29w 3d - Baby Shower

Saturday (yesterday) was my baby shower.  I woke up feeling very exhausted.  Lila had been up crying a few times in the night.  Jake got up early with her so that I could sleep in a little.  But I just felt awful... and I kept thinking, "Why should I be so excited about having another baby when the one I have causes me so much grief sometimes?"  Jake dropped me off at the shower, and on the way there, I cried.  First I cried because I felt so awful and tired and wasn't loving being a mom.  Then I felt bad for feeling that way.  And we were listening to some Ingrid Michaelson music that I guess helped put things in perspective for me... life is hard, sometimes we're exhausted and downtrodden and all that... but it allows our hearts to open up to even more love.  I guess lately, too, I've been thinking more about this new baby, my son, and how much I will love him.  It's not just going to be more work and juggling and sleep-loss, it's going to mean so much more love in my life and in my heart.  I'm going to grow and transform more than I thought I could... just like what happened when Lila was born.  My heart will change.

After the shower, Lila went down for a nap and woke up an hour or so later, crying.  So I rocked her in her beloved rocking chair (she asks for it now, "I want rock-a-chair") and held her as she slept for probably an hour.  I thought about how much of a blessing it was to just be there, holding her.  Looking down at her sweet face that's changed a lot over the past year.  She's still my baby, my sweet girl.  And I need to cherish this time with her before another baby joins us.

I thought about what it will be like when Lila and Jared meet for the first time, how special that will be.  I can't believe I'll have two kids.  I'm so excited for Lila to have a sibling.

Anyway, my baby shower.  It was at 11:00 at Kasey Hunt's.  Her and Alicia and Jen Randall threw it for me.  A lot of people RSVP'd but a lot of them didn't actually come.  A lot of people were sick or ended up not being able to leave them with their husbands (residents' wives).  Kasey herself was sick and had to stay in her room the whole time!  It was still nice though.  Meghan Decker (President Decker's wife), Rollie Wyatt, Annette Shumway, Alicia, Jen, Sarah Cook, and Ann Walls (Pineda--she came late) were there.  We had a crepe bar which was really yummy and some cookies that Alicia had made.  We got to sit and visit for a while, which is my favorite thing to do. :)  I sat there thinking how blessed I am to be surrounded by good women in my life... and how wonderfully blessed we all are to have good, good husbands.  Talked about motherhood and babies... how with your first baby, you're in such shock after it's born, so by the second baby that initial shock is at least not as bad.  And how your first baby you really have no idea what to do.  Rollie asked if it gets easier (her first and only daughter, Autumn, turns one in a few weeks).  She is awesome... she and Jonathan waited for 10+ years to get pregnant and finally did through IVF.  So she's in her early 30s.  Jonathan went out of town a few weekends ago, so she took Autumn camping by herself and set up camp really cute and everything.  What a cool mom.

So, that was my baby shower for Jared.