting through the divorce and healing from the divorce are two separate things, which I'm sure you've realized by now. Just because the divorce is over doesn't mean that you're necessarily ready for another relationship. I think those little moments you experience, like the one you shared below... when you were cleaning and the thought of Kalina just popped into your mind and you became so angry... are really important moments. Healing won't happen all at once. You'll have small moments along the way where you'll have to process and cope.
I have a deep testimony of Heavenly Father's love for his children. I know that he puts people into our lives when we need them and when we're ready for the lessons they have to teach us. I believe in the healing power of prayer. I believe that if we pray to Father for specific things to happen in our lives, he will bless us with them if we are obedient. Some time before the Betzolds moved to Escanaba, I remember praying that a family with a boy I could date would move into the branch (particularly a tall boy with blonde hair and blue eyes) ... thinking that it was an extremely ridiculous request, but thought I would give it a shot. A year or two later, BAM. There was Jake. The weekend before Jake came home from his mission, the youth in Escanaba went on a temple trip. Your mom drove the Astro Van and I talked with her Sister Schmidt the whole way down about my future (I was applying to colleges)... about wanting to get married, etc, and I felt the spirit so strongly as your mom shared with me life experiences she had that helped her learn that Heavenly Father is in control. On that same temple trip, I visited with Sam (your brother) for a while and thought he was such a neat kid and wished he had an older brother in Escanaba I could date. Two days later Jake came home. Sometimes, it doesn't all happen at once, but happens in ways that allow us to prepare and be ready. I still believe that something could happen between you and Cassandra, but maybe not even until she's done with her internship. Who knows. Anyway... just wanted to share that I know Heavenly Father loves you and knows you and that He will bless you with a good wife.
We love you Mike and are so happy to help in any way we can.
Rudi
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