Letters to Lila: 12 months, 1 year!

Dear Lila,

This is it: the letter I've been anticipating writing to you for, well, a whole year. You are a year old today! It's my first baby's first birthday and I'm full of all kinds of emotions. I'm a little sad--you're growing up so fast!--but mostly happy. I think it'll be your legacy in life to bring happiness to everyone you meet. (Brace yourself: this is a long letter.)

I feel like you have grown up so much in just the past month. You're no longer a baby; you're an actual kid! For the longest time, it felt like you and I were one; like you were a part of me and I was a part of you. But now I feel like we are two separate and different people who live life side by side and adore each other for it. We spend all day, every day together... except for the few hours a week I might slip away for some time with friends or for a Relief Society activity. I've been going out a little more often now, as you're getting older, and I think it's good for both of us. You get some good one-on-one time with Dad and it strengthens your bond. It also strengthens Dad's appreciation for all that I do every day to take care of you. :) (On that note, I really appreciate all that your dad does to help out when he's home. This past Sunday I had to get you ready and take you to church by myself--he was away on Stake business--and boy, it was so much more difficult without your dad's help!) And we sleep next to each other at night. It's actually one of my very favorite things in the whole world, to have your chubby face next to mine at night. You love being next to me too, and I will enjoy these moments with you as much as I can before you get too old. There's a country song I'm reminded of, that I first heard when I was a child myself, that's always stayed with me. The chorus goes, "Let them be little, 'cause they're only that way for a while. Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day. Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle, let 'em sleep in the middle, let them be little." And that's what I'm trying to do. Actually, one night this past month, I woke up in the middle of the night, and had this moment of complete, enveloping happiness to be laying next to you. I felt the Spirit so, so strongly in my heart, and I was filled with pure joy to be your mother. I don't know if I've ever felt happiness like that before.

At a year old, you are still a big girl. You're wearing 24 month clothes and even have some 3T clothes that fit you. You really are almost as big as I am! You're over half my height and almost a third of my weight. It actually is a big challenge for me to haul you around. Just walking you out to the car is a work out, and I'm always grateful for an extra set of arms to help me. Cooking dinner has especially become more difficult lately. When I'm chopping things up or cooking at the stove is apparently your very favorite time to be held, so you'll stand behind me, grab onto my pants, pull at them, and whine. You've learned how to whine effectively. So sometimes I strap you into the Ergo, but since you're so heavy, that's not always ideal. Even Dad comments on how very heavy you are, but he still tosses you around in the air and you like that. You're perfectly healthy and perfect the way you are--we just need bigger muscles is all. :)

Your hair has really started to get longer this month. On Sunday I put piggy-tails in your hair for the first time, and you couldn't figure out how to pull them out (like you do with your bows), so they actually stayed in place for a few hours. It was completely adorable and you looked like a little girl toddling around with them at church. I think you have more hair than most blondies do at your age, so I'm thinking you'll eventually have a thick head of hair like Dad and I do.

Your interest in food has noticeably increased this month! You're still not eating enough to stop nursing, probably not even close, but it has noticeably gotten better and that makes me so happy. It also reaffirms to me that you will continue to get better at eating in your own time. This whole food situation with you has really taught me that I'm definitely not in control of who you are! You are your own person with your own likes and dislikes. You still don't like to be fed, but you make a game out of it and laugh at us when we try to. You like crackers--your favorites are the Graham and soda variety. You've enjoyed banana cookies I found in the toddler food section. You like broccoli cheddar soup from Panera and tomato soup too. You love French fries and potato chips. You don't like to have messy hands, so anything that's wet or goo-ey you generally avoid. You like to suck on spaghetti noodles. Something hilarious that you've done a few times recently with macaroni and cheese and spaghetti: you put my big bowl of food in front of you and stick your whole face in it so you can gently lick the flavor off the noodles, like a little puppy dog. When you resurface, your whole face is covered in food. It's pretty funny and we've never seen you be so enthusiastic and playful with food before. Another big deal is that you figured out how to sip from a straw this past weekend! We went out for pizza and the waitress gave you a styrofoam cup with a lid and straw to drink. It took you a few minutes, but as soon as you figured out how to drink the water, you happily did so for a few minutes. Since then, you've been drinking a little bit of water every day from a sippy cup straw, and it makes me so happy to see you learning and developing. There's something about the high chair we have for you at home that you don't like. You barely ever eat or drink when you're in it. You do most of your eating at home when you're playing in the living room. You do like to sit on Dad's lap during dinner and will eat a little bit then.

Your napping has changed this month. You used to consistently take two naps a day, both around 40 minutes each. Now you usually take at least one nap that's around an hour and half every day! And sometimes you take two naps a day that are both an hour or more. I enjoy that a lot. :)

Your walking has also greatly improved this month. One day after dinner, you decided to start taking 10 steps at a time! It took me by surprise so much that I burst into tears to see my sweet little baby's face walking towards me! Oh my, how you're growing, little girl. We giggled and clapped and hoorayed. You love walking to us and we always give you a big hug and kiss when you reach your destination. You don't know how to go from sitting to standing without furniture or a person to grab onto, so you still mostly crawl places. But your balance is pretty decent now. We bought you real shoes, finally, and wow, you hate shoe shopping. You would cry every time we put shoes on you. But I found a pair that you don't seem to mind. You're wearing size 5 shoes.

I'm so happy to see the relationship you have with Dad. You absolutely adore him. Usually the hour before he comes home from work, you're pretty cranky. But as soon as Dad walks into the room, you light up, say, "Dada!" and scramble to be at his side. He always has you laughing and does things with you that I would never think to. Like he throws stuffed animals at you and you laugh and laugh. Parenting has become much more rewarding than it was in the first few months because you've become an affectionate little girl. You give me actual hugs and press your cheeks against mine. You let me hug you when I want to. I love it. Yesterday you were laying on the floor with your head in the my lap, just lounging, eating your cracker and drinking your sippy cup. It was so cute.

A funny story I'd like to remember: I wanted to buy you a pair of jeans, because you've never really owned any before. You've always been a bit too chubby to fit in them. :) But it had been a while since I'd tried any on you, so I gave it a shot. I got a pair of 2T jeans, and they barely fit over your knees! It was pretty funny! Needless to say, I returned them. But soon after I found you a hot pair of (size 3T) jeggings (jean leggings) that are the cutest things you've ever worn. I call you J. Lo when you wear them.

I guess the biggest news of the month, and maybe of the year, is that we put an offer on a house a few weeks ago! Since January, we've dragged you around all over town looking at houses. Over time, we learned what we like in a house. Well, after church on March 6th, we went to an open house. After walking around for less than 5 minutes, we knew that it had everything we wanted. Later that week, we put an offer in and it was accepted! So now we're doing inspections--everything looks good so far--and we will close on or before April 15th. Dad and I are so excited to finally have a house. We think you'll love it and are so excited to make many happy memories there.

Well, it's almost your bedtime. You're playing with my keys (they are your favorite things to play with; you love the green leather "R" keychain) and listening to the radio. We had a really nice day together. We went visiting teaching in the morning. You fell asleep in the car on the way home, so I called up Dad and asked him if we could meet up for lunch, since you were sleeping in the car anyway. We picked him up (after driving past our new house for fun) and headed to Culver's, a place we frequented when I was pregnant with you. For dessert we had one of my favorite pregnancy cravings: a sundae with chocolate custard, raspberries, and brownie chunks. When we got home I made your birthday cake and dinner and you took a really long nap. For dinner, Uncle Mike came over (Auntie Em would've come over too, but she had to work). We had another one of my pregnancy cravings: beef stroganoff. We had Granny and Grandpa Ollero on Skype. We played with balloons and you freaked out, you loved them so much. We sang you happy birthday and blew out the candle for you. We did cake and ice cream, of which you ate none. You were fascinated with the birthday candle though! You tried touching it quite a few times. We relit it over and over for you because you liked it so much. Then we opened your birthday present from us: a Playskool Explore 'n Grow Step Start Walk 'n Ride. You love it and I'm thrilled that you do. You started walking all around the apartment with it with a silly grin on your face. I'm excited for you to have more space in our new house for you to walk around in. So, all in all, a wonderful first birthday. We're having a bigger birthday party for you on Saturday when your Granny and Grandpa are here.

One last thought: before you were born, I read a talk by Sister Julie B. Beck (the current General Relief Society President) called "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family." It's inspired me in what I do as a mother. In it, she reports that youth and young adults today aren't very confident in their abilities to have successful and happy marriages and families. She explains that that is because they don't understand that the plan of salvation--the plan of happiness that God has for all of his children--is really a plan for families. She writes, "The Creation of the earth was the creation of an earth where a family could live. It was a creation of a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was not about a creation of a man and a woman who happened to have a family. It was intentional all along that Adam and Eve form an eternal family. The Fall made it possible for Adam and Eve to have a family, to have sons and daughters. The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness and the plan of salvation was a plan created for families." She continues to teach, "The story of Isaac and Rebekah [in the Old Testament] is an example of the man, who has the keys, and the woman, who has the influence, working together to ensure the fulfillment of their blessings. Their story is pivotal. The blessings of the house of Israel depended on a man and a woman who understood their place in the plan and their responsibilities to form an eternal family, to bear children, and to teach them. In our day we have the responsibility to send 'Isaac' and 'Rebekah' forth from our homes and classrooms. Every young man and young woman should understand his or her role in this great partnership—that they are each an 'Isaac' or a 'Rebekah.' Then they will know with clarity what they have to do." I know and feel in my heart that you are a daughter of God with a divine destiny. It is my job to make sure that you are prepared to do all the good things in life you are meant to do and want to do.

I love you, Lila. This has been the best year of my life. Becoming a mother, I have grown into a woman, and I am proud of the woman I am. Being your mother has given me confidence and has helped me to love myself more. I absolutely love being your mom. You are my favorite person in the whole world. There is so much more I could say, but I'm tired now. Thanks for all you've given me, sweet girl. Happy birthday.

Love Forever,

Mama