It all happened so quickly. Today I was tired and it was snowing and it was a quiet and kind of depressing day. During her second nap, I started reading more about sleep training. The way I saw it: I knew that we'd have to let her cry it out eventually. If not now, then later on. Because what we're doing is not working. If she was sleeping with us and sleeping through the night, fine, we'd keep doing that. But she is waking up 4-5 times a night, and nursing a lot of those times. None of us are sleeping well.
So, when she got up from her nap, I sat there with her in the bed for a while, and she was so. sweet. SO SWEET. She was cuddly and smiley and my heart just swelled with love for her, and I knew. I knew that it was time. So I cried a little. And then when Jake was on his way home from work, we talked about it, and it felt right. He talked to Derek Thompson a little bit, and they did the Ferber method.
So we had dinner, I cried throughout it. Showered. Then we did our new bedtime routine. Lila cried while getting her diaper changed and jammies on. I nursed her for a long time and just loved her and held her. We read a story, sang a song, read scriptures, had a prayer, and then at around 8:00 Lila went in her crib. Jake moved it back into her room. Oh, we had called Melissa after dinner to get some encouragement/advice. She said that after her kids are 1, she doesn't even go check on them. Said that some kids like the door shut--the finality of it all helps them fall asleep--but some like it left open to hear their parents around. Said to go for it. That it didn't "mess her kids up," but brought their relationship to the next level. So, that's encouraging.
Called my parents too. Mom said that they tried doing that with me, but didn't stick with it and just let me sleep with them. But said that it was ok. Dad said everything would be ok, to just relax and know that it would be ok. And I know that. It's just hard.
So, she cried for a while. And then after 40 minutes she stopped crying and she's just been sitting quietly in her crib since then. Just sitting there! Looking at the nightlight maybe? I'm so sad for her. I hope she's not lonely and I hope she doesn't feel unloved. I wonder if she knows that she's supposed to sleep now and wonder if she'll figure it out. Surprised that she's not crying... wondering how long it'll be until she falls asleep. She's not been crying for a whole hour.
Anyway. We have to stick with this. Otherwise it's just pain without gain. I think it'll help our family and our home be filled with more love and happiness. Structure. This is hard.
Jake has been pretty positive about this, of course. He's positive about most things in life. But he's having a hard time too. He feels bad and doesn't feel good about it. And she's still just sitting there! AH!
What made me feel ok about this was reading the scriptures: Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5.
To every thing there is a aseason, and a btime to every purpose under the heaven: a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.
So, when she got up from her nap, I sat there with her in the bed for a while, and she was so. sweet. SO SWEET. She was cuddly and smiley and my heart just swelled with love for her, and I knew. I knew that it was time. So I cried a little. And then when Jake was on his way home from work, we talked about it, and it felt right. He talked to Derek Thompson a little bit, and they did the Ferber method.
So we had dinner, I cried throughout it. Showered. Then we did our new bedtime routine. Lila cried while getting her diaper changed and jammies on. I nursed her for a long time and just loved her and held her. We read a story, sang a song, read scriptures, had a prayer, and then at around 8:00 Lila went in her crib. Jake moved it back into her room. Oh, we had called Melissa after dinner to get some encouragement/advice. She said that after her kids are 1, she doesn't even go check on them. Said that some kids like the door shut--the finality of it all helps them fall asleep--but some like it left open to hear their parents around. Said to go for it. That it didn't "mess her kids up," but brought their relationship to the next level. So, that's encouraging.
Called my parents too. Mom said that they tried doing that with me, but didn't stick with it and just let me sleep with them. But said that it was ok. Dad said everything would be ok, to just relax and know that it would be ok. And I know that. It's just hard.
So, she cried for a while. And then after 40 minutes she stopped crying and she's just been sitting quietly in her crib since then. Just sitting there! Looking at the nightlight maybe? I'm so sad for her. I hope she's not lonely and I hope she doesn't feel unloved. I wonder if she knows that she's supposed to sleep now and wonder if she'll figure it out. Surprised that she's not crying... wondering how long it'll be until she falls asleep. She's not been crying for a whole hour.
Anyway. We have to stick with this. Otherwise it's just pain without gain. I think it'll help our family and our home be filled with more love and happiness. Structure. This is hard.
Jake has been pretty positive about this, of course. He's positive about most things in life. But he's having a hard time too. He feels bad and doesn't feel good about it. And she's still just sitting there! AH!
What made me feel ok about this was reading the scriptures: Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5.
To every thing there is a aseason, and a btime to every purpose under the heaven: a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.
I love my sweet girl so much. But it's time for her to be a little less dependent on me. She's becoming a toddler, she's not my tiny little baby anymore. (She's 30 pounds.)
I especially feel like we need to do this in preparation for baby #2... I'll feel a lot better about getting pregnant again if Lila's sleeping in her own room, through the night. Because when I'm pregnant, I pee A LOT. Especially in the middle of the night. And if her crib is on my side of the bed, that means I have to climb over Jake to get to the bathroom, and that's no good if I'm pregnant. And it would probably be a lot easier to do this now than when I'm pregnant.
Anyway, I'm just talking to myself. I'm exhausted. Really tired. But we're watching TV and waiting this out. I feel so sad for her.
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