Jake and Lila are both in bed asleep already and it's only 9:18. Lila took just that one nap today and passed out at 7:50. She would've been in bed sooner but we did showers tonight and it took a while to eat dinner. I spent almost an hour trying to get her to nap this afternoon while Emily was here (she made yummy banana butterscotch muffins), but she just wasn't interested. As soon as I get her on a schedule and we get into a good routine, she changes. And that's fine.
Jake got home a little later than usual, 6 or later. We had dinner. Lila ate a black bean. Kind of gagged but she kept it in her mouth and swallowed it. So that's good.
After dinner we played the "walking game" where we have Lila walk between us, and Lila took what we will call her first official steps. She was standing by Jake, holding onto him for balance, and I sat a few feet away. What we'll usually do is help her start walking towards the other person. But this time, I just held out my hands a little bit and said, "Walk to Mama!" and she let go of Jake on her own and took three steps to me! It was awesome! She did it all by herself. And then, she refused to walk to Jake when we'd encourage her to. She'd hesitantly take one small step in his direction, and then quickly turn back to me and give me a big hug. She did that over and over. :) She sure loves her mama.
Since Lila went to bed so early, we did FHE after she went to bed. Read a section on Parents and Children from the Handbook. I cleaned up the kitchen. Now I'm uploading Facebook pictures and relaxing. I'll probably go read my book now.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Mike Update
Here's how his date went (he sent out this email Friday morning, after his date with Cassandra, to the whole family):
Okay, So Cassandy and I went out last night. I picked her up at 7:05. It was really nice that my HAZWOPER training in Bay City got out early and that I don’t live as far from Bay City as I thought I did, because that gave me some extra time to get home, shower, and be cool. Her mom answered the door. Cassandra was just finishing gluing some piano keys for her mother. Her mom and I talked for a little bit. She was pretty cool. We talked about Petoskey a little bit. It turns out that she used to nanny in Harbor Springs for the children of Grandpa Bud’s brother. So, she threw some names around that she thought we both might know such as the Waters and the Howses. She was pretty impressed to learn that Jake worked at the Fudge Shop. We also talked about musical talent; that Jake and I were in percussion, that Jake is an amazing drummer, that Jim and I play guitar, and that we used to rock out in our room, the garage. When Cassandra finished up with her glue, we took off to the Millennium Park skate rink in Kalamazoo. There was some special Mascot activity night going on, so the mascots from the K-Wings (Kalamazoo hockey team), Little Caesar’s, Sonic drive-thru, Crispy the Celery stalk, McGruff the crime dog, and a few others were all there out on the ice. Neither of us had gone skating in a long time, so we took it easy, just following the flow of traffic. Then we taught ourselves how to skate backwards…not very effective at this point, but I’m sure it won’t take much to get better. Then we figured out how to spin in a circle individually and as a couple (where you skate towards each other in opposite direction, lock arms, and spin around in a stationary circle. It was fun. At one point, I grabbed her hand and skated with her, but that only lasted about 15 second, because she stumbled and pulled her hand away. On purpose? Maybe. There was a map just outside of the skating rink that showed all of the parks and biking/walking trails in the immediate area, so we were taking a look at that as this older fellow who works for the parks walked over and started talking to us. Cassandra asked some questions about the parks in the area, so he told us which trails were plowed, which ones were lit, and how to get into them after the gates are closed at dark. Nice guy. After skating was over we went up to Panera to get some hot chocolate. We also got a “Fresh Fruit Cup” and the girls there saw us talking to Emily Ollero, who was working at the time, and they offered us a couple cups of free orange juice. Apparently it was just extra stuff that was going to go to waste. We grabbed the goods and off we went to drive around to find some trees still covered with ice from the recent ice storm. We drove all over the place, out in the country, talking about valuable topics that helped to let each other know where we stand spiritually. She asked about Dan, because she knows that he was living with me, so we talked about him for a bit and how sad it is to see guys like him and friends like Dave Waters fall away from the church. We also talked about all the blessings and happiness that come from living the gospel and how there are so many people who want that happiness, and some even know that they can have it, but they still reject it. I also asked questions about her parents to get an idea for what they are like and what her perceptions are of them. It went really well. We also covered the topic of having a stay-at-home mom and she made it clear that she really wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She sees the value in family development that directly correlates with having a mother at home. My conclusion on all this is that we’re at the same place and have the same goals as far as things such as church, family, and the home go. That is surprisingly not really an easy thing to find these days.
After we got back to her house at the end of the night, we sat in the Sequoia and just talked for a bit. She’s not planning on going to the YSA dance in Bloomfield Hills this Saturday, but she is going to a dance in Toronto tonight (Friday night). She’s helping a friend put on some sort of a scout dinner Saturday night, and she wasn’t too interested in changing those plans around. Not really a bad thing. I asked her when she’d be back next. She said that Savannah is speaking the second weekend in March and that she really wants to come back for that. There will also be contra-dancing that weekend, so I’m sure it’s a partial motivator for making it back. Then she said that she has a friend whose wedding reception will be in Kalamazoo the following weekend. She also threw in there that another friend is coming out from Colorado “Because he’s never been to Michigan before, so he’s coming out to see what Michigan is like.” Lame. Well then I started asking questions about this friend of hers who is getting married. Apparently Cassandra grew up through YW with this girl, Sarina Baker. So she told me that “Sarina’s parents went through a really bad divorce and I don’t think they even know where her dad is now.” Well, this opened the door. So, I let her finish talking about Sarina and then I said “So, did you know that I’m divorced?” Now, I thought she said “No…what do you think about that?” But, it’s possible that she didn’t say “no” and that I just imagined it because it seemed to fit with her response. So, I told her that it was difficult to go through and that apparently “my ex-wife didn’t realize the importance of keeping commandments, covenants, and being faithful; because it is important.” She asked when it happened, so I told her that Kalina asked for a divorce on September 23rd and that it was done with on December 20th. She said “Wow, that’s fast.” I replied “Well, that’s what happens when you have a brother who is a lawyer and when something needs to happen fast. She had already moved out and did not want to change.” I also told her “I did everything that I possibly could to preserve our marriage, even after I found out that she had been unfaithful. I did everything possible, and she still wanted to keep doing what she was doing.” Cassandra asked “Do you think she’ll ever come back? Do you think she’ll ever be active in church again?” So I told her that Kalina showed up at church twice since the divorce, but that she doesn’t seem to be there for her, but more so to elevate her outward appearance. Oh, and I didn’t actually mention Kalina’s name at all through all this. Cassandra said “Well, I haven’t been through this, but it must have been so difficult, and probably still is. I know that for me it would take a long time to get over something like that. How long were you guys married?” I said “Three and three-quarters of a year. And it is hard sometimes when I think about it, I can get some negative feelings and thoughts, but when I don’t think about it, I don’t get those feelings; not that I’m trying to avoid it, but it’s part of the process.” And Cassandra added “Yeah, just moving forward, what else can you do, right?” I said “Yep, moving forward. But Heavenly Father has definitely blessed me with an awesome family and some great friends who have really helped me along the way. He definitely knows our trials well before we go through them, and He put’s the people that we need in our lives to help us overcome them.” When she had asked if I thought Kalina would come back, I did say that I hope that she does at some point, but only in the same way that I hope Dan, Dave Waters, or any of God’s children turn to the gospel to enrich their lives. I think that the conversation went really well. So, it was about 1am by that time. We got out of my Sequoia, hugged, she thanked me for taking her skating and said that it was a lot of fun. Then she remembered to grab her gloves and ear muffs from my car, so she did. I gave her another hug, she said “thanks for telling me about your ex-wife.” I said “you’re welcome. Thanks for going out with me tonight, I had a lot of fun and I hope that we can go out again.” She said “Oh, I’m sure that we will. Drive safely, and have fun in San Diego next week.” We said goodbye, and that ended the night.
This morning, I received an email from her. I was shocked to get this, but here’s what it said :
Hey Mike!
Thanks again for the fun times last night, sure enjoyed it.
fyi: I already knew you were divorced. wondered when/how you'd tell me that. actaully, I won a bet over it, so you owe a couple of us some Culver's shakes... :)
Have fun in California!
-Cassandra
Go figure. She got me on that one. And she spelt actually wrong. Slam! What a girl.
So then he had to spend a lot of time trying to interpret her email. Sounds pretty rude, right? Here's Dad's thoughts on it:
I think the way she handled it does show insensitivity. But not meaness. If she had gone through a divorce she would be pre-disposed to genuine empathy on the subject.
We know you and love you so when You were going through it (and even now) we felt (and feel) a portion of the hurt, betrayal and huge sadness that you felt (and feel). I mean if you think about it you will recall us expressing anger and disgust to you towards Kalina. And we hurt and cried too. And prayed much on your behalf. And fasted. And put your name in the temple. It was and is a traumatic thing to see those you love going through pain and sorrow.
I recall as a BP being taught by an LDS social services Rep, in a BP training session, that the worst thing you can say in counseling someone is "I know how you feel" and the second worst thing is "I know exactly how you feel". Yet we suffered with you and did and do in large measure know how you feel. We know your heart. We know you.
Cassandra is just getting to know you. She couldn't possible relate in the same way yet. I would have expected more empathy to be exhibited but her life experiences haven't put her there yet. I agree with Jake I think she did feel some guilt and she wanted to come clean in some way. I think that's because she realized you're the real deal and she cheapened herself and your ordeal by not being honest about her foreknowledge.
If she intends on seeing you more, my guess is she wants to, she'll become even more convinced you are the real deal, the kind of guy she wants to be with. She'll also recognize more clearly she was insensitive and she'll vow to herself to do better with that.
I'd chalk it up to her lack of experience. She's gaining wisdom as she goes. Hopefully we all are.
If she doesn't want to see more of you.... You just keep being who you are.
"There is a plan, and it's unfolding"
My thoughts:
Amen and Amen. Good stuff, Dad.
I mentioned in a text earlier that marriage (to a good man) helps a woman mature. I was very inexperienced and young and immature when I got married. (Granted, I was 18, and that's to be expected, but I was still all of those things.) I count it as the greatest blessing of my life that I married a man who saw the potential in me and had faith in me and built me up. Jake has been so patient and loving with me as I've learned and grown through life's experiences. As a general rule, look for a solid foundation of faith, affection, and goodness in the women you date, but also remember the potential that she has and that you can help cultivate. Your future wife will do the same for you. Remember that most people your age haven't gone through such a life-altering experience.
I think it shows a great degree of maturity for her to take a "risk" on someone she knows has been divorced. I know it's unfair, but there is a degree of "taboo" around the label of divorce. Especially in Mormon culture, where so much emphasis is placed on forever families. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have considered dating someone who was divorced (back when I was young and inexperienced). So I give her a lot of credit and I think it says a lot about her that she's still wanting to get to know you to find out for herself that you're the "real deal."
Mike's thoughts:
I'm thinking of a response along the lines of "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were."
Is that too friend-zoneish? I was trying to determine if I've been put in the friend zone already. And although it seems like I have, there is a good potential explanation for all this that puts me not in the friend zone. You see, Melissa and I were discussing what my response should be, and I said "maybe I should just be me, and be straight with her, and say "well, that's a little insensitive. What gives?" and then we thought: is Cassandra actually just being straight and candid with me? Is this just the real her, and she wants it to be made known, and she wants to see the real me and not some powder puff version of me? If so, here's what makes sense: first off, she has known about the divorce for a while, so she's already had some time to process it, and now it makes sense why it felt like she was exercising a significant degree of caution. Because she was. But she still wanted to see when and how this divorce thing would come up to maybe make heads or tails of it. Because she's known about it for a while, it was easy for her to make light of it this morning. Also, telling me about this guy coming out in a few weeks: maybe that was her way of clearing the air because she knew that it was going to happen and that I would find out, and she wanted to be sure and forewarn me...either to avoid my hurt feelings, or to minimalize the significance of his visit. Maybe because she doesn't want to blow her chances with me just yet. Anyhow, her email this morning makes sense if instead of interpreting it as being insensitive and immature it is interpreted as being cool about the situation without being totally weird. And it shows that she recognizes that life happens and rather than dwell on it like Kalina would, she moves forward and past it. It does still feel a little friend-zoneish, but it really might not be. What do you think?
And then mine:
I definitely don't think you're in the friend zone. The girl has plenty of friends, why would she want to spend time with you, alone, if she wasn't at least a little romantically interested in you? Girls just don't do that... if she would have suggested bringing her sisters along, I'd say you were in the friend zone. But girls don't hang out with guys alone if they're just in the friend zone. At least not so early on in a relationship.
That you guys talked about family backgrounds, goals is really good. Her asking about Dan is a good thing... wanting to know more about your family, especially a wayward family member, is her trying to get information about you and how you deal with that...
the friend from colorado... I think the points you made about that were right.
It's interesting that when she was telling you about Serena she mentioned that Serena's parents are divorced. It's pretty well-known in the Stake that it was a messy divorce, and Serena's mom is very active and well-known too (she's the RS president in one of the Kzoo wards). But it's kind of a random fact to add in there, and I wonder if that was Cassandra trying to give you a chance to talk about it, to see if you would.
She asked you when the divorce happened... how long you were married... she's curious. She's trying to put together your story and the timeline. And that could be important information because it then gives her a better idea of when you'll be "ready" to be in a relationship again. She mentioned that it would take her a long time to get over it... she recognizes the need you have to heal from that, and that it can't be done in a few months. The fact that she pulled her hand away (or stumbled, or whatever) when you were ice skating is significant and I think she probably did it on purpose. I think she's trying to give you sufficient space and time to heal, while still maintaining a friendship. I think once more time has passed, maybe even after a year, she'll want to start actually dating.
"thanks for telling me about your ex-wife." she values openness and honesty. she recognizes it was a big step for you to do that. it was a sensitive thing of her to do, which makes the email she sent you this morning this morning seem less insensitive.
the email this morning is a GOOD thing. "wondered when/how you'd tell me that." if you were in the friend zone, it wouldn't really matter to her, this wouldn't really be an issue. but this indicates that she's been thinking about you, your situation, your relationship with her, the future of your relationship, etc. she realizes that there is something between you, because she realizes that it was a big/important/necessary thing for you to tell her... and not just to tell her, but when and how you told her was important too.
Culver's shakes/the bet: I would assume that she's talking about her sisters. I wonder when she found out that you were divorced. If it was right after you guys met and if that's why she suddenly stopped writing. Or if it was after you told some people at Ultimate Frisbee (Christian Green, Preston, etc.). I can't imagine her talking and joking about it with people other than her family... but who knows. The fact that she and whoever she was talking about it with made light of it by joking about it instead of it being a serious, weird issue is good!
As far as your response to her email... the one you wrote ( "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were.) seems a little too... mean? haha. Her email wasn't the "nicest" either, but I think it was her way of saying that she's ok with it. Maybe say something like, "Culvers it is. I'll be interested to find out who else was betting on me." It shows that you have a good sense of humor, that you're interested in finding about more about the bet... but since she doesn't have a great history of writing you back (maybe it's her way of giving both you and her some space and time), to put it in a statement makes it less awkward than asking a question, in case she doesn't want to write back (to give you some space/time to heal).
He wrote Cassandra a short response. And then Sunday he wrote this to me:
So I was thinking about Cassandra and some of the hurdles that might exist should things ever move forward between us. And I mean really move forward. So, this really isn't relevant right now, and may never become relevant, but I do believe that considering these things is productive for the sake of figuring out what I do and don't want in my eternal mate.
Facebook friends. This girl has 900 some friends on Facebook, many of whom are guys. How much would she have to change her ways to pull her communication away from them and toward me? I guess that is one of the reasons for a lengthy courtship. But I imagine that it could be hard for someone who is a social butterfly such as her to retract from so much of her social "spread." She knows and is friends with a lot of guys. Would she just up and cut that off? How many guys would i be competing with? How many guys would still be sending her facebook messages every day? This may sound like "unproductive worry," but I'm really not worried here. I'm just trying to determine what my definition of the pinnacle of perfection is.
The boss. Bossy boss. I wonder why Cassandra thinks that her sisters would say that she's bossy. I don't want a bossy wife, i want a loving companion. And maybe if there is some bossiness there, Lund could help alleviate it. But I do want my wife to be driven.
I think about Sammi. She seems to be very low key compared to Cassandra, but equally talented, driven, and amazing. Nope, she doesn't have the facebook account with a thousand friends, and she hasn't dated every guy in the stake and from every EFY, but I think she has (obviously I'm really far from actually knowing this) what I am looking for in a wife. Those same things that attract me to Cassandra. So, would i prefer the girl that has all the things i want plus all sorts of other relationships and friendships with people that i may never meet, or the girl who has what I want, but will be building her friendship with ME and not the rest of the world too? It's hard to say. I don't know (not to be selfish or controlling here, but I'm just trying to be honest) if I could handle my wife having all sorts of guy friends that I'm not really privy to. And even if I am, her talking to another guy is her not talking to me. There is certainly potential for her to just kick all those friend-zoners out of her life, but it might actually be a big trial. She could also do it, but have it not last, and then go back to playing the friend-zone field again, because those guys are all just the gay friends, what's the harm in that? That was sarcastic of course.
On the phone with you now...not going to add anything here, because I don't know what to add.
It can get pretty old sometimes how much he needs to analyze things, but Jake talked to him on the phone after that and just empathized with him. Jake was awesome--he's learned a lot since marrying me. :) I realized that Mike's just in a lot of pain right now and very lonely, so I wasn't as annoyed and wrote this back:
Hey Mike,
I think it's really good that you're thinking of these things. Like you said, they might end up not being relevant with Cassandra (or Sammi), but it's got you thinking about things you want and need in a mate. It's definitely apparent that Kalina really did a number on you. You have a lot of trust issues... how you're worried that Cassandra might not be able to cut off friendships with guys, her relationships on Facebook, not wanting her (or I'm guessing any woman you date/marry) to carry on friendships with men outside of your marriage. It's interesting, because honestly, it was never, ever--and it never has been--a concern of mine or Jake's that we would cheat on each other. The thought never enters our minds. I'm wondering if this is something you've always worried about, even before you were in a relationship with Kalina? Like with your past girlfriends. Your trust issues are something you'll have to work through. It's totally and completely normal and understandable that you would have them, given what Kalina did to you. She really messed with your mind! Reading about some of your concerns that you have about Cass/Sam, it's really evident that she did. I think it's a blessing that Heavenly Father is giving you time to heal and sort through a lot of these things before you're actually in a relationship with someone.
You mentioned having a lengthy courtship in your email... I think that with whoever you date, it will probably be important for your own peace of mind to take your time so that you can build a strong foundation of trust with your future wife. So that you really get to know her and her family and feel comfortable with them, and know that she would never leave you. Like I said... I know that Jake would never leave me. Even when we were dating, I knew it, and it's because we took time to get to know each other. And I'm not recommending that you date/court her for an X amount of time. I know that you won't rush things and that you'll be smart about everything... I just think it's important to know that time heals things and that, hopefully, a lot of these concerns and heartaches you have will be remedied with time.
As you are dating your future wife, you will come to a point where you will get to bring these concerns to the table. (Both general and specific concerns... general concerns=not feeling comfortable with friendships with men outside of marriage, etc). You will get a chance to communicate these issues. Remember that your future wife--whoever she is--will sincerely care about you and your feelings. She will treat you with compassion and mercy, and take the concerns that you have seriously. You will recognize that sincerity when you see it. You probably did not receive much of that (that kind of love/sincerity/compassion) from Kalina, and so maybe it's hard for you to realize that that's what (good) wives do: we treat our husbands with compassion and protect them and their feelings. Reminds me of something I read recently while studying Adam and Eve. We know that Eve is referred to as a help meet for Adam. Here's a quote about the phrase "help meet" --
The word help is translated from a Hebrew root meaning "to surround, to protect, and to aid." We have a stereotype of the man as the protector, but the wife also surrounds, protects, and aids her husband. The spirit and influence of wives and mothers make our homes places where we are surrounded by peace and love and protected from the contention, temptations, and opposition of the world. In this context, meet means "equal to, suitable for, becoming, right, fit, worthy, sufficient, competent, well-placed, necessary, proper, fulfilling, and satisfying. Eve was all of this to Adam. She was equal to him. She was suitable, becoming, and of value. Her help and companionship were right. She was fit, worthy, sufficient, and competent. She was well-placed beside Adam, a necessary and proper companion. Her help was fulfilling and brought satisfaction.
Have faith that you will find a woman like that. I know that you will.
About your specific concerns with Cassandra:
The friends on Facebook--I know Facebook played a significant role in the downfall of your marriage to Kalina, but I wouldn't worry about it too much with Cassandra. I'm sure that most people on her Facebook she barely ever communicates with. I know you're pretty selective with who you become friends with on Facebook, but a lot of people aren't. I don't care about or communicate with probably half of my Facebook friends. You can share passwords with your significant other. The woman who you'll marry will not have serious friendships with men outside of marriage... as you are dating her it should naturally happen for her to just stop talking with other guys. I also doubt that your wife will have a bunch of friendships that you're not privy too... because your standards are pretty high (you're not going to settle this time ;). You will weed out the "losers" in the dating process.
Bossy-ness--it is really normal for older siblings to "boss" younger ones around. I'm sure Emily would call me bossy too. And I've seen you boss Dan around a number of times :) So, don't hold that against her.
I truthfully don't know Sammi well at all, so I can't really give much of an opinion there. I do know that she intends on going on a mission, and I hope that she does get to. I think you should continue to be friends with her, but wouldn't encourage you to pursue anything with her. Just let things happen naturally.
One more thought. A while ago I was reading on an LDS parenting blog. A mom wrote in to say that she was terribly lonely because her husband worked a lot and she had a toddler and didn't have many friends. I could relate to her... sometimes mothering can be pretty lonely, when you're at home a lot. I loved the advice that was given by a mom of 11 children --
I've discovered over my lifetime, that there are some lonely seasons. I've gone through them. I've watched my children go through them. I think they serve a purpose. We really learn compassion when we experience that isolated feeling. We don't like to see someone sitting alone. We are motivated to teach our children how to notice and include people. But more than even these valuable lessons, I think we really discover the reality of a Heavenly Father. I've never felt closer to him than during those times when I've run out of places to turn. The more lonely I've felt, the more open I've been to his love. Maybe it's just that we have to be really empty before we recognize how it feels to be filled. Certainly, those times of isolation and need have deepened my testimony more than the times of feast.
You're definitely in the midst of a lonely season, but remember that it's only a short season of your life. Learn from it what you can; I know you're working very hard to do just that. Heavenly Father is working miracles in your life every day and someday you'll see that all of your experiences, the good and the bad, will lead you to your future wife. It will be worth the wait!
Hope you had a good flight.
And then this morning, his reply was:
Thanks for the lengthy reply. There's a lot in there. It's constructive.
I was never worried about my wife cheating on me. There was that weird thing where she seemed to start having feelings (maybe just feelings of empathy) for that guy by the name of Jake who worked at Shopko and showed up at the Comfort Inn one night, talking with Kal about stuff on a pretty personal level. I had feelings of jealousy at the time, because this was all new to me and something didn't feel right about it. Now I know that it shouldn't have been okay with her for this guy to show up and shoot the breeze for several hours. I usually sense very quickly when I'm talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to or when I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. She must have ignored those feelings when they came to her, or she just didn't recognize them. But, never ever was I concerned about her cheating on me. Yep, no doubt this is a trust issue. And I don't know how it can be rebuilt without being in another relationship. But that's okay, because I can take the time necessary to rebuild it when the opportunity arises. I do think that you are right, that I never (other than while dating I guess) really felt the love, compassion, and sincerity that is meant to be felt in a marriage. What a lame relationship to have. I am excited to have love, compassion, and sincerity in my marriage and to be able to have someone else feel love, compassion, and sincerity through my love. I need me an Eve :)
I had an impression/feeling tonight that I'd like to share. After boarding my flight, I re-read that weird email Cassandra sent me. I felt like I needed to see if there was something I was missing from it or something i didn't pick up on. I've already read it several times using different tones in my head to see if it would make better sense when read with one tone of voice instead of another. After I read it a time or two, it didn't mean anything different, but I got the feeling (received an impression) that said "hey, this girl likes you. She likes you." This feeling came with a dose of peace. It was unique and it spoke peace to my mind. I felt calm. And then my mind was free to move on to other things. I pulled out my iPod, listened to some Lund, then moved onto my iPad, watched some Psych, and then I tried to catch some z's. Not exactly a comfortable flight, but it was decent.
When I landed in San Diego, i went to the baggage claim with Matt and Marlin. I was sitting down, whipped out my ipad, and checked my email. Alas, a reply from Cassandra that was sent only minutes before. Literally, minutes. It's nothing spectacular, but it is something. Finally! And what's really neat is that I'm now friends with Michelle and Jessica on Facebook. I think this is good...Being friends with the friends. Here's what Cassandra had to say:
Wow, some of those [pictures] turned out pretty good! some others...not so much...might need replacing.
You actaully owe all four of the Lillrose girls Culver's shakes. We all had the same bet.
How's sunny CA? When are you going to be working back on the east side of MI? Sarnia's only 59 min from my front door, you should let me know when you're over there.
-Cassandra
So...she wants a visit. Cool. Ha, and all four Lillrose girls were in on this. Imagine how big of a douche they would take me for if I still hadn't brought this up yet. Golly. And this means that Cassandra had spread the word to all her sisters that she was going out with me that night. That doesn't mean much for Savannah and Sammi, but it does mean that she went out of her way to talk to Tiffany about it. And the topic of their conversation was "is Mike finally going to tell you that he was married/is divorced?"
That's all I've got for tonight. Mon thru Thursday I have class from 8-3 with some degree of variance I'm sure. California time zone, 3 hrs difference.
I rented a convertible mustang :) it's kind of cool.
And so now we're caught up. Mike's funny. Jake and I are glad to be there to help.
Okay, So Cassandy and I went out last night. I picked her up at 7:05. It was really nice that my HAZWOPER training in Bay City got out early and that I don’t live as far from Bay City as I thought I did, because that gave me some extra time to get home, shower, and be cool. Her mom answered the door. Cassandra was just finishing gluing some piano keys for her mother. Her mom and I talked for a little bit. She was pretty cool. We talked about Petoskey a little bit. It turns out that she used to nanny in Harbor Springs for the children of Grandpa Bud’s brother. So, she threw some names around that she thought we both might know such as the Waters and the Howses. She was pretty impressed to learn that Jake worked at the Fudge Shop. We also talked about musical talent; that Jake and I were in percussion, that Jake is an amazing drummer, that Jim and I play guitar, and that we used to rock out in our room, the garage. When Cassandra finished up with her glue, we took off to the Millennium Park skate rink in Kalamazoo. There was some special Mascot activity night going on, so the mascots from the K-Wings (Kalamazoo hockey team), Little Caesar’s, Sonic drive-thru, Crispy the Celery stalk, McGruff the crime dog, and a few others were all there out on the ice. Neither of us had gone skating in a long time, so we took it easy, just following the flow of traffic. Then we taught ourselves how to skate backwards…not very effective at this point, but I’m sure it won’t take much to get better. Then we figured out how to spin in a circle individually and as a couple (where you skate towards each other in opposite direction, lock arms, and spin around in a stationary circle. It was fun. At one point, I grabbed her hand and skated with her, but that only lasted about 15 second, because she stumbled and pulled her hand away. On purpose? Maybe. There was a map just outside of the skating rink that showed all of the parks and biking/walking trails in the immediate area, so we were taking a look at that as this older fellow who works for the parks walked over and started talking to us. Cassandra asked some questions about the parks in the area, so he told us which trails were plowed, which ones were lit, and how to get into them after the gates are closed at dark. Nice guy. After skating was over we went up to Panera to get some hot chocolate. We also got a “Fresh Fruit Cup” and the girls there saw us talking to Emily Ollero, who was working at the time, and they offered us a couple cups of free orange juice. Apparently it was just extra stuff that was going to go to waste. We grabbed the goods and off we went to drive around to find some trees still covered with ice from the recent ice storm. We drove all over the place, out in the country, talking about valuable topics that helped to let each other know where we stand spiritually. She asked about Dan, because she knows that he was living with me, so we talked about him for a bit and how sad it is to see guys like him and friends like Dave Waters fall away from the church. We also talked about all the blessings and happiness that come from living the gospel and how there are so many people who want that happiness, and some even know that they can have it, but they still reject it. I also asked questions about her parents to get an idea for what they are like and what her perceptions are of them. It went really well. We also covered the topic of having a stay-at-home mom and she made it clear that she really wants to be a stay-at-home mom. She sees the value in family development that directly correlates with having a mother at home. My conclusion on all this is that we’re at the same place and have the same goals as far as things such as church, family, and the home go. That is surprisingly not really an easy thing to find these days.
After we got back to her house at the end of the night, we sat in the Sequoia and just talked for a bit. She’s not planning on going to the YSA dance in Bloomfield Hills this Saturday, but she is going to a dance in Toronto tonight (Friday night). She’s helping a friend put on some sort of a scout dinner Saturday night, and she wasn’t too interested in changing those plans around. Not really a bad thing. I asked her when she’d be back next. She said that Savannah is speaking the second weekend in March and that she really wants to come back for that. There will also be contra-dancing that weekend, so I’m sure it’s a partial motivator for making it back. Then she said that she has a friend whose wedding reception will be in Kalamazoo the following weekend. She also threw in there that another friend is coming out from Colorado “Because he’s never been to Michigan before, so he’s coming out to see what Michigan is like.” Lame. Well then I started asking questions about this friend of hers who is getting married. Apparently Cassandra grew up through YW with this girl, Sarina Baker. So she told me that “Sarina’s parents went through a really bad divorce and I don’t think they even know where her dad is now.” Well, this opened the door. So, I let her finish talking about Sarina and then I said “So, did you know that I’m divorced?” Now, I thought she said “No…what do you think about that?” But, it’s possible that she didn’t say “no” and that I just imagined it because it seemed to fit with her response. So, I told her that it was difficult to go through and that apparently “my ex-wife didn’t realize the importance of keeping commandments, covenants, and being faithful; because it is important.” She asked when it happened, so I told her that Kalina asked for a divorce on September 23rd and that it was done with on December 20th. She said “Wow, that’s fast.” I replied “Well, that’s what happens when you have a brother who is a lawyer and when something needs to happen fast. She had already moved out and did not want to change.” I also told her “I did everything that I possibly could to preserve our marriage, even after I found out that she had been unfaithful. I did everything possible, and she still wanted to keep doing what she was doing.” Cassandra asked “Do you think she’ll ever come back? Do you think she’ll ever be active in church again?” So I told her that Kalina showed up at church twice since the divorce, but that she doesn’t seem to be there for her, but more so to elevate her outward appearance. Oh, and I didn’t actually mention Kalina’s name at all through all this. Cassandra said “Well, I haven’t been through this, but it must have been so difficult, and probably still is. I know that for me it would take a long time to get over something like that. How long were you guys married?” I said “Three and three-quarters of a year. And it is hard sometimes when I think about it, I can get some negative feelings and thoughts, but when I don’t think about it, I don’t get those feelings; not that I’m trying to avoid it, but it’s part of the process.” And Cassandra added “Yeah, just moving forward, what else can you do, right?” I said “Yep, moving forward. But Heavenly Father has definitely blessed me with an awesome family and some great friends who have really helped me along the way. He definitely knows our trials well before we go through them, and He put’s the people that we need in our lives to help us overcome them.” When she had asked if I thought Kalina would come back, I did say that I hope that she does at some point, but only in the same way that I hope Dan, Dave Waters, or any of God’s children turn to the gospel to enrich their lives. I think that the conversation went really well. So, it was about 1am by that time. We got out of my Sequoia, hugged, she thanked me for taking her skating and said that it was a lot of fun. Then she remembered to grab her gloves and ear muffs from my car, so she did. I gave her another hug, she said “thanks for telling me about your ex-wife.” I said “you’re welcome. Thanks for going out with me tonight, I had a lot of fun and I hope that we can go out again.” She said “Oh, I’m sure that we will. Drive safely, and have fun in San Diego next week.” We said goodbye, and that ended the night.
This morning, I received an email from her. I was shocked to get this, but here’s what it said :
Hey Mike!
Thanks again for the fun times last night, sure enjoyed it.
fyi: I already knew you were divorced. wondered when/how you'd tell me that. actaully, I won a bet over it, so you owe a couple of us some Culver's shakes... :)
Have fun in California!
-Cassandra
Go figure. She got me on that one. And she spelt actually wrong. Slam! What a girl.
So then he had to spend a lot of time trying to interpret her email. Sounds pretty rude, right? Here's Dad's thoughts on it:
I think the way she handled it does show insensitivity. But not meaness. If she had gone through a divorce she would be pre-disposed to genuine empathy on the subject.
We know you and love you so when You were going through it (and even now) we felt (and feel) a portion of the hurt, betrayal and huge sadness that you felt (and feel). I mean if you think about it you will recall us expressing anger and disgust to you towards Kalina. And we hurt and cried too. And prayed much on your behalf. And fasted. And put your name in the temple. It was and is a traumatic thing to see those you love going through pain and sorrow.
I recall as a BP being taught by an LDS social services Rep, in a BP training session, that the worst thing you can say in counseling someone is "I know how you feel" and the second worst thing is "I know exactly how you feel". Yet we suffered with you and did and do in large measure know how you feel. We know your heart. We know you.
Cassandra is just getting to know you. She couldn't possible relate in the same way yet. I would have expected more empathy to be exhibited but her life experiences haven't put her there yet. I agree with Jake I think she did feel some guilt and she wanted to come clean in some way. I think that's because she realized you're the real deal and she cheapened herself and your ordeal by not being honest about her foreknowledge.
If she intends on seeing you more, my guess is she wants to, she'll become even more convinced you are the real deal, the kind of guy she wants to be with. She'll also recognize more clearly she was insensitive and she'll vow to herself to do better with that.
I'd chalk it up to her lack of experience. She's gaining wisdom as she goes. Hopefully we all are.
If she doesn't want to see more of you.... You just keep being who you are.
"There is a plan, and it's unfolding"
My thoughts:
Amen and Amen. Good stuff, Dad.
I mentioned in a text earlier that marriage (to a good man) helps a woman mature. I was very inexperienced and young and immature when I got married. (Granted, I was 18, and that's to be expected, but I was still all of those things.) I count it as the greatest blessing of my life that I married a man who saw the potential in me and had faith in me and built me up. Jake has been so patient and loving with me as I've learned and grown through life's experiences. As a general rule, look for a solid foundation of faith, affection, and goodness in the women you date, but also remember the potential that she has and that you can help cultivate. Your future wife will do the same for you. Remember that most people your age haven't gone through such a life-altering experience.
I think it shows a great degree of maturity for her to take a "risk" on someone she knows has been divorced. I know it's unfair, but there is a degree of "taboo" around the label of divorce. Especially in Mormon culture, where so much emphasis is placed on forever families. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't have considered dating someone who was divorced (back when I was young and inexperienced). So I give her a lot of credit and I think it says a lot about her that she's still wanting to get to know you to find out for herself that you're the "real deal."
Mike's thoughts:
I'm thinking of a response along the lines of "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were."
Is that too friend-zoneish? I was trying to determine if I've been put in the friend zone already. And although it seems like I have, there is a good potential explanation for all this that puts me not in the friend zone. You see, Melissa and I were discussing what my response should be, and I said "maybe I should just be me, and be straight with her, and say "well, that's a little insensitive. What gives?" and then we thought: is Cassandra actually just being straight and candid with me? Is this just the real her, and she wants it to be made known, and she wants to see the real me and not some powder puff version of me? If so, here's what makes sense: first off, she has known about the divorce for a while, so she's already had some time to process it, and now it makes sense why it felt like she was exercising a significant degree of caution. Because she was. But she still wanted to see when and how this divorce thing would come up to maybe make heads or tails of it. Because she's known about it for a while, it was easy for her to make light of it this morning. Also, telling me about this guy coming out in a few weeks: maybe that was her way of clearing the air because she knew that it was going to happen and that I would find out, and she wanted to be sure and forewarn me...either to avoid my hurt feelings, or to minimalize the significance of his visit. Maybe because she doesn't want to blow her chances with me just yet. Anyhow, her email this morning makes sense if instead of interpreting it as being insensitive and immature it is interpreted as being cool about the situation without being totally weird. And it shows that she recognizes that life happens and rather than dwell on it like Kalina would, she moves forward and past it. It does still feel a little friend-zoneish, but it really might not be. What do you think?
And then mine:
I definitely don't think you're in the friend zone. The girl has plenty of friends, why would she want to spend time with you, alone, if she wasn't at least a little romantically interested in you? Girls just don't do that... if she would have suggested bringing her sisters along, I'd say you were in the friend zone. But girls don't hang out with guys alone if they're just in the friend zone. At least not so early on in a relationship.
That you guys talked about family backgrounds, goals is really good. Her asking about Dan is a good thing... wanting to know more about your family, especially a wayward family member, is her trying to get information about you and how you deal with that...
the friend from colorado... I think the points you made about that were right.
It's interesting that when she was telling you about Serena she mentioned that Serena's parents are divorced. It's pretty well-known in the Stake that it was a messy divorce, and Serena's mom is very active and well-known too (she's the RS president in one of the Kzoo wards). But it's kind of a random fact to add in there, and I wonder if that was Cassandra trying to give you a chance to talk about it, to see if you would.
She asked you when the divorce happened... how long you were married... she's curious. She's trying to put together your story and the timeline. And that could be important information because it then gives her a better idea of when you'll be "ready" to be in a relationship again. She mentioned that it would take her a long time to get over it... she recognizes the need you have to heal from that, and that it can't be done in a few months. The fact that she pulled her hand away (or stumbled, or whatever) when you were ice skating is significant and I think she probably did it on purpose. I think she's trying to give you sufficient space and time to heal, while still maintaining a friendship. I think once more time has passed, maybe even after a year, she'll want to start actually dating.
"thanks for telling me about your ex-wife." she values openness and honesty. she recognizes it was a big step for you to do that. it was a sensitive thing of her to do, which makes the email she sent you this morning this morning seem less insensitive.
the email this morning is a GOOD thing. "wondered when/how you'd tell me that." if you were in the friend zone, it wouldn't really matter to her, this wouldn't really be an issue. but this indicates that she's been thinking about you, your situation, your relationship with her, the future of your relationship, etc. she realizes that there is something between you, because she realizes that it was a big/important/necessary thing for you to tell her... and not just to tell her, but when and how you told her was important too.
Culver's shakes/the bet: I would assume that she's talking about her sisters. I wonder when she found out that you were divorced. If it was right after you guys met and if that's why she suddenly stopped writing. Or if it was after you told some people at Ultimate Frisbee (Christian Green, Preston, etc.). I can't imagine her talking and joking about it with people other than her family... but who knows. The fact that she and whoever she was talking about it with made light of it by joking about it instead of it being a serious, weird issue is good!
As far as your response to her email... the one you wrote ( "wait a minute, there was a bet placed on me, and somehow I end up being the one to buy shakes? I'll spring for Culvers, but I'm gonna need to know who I'm buying shakes for and what the terms of this bet were.) seems a little too... mean? haha. Her email wasn't the "nicest" either, but I think it was her way of saying that she's ok with it. Maybe say something like, "Culvers it is. I'll be interested to find out who else was betting on me." It shows that you have a good sense of humor, that you're interested in finding about more about the bet... but since she doesn't have a great history of writing you back (maybe it's her way of giving both you and her some space and time), to put it in a statement makes it less awkward than asking a question, in case she doesn't want to write back (to give you some space/time to heal).
He wrote Cassandra a short response. And then Sunday he wrote this to me:
So I was thinking about Cassandra and some of the hurdles that might exist should things ever move forward between us. And I mean really move forward. So, this really isn't relevant right now, and may never become relevant, but I do believe that considering these things is productive for the sake of figuring out what I do and don't want in my eternal mate.
Facebook friends. This girl has 900 some friends on Facebook, many of whom are guys. How much would she have to change her ways to pull her communication away from them and toward me? I guess that is one of the reasons for a lengthy courtship. But I imagine that it could be hard for someone who is a social butterfly such as her to retract from so much of her social "spread." She knows and is friends with a lot of guys. Would she just up and cut that off? How many guys would i be competing with? How many guys would still be sending her facebook messages every day? This may sound like "unproductive worry," but I'm really not worried here. I'm just trying to determine what my definition of the pinnacle of perfection is.
The boss. Bossy boss. I wonder why Cassandra thinks that her sisters would say that she's bossy. I don't want a bossy wife, i want a loving companion. And maybe if there is some bossiness there, Lund could help alleviate it. But I do want my wife to be driven.
I think about Sammi. She seems to be very low key compared to Cassandra, but equally talented, driven, and amazing. Nope, she doesn't have the facebook account with a thousand friends, and she hasn't dated every guy in the stake and from every EFY, but I think she has (obviously I'm really far from actually knowing this) what I am looking for in a wife. Those same things that attract me to Cassandra. So, would i prefer the girl that has all the things i want plus all sorts of other relationships and friendships with people that i may never meet, or the girl who has what I want, but will be building her friendship with ME and not the rest of the world too? It's hard to say. I don't know (not to be selfish or controlling here, but I'm just trying to be honest) if I could handle my wife having all sorts of guy friends that I'm not really privy to. And even if I am, her talking to another guy is her not talking to me. There is certainly potential for her to just kick all those friend-zoners out of her life, but it might actually be a big trial. She could also do it, but have it not last, and then go back to playing the friend-zone field again, because those guys are all just the gay friends, what's the harm in that? That was sarcastic of course.
On the phone with you now...not going to add anything here, because I don't know what to add.
It can get pretty old sometimes how much he needs to analyze things, but Jake talked to him on the phone after that and just empathized with him. Jake was awesome--he's learned a lot since marrying me. :) I realized that Mike's just in a lot of pain right now and very lonely, so I wasn't as annoyed and wrote this back:
Hey Mike,
I think it's really good that you're thinking of these things. Like you said, they might end up not being relevant with Cassandra (or Sammi), but it's got you thinking about things you want and need in a mate. It's definitely apparent that Kalina really did a number on you. You have a lot of trust issues... how you're worried that Cassandra might not be able to cut off friendships with guys, her relationships on Facebook, not wanting her (or I'm guessing any woman you date/marry) to carry on friendships with men outside of your marriage. It's interesting, because honestly, it was never, ever--and it never has been--a concern of mine or Jake's that we would cheat on each other. The thought never enters our minds. I'm wondering if this is something you've always worried about, even before you were in a relationship with Kalina? Like with your past girlfriends. Your trust issues are something you'll have to work through. It's totally and completely normal and understandable that you would have them, given what Kalina did to you. She really messed with your mind! Reading about some of your concerns that you have about Cass/Sam, it's really evident that she did. I think it's a blessing that Heavenly Father is giving you time to heal and sort through a lot of these things before you're actually in a relationship with someone.
You mentioned having a lengthy courtship in your email... I think that with whoever you date, it will probably be important for your own peace of mind to take your time so that you can build a strong foundation of trust with your future wife. So that you really get to know her and her family and feel comfortable with them, and know that she would never leave you. Like I said... I know that Jake would never leave me. Even when we were dating, I knew it, and it's because we took time to get to know each other. And I'm not recommending that you date/court her for an X amount of time. I know that you won't rush things and that you'll be smart about everything... I just think it's important to know that time heals things and that, hopefully, a lot of these concerns and heartaches you have will be remedied with time.
As you are dating your future wife, you will come to a point where you will get to bring these concerns to the table. (Both general and specific concerns... general concerns=not feeling comfortable with friendships with men outside of marriage, etc). You will get a chance to communicate these issues. Remember that your future wife--whoever she is--will sincerely care about you and your feelings. She will treat you with compassion and mercy, and take the concerns that you have seriously. You will recognize that sincerity when you see it. You probably did not receive much of that (that kind of love/sincerity/compassion) from Kalina, and so maybe it's hard for you to realize that that's what (good) wives do: we treat our husbands with compassion and protect them and their feelings. Reminds me of something I read recently while studying Adam and Eve. We know that Eve is referred to as a help meet for Adam. Here's a quote about the phrase "help meet" --
The word help is translated from a Hebrew root meaning "to surround, to protect, and to aid." We have a stereotype of the man as the protector, but the wife also surrounds, protects, and aids her husband. The spirit and influence of wives and mothers make our homes places where we are surrounded by peace and love and protected from the contention, temptations, and opposition of the world. In this context, meet means "equal to, suitable for, becoming, right, fit, worthy, sufficient, competent, well-placed, necessary, proper, fulfilling, and satisfying. Eve was all of this to Adam. She was equal to him. She was suitable, becoming, and of value. Her help and companionship were right. She was fit, worthy, sufficient, and competent. She was well-placed beside Adam, a necessary and proper companion. Her help was fulfilling and brought satisfaction.
Have faith that you will find a woman like that. I know that you will.
About your specific concerns with Cassandra:
The friends on Facebook--I know Facebook played a significant role in the downfall of your marriage to Kalina, but I wouldn't worry about it too much with Cassandra. I'm sure that most people on her Facebook she barely ever communicates with. I know you're pretty selective with who you become friends with on Facebook, but a lot of people aren't. I don't care about or communicate with probably half of my Facebook friends. You can share passwords with your significant other. The woman who you'll marry will not have serious friendships with men outside of marriage... as you are dating her it should naturally happen for her to just stop talking with other guys. I also doubt that your wife will have a bunch of friendships that you're not privy too... because your standards are pretty high (you're not going to settle this time ;). You will weed out the "losers" in the dating process.
Bossy-ness--it is really normal for older siblings to "boss" younger ones around. I'm sure Emily would call me bossy too. And I've seen you boss Dan around a number of times :) So, don't hold that against her.
I truthfully don't know Sammi well at all, so I can't really give much of an opinion there. I do know that she intends on going on a mission, and I hope that she does get to. I think you should continue to be friends with her, but wouldn't encourage you to pursue anything with her. Just let things happen naturally.
One more thought. A while ago I was reading on an LDS parenting blog. A mom wrote in to say that she was terribly lonely because her husband worked a lot and she had a toddler and didn't have many friends. I could relate to her... sometimes mothering can be pretty lonely, when you're at home a lot. I loved the advice that was given by a mom of 11 children --
I've discovered over my lifetime, that there are some lonely seasons. I've gone through them. I've watched my children go through them. I think they serve a purpose. We really learn compassion when we experience that isolated feeling. We don't like to see someone sitting alone. We are motivated to teach our children how to notice and include people. But more than even these valuable lessons, I think we really discover the reality of a Heavenly Father. I've never felt closer to him than during those times when I've run out of places to turn. The more lonely I've felt, the more open I've been to his love. Maybe it's just that we have to be really empty before we recognize how it feels to be filled. Certainly, those times of isolation and need have deepened my testimony more than the times of feast.
You're definitely in the midst of a lonely season, but remember that it's only a short season of your life. Learn from it what you can; I know you're working very hard to do just that. Heavenly Father is working miracles in your life every day and someday you'll see that all of your experiences, the good and the bad, will lead you to your future wife. It will be worth the wait!
Hope you had a good flight.
And then this morning, his reply was:
Thanks for the lengthy reply. There's a lot in there. It's constructive.
I was never worried about my wife cheating on me. There was that weird thing where she seemed to start having feelings (maybe just feelings of empathy) for that guy by the name of Jake who worked at Shopko and showed up at the Comfort Inn one night, talking with Kal about stuff on a pretty personal level. I had feelings of jealousy at the time, because this was all new to me and something didn't feel right about it. Now I know that it shouldn't have been okay with her for this guy to show up and shoot the breeze for several hours. I usually sense very quickly when I'm talking to someone I shouldn't be talking to or when I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. She must have ignored those feelings when they came to her, or she just didn't recognize them. But, never ever was I concerned about her cheating on me. Yep, no doubt this is a trust issue. And I don't know how it can be rebuilt without being in another relationship. But that's okay, because I can take the time necessary to rebuild it when the opportunity arises. I do think that you are right, that I never (other than while dating I guess) really felt the love, compassion, and sincerity that is meant to be felt in a marriage. What a lame relationship to have. I am excited to have love, compassion, and sincerity in my marriage and to be able to have someone else feel love, compassion, and sincerity through my love. I need me an Eve :)
I had an impression/feeling tonight that I'd like to share. After boarding my flight, I re-read that weird email Cassandra sent me. I felt like I needed to see if there was something I was missing from it or something i didn't pick up on. I've already read it several times using different tones in my head to see if it would make better sense when read with one tone of voice instead of another. After I read it a time or two, it didn't mean anything different, but I got the feeling (received an impression) that said "hey, this girl likes you. She likes you." This feeling came with a dose of peace. It was unique and it spoke peace to my mind. I felt calm. And then my mind was free to move on to other things. I pulled out my iPod, listened to some Lund, then moved onto my iPad, watched some Psych, and then I tried to catch some z's. Not exactly a comfortable flight, but it was decent.
When I landed in San Diego, i went to the baggage claim with Matt and Marlin. I was sitting down, whipped out my ipad, and checked my email. Alas, a reply from Cassandra that was sent only minutes before. Literally, minutes. It's nothing spectacular, but it is something. Finally! And what's really neat is that I'm now friends with Michelle and Jessica on Facebook. I think this is good...Being friends with the friends. Here's what Cassandra had to say:
Wow, some of those [pictures] turned out pretty good! some others...not so much...might need replacing.
You actaully owe all four of the Lillrose girls Culver's shakes. We all had the same bet.
How's sunny CA? When are you going to be working back on the east side of MI? Sarnia's only 59 min from my front door, you should let me know when you're over there.
-Cassandra
So...she wants a visit. Cool. Ha, and all four Lillrose girls were in on this. Imagine how big of a douche they would take me for if I still hadn't brought this up yet. Golly. And this means that Cassandra had spread the word to all her sisters that she was going out with me that night. That doesn't mean much for Savannah and Sammi, but it does mean that she went out of her way to talk to Tiffany about it. And the topic of their conversation was "is Mike finally going to tell you that he was married/is divorced?"
That's all I've got for tonight. Mon thru Thursday I have class from 8-3 with some degree of variance I'm sure. California time zone, 3 hrs difference.
I rented a convertible mustang :) it's kind of cool.
And so now we're caught up. Mike's funny. Jake and I are glad to be there to help.
Church, Sunday Drive, Photo Shoot
Saturday night we actually stayed up way too late watching Parks and Rec. It's a funny show!
Lila was up at 7:30 again. We felt dumb for staying up too late watching Parks and Rec :)
Church was good. Standard. Jake took Lila to the nursing home during 2nd hour. She fell asleep on the way back to church, so he drove around and looked at some of the neighborhoods/houses we were thinking about viewing. Then he sat in the car and waited for me for a half hour. I didn't know he was out there after church, so I just went to choir. (He had my phone in the diaper bag.) Jake finally came in to get me. We had lunch and then he was gone home teaching for 2 hours. When he got home, Lila needed another nap, so we went driving to look at more houses. We checked out one in particular that we're interested in. Lila pooped big time on the way home. It was a fun way to spend the evening, driving around, visiting, relaxing.
Dinner was great. We made quesadillas. Played with Lila. She's walking a little better now and standing up more. Being more adventurous. And funny too. She's been a little better about eating and drinking this weekend. She doesn't necessarily eat food, but she's sucking on chips and crackers more than she used to, and on Saturday she drank an ounce or two of water from my water bottle and last night drank a lot of water out of my cup! We tried giving her a few sips of juice after that, but she made a sour face and stopped drinking after that. I'm thinking she has a weird food texture problem that may even require texture therapy (a form of occupational therapy... I've been doing some reading about it online). I'm going to talk to her doctor about it the next time we go in (in a few weeks).
After she went to bed at 9, we cleaned up and wrote some emails. Jake wrote our realtor about houses we'd like and wouldn't like to see. I wrote Mike. Mike is in California this week on business. I'll write a post about what's up with him later.
We were up late again, till almost midnight.
This morning Lila was up at 7:30 again (maybe this will be a regular thing now). At 10 we went to Kasey Hunt's house. She's starting a "photography club" and this month's (our first time "meeting") the theme was maternity. So we had Sonja Staples and Annette Shumway come to get their pictures taken (they're due on April 20th and 19th, respectively). I was super awesome and forgot my camera. :) So Kasey and Valerie Michalek did the pictures. Kasey's awesome. She had bagels from Panera and fun music and props. Alicia and Brig Thompson were there just to hang out, and later on Kendra Johnson and her kids came over. It was a fun morning just hanging out and visiting. I love all these fun women. Talked about buying houses with Sonja and Alicia. Sonja has been asking me for years now when we're finally going to buy a house here so she was excited to hear that we're going to.
Lila was exhausted by the time we left at noon and fell asleep within minutes. So I got some lunch and drove around and read my book while she slept for over an hour. And now, we're playing more with toys. She's a cutie.
Lila was up at 7:30 again. We felt dumb for staying up too late watching Parks and Rec :)
Church was good. Standard. Jake took Lila to the nursing home during 2nd hour. She fell asleep on the way back to church, so he drove around and looked at some of the neighborhoods/houses we were thinking about viewing. Then he sat in the car and waited for me for a half hour. I didn't know he was out there after church, so I just went to choir. (He had my phone in the diaper bag.) Jake finally came in to get me. We had lunch and then he was gone home teaching for 2 hours. When he got home, Lila needed another nap, so we went driving to look at more houses. We checked out one in particular that we're interested in. Lila pooped big time on the way home. It was a fun way to spend the evening, driving around, visiting, relaxing.
Dinner was great. We made quesadillas. Played with Lila. She's walking a little better now and standing up more. Being more adventurous. And funny too. She's been a little better about eating and drinking this weekend. She doesn't necessarily eat food, but she's sucking on chips and crackers more than she used to, and on Saturday she drank an ounce or two of water from my water bottle and last night drank a lot of water out of my cup! We tried giving her a few sips of juice after that, but she made a sour face and stopped drinking after that. I'm thinking she has a weird food texture problem that may even require texture therapy (a form of occupational therapy... I've been doing some reading about it online). I'm going to talk to her doctor about it the next time we go in (in a few weeks).
After she went to bed at 9, we cleaned up and wrote some emails. Jake wrote our realtor about houses we'd like and wouldn't like to see. I wrote Mike. Mike is in California this week on business. I'll write a post about what's up with him later.
We were up late again, till almost midnight.
This morning Lila was up at 7:30 again (maybe this will be a regular thing now). At 10 we went to Kasey Hunt's house. She's starting a "photography club" and this month's (our first time "meeting") the theme was maternity. So we had Sonja Staples and Annette Shumway come to get their pictures taken (they're due on April 20th and 19th, respectively). I was super awesome and forgot my camera. :) So Kasey and Valerie Michalek did the pictures. Kasey's awesome. She had bagels from Panera and fun music and props. Alicia and Brig Thompson were there just to hang out, and later on Kendra Johnson and her kids came over. It was a fun morning just hanging out and visiting. I love all these fun women. Talked about buying houses with Sonja and Alicia. Sonja has been asking me for years now when we're finally going to buy a house here so she was excited to hear that we're going to.
Lila was exhausted by the time we left at noon and fell asleep within minutes. So I got some lunch and drove around and read my book while she slept for over an hour. And now, we're playing more with toys. She's a cutie.
Battle Creek, Period, Jeggings, Houses, Dodgeball
Wednesday morning, Emily's landlord texted to say that her apartment had power again. She headed off to class. Lila refused to take her normal morning nap so she and I met Jake for lunch. She likes seeing him during the day. When we were done, we met Emily back at my place and from there drove to Battle Creek. Lila slept a little on the way. We dropped off Emily's application to their dental hygiene program. It was nice to see the campus and Emily was excited to have that done. Jake asked why I had to go with her, and I kind of wondered the same thing, but I was happy to do it. Emily tags along on a lot of the errands I run (and helps so much with the baby) that it's nice to be able to do something for/with her.
Emily went home after that. Jake, Lila, and I had dinner and then home taught the Hunts. (Jake's companion couldn't go, so we went with.) Waylon's a week older than Lila and walking all over the place. He's taller than Lila is--so big! After Lila went to bed, Jake and I watched Big Fish. I saw it when it first came out, but Jake never had. We enjoyed it and laughed a lot.
Oh, this is pretty exciting: I got my period on Wednesday night. It was a 48 day cycle (the only one I had before that was 33 days). We are so excited to get pregnant again.
Thursday, Lila and I went to the mall in the afternoon. For a while there, she was taking pretty regular naps (at 12 and 4, and then for a while at 11 and 3) but she's been fighting naps this week, so instead of just waiting around for her to nap, we went out. It was fun, actually. Lila did great at the mall. She was smiling and laughing at strangers--not a serious, stoic baby like she used to be. I got some fries at the food court and she happily sucked on a few for quite a while. Even as we walked around the mall, she sat back and relaxed in her stroller and sucked on them, which is a pretty big deal, for her. I dropped off my anniversary ring at the jeweler's (one of the little diamonds fell out) and got my eyebrows waxed (way overdue on that one), and looked around. I went to The Children's Place for the first time ever and was tempted to get Lila some cute shirts, but I'll wait until the weather is warmer. Who knows what size she'll be in a few months. She's outgrown most of her 18-month shirts and fits perfectly in 24 mo. shirts. But, I did find some jeggings (jean leggings) that are SO ADORABLE. I've been trying to find her a pair of jeans that will fit. I bought some 2T jeans at Kohl's but they wouldn't fit over her juicy thighs, so funny. So the 3T jeggings fit and they are absolutely adorable. I call her J. Lo when she wears them.
We saw two houses that night, and I really liked them both! They were both big ranches. The first had five bedrooms, a big basement. The second had a lot of updates and was really big too. But Jake's not a big fan of either. Sigh. So we'll keep looking, I guess. Rich was helpful... answered a lot of questions we had and had a lot of tips about buying houses and what to look for. So he scored some points with me.
By the time we were done with that, it was 7. Lila hadn't napped before we went out, but fell asleep in the car while we were driving. When she woke up we had dinner at Panera. She ate a teeny bit of my soup, we put some on a spoon for her to feed herself with. We've learned that Lila 1) will not eat if we feed her; she has to feed herself, and 2) she doesn't like mushy things. Like if I gave her a pretzel dipped in actual yogurt, she wouldn't eat it, but we got some yogurt-covered pretzels at the store yesterday and she'll occasionally suck on those. It has to be a "dry" texture. She did like the soup though, until a little piece of broccoli got into her mouth. Then she gagged and stopped eating. I think we let Lila stay up to watch The Office with us (mostly so that we could watch it together). Mike's big date was Thursday night. More on that later.
Friday, Jake met us at the pediatrician/lab near his work. Lila had to get a venous blood draw to re-check her lead levels. When children get their lead levels checked through finger pricks, 90% of the results are negative. But sometimes positive results can be false, so we needed to get a more accurate reading. It actually was a lot easier than the finger pricks, because they could collect the blood a lot faster. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. Jake's great. I'm glad he could come with and help out. He held Lila while that was happening.
After that, Lila fell asleep in the car. Jake went with me to grab some lunch and we picked up some donuts for his big work meeting that day (he was leading the meeting). So we got to visit a little bit. I made pizza for dinner. Mike stopped by for a little bit, then he and Emily went bowling and got shamrock shakes.
Saturday morning, Lila woke up early (7:30). We played in bed with her and then got ready for the dodgeball tournament. Got there at 9:30 for registration. It was at the Battle Creek chapel... a fundraiser for their boy scouts. Jake and Mike were originally going to play on Preston's team ("Special K"), but Mike's YM didn't have enough members ("Team X"), so they joined that team. I sat with Annette and Robyn Green and Kendra Johnson and enjoyed visiting with them. Lila took a nap in the mother's room (I rocked/nursed her to sleep, didn't take very long at all) and she slept for almost an hour. I read The Age of Innocence on Jake's iPhone while she slept. He brought me water and a hot dog. Jake's team won the whole tournament! Pretty funny! I was teasing Jake all morning because he's not the most athletic guy, but he did alright! It was a fun morning. Mike had fun carting Lila around. Lila enjoyed climbing stairs and wearing Jake's metal.
After that we went grocery shopping. Took showers when we got home and all took naps. Jake had Stake meetings from 5-11pm, so I was alone with Lila for the evening. We just hung out, played around. She was asleep at 9:30. For the rest of the evening, I worked on Lila's book (making a Blurb book with the letters I've written to her this year and pictures). When Jake got home (at 11 or after!), we talked about the Priesthood meeting. Good man, that Jake.
Emily went home after that. Jake, Lila, and I had dinner and then home taught the Hunts. (Jake's companion couldn't go, so we went with.) Waylon's a week older than Lila and walking all over the place. He's taller than Lila is--so big! After Lila went to bed, Jake and I watched Big Fish. I saw it when it first came out, but Jake never had. We enjoyed it and laughed a lot.
Oh, this is pretty exciting: I got my period on Wednesday night. It was a 48 day cycle (the only one I had before that was 33 days). We are so excited to get pregnant again.
Thursday, Lila and I went to the mall in the afternoon. For a while there, she was taking pretty regular naps (at 12 and 4, and then for a while at 11 and 3) but she's been fighting naps this week, so instead of just waiting around for her to nap, we went out. It was fun, actually. Lila did great at the mall. She was smiling and laughing at strangers--not a serious, stoic baby like she used to be. I got some fries at the food court and she happily sucked on a few for quite a while. Even as we walked around the mall, she sat back and relaxed in her stroller and sucked on them, which is a pretty big deal, for her. I dropped off my anniversary ring at the jeweler's (one of the little diamonds fell out) and got my eyebrows waxed (way overdue on that one), and looked around. I went to The Children's Place for the first time ever and was tempted to get Lila some cute shirts, but I'll wait until the weather is warmer. Who knows what size she'll be in a few months. She's outgrown most of her 18-month shirts and fits perfectly in 24 mo. shirts. But, I did find some jeggings (jean leggings) that are SO ADORABLE. I've been trying to find her a pair of jeans that will fit. I bought some 2T jeans at Kohl's but they wouldn't fit over her juicy thighs, so funny. So the 3T jeggings fit and they are absolutely adorable. I call her J. Lo when she wears them.
We saw two houses that night, and I really liked them both! They were both big ranches. The first had five bedrooms, a big basement. The second had a lot of updates and was really big too. But Jake's not a big fan of either. Sigh. So we'll keep looking, I guess. Rich was helpful... answered a lot of questions we had and had a lot of tips about buying houses and what to look for. So he scored some points with me.
By the time we were done with that, it was 7. Lila hadn't napped before we went out, but fell asleep in the car while we were driving. When she woke up we had dinner at Panera. She ate a teeny bit of my soup, we put some on a spoon for her to feed herself with. We've learned that Lila 1) will not eat if we feed her; she has to feed herself, and 2) she doesn't like mushy things. Like if I gave her a pretzel dipped in actual yogurt, she wouldn't eat it, but we got some yogurt-covered pretzels at the store yesterday and she'll occasionally suck on those. It has to be a "dry" texture. She did like the soup though, until a little piece of broccoli got into her mouth. Then she gagged and stopped eating. I think we let Lila stay up to watch The Office with us (mostly so that we could watch it together). Mike's big date was Thursday night. More on that later.
Friday, Jake met us at the pediatrician/lab near his work. Lila had to get a venous blood draw to re-check her lead levels. When children get their lead levels checked through finger pricks, 90% of the results are negative. But sometimes positive results can be false, so we needed to get a more accurate reading. It actually was a lot easier than the finger pricks, because they could collect the blood a lot faster. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. Jake's great. I'm glad he could come with and help out. He held Lila while that was happening.
After that, Lila fell asleep in the car. Jake went with me to grab some lunch and we picked up some donuts for his big work meeting that day (he was leading the meeting). So we got to visit a little bit. I made pizza for dinner. Mike stopped by for a little bit, then he and Emily went bowling and got shamrock shakes.
After that we went grocery shopping. Took showers when we got home and all took naps. Jake had Stake meetings from 5-11pm, so I was alone with Lila for the evening. We just hung out, played around. She was asleep at 9:30. For the rest of the evening, I worked on Lila's book (making a Blurb book with the letters I've written to her this year and pictures). When Jake got home (at 11 or after!), we talked about the Priesthood meeting. Good man, that Jake.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Anemia, Lead Levels, and a Hot Date for Mike
Jake's campus/office was officially closed yesterday, but he went into work there anyway. Most of his co-workers did too. The weather wasn't terrible, but things were still icy and a lot of the city was still without power. Emily had slept over, so we hung out in the morning and while Lila took her morning nap. She's a good baby. A little crankier than normal right now, but still a good, sweet baby.
Emily originally wanted to drive to Battle Creek to drop off her application to their dental hygiene program but I didn't want to drive there because of the roads/weather. But she really wanted to go out, so we decided to stay in town. I was originally going to drive to the mall, but major intersections were without power and had police cars everywhere, so we went down West Main. Right as we pulled out of the apartment complex, Dr. LaRue (Lila's pediatrican) called with the results of Lila's blood work. She is anemic and we'll have to have her take iron supplements and vitamins to correct that. But what was more surprising/weird is that her lead levels are elevated! We have no idea how that happened. Jake did some reading online and it's possible that it's innacurate because it was just from a finger prick (I think that's what he read). But we live in a newly renovated apartment--we're the first people to live her. She doesn't have old toys or spend time in old homes. So I have no idea. A "lead nurse" from the health department is supposed to contact me soon to talk about it. So weird. That whole phone call made me pretty upset. I feel so bad for Lila. I wish she would just eat food.
After that we went to the pharmacy to pick up her vitamins and supplement and then went to Kohl's so I could make some exhanges. Headed home and it took an hour to get Lila down for her nap. She was fighting sleep a lot.
Jake got home and we had dinner (hamburger helper, corn muffins, and peaches). We also gave her her iron supplement mixed in with some orange juice and had to force her to take it. She was really upset after that and completely refused any food we offered her at dinner. She sat on Jake's lap for the last half of dinner and fed him with a fork, which was pretty adorable.
He took off for his church meeting. Emily and I played with the baby. I put her in her bouncer--she hasn't been in that in a long time. Lila started climbing over the top of the loveseat and probably would have fallen off head-first if I hadn't stopped her. We played peek-a-boo and practiced walking. At around 7:45 she hit a wall and wanted to go to bed immediately. So we got her ready for bed and she was asleep around 8:30.
After that, we had some cookies and I wrote Lila's letter, which took a while and seemed like more work than usual. Looked at pictures on Facebook of a girl from Kalamazoo who was one of my YW when we first moved here. She had a baby right after she graduated high school (not married). What a life that would be.
Jake got home at 11. We had a talk about marriage. I'm just way too sensitive lately, I think, and a little down. I think I have a mild seasonal depression type thing. Nothing serious... but the weather really does affect my mood and happiness. We read a little from the handbook. Jake just loves that handbook :)
The "big" news of the evening was about Mike -- in his words:
Okay, finally some good news. So, I went to the Detroit temple tonight. I have work on this side of the state in the morning, so I went and picked up a hotel room. On my elevator ride up to my room, I received an answer to my prayers, a blessing for temple service (well, really it was a text message from Cassandy). Meanwhile, I was getting ready and going out with one of my coworkers, so the conversation wasn’t as fluid as it would have been if I was just sitting around. But this was kind of fun. And really exciting. Enjoy...confidentially. (Oh, and as a disclaimer, I do recognize that creamation is spelt wrong, but I was just going off of the way she spelt creamate, so I take no responsibility for that one) Here goes:
Cassandra @ 9:06pm: So I drove through battle creek yesterday on my way home. You guys really got hit with that ice storm! Did people lose power? We did…
Mike @ 9:41pm: Yeah! Lots of people lost power. Lost it at work too. How long were you without power? So you’re home now?
Cassandra @ 9:51pm: We still don’t have power, maybe not til Friday morning. I leave Friday.
Mike @ 10:02pm: Wow. Do you have a generator or are you staying somewhere else? Where are you leaving to?
Cassandra @ 10:03pm: We’ve got a wood stove and a generator. It’s reading week at school and they let us take it off, so I’m in Kalamazoo, Friday I head back to Canada.
Mike @ 10:08pm: That’s good. What on earth is reading week? Are you going home Friday morning or evening?
Cassandra @ 10:11pm: Morning. It’s what Canadians do instead of spring break…a whole week to study midterms.
Mike @ 10:18pm: That’s pretty neat. I think I’d rather be done with midterms before “spring break” and not mix the two though. I actually have Friday off. Would you like to do something Thursday night?
Cassandra @ 10:25pm: I’m game for that…what would you have in mind?
Mike @ 10:31pm: Hmm. I haven’t really thought this through. We could go bowling…
Mike @ 10:33pm: Or to a movie. Or sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, or we could play skip bo.
Mike @ 10:36pm: I’m also open to any suggestions if you have them :)
Cassandra @ 10:37pm: …we could do pretty much anything that involves ice…as long as it also involves hot chocolate. Even a movie. :)
Cassandra @ 10:41pm: I haven’t been had skating in a while, that’d be fun (I typed this out verbatim...so, just a slip I guess. Haha, “I haven’t been had skating in a while”...lol).
Mike @ 10:42pm: Oh my. I can try it. I haven’t skated in at least a decade.
Mike @ 10:45pm: We could hold some sort of an ice vigil ceremony for all of the trees that got toppled by the ice storm. That would warrant some hot cocoa.
Cassandra @ 10:45pm: And you call yourself a U-per…Isn’t that some kind of oxymoron?
Cassandra @ 10:47pm: Haha! I like that idea. Maybe we should creamate them.
Mike @ 10:48pm: No. We go snowmobiling in the UP. Not ice skating. But fishing is mandatory up there. And yeah, a creamation service would be very touching.
Cassandra @ 10:51pm: Just found out we’ve got a leak in the barn. Gotta run. Let me know when you want to meet up Thursday. Goodnight :)
Mike @ 11:23pm: Yikes! Good luck with that leak. I’ll get back with you about the time tomorrow. Goodnight!
Emily originally wanted to drive to Battle Creek to drop off her application to their dental hygiene program but I didn't want to drive there because of the roads/weather. But she really wanted to go out, so we decided to stay in town. I was originally going to drive to the mall, but major intersections were without power and had police cars everywhere, so we went down West Main. Right as we pulled out of the apartment complex, Dr. LaRue (Lila's pediatrican) called with the results of Lila's blood work. She is anemic and we'll have to have her take iron supplements and vitamins to correct that. But what was more surprising/weird is that her lead levels are elevated! We have no idea how that happened. Jake did some reading online and it's possible that it's innacurate because it was just from a finger prick (I think that's what he read). But we live in a newly renovated apartment--we're the first people to live her. She doesn't have old toys or spend time in old homes. So I have no idea. A "lead nurse" from the health department is supposed to contact me soon to talk about it. So weird. That whole phone call made me pretty upset. I feel so bad for Lila. I wish she would just eat food.
After that we went to the pharmacy to pick up her vitamins and supplement and then went to Kohl's so I could make some exhanges. Headed home and it took an hour to get Lila down for her nap. She was fighting sleep a lot.
Jake got home and we had dinner (hamburger helper, corn muffins, and peaches). We also gave her her iron supplement mixed in with some orange juice and had to force her to take it. She was really upset after that and completely refused any food we offered her at dinner. She sat on Jake's lap for the last half of dinner and fed him with a fork, which was pretty adorable.
He took off for his church meeting. Emily and I played with the baby. I put her in her bouncer--she hasn't been in that in a long time. Lila started climbing over the top of the loveseat and probably would have fallen off head-first if I hadn't stopped her. We played peek-a-boo and practiced walking. At around 7:45 she hit a wall and wanted to go to bed immediately. So we got her ready for bed and she was asleep around 8:30.
After that, we had some cookies and I wrote Lila's letter, which took a while and seemed like more work than usual. Looked at pictures on Facebook of a girl from Kalamazoo who was one of my YW when we first moved here. She had a baby right after she graduated high school (not married). What a life that would be.
Jake got home at 11. We had a talk about marriage. I'm just way too sensitive lately, I think, and a little down. I think I have a mild seasonal depression type thing. Nothing serious... but the weather really does affect my mood and happiness. We read a little from the handbook. Jake just loves that handbook :)
The "big" news of the evening was about Mike -- in his words:
Okay, finally some good news. So, I went to the Detroit temple tonight. I have work on this side of the state in the morning, so I went and picked up a hotel room. On my elevator ride up to my room, I received an answer to my prayers, a blessing for temple service (well, really it was a text message from Cassandy). Meanwhile, I was getting ready and going out with one of my coworkers, so the conversation wasn’t as fluid as it would have been if I was just sitting around. But this was kind of fun. And really exciting. Enjoy...confidentially. (Oh, and as a disclaimer, I do recognize that creamation is spelt wrong, but I was just going off of the way she spelt creamate, so I take no responsibility for that one) Here goes:
Cassandra @ 9:06pm: So I drove through battle creek yesterday on my way home. You guys really got hit with that ice storm! Did people lose power? We did…
Mike @ 9:41pm: Yeah! Lots of people lost power. Lost it at work too. How long were you without power? So you’re home now?
Cassandra @ 9:51pm: We still don’t have power, maybe not til Friday morning. I leave Friday.
Mike @ 10:02pm: Wow. Do you have a generator or are you staying somewhere else? Where are you leaving to?
Cassandra @ 10:03pm: We’ve got a wood stove and a generator. It’s reading week at school and they let us take it off, so I’m in Kalamazoo, Friday I head back to Canada.
Mike @ 10:08pm: That’s good. What on earth is reading week? Are you going home Friday morning or evening?
Cassandra @ 10:11pm: Morning. It’s what Canadians do instead of spring break…a whole week to study midterms.
Mike @ 10:18pm: That’s pretty neat. I think I’d rather be done with midterms before “spring break” and not mix the two though. I actually have Friday off. Would you like to do something Thursday night?
Cassandra @ 10:25pm: I’m game for that…what would you have in mind?
Mike @ 10:31pm: Hmm. I haven’t really thought this through. We could go bowling…
Mike @ 10:33pm: Or to a movie. Or sledding, ice skating, ice fishing, or we could play skip bo.
Mike @ 10:36pm: I’m also open to any suggestions if you have them :)
Cassandra @ 10:37pm: …we could do pretty much anything that involves ice…as long as it also involves hot chocolate. Even a movie. :)
Cassandra @ 10:41pm: I haven’t been had skating in a while, that’d be fun (I typed this out verbatim...so, just a slip I guess. Haha, “I haven’t been had skating in a while”...lol).
Mike @ 10:42pm: Oh my. I can try it. I haven’t skated in at least a decade.
Mike @ 10:45pm: We could hold some sort of an ice vigil ceremony for all of the trees that got toppled by the ice storm. That would warrant some hot cocoa.
Cassandra @ 10:45pm: And you call yourself a U-per…Isn’t that some kind of oxymoron?
Cassandra @ 10:47pm: Haha! I like that idea. Maybe we should creamate them.
Mike @ 10:48pm: No. We go snowmobiling in the UP. Not ice skating. But fishing is mandatory up there. And yeah, a creamation service would be very touching.
Cassandra @ 10:51pm: Just found out we’ve got a leak in the barn. Gotta run. Let me know when you want to meet up Thursday. Goodnight :)
Mike @ 11:23pm: Yikes! Good luck with that leak. I’ll get back with you about the time tomorrow. Goodnight!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Ice, Ice Baby
Kalamazoo was hit with a big ice storm on Sunday evening (which is why Jake's meeting was cancelled). Emily lost power at midnight. It's a pretty hilarious story, actually. She lost power and then her toilet overflowed. She didn't have any candles--all she had was a small flashlight. So she had to clean up the flooded bathroom with just the flashlight between her knees. And then she couldn't have her fan on, which helps block her neighbor's snoring. (A big, black man lives right next door... her apartment is in a big house from the 1860's, so poor insulation between apartments.) So she had to sleep on her couch because the snoring was so loud. And then she woke up in the morning (still no electricity) and couldn't open her car because it was frozen shut. She called my mom crying because she was going to be late for school. My mom then told her that school was closed, lol. Mom and I thought it was a pretty funny story, anyway. :)
Around 39,000 people in the county are without power still. Emily came over in the afternoon and spent the night. We're guessing that her apartment is still without power, so she'll probably spend the night again. Jake's office was closed so he worked from home. He's not a big fan of that because we distract him. He took several breaks to play with us, which was nice.
Lila had a good nap day. Both of her naps were around an hour and a half long, which is unusual for her.
We did showers. We tried setting Lila down in the bath but she freaked out. Was arching her back and hitting her head on the tub. I don't know what the deal is... she hates baths now unless we're holding her in the shower. I wonder if she'll outgrow this. We certainly can't be carrying her for much longer in the shower! She's heavy!
It took Lila a little while to fall asleep, but she did it without nursing. She moaned and talked to herself and eventually passed out laying on her tummy. I read "The Age of Innocence" on Jake's iPhone while she did that. We watched a few episodes of Parks and Rec (we're going to give that show a try). Emily made some cookies. We had an FHE lesson from the church handbook (per Jake's request).
Jake and I have been getting on each others' nerves lately! lol. We're just bugging each other. So we decided to call it a truce for this week. Jake's obsessed with talking about things immediately as they happen, but it's just not helping anything right now, so I suggested that we just stop bringing up annoying things that the other is doing for the rest of the week.
Around 39,000 people in the county are without power still. Emily came over in the afternoon and spent the night. We're guessing that her apartment is still without power, so she'll probably spend the night again. Jake's office was closed so he worked from home. He's not a big fan of that because we distract him. He took several breaks to play with us, which was nice.
Lila had a good nap day. Both of her naps were around an hour and a half long, which is unusual for her.
We did showers. We tried setting Lila down in the bath but she freaked out. Was arching her back and hitting her head on the tub. I don't know what the deal is... she hates baths now unless we're holding her in the shower. I wonder if she'll outgrow this. We certainly can't be carrying her for much longer in the shower! She's heavy!
It took Lila a little while to fall asleep, but she did it without nursing. She moaned and talked to herself and eventually passed out laying on her tummy. I read "The Age of Innocence" on Jake's iPhone while she did that. We watched a few episodes of Parks and Rec (we're going to give that show a try). Emily made some cookies. We had an FHE lesson from the church handbook (per Jake's request).
Jake and I have been getting on each others' nerves lately! lol. We're just bugging each other. So we decided to call it a truce for this week. Jake's obsessed with talking about things immediately as they happen, but it's just not helping anything right now, so I suggested that we just stop bringing up annoying things that the other is doing for the rest of the week.
Letters to Lila: 11 months
Dear Lila,
You are 11 months old today, my little munchkin. I can't believe it's been 11 whole months since you joined our family, and I especially can't believe that in just one month you'll be a year old. Before we had you, we were warned over and over that it goes by so quickly. We had no idea how true that was until we had you! Right now you're in bed. Aunt Emily and I are in the living room, Dad is at his weekly church meeting. We had a bad ice storm hit us on Sunday night and Aunt Emily's apartment has been without power since then and it won't be restored until Thursday! So she's camping out at our place, and we're happy to have her. Dad worked from home yesterday and it was so nice to be able to have a little time with him during the day.
I feel like we laid low this month, but we did manage to stay pretty busy. We've done a lot of the standard: spending time with Uncle Mike and Aunt Emily. They like to visit you and play with you. If Auntie Em hasn't seen you for a few days, she tells me she misses you and wants to come over to see you. Uncle Jim, Aunt Angela, and cousin Emily joined us for Sunday dinner. Uncle Dan came to visit once too. We Skype with Granny and Papa (my parents) often and you love that. You get excited and point right at their faces on the screen. You love it when they play with the doggie and when Papa sings to you. You generally love computers--especially "typing" on them. Your favorite button is the Caps Lock because it has a little light on it; you gentle press it with your index finger to turn it on and off. You love to pull my clothes out of my dresser drawer (it's right at your height) and do so at every opportunity. (I don't mind at all--it keeps you occupied while I get ready for the day!) You go with Daddy to visit old people in nursing homes every Sunday, and they love seeing you so much.
Your love of books has grown immensely this past month. You definitely prefer looking at books to playing with toys. We're trying to add more and more board books to our personal library and check them out at the public library for you too. When we sit down to read, I lay out three in front of you and you pick the one you want to read. A lot of times you just like to turn the pages with your little thumb and look at the pictures. Books can hold your interest for a half hour or more.
Your sense of humor has developed a lot this month, too. When Dad and I make funny faces at you (we open our mouths, stick our tongues out, and say, "Blahhh"), you'll open your mouth and say, "Ahh" at us. You play peek-a-boo with us when you have a blanket. Just tonight, before bed, you and I were giggling at each other as we made funny faces together. It was awesome. You really aren't the serious baby you used to be. You're always smiling at us and scrunching up your little nose. You like to wave at us and follow us around the apartment. You're still crawling really well and cruising along furniture. A favorite game of ours right now is helping you practice walking. Dad and I will sit a few feet away from each other on the floor and we'll have you "walk" to us. It is so much fun for us! Occasionally you'll actually take a step or two, but usually you just fall forward and let us catch you. And then we cheer and clap and give you hugs and kisses; you love all the attention and excitement. It's a blast.
You're talking a lot more, though most of it is gibberish still. You say "mama" and "dada" on command. When I ask you where "dada" is, you look around the room for him. You still say "dodd'n" a lot, though we're still not quite sure what it means. It might mean dad or dog. Your new favorite thing to say is "duck-a-din dodd'n." Sometimes when we ask you to say "cock-a-doodle-doo" you will try your hardest to say it.
You had a bad cold this month that lasted a few weeks. It started with a fever--your first one. You were pretty miserable for a while, but you're pulling out of it now. Dad and I were sick too and it was pretty depressing around our house for a while. You have a tooth cutting through right now (your eighth one) and that's made you pretty crabby. We took you to the doctor's for a check-up and you are still above the 97th percentile for both height and weight. At 11 months, you weigh 27 1/2 pounds and are 31 inches tall. You really hate going to the doctor's office, especially being weighed and measured and having your ears checked. You're not a big fan of shots either.
You've become a lot more affectionate with Dad and I. Your version of a hug and kiss involves you pressing your face or forehead against our faces. It's a little uncomfortable on the receiving end, but completely adorable and we love it.
You're starting to become much more opinionated, especially about the things you don't like. You've started hating baths. When we set you in one, you scream and cry hysterically and have started throwing yourself backwards and hitting your head. So lately we've been showering with you and have to hold you the whole time. We sure hope it's something you'll grow out of eventually. You also are still not eating food! I could worry about this a lot, but I've decided to just relax. I don't want to fight about food with you and know that you'll eat when you're ready. We offer you a variety of foods every day, but you are generally not interested. At all. You'll nibble on crackers or chips or noodles still, but you lose interest quickly. You do love to feed Dad with a fork, though. I pray often that you'll start to eat soon. I want you to be healthy and normal and happy.
I love you so much Lila. I was thinking recently, since celebrating Valentine's day, how different the concept of love is to me now that I have you. It sounds silly to say, but I'm in love with you. I'm head-over-heels in love with you. Not in a romantic way, of course, but in a special way that only exists between mothers and daughters. When I hear love songs on the radio, I think about you. I look at pictures of you while you're sleeping because I miss having you near me. A few weeks before you were due, I was driving home from grocery shopping and heard the song "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train on the radio for the first time. It's a fun, silly love song, and I knew at that moment it would always be "Lila's song." It was a beautiful spring day, unseasonably warm and the sun was shining. I was so happy driving down the road, because the song made me think of you, my "soul sister" and daughter. I was so happy that I would have a daughter to dance with and play with and spend my days with. And then, after I had you, the words in the song meant so much more to me. "The smell of you in every dream I dream... watching you is the only drug I need... I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided is one of my kind.." Our souls have indeed collided, Lila, and you are definitely one of my kind.
Hugs and kisses,
Love,
Mama
You are 11 months old today, my little munchkin. I can't believe it's been 11 whole months since you joined our family, and I especially can't believe that in just one month you'll be a year old. Before we had you, we were warned over and over that it goes by so quickly. We had no idea how true that was until we had you! Right now you're in bed. Aunt Emily and I are in the living room, Dad is at his weekly church meeting. We had a bad ice storm hit us on Sunday night and Aunt Emily's apartment has been without power since then and it won't be restored until Thursday! So she's camping out at our place, and we're happy to have her. Dad worked from home yesterday and it was so nice to be able to have a little time with him during the day.
I feel like we laid low this month, but we did manage to stay pretty busy. We've done a lot of the standard: spending time with Uncle Mike and Aunt Emily. They like to visit you and play with you. If Auntie Em hasn't seen you for a few days, she tells me she misses you and wants to come over to see you. Uncle Jim, Aunt Angela, and cousin Emily joined us for Sunday dinner. Uncle Dan came to visit once too. We Skype with Granny and Papa (my parents) often and you love that. You get excited and point right at their faces on the screen. You love it when they play with the doggie and when Papa sings to you. You generally love computers--especially "typing" on them. Your favorite button is the Caps Lock because it has a little light on it; you gentle press it with your index finger to turn it on and off. You love to pull my clothes out of my dresser drawer (it's right at your height) and do so at every opportunity. (I don't mind at all--it keeps you occupied while I get ready for the day!) You go with Daddy to visit old people in nursing homes every Sunday, and they love seeing you so much.
Your love of books has grown immensely this past month. You definitely prefer looking at books to playing with toys. We're trying to add more and more board books to our personal library and check them out at the public library for you too. When we sit down to read, I lay out three in front of you and you pick the one you want to read. A lot of times you just like to turn the pages with your little thumb and look at the pictures. Books can hold your interest for a half hour or more.
Your sense of humor has developed a lot this month, too. When Dad and I make funny faces at you (we open our mouths, stick our tongues out, and say, "Blahhh"), you'll open your mouth and say, "Ahh" at us. You play peek-a-boo with us when you have a blanket. Just tonight, before bed, you and I were giggling at each other as we made funny faces together. It was awesome. You really aren't the serious baby you used to be. You're always smiling at us and scrunching up your little nose. You like to wave at us and follow us around the apartment. You're still crawling really well and cruising along furniture. A favorite game of ours right now is helping you practice walking. Dad and I will sit a few feet away from each other on the floor and we'll have you "walk" to us. It is so much fun for us! Occasionally you'll actually take a step or two, but usually you just fall forward and let us catch you. And then we cheer and clap and give you hugs and kisses; you love all the attention and excitement. It's a blast.
You're talking a lot more, though most of it is gibberish still. You say "mama" and "dada" on command. When I ask you where "dada" is, you look around the room for him. You still say "dodd'n" a lot, though we're still not quite sure what it means. It might mean dad or dog. Your new favorite thing to say is "duck-a-din dodd'n." Sometimes when we ask you to say "cock-a-doodle-doo" you will try your hardest to say it.
You had a bad cold this month that lasted a few weeks. It started with a fever--your first one. You were pretty miserable for a while, but you're pulling out of it now. Dad and I were sick too and it was pretty depressing around our house for a while. You have a tooth cutting through right now (your eighth one) and that's made you pretty crabby. We took you to the doctor's for a check-up and you are still above the 97th percentile for both height and weight. At 11 months, you weigh 27 1/2 pounds and are 31 inches tall. You really hate going to the doctor's office, especially being weighed and measured and having your ears checked. You're not a big fan of shots either.
You've become a lot more affectionate with Dad and I. Your version of a hug and kiss involves you pressing your face or forehead against our faces. It's a little uncomfortable on the receiving end, but completely adorable and we love it.
You're starting to become much more opinionated, especially about the things you don't like. You've started hating baths. When we set you in one, you scream and cry hysterically and have started throwing yourself backwards and hitting your head. So lately we've been showering with you and have to hold you the whole time. We sure hope it's something you'll grow out of eventually. You also are still not eating food! I could worry about this a lot, but I've decided to just relax. I don't want to fight about food with you and know that you'll eat when you're ready. We offer you a variety of foods every day, but you are generally not interested. At all. You'll nibble on crackers or chips or noodles still, but you lose interest quickly. You do love to feed Dad with a fork, though. I pray often that you'll start to eat soon. I want you to be healthy and normal and happy.
I love you so much Lila. I was thinking recently, since celebrating Valentine's day, how different the concept of love is to me now that I have you. It sounds silly to say, but I'm in love with you. I'm head-over-heels in love with you. Not in a romantic way, of course, but in a special way that only exists between mothers and daughters. When I hear love songs on the radio, I think about you. I look at pictures of you while you're sleeping because I miss having you near me. A few weeks before you were due, I was driving home from grocery shopping and heard the song "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train on the radio for the first time. It's a fun, silly love song, and I knew at that moment it would always be "Lila's song." It was a beautiful spring day, unseasonably warm and the sun was shining. I was so happy driving down the road, because the song made me think of you, my "soul sister" and daughter. I was so happy that I would have a daughter to dance with and play with and spend my days with. And then, after I had you, the words in the song meant so much more to me. "The smell of you in every dream I dream... watching you is the only drug I need... I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided is one of my kind.." Our souls have indeed collided, Lila, and you are definitely one of my kind.
Hugs and kisses,
Love,
Mama
Monday, February 21, 2011
Lila's 11-month Stats, Rich the Realtor, the Roaring '20s
Tuesday night, Jake came home all excited because Josh Little referred him to a Realtor. Talked really highly about him. I was hesitant because we've spent a lot of time with Dawn and I really like her. We were set to see 5 houses with Dawn on Wednesday night. We debated for a while wondering if we should cancel with her or tell her, thought maybe she would want us to sign a buyers agreement with her that night. But we decided to stick with it.
I was really hoping that one of those houses would be awesome, but I don't think any of them was "the one." Jake seemed to be getting into it more, though. That's a good thing. We grabbed dinner after we were done and then headed home.
Thursday we spent at home, as usual. Emailed back and forth with Mike a little bit. He's worried about girl stuff, as usual. We told him to calm down, as usual. :) Also called a few banks to find out what their rates/fees were for mortgages. Thursday night we watched The Office and Parks and Rec after Lila went to bed.
Friday afternoon Lila had her 9-month check-up (even though she's almost 11 months... Jake's Maestro insurance didn't kick in until February 15th). Jake met us there. We were there for almost 2 hours. I'm so glad Jake was there--it was so nice having help! Lila hates the doctor's. She cries and cries. The worst parts was when she got her measurements taken and when the doctor checked her ears. Took her a while to calm down after that. Her measurements -- she weighed around 27 1/2 pounds and was 31 inches tall, can't remember her head measurement off the top of my head, but she was above the 97th percentile in all categories. Doctor didn't have much to say about her not eating food yet... so I still don't know where to stand on that issue. Guess I'll do some more reading online. He wanted to check her iron levels since she's not eating food, so we had to get her finger pricked and she didn't like that either. So it was a long and pretty un-fun visit to the doctor's!
Jake worked from home after that, and at 4:45 we left to meet with Rich the Realtor. Jake likes him a lot and wants to continue to work with him. I still don't understand what Rich can do for us that Dawn can't... but if it helps Jake feel more comfortable buying a house, then that's ok. We sent him the list of houses we've seen so far and what we liked/didn't like about them, and found 4-5 more to look at, and we'll do that with him on Thursday evening.
After that we went out for our traditional Valentine's Chinese dinner. We ordered crab rangoon and what is essentially Filipino pancit and it was delish. Lila did well at the restaurant. Sucked on a few crackers and noodles, and a ton of food ended up on the floor underneath her chair. It was a nice date and I'm glad we went.
After Lila went to bed, we watched The Illusionist. It had come from Netflix. Jake Googled it on the way home to find out more about it he'd never heard of it) and said that it was an animated movie! I had sworn that it had Jessica Biel in it. So we were bummed because we didn't want to watch a cartoon. But when we got home I checked and it was the one with Jessica Biel.
Saturday morning we went to the chapel for a little bit to clean; we had been assigned to do that. The Bishop and his wife had gone early and spent 2 hours cleaning so there was barely anything to do when we got there! That was pretty awesome. We went to Kohl's after that to get some pants for Lila (she has outgrown her 18-month pants). We picked up presents for Desiree and Annette's baby showers and a jacket for Jake too.
After Lila's morning nap we went grocery shopping. Lila napped again and then Mike came over and we headed to Candace Laughead's 29th birthday party. The theme was Roaring '20s. We're not particularly close with the Laugheads, but I figured we'd better start going to more things or we're going to stop getting invitations. We were the only ones there for a little while, but after a while there were a ton of people there. So it was fun visiting. Lila sucked on a cracker and a tortilla chip for a while, but didn't actually eat anything. I'm glad we went.
Went home, got ready for church the next day. Lila fell asleep pretty quickly. I was so bored after she went to bed because Jake was doing work stuff. I took a shower and Jake blow dried my hair for me. :)
Church went well. It was our first normal Sunday in a while, because Lila was sick the past 3 weeks. Lila did pretty well during Sacrament meeting. She usually does. She looked at books (she loves turning pages with her thumb--it's so cute--and looking at pictures). I tried giving her some snacks but she was not interested. Primary went well. Jake had Lila the whole time, except for when she pooped and I changed her diaper in the full mother's room. During Sacrament meeting, both Jake and I looked at all the babies and thought about how much we want another one. I've had two periods so far since I started nursing, one in December and January, and after I got one in the beginning of February, we were going to start trying. But, of course, I haven't gotten one this month yet (not pregnant). So, we're just going to be patient and wait it out and trust in Heavenly Father's timing. It will all work out when it's supposed to, just as it did with Lila. And I'm still a little hesitant to get pregnant again because she's not eating yet. So, this is fine.
She fell asleep on the way home, but woke up when we took her out of the car. Jake was supposed to have meetings from 3-5 or 6, but they got canceled because of the weather. We were happy about that! We took a short nap with Lila. She was really cranky and had a really hard time going down for naps yesterday. Her tooth still hasn't come in and she's still sick. Emily came over after that. We Skyped with my parents. Lila really loves doing that. She gets excited to see the dog and she loves it when my dad sings to her. Aunts Jackie and Gina stopped by for a little bit to see the baby. Aunt Jackie and Haille had driven down for the weekend to visit Jenna at GVSU. Jackie came down to see Gina (Haille stayed with Jenna). That was nice. After they left, Jake and I were pretty cranky for the next few hours. Emily was getting on my nerves a bit and we were hungry and dinner took forever to cook. We had Chinese tomatoes/eggs with rice... and Emily added too much water to the rice so it took a long time to cook, and Jake and I were impatient and hungry so we ate it before it had finished cooking, haha. After Emily left, Jake and I decided to just not be crabby anymore, and even though we were a little bit cranky still, it was better. Lila was asleep at around 8, which was good because she was so tired.
So we had a few hours to ourselves before bedtime, and we made it to be early (at around 10:30). We were both pretty tired. Jake's newest thing is studying from the new church handbook's section on the family. He was advised to do it in a meeting. So we've been doing that and he likes it.
I was really hoping that one of those houses would be awesome, but I don't think any of them was "the one." Jake seemed to be getting into it more, though. That's a good thing. We grabbed dinner after we were done and then headed home.
Thursday we spent at home, as usual. Emailed back and forth with Mike a little bit. He's worried about girl stuff, as usual. We told him to calm down, as usual. :) Also called a few banks to find out what their rates/fees were for mortgages. Thursday night we watched The Office and Parks and Rec after Lila went to bed.
Jake worked from home after that, and at 4:45 we left to meet with Rich the Realtor. Jake likes him a lot and wants to continue to work with him. I still don't understand what Rich can do for us that Dawn can't... but if it helps Jake feel more comfortable buying a house, then that's ok. We sent him the list of houses we've seen so far and what we liked/didn't like about them, and found 4-5 more to look at, and we'll do that with him on Thursday evening.
After that we went out for our traditional Valentine's Chinese dinner. We ordered crab rangoon and what is essentially Filipino pancit and it was delish. Lila did well at the restaurant. Sucked on a few crackers and noodles, and a ton of food ended up on the floor underneath her chair. It was a nice date and I'm glad we went.
After Lila went to bed, we watched The Illusionist. It had come from Netflix. Jake Googled it on the way home to find out more about it he'd never heard of it) and said that it was an animated movie! I had sworn that it had Jessica Biel in it. So we were bummed because we didn't want to watch a cartoon. But when we got home I checked and it was the one with Jessica Biel.
Saturday morning we went to the chapel for a little bit to clean; we had been assigned to do that. The Bishop and his wife had gone early and spent 2 hours cleaning so there was barely anything to do when we got there! That was pretty awesome. We went to Kohl's after that to get some pants for Lila (she has outgrown her 18-month pants). We picked up presents for Desiree and Annette's baby showers and a jacket for Jake too.
After Lila's morning nap we went grocery shopping. Lila napped again and then Mike came over and we headed to Candace Laughead's 29th birthday party. The theme was Roaring '20s. We're not particularly close with the Laugheads, but I figured we'd better start going to more things or we're going to stop getting invitations. We were the only ones there for a little while, but after a while there were a ton of people there. So it was fun visiting. Lila sucked on a cracker and a tortilla chip for a while, but didn't actually eat anything. I'm glad we went.
Went home, got ready for church the next day. Lila fell asleep pretty quickly. I was so bored after she went to bed because Jake was doing work stuff. I took a shower and Jake blow dried my hair for me. :)
Church went well. It was our first normal Sunday in a while, because Lila was sick the past 3 weeks. Lila did pretty well during Sacrament meeting. She usually does. She looked at books (she loves turning pages with her thumb--it's so cute--and looking at pictures). I tried giving her some snacks but she was not interested. Primary went well. Jake had Lila the whole time, except for when she pooped and I changed her diaper in the full mother's room. During Sacrament meeting, both Jake and I looked at all the babies and thought about how much we want another one. I've had two periods so far since I started nursing, one in December and January, and after I got one in the beginning of February, we were going to start trying. But, of course, I haven't gotten one this month yet (not pregnant). So, we're just going to be patient and wait it out and trust in Heavenly Father's timing. It will all work out when it's supposed to, just as it did with Lila. And I'm still a little hesitant to get pregnant again because she's not eating yet. So, this is fine.
She fell asleep on the way home, but woke up when we took her out of the car. Jake was supposed to have meetings from 3-5 or 6, but they got canceled because of the weather. We were happy about that! We took a short nap with Lila. She was really cranky and had a really hard time going down for naps yesterday. Her tooth still hasn't come in and she's still sick. Emily came over after that. We Skyped with my parents. Lila really loves doing that. She gets excited to see the dog and she loves it when my dad sings to her. Aunts Jackie and Gina stopped by for a little bit to see the baby. Aunt Jackie and Haille had driven down for the weekend to visit Jenna at GVSU. Jackie came down to see Gina (Haille stayed with Jenna). That was nice. After they left, Jake and I were pretty cranky for the next few hours. Emily was getting on my nerves a bit and we were hungry and dinner took forever to cook. We had Chinese tomatoes/eggs with rice... and Emily added too much water to the rice so it took a long time to cook, and Jake and I were impatient and hungry so we ate it before it had finished cooking, haha. After Emily left, Jake and I decided to just not be crabby anymore, and even though we were a little bit cranky still, it was better. Lila was asleep at around 8, which was good because she was so tired.
So we had a few hours to ourselves before bedtime, and we made it to be early (at around 10:30). We were both pretty tired. Jake's newest thing is studying from the new church handbook's section on the family. He was advised to do it in a meeting. So we've been doing that and he likes it.
A Valentine's Letter from Jake
Dear Rudi,
We have now been married for over 5 years. From our married life, we now have so many memories. I am so grateful that you keep a good journal, because a lot of our memories are stored there; at least the more accurate versions of them. I really think that you are so amazing and am so glad to be your husband. I am glad to be your partner, the one that gets to have you, to know you better than anyone else, and to be equally yoked together with you. I really feel, and come to know more and more, that I truly have married a partner and not a project. I also have grown to rely a lot on you, and to need you. As you know, I'm a guy, so I don't like putting myself out there into a vulnerable spot. Admitting that I need you and rely on you isn't something I do often verbally, but I do. And as I do, I know it is right. I am attracted to and attached to you and love being in this interdependent relationship with you. And so, I have put together a list of some things that you do or you have done that I really appreciate and am grateful to you for.
You take care of so many of my physical needs. You make dinner for us, and I love and appreciate it. I also appreciate that you do this consistently. I love that you are interested in looking for and learning different recipes. It is so nice to have homemade food eaten at home. I love to have meals together in our home. I love it when you just make whatever. But I also appreciate that a couple Sundays ago, when we didn't have dinner plans (because we had a large lunch) you offered to get me cereal for dinner if that is what I wanted. You see, I could easily get myself a bowl of cereal, but it really means a lot to me that you offered to do that for me. And I know there are other times when you offer to do something like that that is simple for me. You take care of this physical need of mine very well.
I very much appreciate it that you do all of the laundry without complaining. I really really appreciate this. I could do my laundry, and know how, but I appreciate that you do this for me; you take care of this physical need for me and I rely on you for it. Every time I open my underwear drawer in the morning when I am getting ready for work and see that it's full, I think to myself, "She is awesome." Sorry for now saying it just then, but you are usually asleep when that happens. But I want you to know that I am very very grateful.
You are such a great mother and take care of Lila so well. I appreciate your hippy-ness in regards to our daughter's sleeping habits. I love her so much, and think we are doing the right thing. And, I don't mind it. I don't like waking up in the middle of the night with her sitting up and crying away, but I know that will pass as she grows; and I want her to know that we are there for her, and love her and will protect her and take care of her. She is such a sweetheart and you are such a great mother for taking so good care of her. I know you put so many hours and hours into just being there for her. Holding her, nursing here, spending so much time (that may be boring) with her. I appreciate this, and we will be so blessed because of it. I really believe that this is part of you providing everything our children will need to be successful in life. God bless you for it Rudi. It is also awesome that you write our daughter a sweet letter every month. That is so thoughtful and kind, and makes a great record of her growing up so fast before our eyes.
I also appreciate that you have made an effort to get good books fr her . I know reading books is so important and will help her learn good habits. I remember going to the library as a kid, and that was lots of fun. I mostly went for picture books, and never really grew out of that, so I'm glad Lila and I can read so many of them together these days. Thanks for getting all of these books! And thank you for encouraging me to spend time with Lila. I really love her and want to make sure that I give her all the love and attention that she needs from her father to be successful and happy too.
I appreciate that you're focused on what is important for our family. Thank you for the idea about not using computers at night until Lila goes to bed, or on Friday nights. I know we don't always follow the idea fully, but when we do, I know we are blessed for it. I love spending actual face to face time with you and our daughter. You are an ideologue for marriage and family. I know that I am lucky to have you for it.
I love that you are so well studied in the scriptures and words of the prophets, the words of life. I can rely on you to find the right words, wisdom and counsel when our friends and family are in need. For example, all the inspiring words you found for Mike when going through his divorce and on. I adore that you are such a good person for people to turn to when they need strength. You are a source of strength to so many people, and to me. Lila and I (and all our children to come) are so lucky to have you in our lives.
I really feel that you carry 100% of your share of the weight in this marriage and that is why I honestly feel that we have the best love and the best relationship that there is. I am so grateful for you and all that you do, and am so happy that we get to be together forever.
You are my greatest blessing,
Love, Jake
We have now been married for over 5 years. From our married life, we now have so many memories. I am so grateful that you keep a good journal, because a lot of our memories are stored there; at least the more accurate versions of them. I really think that you are so amazing and am so glad to be your husband. I am glad to be your partner, the one that gets to have you, to know you better than anyone else, and to be equally yoked together with you. I really feel, and come to know more and more, that I truly have married a partner and not a project. I also have grown to rely a lot on you, and to need you. As you know, I'm a guy, so I don't like putting myself out there into a vulnerable spot. Admitting that I need you and rely on you isn't something I do often verbally, but I do. And as I do, I know it is right. I am attracted to and attached to you and love being in this interdependent relationship with you. And so, I have put together a list of some things that you do or you have done that I really appreciate and am grateful to you for.
You take care of so many of my physical needs. You make dinner for us, and I love and appreciate it. I also appreciate that you do this consistently. I love that you are interested in looking for and learning different recipes. It is so nice to have homemade food eaten at home. I love to have meals together in our home. I love it when you just make whatever. But I also appreciate that a couple Sundays ago, when we didn't have dinner plans (because we had a large lunch) you offered to get me cereal for dinner if that is what I wanted. You see, I could easily get myself a bowl of cereal, but it really means a lot to me that you offered to do that for me. And I know there are other times when you offer to do something like that that is simple for me. You take care of this physical need of mine very well.
I very much appreciate it that you do all of the laundry without complaining. I really really appreciate this. I could do my laundry, and know how, but I appreciate that you do this for me; you take care of this physical need for me and I rely on you for it. Every time I open my underwear drawer in the morning when I am getting ready for work and see that it's full, I think to myself, "She is awesome." Sorry for now saying it just then, but you are usually asleep when that happens. But I want you to know that I am very very grateful.
You are such a great mother and take care of Lila so well. I appreciate your hippy-ness in regards to our daughter's sleeping habits. I love her so much, and think we are doing the right thing. And, I don't mind it. I don't like waking up in the middle of the night with her sitting up and crying away, but I know that will pass as she grows; and I want her to know that we are there for her, and love her and will protect her and take care of her. She is such a sweetheart and you are such a great mother for taking so good care of her. I know you put so many hours and hours into just being there for her. Holding her, nursing here, spending so much time (that may be boring) with her. I appreciate this, and we will be so blessed because of it. I really believe that this is part of you providing everything our children will need to be successful in life. God bless you for it Rudi. It is also awesome that you write our daughter a sweet letter every month. That is so thoughtful and kind, and makes a great record of her growing up so fast before our eyes.
I also appreciate that you have made an effort to get good books fr her . I know reading books is so important and will help her learn good habits. I remember going to the library as a kid, and that was lots of fun. I mostly went for picture books, and never really grew out of that, so I'm glad Lila and I can read so many of them together these days. Thanks for getting all of these books! And thank you for encouraging me to spend time with Lila. I really love her and want to make sure that I give her all the love and attention that she needs from her father to be successful and happy too.
I appreciate that you're focused on what is important for our family. Thank you for the idea about not using computers at night until Lila goes to bed, or on Friday nights. I know we don't always follow the idea fully, but when we do, I know we are blessed for it. I love spending actual face to face time with you and our daughter. You are an ideologue for marriage and family. I know that I am lucky to have you for it.
I love that you are so well studied in the scriptures and words of the prophets, the words of life. I can rely on you to find the right words, wisdom and counsel when our friends and family are in need. For example, all the inspiring words you found for Mike when going through his divorce and on. I adore that you are such a good person for people to turn to when they need strength. You are a source of strength to so many people, and to me. Lila and I (and all our children to come) are so lucky to have you in our lives.
I really feel that you carry 100% of your share of the weight in this marriage and that is why I honestly feel that we have the best love and the best relationship that there is. I am so grateful for you and all that you do, and am so happy that we get to be together forever.
You are my greatest blessing,
Love, Jake
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
My Valentiny
One of my nicknames for Lila is Tiny. So yesterday I called her my Valentiny.
To celebrate, Jake got off of work a little early and got me a card. Emily had come over when she was done with her lab practical for A&P. Lila woke up from a nap when Jake got home. We left shortly after for dinner with Brady and Kelsey; they picked us up and we drove to Great Lakes Shipping Co., their favorite restaurant. It was our first time out without Lila since Maestro's Christmas party, and only our third time leaving her with a babysitter. Dinner was great! Lots of laughs, good company. Jake and I got a few appetizers and split a burger. Brady and Kelsey got their traditional (and favorite) chicken cordon bleu. Talked a lot about them moving back. Brady has applied to a lot of jobs in the area. They're not very happy in Twin Falls and want to be back near family and friends, hopefully before August when they have baby #2. Brady has a phone interview with Stryker on Wednesday, so Jake helped him prepare for that. Kelsey's pretty sad and discouraged about their situation, so we're all going to keep praying for it to improve and for them to sell their townhome and to get a job here in Kalamazoo.
It was really nice being out without Lila! She did great with Mike and Emily. When we got back, Mike was making dessert and Lila was in her pajamas. Kelsey's mom was watching Cooper and he was in bed already so they hung out with us. Lila took a while to fall asleep... she's had a hard time this week, since she's been sick. She passed out though, finally, and slept from 9:30-1am or a little later, which is pretty good for her, actually.
We were up till 1am talking with Brady and Kelsey. Mike and Emily stayed a while too. It was really nice to just sit and talk with people... especially Kelsey. Especially because I'd been sick and stuck in the house the whole previous week. Talked about babies and weight gain/loss and pregnancy, etc. Talked about when they move back, how awesome it will be. :) Parties in the backyard, trips to the beach, letting our kids play together.
Today was good. I was definitely tired in the morning, but I've made it through the day just fine. Lila got up at 8:30, went down for a short nap at 11:30. We made it to Jake's office at 1 for lunch. It was so nice to see him during the day. It was our first time to see him at his new office. We had sandwiches and leftovers for lunch. Jake called Melissa to ask about mortgages. He called a lender. I went up to his office to see it (I like being able to picture where Jake spends most of his time).
After that, I picked up Emily and we drove to Richland so I could talk to the lender and get pre-approved. It took a half over. Lila slept for maybe 15 minutes of it; Emily stayed in the car with her (yay for Emily!). So this is all becoming more real. I'm very excited to see the houses tomorrow. I really hope one of them works out.
Got home, tried to get Lila to nap but failed. Jake got home at 5:30. We had dinner, talked about the mortgage info and what we'd be able to afford. I left for my 6:30 Primary meeting and to drop Emily and my library books off. Jake stayed home with Lila and got ready for his 7:00 stake meeting.
It was the first time we'd met in maybe 3 weeks? So it was good to meet! I really like those women and I love my calling. So Jake will be gone late, I'm sure. They have pretty big/important business going on right now. I really can't believe how busy we are... seems like there's rarely time to rest and relax. I guess that's what the Sabbath is for, right? Except I think this Sunday Jake has a lot of meetings...
Anyway, time to read my book now. Life is good.
To celebrate, Jake got off of work a little early and got me a card. Emily had come over when she was done with her lab practical for A&P. Lila woke up from a nap when Jake got home. We left shortly after for dinner with Brady and Kelsey; they picked us up and we drove to Great Lakes Shipping Co., their favorite restaurant. It was our first time out without Lila since Maestro's Christmas party, and only our third time leaving her with a babysitter. Dinner was great! Lots of laughs, good company. Jake and I got a few appetizers and split a burger. Brady and Kelsey got their traditional (and favorite) chicken cordon bleu. Talked a lot about them moving back. Brady has applied to a lot of jobs in the area. They're not very happy in Twin Falls and want to be back near family and friends, hopefully before August when they have baby #2. Brady has a phone interview with Stryker on Wednesday, so Jake helped him prepare for that. Kelsey's pretty sad and discouraged about their situation, so we're all going to keep praying for it to improve and for them to sell their townhome and to get a job here in Kalamazoo.
It was really nice being out without Lila! She did great with Mike and Emily. When we got back, Mike was making dessert and Lila was in her pajamas. Kelsey's mom was watching Cooper and he was in bed already so they hung out with us. Lila took a while to fall asleep... she's had a hard time this week, since she's been sick. She passed out though, finally, and slept from 9:30-1am or a little later, which is pretty good for her, actually.
We were up till 1am talking with Brady and Kelsey. Mike and Emily stayed a while too. It was really nice to just sit and talk with people... especially Kelsey. Especially because I'd been sick and stuck in the house the whole previous week. Talked about babies and weight gain/loss and pregnancy, etc. Talked about when they move back, how awesome it will be. :) Parties in the backyard, trips to the beach, letting our kids play together.
Today was good. I was definitely tired in the morning, but I've made it through the day just fine. Lila got up at 8:30, went down for a short nap at 11:30. We made it to Jake's office at 1 for lunch. It was so nice to see him during the day. It was our first time to see him at his new office. We had sandwiches and leftovers for lunch. Jake called Melissa to ask about mortgages. He called a lender. I went up to his office to see it (I like being able to picture where Jake spends most of his time).
After that, I picked up Emily and we drove to Richland so I could talk to the lender and get pre-approved. It took a half over. Lila slept for maybe 15 minutes of it; Emily stayed in the car with her (yay for Emily!). So this is all becoming more real. I'm very excited to see the houses tomorrow. I really hope one of them works out.
Got home, tried to get Lila to nap but failed. Jake got home at 5:30. We had dinner, talked about the mortgage info and what we'd be able to afford. I left for my 6:30 Primary meeting and to drop Emily and my library books off. Jake stayed home with Lila and got ready for his 7:00 stake meeting.
It was the first time we'd met in maybe 3 weeks? So it was good to meet! I really like those women and I love my calling. So Jake will be gone late, I'm sure. They have pretty big/important business going on right now. I really can't believe how busy we are... seems like there's rarely time to rest and relax. I guess that's what the Sabbath is for, right? Except I think this Sunday Jake has a lot of meetings...
Anyway, time to read my book now. Life is good.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Cooper's Party, Sunday Funday, Cassandra
Friday was a long day. I was feeling so sick. Jake got home around 6 or later. He went to work that day intending on coming home at like 1:30 or 2, but had to stay to meet a deadline. He didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be disappointed if it didn't happen. Oh, how I would've loved that!
We went out to eat because I needed to get out of the house... I would've gone crazy if we hadn't! The only two times I went out last week was to the library on Tuesday and house-shopping on Wednesday. So, we went out, even though we all felt pretty bad. We went to Panera on West Main. Lila had fun watching all the people--she'd been stuck inside all week too. She even ate a potato chip. :) After that we stopped at the Stake Center to pick up the food we'd ordered from the YW fundraiser: a fruit pizza and chocolate covered strawberries. Then stopped at the KUB to drop a check off from the stake. Mike and Emily were there at the activity. We went home. After the activity, Mike and Emily went to Main Street Pub and were there till like 1am. I'm so glad that they're friends now. Mike got to talk about Cassandra and Emily talked about Shane.
Saturday morning, Jake had to get up early and go to the Worldwide Leadership Training at 8. He came home and hung out a little bit, then went to the KUB to unlock it for Brady and Kelsey so they could set up for Cooper's party. He came back to pick us up and then we headed back to the KUB for the party. It was Cooper's first birthday! They flew here on Friday and are spending a week here. The party was so nice! It was Brady's first time meeting Lila and we hadn't seen Cooper in 6 months. I can't believe the babies are already turning one. Mike was there. The best part of the party was when the four babies who were there played with all the presents together. It was adorable. Lila was the youngest, but the biggest. :) It was fun to see how different the babies all were from each other, their personalities. Holly (Kelsey's friend and Addy's mom) was saying that Addy is already turning into a "diva." (I think a lot of that has to do with parenting. ;)
After that we came home. Lila took a nap. Jake and I watched a movie, Knight and Day. We went grocery shopping (ran into Desiree at Walmart again, oddly enough), came home, did showers and bedtime. Jake was in bed by 10:30, but I stayed up till midnight reading.
Sunday, yesterday, was a long day but a very good one. We woke up early for church. Jake and I made French toast for breakfast. We sat with Brady/Kelsey/Cooper during church. Most of the time, the guys were in the foyer with the babies. Kelsey and I whispered a lot. It's so fun having them here. They took me and Lila home after sacrament (which was longer than usual because it was ward conference). Jake was at church till almost 3 for meetings. I was sad that he was gone so long. I didn't feel good and just wanted my hubby home.
Emily arrived a little before Jake got home. He'd stopped to pick up some board books from Craigslist on the way home. Lila loves books now. She definitely prefers books over toys. She loves turning pages and looking at the pictures.... but mostly she loves turning pages. She'll sit for a long time reading with me.
I love Jake.
Jim, Angela, and Emily (niece) arrived precisely at 3:30. We were really surprised (and amused) that they showed up exactly when they said they would. Jim has been infamous for being at least an hour late for family get-togethers. Jim was the one who suggested we get together. He and Angela just took a trip to Columbia to visit her family. They brought back souvenirs for us. Mike came too. We had pizzas for dinner. A few frozen and a few homemade. The homemade ones took a long time to make. Dessert was the fruit pizza we bought, it was really good.
Afterwards, people played on the iPad. Emily and Mike helped clean up. We were all so stuffed. Jim and Jake talked business--Jim's business isn't doing so well and Jake encouraged him to stand up for himself if needed. He and Angela still seem very happy together, which is great. Emily (niece) had fun playing with Lila. Jake and Mike prank texted cousin Savannah; she'd put her phone number on her Facebook status, asking for people to text her.
Emily left and so did Jim/Angela just as Brady and Kelsey (and Cooper) arrived. We had so much fun with them. It was funny to see Cooper crawling all over the place--he's got a lot more energy than Lila! And of course it was so fun visiting with Brady and Kelsey. We always end up giggling so much when we're with them. We haven't really hung out with them since summer '09 when they came to visit. Jake told them about his butt surgeries. Mike stayed till late and we all talked about Cassandra and his "relationship" with her. Gave him advice. (More on that later.) We played Euchre. The guys won. They were here till midnight. The babies went to bed so we got a few hours without them. It was so fun. We really hope they can find a job here soon.
So, about Mike. He found out Thursday that Cassandra would be coming to town this weekend. He was a little bitter because she still hadn't written him back; he hadn't heard from her in almost exactly a month. Saturday morning he went to Ultimate Frisbee as planned and at the beginning, she said hi and that was it. And then as he was getting into his car and she was getting into her's, she said, "Hey Mike! You going contradancing tonight?" He said, "Uh, I don't know." She said, "Well, let me give you a hug then in case I don't see you there." So they hugged and left. Weird, right?
So then for the rest of the day he debated whether or not he should go contradancing. He had planned on it up until he found out Cassandra would be there. (He kind of likes her 21-year-old sister Sammi, but I think it's only because he likes Cassandra.) Emily wasn't planning on going either, which made him want to go less, because he didn't want to show up by himself. Finally, at around 7pm, he called Emily and said, "Hey, let's go, and if it's lame we can just leave." And she said, "Oh, ok!" and he picked her up and they went. He danced with Cassandra's friend/roommate from Canada, Michelle, and both of her sisters, but never danced with Cassandra. He said it was an accident, but also probably he did it purposefully because subconsciously he's a little mad at her. The last dance was a waltz, and he was dancing with Savannah (Cassandra's 15-year-old sister) and Savannah starts to ask, "So, why didn't you---" and then stops mid-sentence and wouldn't tell Mike what she was going to ask. But we all think she was going to ask why he didn't dance with Cassandra.
Mike was pretty confused about the whole situation, so when Brady and Kelsey were here, we all talked about it for a long time. lol. Like maybe an hour or more. He finally decided to write her an email, because he had all these questions and was going a little crazy (not really, but a little). So we said that as long as the email was short and not desperate/needy, it would be fine. Finally, after a lot of debating about what he should say, this is what he sent her:
And ten minutes later(!), this was her reply:
We think it's possible that Cassandra may have found out that Mike is divorced. There was a lot of really good momentum before she left for school, and then it fizzled out so quickly, that that's a very possible reason. But maybe now that her sisters have spent time with him and know that he's a pretty cool guy, and after seeing him this weekend, maybe she's feeling ok about it? Who knows. Kelsey told Mike last night (and I've thought this all along but never told Mike) that she would act the same way (be freaked out a little) if she found out a guy she kind of liked was divorced.
Anyway. Now he's even more confused, but happy that she wrote back. Here's what he texted me this morning after I asked if he was still in shock:
He liked that. Mike is so... funny. He over-analyzes like a girl. Brady pointed out that he needs a lot of reassurance. Yeah, he really does! And I don't blame him: he was cheated on and his wife left him. But he was even like that before he got married, too. I'm just glad we can all be there for him. I have never seen him so happy and healthy before. He's lost so much weight, probably 30 pounds, and has a new wardrobe that he looks great in. He really feels and I do too that Heavenly Father is blessing him and that important things are happening in his life; Heavenly Father is in control.
We went out to eat because I needed to get out of the house... I would've gone crazy if we hadn't! The only two times I went out last week was to the library on Tuesday and house-shopping on Wednesday. So, we went out, even though we all felt pretty bad. We went to Panera on West Main. Lila had fun watching all the people--she'd been stuck inside all week too. She even ate a potato chip. :) After that we stopped at the Stake Center to pick up the food we'd ordered from the YW fundraiser: a fruit pizza and chocolate covered strawberries. Then stopped at the KUB to drop a check off from the stake. Mike and Emily were there at the activity. We went home. After the activity, Mike and Emily went to Main Street Pub and were there till like 1am. I'm so glad that they're friends now. Mike got to talk about Cassandra and Emily talked about Shane.
After that we came home. Lila took a nap. Jake and I watched a movie, Knight and Day. We went grocery shopping (ran into Desiree at Walmart again, oddly enough), came home, did showers and bedtime. Jake was in bed by 10:30, but I stayed up till midnight reading.
Sunday, yesterday, was a long day but a very good one. We woke up early for church. Jake and I made French toast for breakfast. We sat with Brady/Kelsey/Cooper during church. Most of the time, the guys were in the foyer with the babies. Kelsey and I whispered a lot. It's so fun having them here. They took me and Lila home after sacrament (which was longer than usual because it was ward conference). Jake was at church till almost 3 for meetings. I was sad that he was gone so long. I didn't feel good and just wanted my hubby home.
Emily arrived a little before Jake got home. He'd stopped to pick up some board books from Craigslist on the way home. Lila loves books now. She definitely prefers books over toys. She loves turning pages and looking at the pictures.... but mostly she loves turning pages. She'll sit for a long time reading with me.
I love Jake.
Jim, Angela, and Emily (niece) arrived precisely at 3:30. We were really surprised (and amused) that they showed up exactly when they said they would. Jim has been infamous for being at least an hour late for family get-togethers. Jim was the one who suggested we get together. He and Angela just took a trip to Columbia to visit her family. They brought back souvenirs for us. Mike came too. We had pizzas for dinner. A few frozen and a few homemade. The homemade ones took a long time to make. Dessert was the fruit pizza we bought, it was really good.
Afterwards, people played on the iPad. Emily and Mike helped clean up. We were all so stuffed. Jim and Jake talked business--Jim's business isn't doing so well and Jake encouraged him to stand up for himself if needed. He and Angela still seem very happy together, which is great. Emily (niece) had fun playing with Lila. Jake and Mike prank texted cousin Savannah; she'd put her phone number on her Facebook status, asking for people to text her.
Emily left and so did Jim/Angela just as Brady and Kelsey (and Cooper) arrived. We had so much fun with them. It was funny to see Cooper crawling all over the place--he's got a lot more energy than Lila! And of course it was so fun visiting with Brady and Kelsey. We always end up giggling so much when we're with them. We haven't really hung out with them since summer '09 when they came to visit. Jake told them about his butt surgeries. Mike stayed till late and we all talked about Cassandra and his "relationship" with her. Gave him advice. (More on that later.) We played Euchre. The guys won. They were here till midnight. The babies went to bed so we got a few hours without them. It was so fun. We really hope they can find a job here soon.
So, about Mike. He found out Thursday that Cassandra would be coming to town this weekend. He was a little bitter because she still hadn't written him back; he hadn't heard from her in almost exactly a month. Saturday morning he went to Ultimate Frisbee as planned and at the beginning, she said hi and that was it. And then as he was getting into his car and she was getting into her's, she said, "Hey Mike! You going contradancing tonight?" He said, "Uh, I don't know." She said, "Well, let me give you a hug then in case I don't see you there." So they hugged and left. Weird, right?
So then for the rest of the day he debated whether or not he should go contradancing. He had planned on it up until he found out Cassandra would be there. (He kind of likes her 21-year-old sister Sammi, but I think it's only because he likes Cassandra.) Emily wasn't planning on going either, which made him want to go less, because he didn't want to show up by himself. Finally, at around 7pm, he called Emily and said, "Hey, let's go, and if it's lame we can just leave." And she said, "Oh, ok!" and he picked her up and they went. He danced with Cassandra's friend/roommate from Canada, Michelle, and both of her sisters, but never danced with Cassandra. He said it was an accident, but also probably he did it purposefully because subconsciously he's a little mad at her. The last dance was a waltz, and he was dancing with Savannah (Cassandra's 15-year-old sister) and Savannah starts to ask, "So, why didn't you---" and then stops mid-sentence and wouldn't tell Mike what she was going to ask. But we all think she was going to ask why he didn't dance with Cassandra.
Mike was pretty confused about the whole situation, so when Brady and Kelsey were here, we all talked about it for a long time. lol. Like maybe an hour or more. He finally decided to write her an email, because he had all these questions and was going a little crazy (not really, but a little). So we said that as long as the email was short and not desperate/needy, it would be fine. Finally, after a lot of debating about what he should say, this is what he sent her:
Hey, it was nice to see you this weekend. Michelle said she's going to the Valentine's dance in Lansing on the 18th. Are you going too?
Mike
And ten minutes later(!), this was her reply:
Hey Mike!
yeah, it was good to see you too! I didn't actually know if I'd be able to come down until Thursday, I'm glad I got to. we'll have to meet up at one of those again though, because we never got to dance a contra.
I'm not going to the dance in Lansing, my family is coming to visit canada and we're heading up to Belleville, so I'll miss it. Are you going? I hear it's going to be really good.
Frisbee was awesome! do any of your other young men come? how are they doing?
-Cassandra
We think it's possible that Cassandra may have found out that Mike is divorced. There was a lot of really good momentum before she left for school, and then it fizzled out so quickly, that that's a very possible reason. But maybe now that her sisters have spent time with him and know that he's a pretty cool guy, and after seeing him this weekend, maybe she's feeling ok about it? Who knows. Kelsey told Mike last night (and I've thought this all along but never told Mike) that she would act the same way (be freaked out a little) if she found out a guy she kind of liked was divorced.
Anyway. Now he's even more confused, but happy that she wrote back. Here's what he texted me this morning after I asked if he was still in shock:
Ha! A little. Haven't responded yet. I was super excited about all this, but it kind of wore off in the last hour as I was considering future possibilities with her. But, that isn't going to change my current plans anyhow. I wish I was a seer so that I didn't have to spend so much time trying to interpret the feelings I get. I'd rather just have a vision of what my future will be like. I was about to send my mom a text this morning relative to Cassandra. But then I got this feeling that said, "Don't send it. Waste of time. She's not the one." So... that's weird. Maybe that was just self-doubt? Or one of those feelings that is conditional upon a given time frame? Or it was legit, and I just don't want it to be that I actually felt that feeling. So, for now I'm still planning on writing back and I still want to see her again and date her more... just with less vigor now. I'm so weird. But, I suppose this is all for the best.
My response to that was:
Maybe the Spirit is just telling you to take things slow and to be a little cautious. Because of how you got that prompting with Kalina that everything would work out with her... part of that prompting was true.
He liked that. Mike is so... funny. He over-analyzes like a girl. Brady pointed out that he needs a lot of reassurance. Yeah, he really does! And I don't blame him: he was cheated on and his wife left him. But he was even like that before he got married, too. I'm just glad we can all be there for him. I have never seen him so happy and healthy before. He's lost so much weight, probably 30 pounds, and has a new wardrobe that he looks great in. He really feels and I do too that Heavenly Father is blessing him and that important things are happening in his life; Heavenly Father is in control.
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