Wedding Weekend, Parents Visit

We had a great weekend.  I thought it would be pretty awful and exhausting, but it turned out to be okay.  It was exhausting, but it was still good.  Mom is taking Lila for a walk right now so I have a little time to write.

Saturday morning we left for Detroit.  Caty Perkins and Sam Jolley got married there that day.  The way there was fine; we stopped for a quick lunch and Lila fell asleep for a bit.  We were fortunate enough to have some of Sam's cousins watch Lila during the (very short) ceremony, so we both could attend.  It was very sweet to see the two of them dressed in white, kneeling at the alter, so happy, so in love.  Jake and I are big Sam and Caty fans and know that they'll have a very happy life together.  Lila did fine while we were in the ceremony.  We don't usually leave her with strangers, but they distracted her well enough.

Caty had asked me a few months ago to take pictures at the wedding.  So I was surprised when her friend/aunt approached me and said that Caty had also asked her to take some pictures.  Caty apparently wanted me to do the group shots and her aunt to do the pictures of the two of them.  It was all fine with me!  It was a hot day and it was so nice to not have to be out there the whole time, and it will be so nice to not have to edit all those pictures.  So, we had planned on going to Flint for the ring ceremony and reception, but since I wasn't needed to take pictures, we decided to go to IKEA instead :)  I was excited, Jake wasn't, but he's good to me.  We spent a few hours there, I think.  We ate there--Lila loved the meatballs--and bought a dresser.  I also lost Jake and Lila for a while, and that made Jake like Ikea even less. :)  We made it home without stopping, which was nice.  Distracted Lila with Blue's Clues and licorice.

On Sunday, we drove to St. Joe for their ward conference.  Jake had been asking me all week to come, and I wasn't sure about it... knowing that Lila would be tired from the day before and that she'd be cranky and hungry at church.  But, I decided to go anyway to spend time with Jake.  I'm glad that I did, it worked out well, even though we were all so tired by the time we got home.  Lila had a hard time sitting through sacrament meeting, which was a half hour longer than usual.  She was tired.  So we sat in the hall with her most of the time.  And I didn't get to see/hear any of the second half of conference (the part where they talk about marriage and communication; I'd already seen it presented a few times though).  I was in the mother's room with Lila.  Luckily, and I consider this a tender mercy, we had the mother's room to ourselves long enough for her to fall asleep in my arms just like old times.  After she fell asleep, three other moms came in and she slept through all our chatting.  St. Joe has a great ward!  Lots of young families, tons of little kids and babies.  So it was nice to visit.  Lila woke up just as church had ended.  Jake did a quick training with the ward clerk and then we were able to eat lunch together at the potluck.

When we got home, Lila had just fallen asleep in the car, and I wanted Jake to move her inside, but she woke up and never fell back asleep. :\  But I did.  I slept for an hour.  I couldn't move my arms I was so tired.  I woke up still feeling exhausted, but it was 4:00 and we had things to do.  We went with Terie, Steve, Brody and Toby to the neighborhood ice cream social.  It was a lot of fun and nice to meet some more of our neighbors!  Lila had a blast playing in the bounce house (Jake went in there with her) and climbing stairs.  Looks like most of the women/wives/moms in the neighborhoods works; I don't think there are many SAHMs.  But it was great.  I feel so blessed to live in such an awesome neighborhood.

Monday was exhausting.  Lila slept and napped well, but we (Emily and I) were busy getting ready for my parents to arrive.  We assembled the dresser from Ikea.  Usually (ok, always), Jake does stuff like that, but I wanted it done and I thought it couldn't be too bad.  And it wasn't.  There were some scary parts :) but we got it up in a few hours.  It was kind of fun, doing something out of the norm.  Lila sure liked helping us.  She especially liked the hammer.  I was so sore by the end of the day, from all the lifting and chores.  I was definitely feeling pregnant.

After dinner, Mike came over for a while to work on his car.  Jake mowed the lawn.  Terie and her boys came over and played.  She's really nice, I like her.  She didn't have the boys till she was 36 and 37.  She asked if I was in my early 30s.  Hehehe.  She was surprised when I told her I'm only 24 and Jake will be turning 28 next month.

Mom and Dad didn't get here until 8:30, just as I was going to put Lila to bed.  I figured it would work that way.  Lila got really hyper seeing them and Bella the dog.  Jake and I left to go pick up the trailer from Larry Austed (we needed the trailer to move Emily's stuff to Battle Creek).  It was nice getting away.  Didn't get back till around 10:00, at which point Lila was playing outside with my mom, lol.

She didn't get to bed till 10:30.  And then woke up at 11:00 because she had peed through the diaper my mom put on her (Mom must've not done it correctly), and then woke up a few times in the middle of the night not feeling well.  She woke up with a runny nose and cough, so now she's sick.

Tuesday (yesterday) morning, Mom, Dad, and Emily moved her over to Battle Creek.  I stayed home with Lila and Bella.  They got home before Lila woke up from her nap.  We went for a walk to see the horses.  They left to finish packing up Emily's apartment.  Jake got home and the three of us headed over to help.  Lila wasn't feeling well and was pretty cranky.  All she wanted to do was to "go for a walk outside."

Jake, Lila, and I left before they were finished.  Played outside with Toby and Brody for an hour and then went inside to get Lila ready for bed.  She and Jake "wrestled" and she climbed all over him for a while, which was good because it wore her out... we need to start doing that every night!  She went down a little after 9:00, at which time Jake left to return the trailer.  Lila woke up a half hour later, coughing, but went back to bed easily, she was so tired.  She slept great last night.  Jake and I were up till 11:30.  He made us Ollero women Cream of Wheat, and we ate that, and he and I got to visit a while.  He was proud to tell me how much Jen Randall and Tamara Little like him.  They're excited for him to eventually take over the company and deal with a lot of the stuff they have to deal with.  They said they'll both kiss him on the lips, they'll be so happy, lol.  I love that Jake guy too.

Written last Thursday night

Here we are again, on a Thursday night.  Thankfully, Jake's meeting only went till 8 or 8:30, it was a teleconference meeting.  Emily and Mike were over during that time, and it was nice catching up with Mike.  He was talking about a book he'd just read called "The Proper Care of Husbands" or something like that, by Dr. Laura.  Talks a lot about the backwards ideas that a lot of women in our society have about marriage and motherhood, etc.  He said that it aligns very well with the gospel.  We had a discussion about that, and Emily kind of got offended or a little upset because we talked about how important it is for women to stay at home if that's possible.  Even though men and women are equal, we have different responsibilities--divine responsibilities.  I don't think Emily understands that well enough... I've seen an attitude develop recently that even though she wants to get married (very badly), she's in this "independent woman" type mode... going to school so that she can support herself and work and be independent.  She mentioned that she would probably want to work when her kids got into school.  I mentioned that I think it's really important that the youngest children get as much attention and support from their parents (especially their moms) as the older ones did.  I've seen in a lot of families the moms going back to work or school when they only have 1-2 kids at home, and they're in Jr. High or high school, and sometimes that works well for the family, but a lot of times the children don't get all of the love and support that they need.  I'm especially thinking of Sam and Dan.  Anyway, I mentioned that, and Emily said, "Well, I don't have to worry/think about that now, I don't even have a husband yet."  But I thought, and so did Jake as I was telling him about this conversation, that yes, she does need to think about this now.  It's so important for us to understand our God-given responsibilities.  I've been studying this a lot lately and I feel it so strongly.  I've been listening to a lot of talks from Julie B. Beck and other leaders in the church, both men and women, and I just feel so strongly that women have such an important role as wives and mothers.  It is my sacred duty--and I do feel like it is a duty to God--to be at home with Lila and my other children.  It is my sacred duty to teach them the gospel, to love and nurture them, to feed them and care for them physically.  Just as it is Jake's sacred duty to hold the priesthood, to preside in love, to provide for our family.  One of the quotes of Sister Beck's that I like is this --

God's daughters, we know, have equal importance in His sight with His sons.  They have unique responsibilities and duties in the plan of salvation, and they share some responsibilities in the plan with Heavenly Father's sons.  They also have a unified purpose in our Heavenly Father's plan with His sons.  There is an interesting, exciting, and unique female identity of greatness, richness, that is choice beyond comparison.  And this idenity that the Lord has given us and that we understand through the gospel of Jesus Christ, is in direct contrast to the debased and devalued identity of women that we find in the world today.  We find an elevated, strong identity that comes from our Heavenly Father.  This identity and purpose can only be fully understood through a spiritual confirmation.  There is an intellectual study that can be made, but a spiritual confirmation is what teaches us who we are and what we are to do.  There is much out in the world that is false by way of identity.  There are identities of sensuality, women seeking power, prestige, money, leisure--all of these things are different identities.  But the identity of a daughter of God is precious beyond compare, and rich, and full.  We know that women are the guardians of the hearth and the home.  And they have the responsibility for the hearts and souls of men and women and the children of our Heavenly Father.  They are given this powerful and influential leadership role.  Female responsibilities include being a wife, include being a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend.  This is all about nurturing, teaching, and influencing.  These are non-negotiable responsibilities.  We can't delegate them.  We can accept them and live them, but these are things we understood before we were born, and we can't negotiate with the Lord about whether or not these are our responsibilities.  They have been part of the plan from the beginning; they are not going to change because of any clamor to the contrary... Our Heavenly Father loves His daughters, and because He loves us and the reward at the end is so glorious, we do not get a pass from the responsibilities we were given.  We cannot give them away.  They are our sacred duties and we fulfill them under covenant.

This past week, I have felt, more than I've felt at any other time in my life, the importance of my role as a mother.  I have gained a stronger testimony of the importance of this role, and of the importance of family.  Nothing "big" has happened, but I just feel it.  I've been studying the scriptures, the gospel, conference talks, etc, and it has all been strengthening me so much.  Jake and I have felt so much closer too, because of talks about the gospel and family.

priesthood blessing

A few Sundays ago (the Sunday after Caty's bridal shower), I asked Jake to give me a blessing.  On the way to and from Caty's shower, I listened to an interview of Julie Beck where she talked about the Priesthood and how it related to women and the Relief Society.  It was really inspiring.  She talked about how we can ask for Priesthood blessings whenever we feel the need or want one.  And Jake and I have heard the council that we should ask for blessings often, a lot more often than we do.  Sister Beck said that the words spoken during a blessing are the words that Heavenly Father would say to us, and I've heard that many times before, but I never desired to have that happen to me so much as I did that day.  I was feeling drained, tired, and exhausted... needing extra help especially in my role as a mother.

In that interview, Sister Beck said something like this, which is a quote from her 2011 Women's Conference talk:

I’ve learned through studying the history of Relief Society that we have and live with an inseparable connection to the priesthood. The Prophet Joseph Smith put the sisters in the position to receive all the gifts, blessings, and privileges of the priesthood. We need never confuse the idea of those who hold the priesthood in trust, with the priesthood. The priesthood is God’s power. It is His power to create, to bless, to lead, to serve as He does. The priesthood duty of every righteous man is to qualify for the blessing of holding that priesthood and trust for the Lord so that he can bless his family and those around him. And I will say the priesthood duty of sisters is to create life, to nurture it, to prepare it for covenants of the Lord. Don’t confuse the power with the keys and the offices of the priesthood. God’s power is limitless and it is shared with those who make and keep covenants. Too much is said and misunderstood about what the brothers have and the sisters don’t have. This is Satan’s way of confusing both men and women so neither understands what they really have. Sisters and brothers each have every ordinance, every gift, and every blessing available to them to get back to our Father in Heaven, and no one, male or female, is left outside of those blessings to qualify for exaltation. There is a unity in the council and the covenant that is required us to get there. Neither the man nor the woman can ascend without the other. We are inseparably connected in that way. And I understand how special women are. I understand how special men are. And together we’re more special. We become what the Lord wants us to become.

Here is some of what was said to me in the blessing.  It was the sweetest blessing I've ever received from Jake.  The Spirit was so strong.  I felt so much love for and from him, and for and from my Heavenly Father.  I felt so strongly that I really am His daughter and that he knows and loves me.

• Seek to understand the trust Heavenly Father has in me. My capacity to understand that trust will increase.


• My mind will be open to revelation about the angelic support in my life; angels are supporting me.


• That my love and respect for the life within me will grow, work towards that. And for lila too.


• I will be blessed and am being blessed for the gospel study and application of that study I am doing in our marriage and family.


• Heavenly Father will support me and guide me through any trial and situation


• When things are hard, ask heavenly father for help and he will bless me with help.


• Stand as an example of a virtuous woman


• My marriage will continue to improve and I will feel supported.


• Focus on the most important things in life, especially what it most important for my children.


• felt so strongly of heavenly father's love for me. he knows me. i am his daughter. i am not raising my children alone, he is helping me and i can call on his power whenever i need to. fear and faith cannot exist in the same place. do not fear and have faith.


• blessed to see the hand of god more, and to see and better understand the help that he sends


• while giving me the blessing, jake really felt that i am 100% committed and in this partnership with him. he said he feels so blessed for that reason. it was a sweet moment. he whispered that into my ear, we were cheek to cheek.  i love him.

Lila @ 17 months

• jared = jee-wee.  She says "Baby Jee-wee."  And gives my belly hugs and kisses.  She freely and happily gives my belly kisses, but doesn't really like to kiss Jake and I's faces.


• She sometimes says she wants to touch something, or if she knows something is dangerous (like the stove), she'll tell me, "Don't touch."


• Says "vroom vroom" about motorcycles and trucks and cars.  She loves seeing motorcycles when we're driving and calls them bikes.


• She still loves American flags.  Gets excited whenever she sees one.  Calls them "fikes."


• Says George (chuch)


• church (chooch)


• "I want da money."  We have no idea what she means by this, but it cracks us up.  We say, "Me too, Lila."


• She asks for her cup or for water when she's thirsty.


• Her first official sentences were: i don't want fruit. i want a popsicle (pock-a-tee).


• "I want to watch Blue's Clues."  (Ah-wah-watch Coo's Coos.)


•  Sky.  "Bye bye sky."  "I want sky."


• "Tubby (Toby) home?  Tubby not home.  Tubby school."


• "I want Daddy.  Daddy work."


• When she goes to bed she says, "Bye bye Daddy."


• Loves to do the airplane with Jake, loves to climb on him and have him tickle her and roll around on the floor with her.  Is not very interested in doing any of that with me.


• "I want my Mike."  "I want Nemmy."


• "Mowing" for mowing the yard.  "Daddy mowing."


• Loves butterflies lately. "Fuh-fies."


• "I want food."  "I want 'nack (snack)."


• "Cwack-oo."  (Cracker.)


• When we whisper to her she'll usually whisper back.  One time last week I asked her to whisper and she leaned forward and whispered, "I want Tubby."  Cracked me up.


• "Mucka Mo-mon."  (Book of Mormon.)


• "Jee jee."  (Jesus)


• She's getting good at praying.  She'll fold her arms and close her eyes/bow her head for a second before resuming whatever she was doing... doesn't usually sit still for prayers.  But sometimes she'll say "amen."


• She likes the phone and says, "Hewwo" into it.


• "Temple.  Mowoni."


• She's started saying and understanding what "scary" means.  When she's scared she says, "Skee-wee."


• "I want tep."  (I want help.)


• She's getting better at scooting around in her play car and on her bikes.  She can steer and push herself around.


• She runs everywhere now, pumping her arms, it's so adorable.


• Yesterday at the neighborhood party, she walked up and down stairs like a big kid, without holding onto anything!!  It was amazing.  And it scared Jake and I to watch. lol.


• She LOVES shirts and shorts.  Says "Sheet" all the time for shirt, gets excited about it.


• Has gotten really good at saying a pitiful "Mommy, mommy," when she wants me.  It's hard to say no to.


• She's starting to help me with chores.  As best as a 17 month old can.  She hands me silverware and dishes one at a time when I'm unloading the dishwasher, and hands me clothes one at a time to put into the washer or dryer.  I say, "Thank you!" to her every time she hands me something.


• She'll usually say please ("peas") or thank you" (tant too) if we ask her too.  And says "we-come" after we say "you're welcome."


• She is a very smart little girl!  Learning and growing every day.  She'll be holding conversations with me before I know it.  She knows all the parts of her face, toes, fingers, belly, hands, feet.


• She's obedient.  She's pretty good at following directions and doesn't get into mischief very often.


• She does love to unfold clothes that I've just folded, but she has so much fun doing it that usually I let her.  


• Loves the ABC song.  Loves to color and "draw" the ABC's.  When she sees something written on paper she says, "Baby C!" which means ABC!  


• Loves when we sing Book of Mormon Stories or I Love to See the Temple.


• She's so much fun and I love spending every day with her.

Tender Mercies

Thankfully, the Lord was merciful and gave me a semi-decent night of rest after a looong Monday.  Lila was pretty cranky and didn't feel good yesterday.  Lots of crying, pooping, diaper rash, wanting to nurse.  I don't usually nurse her very much during the day, but yesterday she kept asking for it, so I did.  And boy, does it help her feel better.

She took a nap in the morning.  I talked to Mike for a while, he filled me in on the latest.  He did talk to Kirk, but Kirk wants to talk to Cassandra about everything this next weekend when she's home before he gives Mike an "answer."  Emily came over while she was sleeping.  We fed her a quick lunch and then met my friend Rebecca Makas for lunch at the Crow's Nest.  Lila did okay for the first 15-20 minutes, but then got really cranky, so after a while I asked Emily to take her for a walk outside so I could actually eat my food. :)  Rebecca's doing well and Em and I both think she's funny/quirky.  She enjoys hearing about my life as a wife and mom.  She's job hunting in the Dearborn/Detroit area.

We took Lila for a little walk on Westnedge and ended up at a little park across from Gryphon Place.  We sat and talked for a while, and Lila was happy for like 5 minutes, but then got cranky and pooped, so we changed her there and then left for home.  She cried most of the way home and almost fell asleep, but didn't.

Jake didn't get home till 6:45-ish.  Luckily, Brody and Toby were outside to entertain and play with Lila.  Lila loves them.  Throughout the day, when they're at daycare, she'll ask me, "Tubby? (Toby?)  Bwody?"  And I'll make a reluctant face and tell her that they're not home, they're at school.  So then a few minutes later she'll look at me with her version of a reluctant face (nose scrunched up, squinting eyes) and tell me "Tubby. School."  Same with wanting daddy and him being at work.  Funny girl.

So they played outside together for a while.  I pulled all three kids in the wagon for a little while, which was funny, and heavy.  And they played in the backyard.

We grilled chicken for dinner once Jake got home.  And then it was bathtime, scriptures, prayer, brush teeth, etc.  The nightly routine.  Jake and I were both pretty beat, but me especially.  Just tired.  Got Lila to bed at a decent time, talked on the phone with Mike some more, and at 9:30 I was going to head to bed.  Jake asked if we could spend just 10 minutes relaxing together, and I said of course.  And he took me in his arms on the couch and just held me.  It was amazing.  He said all the right things...about how he appreciates all the hard work I do, how he thinks I'm a great mom and wife, how he thinks I'm pretty, etc.  It was just wonderful and exactly what I needed.  What a good, good man to be married to.  He called it "EFR" - Especially For Rudi.  We instituted that back in the day when I was still pretty needy.

Lila slept great last night, which is awesome.  But I still had trouble sleeping... waking up to use the bathroom, having weird dreams and not being able to fall back asleep.  The usual.  But, today's another day and I feel so blessed.

21w 3d - Tired

Feeling very tired.  Lila hasn't been sleeping well again the past few days (before that though she was sleeping great).  And I generally don't sleep as well when I'm pregnant.  So I'm really tired.  And feeling more pregnant.  I feel like my mind isn't quite working as well.  I've felt the baby's movements much stronger the past few days.  Actually movement instead of just little pokes.  He still isn't moving very often, but usually at night he's pretty active for a while.  Went for a bike ride yesterday and didn't even feel like I was physically pregnant... my belly is getting bigger, but I still don't feel huge yet at all.  This pregnancy is different because I know what's in store... I know how huge and uncomfortable I'll be, so this doesn't seem bad at all.

Tired Weekend

This post is for AnnaMarie. :)  There's a new post below the To Do list too... I just updated the to do list and the date on the post changed too.

Had a good weekend so far.  Exhausting though, thanks to Lila.  Her fever came back on Friday and she's still teething.  Last night she was up from 5-7am, so we slept in and went to the KUB instead of 9:00 1st ward.  I was crying right along with Lila for a few minutes, desperately tired.  Have not been sleeping well lately.

Anyway.  Friday, Emily came over.  We went to Joann Fabrics to look for fabric for curtains but didn't find anything, so we're going to hit up another store tomorrow.  If we can't find anything there, I'll just buy something at Target.  Lila had diarrhea there and cried for milk, she had a fever, so I sat down in the middle of the aisle (it was in a secluded part of the store) and nursed her.  That's the kind of day we had.

From there, we quickly stopped at Lowe's to pick up paint for the guest bathroom.  I decided on a paint color that morning, just looking at paint swatches, and just went for it.  I got a whole gallon but could've done the whole bathroom with a quart.  We have almost the whole gallon leftover.  The color is Rattan by Martha Stewart.  Becca Burkhead had told me that bathrooms are the worst to paint, but actually, this was really easy and quick.  Took a few hours tops.  It looks good.  And that's one thing scratched off my to do list.  Still lots more to do.

Friday night was a little lame, or pretty lame, because Jake spent 5 hours after work helping the Randalls (his boss's family) move everything from their storage units into a barn at Jen's grandma's.   Luckily, Mike stopped by at 7 and stayed till Jake got home at almost 11 because he was waiting to hear back from Cassandra's dad.  He'd called Kirk earlier that day, saying that he wanted to talk to him privately, and Kirk said he'd call Mike back when he was done with his errands, but Kirk never called back.  So Mike was bummed about that.  He was going to have the proposal talk.  So I at least had some company, but Lila slept pretty restlessly all night, so she was up a lot too.

Yesterday we went to the farmers market and then met up with Derek and Alicia Thompson and their two kids at the Oshtemo Fun Day.  We had hot dogs and walked around the little booths there.  But didn't stay too long.  It started storming right after we ate, so we left.  Lila took a VERY short nap, like 30-40 minutes.  When she woke up, she and Jake left to pick up Andre, who we haven't seen all summer.  And while they were gone, I finished painting the bathroom.  Feels good to have that done!

We played a few rounds of Monopoly Deal.  After we dropped Andre off, we drove around a while and stopped at a few stores.  Lila fell asleep in the car, thankfully.

When we got home, it was dinnertime.  Frank Whitaker came over to change his oil.  He'd never done it before on his own, so Jake helped, and Frank used Jake's ramps.  He invited us to eat with them, and we didn't eat till almost 8pm.  It was kind of funny.  It was Kate's first time making a roast, and she hadn't started it early enough, so it was still pretty raw when we went to eat it.  I had to stick mine in the microwave because I just couldn't eat it.  Lila was pretty tired by the end of the meal.

Jake fell asleep on the couch while I put Lila to bed.  And I stayed up way too late (midnight) trying to find a paint color for our bedroom.

Church at the KUB was good, but weird.  Somebody passed out during sacrament meeting so an ambulance was called.  Lila took a good nap when we got home and Jake and I got to relax a little.  I'm so glad he's a good dad and husband.

This Week

Things are going well.  I think the baby is sucking away a lot of my brain power.  I haven't felt quite like myself all week.  Like I'm only half there.  But, it's okay and I'm overall happy and more rested.  Actually, a few nights ago I was sure that I was going to die because I was so tired, but I've been going to bed earlier the past few nights, so that's helped.  Lila has been sleeping MUCH better this week, which I am so grateful for.  We pray for a good night's sleep every night. :)  Last night she woke up for an hour from like 5-6 and that was lame, but she just took a giant, nasty, awful dump so maybe her tummy was hurting.

We went for a walk on Wednesday morning with my Aunt Gina.  She goes for a long walk every morning.  We walked for something like 4 miles, which is a long walk for both Lila and I.  The walk felt nice for me, but Lila was pretty restless by the walk home.  It was a nice visit with Aunt Gina too.  I should've taken advantage of having her in the same town as me more often this summer.  Next summer I should definitely pay her more visits.  Especially because I'll have two little ones.  (She works for Kalamazoo Public Schools so has summers off.)  I like my Aunt Gina.

Got to meet Jake very briefly for lunch on Wednesday.  I called him on my way home from Aunt Gina's and he had just hopped in his car to get some Taco Bell.  He didn't have time to eat with us because he needed to go back for a meeting, but we waited in the slow drive through line with him. lol.  He's a busy man at work.  It was perfect timing.  Yesterday he came home for lunch for the first time in a while.  Also nice.

Lila's been a good eater.  She likes juice boxes now.  She eats all three meals and snacks a lot during the day.  She's still an average eater, for a toddler.  Picky and all.  But she has a decent variety of foods that she'll eat, so that's good.  She was discharged from OT yesterday!  Doesn't have to go anymore!  Awesome.  Didn't know it would happen this quickly, but I'm grateful.  Especially since we have a new baby coming along.  I do feel like I spend all day feeding her meals and cleaning up after them, but it's a happy thing.

She still loves Blue's Clues and watches a few episodes a day.  She also is obsessed with butterlies ("fuh-fies!") and becomes SO excited about them.  She'll say, "I wan' fuh-fies!" which means she wants to watch videos of them on Youtube.

I spent 2 hours at Meijer yesterday.  Lila did great in the cart the whole time.  I bought lots of groceries, and also school supplies (new crayons and things for Lila, now that she loves to "cowor") and also two nightstands for our bedroom.  I've spent all week looking at different ideas for our house... furniture, paint colors, decorating... and I've been itching to just get something done.  I've been kind of limited because Lila's taking late naps, making it hard for me to go out before it's dinnertime.  So I bit the bullet, lifted the heavy things onto my cart, lifted them into my car, I'm a beast.  And last night before bed, Jake set them up for me.  Our bedroom is driving me crazy because it still feels like an apartment bedroom... mismatched furniture, barely decorated.  I really want it to feel like a peaceful, relaxing, happy place.

Emily's last day of work at Panera was yesterday.  So I get her for 2 weeks before she starts school!  And having my parents here for a week will help me get a lot done too.  I have a list of projects she and I can do together to stay busy and productive.

I've been in the scriptures a lot this week.  It's good for me.  I have felt a strong pull toward the gospel and the scriptures lately.  With all the (normal) struggles I've been having with Lila and parenting lately, I just feel more than ever that I can't possibly do this all on my own.  I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants me to succeed and raise my children well.  He's given me so many resources to learn wisdom and principles that will help me be a better mother.

"It has to be me."

Today's CJane post.



It all started when I stopped hearing the slamming of the toilet seat throughout the day, the productive sound of The Chief getting his business done all by himself. It was also the sound of me patting myself on the back for teaching my child independence. Hooray for us both.

But those absentee slams were a clue to my finding out he was peeing in his closet. Behind the closed doors. Which, to be fair, I had heard of other boys doing, but still...

Then I started to notice his appetite was minimal and his treatment of sippy cups with milk was preferential--so preferential he didn't want anything else. Instead of the routine sippy in the morning and one at night, it was like I was running a all-day toddler bar, mixing up milky sippys at all hours.

And he couldn't sleep through the night. He'd wake up screaming, sweaty and restless.

I waited for time to pass to see if this was a fluid phase. Nothing seems to last long in toddler life. But after a few weeks I decided to dig deeper.

I prayed.

And in that prayer I felt like The Chief's problems were as easily solved by my attention, my adoration and most of all my teaching him more about things--whatever comes up--rockets, robots or light sabers. But this revelation I easily whisked off with, I spend most of my life with that boy, and when it's not me he has Daddy. How much more could he need?

But Sunday was the worst. The behavior was hard to ignore. His acting out was followed by quick Sorry Mommy which broke my heart. It was like he knew he was doing wrong, but couldn't help himself. And so I was sent to my knees again.

Then Uncle Jeremy showed up for dinner. Uncle Jeremy (previously referred to as MD around here) is a pediatrician with an emphasis in child and adolescent psychiatry. I try really hard not to plug into his profession but I couldn't help but pour my heart out when he walked in the door.

"I think it's regression," I said.

"Have you talked about this baby coming?" he asked.

"A little."

"I know you are probably tired and sick, have you been able to give him one on one time lately?"

"Not really."

I thought about how zapped I have felt lately. The heat? The pregnancy? Stress? I am not so busy as I am distracted. Last week I started to think about getting ready for the new baby and that process sent me into a new dimension. Little onesies with little socks and little wash cloths. But whatever the distraction it came with a justification: Chup's home right now, he can give them what they need while I just . . . just . . . get my bearings.

This was interrupted by Jeremy's intense look in my direction.

"It has to be you," he said to me with this eyes as blue as they were serious and kind. "I mean, you are the established nurturer. Look at it this way, whenever he comes asking for a sippy, think of it as him asking for more of you. And it has to be you."

Of course it does. It's always been me. And though I spend mostly all of my time at home with him, I had not been giving my son the richest part of myself. The part that is true and real and honest. He was just getting the crusty outsides that don't satisfy his daily allowance. I was starving my son of myself.

And then boy, did I well up.

Not because I felt guilt, but because I suddenly realized how important I am. Not me as me, but me as a mother. I am important because I am The Chief's mother. I am his everything. And my half-nutrient attention will directly affect his holistic progression. He needs me to look at him every day and reassure him that he is important too. And it has to be me. It has to be me.

And it makes me think. In our church we baptize children at eight years old. I've mused that perhaps it's because it takes eight years for the veil of heaven to be completely removed from the consciousness. Up until eight years old the parent, specifically the mother, has to be body and spirit for both beings. The connectedness to my newborns--the consuming of my physical and emotional energy--has always been overwhelming. Slowly it tapers off, but I miscalculated how much my three year old would require. It was more than I was giving.

So today after our work was done we read books. We made rocket ships and robots out of the letter A. We played Wolves and Fairies on the piano, we made cookies and had a break dance battle on the soft carpet in the front room (he won, killer head spin). We sat down and ate lunch together. He gladly drank out of a non-sippy receptacle. He volunteered to get in the tub (who is this child?) and just before tucking him into bed I heard a familiar sound. A sound I hadn't heard in ages.

Clank and slam.

We're making progress again.

A Green Smoothie Weekend

What a weekend. 

Friday was a pretty good day.  In the afternoon we went to Target to get gifts for Caty's bridal shower.  Stopped at a garage sale on the way home.  I found a cute shirt for my mom, never-been-worn, for 50 cents, a little green vase, and toy cart for Lila.  I was pushing her in it on our way back to the car (I had my hands full and it was a long walk), and hit a bump and she fell out onto her face.  Ouch.  I felt bad.

Bedtime on Friday night was a struggle.  It has been lately.  I really don't know what's going on with Lila.  I suspect those teeth are still working their way through, and she's learning and growing so much.  She's starting to speak in sentences (like, 4-5 word sentences sometimes) which BLOWS MY MIND... so I can only imagine the changes that are happening in her brain right now.  She went from saying just words to saying 4-5 sentences in a day.  It's crazy.  So, I was frustrated on Friday night, I think, but she eventually fell asleep.  Oh yeah.  That's the night Jake took over for a while because I was losing my mind.  But, she did fall asleep. 

Thursday night was bad too because she woke up just as I was going to bed screaming in pain.  Screaming and crying and pointing at her mouth.  So, for the first time in a while, I cradled her in my arms (no small feat, she's a BIG girl) and walked her up and down the hallway, whispering things to her to calm her down.  And she eventually was soothed and just looked up at me with those sweet blue eyes and almost fell asleep.  I couldn't walk around very long like that, but it was really sweet.  Reminded me so much of her being a baby.  I can't believe how much she's grown and how fast.  But she's still my little baby.  (Jake didn't get home from his meeting till like 1am on Thursday night.  Crazy.)

After Lila went to bed on Friday, at almost 11:00.  We were tired, but stayed up talking for a while and were about to go to bed when Mike came over.  Cassandra came home this weekend and it was their first time seeing each other in 2 weeks.  He was bummed because Cassandra was pretty distracted and "neglected" him. :)  He's like a girl.  She brought her former roomie Michelle home with her, and after they arrived, all three went to the county fair to help out.  Cassandra's family has been helping out with the fair for years (her dad is on the board or something), so it's a big part of her family.  Cassandra's family is still either basically ignoring Mike or treating him poorly, so he was pretty down about it.  We talked for a long time about everything.  Jake and I didn't get to bed till 1:30.  Yikes.  I had really wanted to get to bed early that night.  Oh well.  Mike has the ring (it is so pretty!) but still doesn't know when to propose, because things with her have been so awkward and strained lately.  A lot of that is probably because it's a long-distance relationship.  The one thing he established Friday night is that the next day he needed to talk to Cassandra and ask her to stand up for him more when her family are jerks to him, and for her to tell her parents that she really loves Mike and want them and their family to "be nice" to him.  She hasn't told her parents that she really loves him.  She has a pretty weird relationship with them. 

Anyway.  Saturday morning, Lila was up around 7, which was wayyy earlier than I wanted to get up.  But get up we did.  And we had banana pancakes for breakfast.  Mike had slept over so he joined us.  After that, Jake, Lila and I went to the Farmer's Market at Texas Corner's.  It was our first time to any Farmer's Market this year, and our first time to this particular one.  It's nice because it's so close.  Jake wanted to start doing green smoothies that day, so we bought a lot of greens and fruits.  We also bought some pulled pork sandwiches for lunch, and to our surprise, Lila loved it and ate a lot of it. 

After that, we came home and played with Brody and Toby for a bit before putting her down for a nap.  Jake made us green smoothies while he was sleeping (he loves this idea and practice--I think they're okay but have a hard time drinking them).  Then, just as Lila was waking up, I left for Caty Perkins' bridal shower.

It was sooo nice to have some me/girl time.  The shower was in Marshall, a 45 minute drive.  The weather on the way there and back was crazy.  Heavy rains, making it difficult to see the roads.  But I made it safely and listened to the Mormon Channel on Jake's phone.  I listened to an interview of Sister Beck about the Priesthood.  Loved it.  Felt inspired afterwards to ask Jake for a priesthood blessing.

The shower was really nice.  It was my first time seeing Caty in 2 years!  The last time we saw her and Sam was at his mission farewell party.  It was so wonderful to see her again and to see how happy she was.  Sam wasn't there, but she was just glowing.  She was texting him (I asked her if it was really awesome that she could just text him now) and she kept saying things like, "He's amazing.  He's the best.  He's awesome.  He's Sam times 100!"  She told us about how they decided to get married so soon after he got home.  His grandfather told both of them separately that he thought they should get married this August, and they both talked to their priesthood leaders and prayed about it and decided to move forward with that plan.  She said it was really stressful for her, because she hadn't planned on or imagined getting married so quickly after he got home... and it was also stressful and difficult to plan their wedding by herself and not even be "officially" engaged.  I think she's awesome.  While in Rexburg, she found an apartment for them, found and bought all the furniture they needed from Craigslist and moved it into a storage unit so that when they go back to school, all they'll need to do is move the furniture into their apartment.  What an adventure.

It was just really exciting to talk with her and to remember all that newlywed fun stuff.  I'm so happy for her and Sam and know that they'll have a very happy marriage.  Kari was the only other Kalamazoo person there, and the only other person I knew there, so we sat together and visited.  The shower was at Caty's uncle's, and it was beautiful.  Like out of a magazine.  She opened presents outside, they had a walkout basement with a covered patio and a ceiling fan.  Very relaxing.  And it was nice to have a break from Lila :)

Jake and Lila stayed busy and happy while I was gone.  She ate an entire can of ravioli for lunch! and then Jake took her grocery shopping and to Menard's.  I'm glad they got some one-on-one time.  It's good for both of them.  Got home, had dinner, took Lila for a walk in her wagon, and got her to bed by 9:00 I think.

We watched the first part of Million Dollar Baby, the Netflix movie we've had for a month now.  It was nice having time together.

Sunday was crazy.  I was exhausted and hungry all through church.  Lila did well in sacrament meeting though.  Jake only had to take her out at the very end because she bonked her head on the pew and started wailing.  Primary was chaos.  Jr. Primary was crazy and loud and I had a lot of running around to do, and I was so hungry.  Snacking is more difficult because we can't bring any peanut products or tree nut products to the stake building.  In retrospect, I definitely should have brought some fruit to snack on.  Next week.

On the way home, I was on the verge of tears because I was so hungry and tired.  And Jake wanted to drive the 30+ minutes to pick up Andre so he could hang out with us.  Jake hasn't seen Andre all summer.  But Andre had to cancel, so we got home just as Lila was falling asleep.  She got a good nap.  Jake and I grilled some hamburgers and got to take a little nap.  Played outside in the driveway for a while and then took Lila for a walk in her wagon.  Stopped by Frank and Kate's.  While we were there, Mandy Ryan (another of Jake's former co-workers) and her family arrived, so we visited with them for a while.  I really like having Frank and Kate in the neighborhood.

From there, we went to the Derek and Alicia Thompson's house to have dinner with them and the missionaries.  It was yummy-- biscuits and gravy, eggs, potatoes, etc.  Lila barely ate, but she did have fun playing with Brig.  Jumping on the couch, blowing bubbles.  She sure didn't like it when Jake or I was holding the baby.  It was a nice visit though. 

Came home, put Lila to bed.  But we made sure to have her fill her tummy so that she didn't wake up hungry like she did the night before (over and over). 

Jake gave me a blessing, which I'll write a separate post about.  And we went to bed shortly after that.

Last night Lila woke up every hour from until around 1am.  It was driving me crazy.  We gave her some medicine and that must've worked, because then she slept very well and I was able to get some sleep.  I wish those darn teeth would finally come in!

We've had a good morning.  Got to have smoothies with Jake before he left.  Played outside, had lunch together.  Emily's over and Lila's sleeping.  I've had time to read the scriptures and study a lot.  Feeling grateful and happy.

They Had Been Taught by Their Mothers - Sylvia Allred

 http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2007/pdf/SilviaAllred-2007.pdf

When a young man or woman enters the MTC he or she will not suddenly transform into a well-prepared and obedient missionary. That preparation has already begun years before, in his or her home. Mothers play an important role in this preparation. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve stated, “The single most important thing you can do to prepare for a call to serve is to become a missionary long before you go on a mission.”1

To do that, it helps to live in a home where the gospel is at the center. Missionary spirit develops in a home where parents and children share the gospel one with another. Missionaries need to know the doctrine; they need to know how to pray with real intent. They need to know how to invite the Spirit into their lives. These things will give them the confidence, the strength, and the power to go and teach.

Some missionaries shared with me their feelings of gratitude to their mothers for helping them learn to love the scriptures, for teaching them to pray, for always making the effort to hold family home evening and ensure that they had a gospel discussion as part of it. An elder told me that his mother had served a mission and she always shared her mission experiences with him, which made him want to serve a mission. Another sister said her mother would invite nonmember friends into their home, and she would share her testimony with them. This sister missionary became very accepting of members of other faiths and felt comfortable sharing her beliefs with them.

These missionaries bring to mind the story of two thousand stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon. Helaman describes the faith, courage, and integrity of these young men:

“And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all—they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

“Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:20–21).

“Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

“And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:47–48).

“Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them. . . .

“Now this was the faith of these of whom I have spoken; they are young, and their minds are firm, and they do put their trust in God continually”(Alma 57:21, 27).

What we learn from our mothers comprises our core values. A woman who patiently teaches a young child to pray, who makes time to read the scriptures, who teaches how to dress appropriately for worship services, who helps prepare talks and family home evening lessons is helping prepare a son or daughter to become a missionary. There are many other values, good habits, and skills that are taught in the home that help prepare our youth to become effective missionaries: learning how to study, doing assigned tasks well, finding joy in a job well done, assuming responsibilities, gratitude, personal cleanliness, basic cooking skills, treating others with courtesy and respect, getting up on time, obedience, the joy of giving service, self-reliance; the list goes on and on.

When our eight children were young, I never thought that our home was also a missionary training center, but in a real sense, it was. Our two boys served missions, and three of our six girls also found great joy in serving missions. “Out of small things proceedeth that which is great,” we are told in the Doctrine and Covenants (D&C 64:33).

I am grateful for all the small things the noble women of the Church are doing to prepare the next generation of missionaries. They understand the significance of mothers getting their children where they need to be; they sense that mothers are the anchor of the good things that happen, the predominant figure in the righteousness of youth. My plea to you is keep doing it, don’t give up, you are laying the foundation of a great work, and the Lord is on your side. He will bless you, and your children will thank you for it.

20w - Halfway Done!

We have reached the halfway point with this pregnancy already.  It's gone by so fast.  Probably because we've been so busy chasing Lila around and settling into our new house.  It'll be interesting to see how the second half goes.  I'm sure it'll be more difficult.  I've been having trouble sleeping lately.  Hopefully tonight I'll be able to get to bed early enough.  Jake's at his meeting and who knows when he'll be home.  Hopefully Lila gets to bed early, too.  Last night she went down at 8 but then woke up at 8:40 and was up till 10:30.  Oh well.

Today was a good day.  We kept busy so that tonight without Jake wouldn't be so boring.  When Lila got up we went to two garage sales that I found on Craigslist.  I bought a few things for Lila (books, puzzles, clothes) and clothes for Baby Boy too.  That's a lot of fun, shopping for a boy now.  It's fun to see a bunch of blue and green in my laundry basket.  Jake got excited when I showed him the clothes, said that made it more exciting.  He hasn't been as enthusiastic as I thought he'd be, but I think it's because he's really tired too.

As far as names go, the frontrunner is Jared Jacob.  Before we had kids I really wanted all of our kids to have the middle name Ollero.  But on the Betzold side, family names are pretty important. Like the three generations of Jameses.  And Jake's name is Jacob James, after his dad.  So I think it would be really special for Jake to have Jacob be his middle name.  He really wants to name the baby Jacob, but I just can't stand the idea of having two people with the same name living in my house.  Seems too confusing to me.  Jake's parents were actually going to name him Jared, until he was born and they saw him and thought he looked like a Jacob.  We'll see, though.  I'm not completely sold.  Boy names are really hard.

After we were done with garage sales, which were a lot of fun for me anyway, we went to Meijer for groceries.  Bought lots of fruit for Lila.  Stocked up on Chef Boyardee raviolis for Lila (on sale for $.88/can!) and laundry detergent (BOGO free!) and then headed home where Lila took a 2 hour nap.

Emily stopped by for a while to pick up some of her work clothes that she'd washed and forgotten here.  I was pretty tired.  Next week is her last week working at Panera.  She's excited about that.

After Lila woke up, I fed her a quick lunch so that we could head to Jessica Wesel's.  I bought hot dogs today and fixed one for Lila.  She ate the whole thing!  I was very proud!  It was her first hot dog, too.  So I'd say she likes them. :)  She liked the kielbasa in the potato soup too.  She's such a good eater now.

We visited at Jessica's for a few hours.  That was really nice too.  The kids just played and we got to visit.  She's 15 weeks along.  It's fun having kids around the same time that your friends are.  Jarom and Lila are the same age too.

Then we came home and had a quick dinner with Jake.  He didn't leave work till 5:40, so he was awesome enough to sit down and eat with us and be even later for his meeting.  That extra 10-20 minutes just made a big difference.

So now Lila and I are playing out in the driveway and I think we'll head in soon for bathtime and hopefully bedtime.

Additional thoughts on pregnancy --

I'm really trying to enjoy it.  I only get a limited amount of time in my life to be pregnant, so I really want to enjoy and cherish it while I have it.

I'm excited to have the opportunity to have a boy and to raise him to be a good man.  I think of a lot of the most important people in my life--they're men.  I'm excited to meet him, my son.

19w 6d Ultrasound Results (Video)

We had our ultrasound this morning at 8:30.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I was up from 2:30-4:30 or 5 and then up again at 6 or so when Lila got up.  Just too excited, I guess.  Emily spent the night because she was coming to the ultrasound with us.  Jake had a hard time getting out bed, he was tired.

It's a beautiful day today.  The temperatures have finally cooled off, and it's a very temperate 70 degrees.  There were lots of fluffy clouds in the sky and I enjoyed watching them float by as we drove to the hospital.  I was so happy and excited, and wanted to savor the moment before my life would change again.  Well, according to Jake, it didn't change because the baby has always been what is is, but my perception of the world and my life has definitely changed.

We had to sit in the waiting room for 10-15 minutes before we were called back.  Lila was a really good girl.  She wasn't scared of the room or the ultrasound at all.  She sat and ate snacks and walked around a while, so that was great.  Jake taped it on his iPhone.

As soon as I saw the baby on the screen, I thought it looked like a boy and I mouthed that to Emily (Jake wasn't paying attention to me).  And then I thought I saw a flash of his "business."  The ultrasound tech looked around for a while at the heart and took pictures of that and the brain and spine and other anatomy.  And then finally it was time to look between the legs, and for a moment I couldn't figure out if it was for sure a boy, but the ultrasound tech said that it was and got a really good picture of his "business."

So, we are having a BOY!!!

I'm actually really excited.  The first time around, I really didn't want a boy.  I thought I wouldn't know what to do with one.  But now that I have more experience and Lila is so darn cute, I'm really excited for this new adventure.  I think Lila will really like having a little brother.  It will be fun to have a little boy in the house :)  I'm especially excited for Jake.  I think that he will absolutely love having a little boy, a little shadow, a little Jake mini-me following him around.  Although, when I told him that, we laughed because we already have a Little Jake walking around: Lila.  He said, "Yeah, I definitely don't feel like we have a Little Rudi walking around."

SO yeah, we're having a boy!  He looks perfectly healthy.  He's measuring a week smaller than his gestational age, but the tech and midwife said that it's in the normal range and nothing to be worried about.  So, maybe he'll be a smaller baby than Lila.  At Lila's ultrasound, I was 19 weeks along (I'm almost 20 this time), she was measuring a few days early and was 11 oz.  Little Boy is 9 oz.

As soon as we found out it was a boy, Jake asked the tech if she was positive it was a boy, and she said definitely, and then he asked if he could send out the text messages.  But then I told him to wait till we were done.  When we were finished, we got our printed pictures (there are some great ones!) and then Jake ran to the car to get a USB drive because the tech could put the pictures directly onto it, which was great.

And then we went back out to the waiting room and got to make phone calls.  (I had my 20 week check-up at 9:15.)  I called my mom first and she was at work.  I said, "Guess what!"  And she said, "I have no idea!"  And then I told her we're having a boy.  She laughed.  She's happy.  She said she's been kind of thinking it was a boy, and I have too.  She thought Lila was a boy too though.  She asked if I was excited and I told her that I really was.  I told her, though, that Emily (who was standing right by me) didn't seem very excited, lol, and she isn't, yet.  Emily still feels very hesitant about little boys, like they're foreign.  But I think she'll love him as soon as she meets him.  Mom said we'll have to get used to having a boy around--we never had too many of them around growing up.  Jake went outside and talked to his parents and Jim.  I called Jessica and texted Kelsey.  They're both excited of course.

And then we had our midwife appointment.  I weigh 112, which is what I weighed when I was 12 weeks along with Lila!  Lila did well in that too, it was a short visit.

 So yeah.  A boy.  Very exciting.  And lots more planning to do than if we were having another girl.  I'll have to hit up garage sales before the end of the summer.  Very exciting.  We're so blessed.

19w 6d - Can't Sleep!

Night before the ultrasound and guess who can't sleep :)  I'm going to go lay down though.  Just had some milk and a granola bar.  Hopefully I'll be able to get at least a little more sleep before our 7am alarm.

Being Productive, and Reproductive - 19w 4d

We had a good week last week, and a good weekend too.  I tried to ease Lila back into a routine, and for the most part she did great.  I think her teeth are bugging her again.  I wish it didn't take so long for them to cut through.  But, she's generally been cheerful and playful and I'm so glad to see her feeling better.

During the week, I spent a lot of time working outside.  Weeding.  A lot.  We have pretty much neglected the big flower beds in our yards (front and back) the whole summer, so there were a ton of weeds.  Probably hundreds of pounds of them (some of them were huge!).  Also, we got rid of all the giant sunflowers and a lot of the wildflowers too.  We transplanted some of the mums on Saturday with Terie's help.  We still have more transplanting to do.  In a few weeks, we'll plant grass where the flowerbeds are.  I'm really excited about the progress we've made and how much better everything looks already.  It will be so nice, next year, to have much less to maintain and take care of.  I've enjoyed working out there and I think next year I'll enjoy it too.

We also finishing painting the big wall in the living room/kitchen.  So now the whole living/kitchen area is finished, which is also a great feeling.  I feel like we've accomplished a lot in the 3 months we've lived here.  There is still a LOT more to do, but it feels good to be checking things off of our gigantic to do list.

Jake got the riding lawn mower running and also found a bagger for it on Craigslist for $50!  He bought the mower from Sean Randall for $450.  So, all in all, a pretty good deal, and it should only take 30-45 minutes to mow the lawn now, instead of 2+ hours!  Awesome!  And, he can suck up all the leaves in the fall with it.  Woohoo!

Yesterday after 2nd ward's church, we had the Neils and VanZantens over for a BBQ.  Emily and Mike also came.  So did Frank and Kate Whitaker.  It was a really nice time.  We haven't really had a lot of people over since we've moved in, and we definitely should do this more often (have company).  What's the point in having a nice house if you never have people over?  Fun time.

On Friday evening we, with Emily, went over to the Randall's (Jake's boss's).  They're on a juice diet (they make fresh juice with a juicer) right now, and Jake's super interested, mostly because he loves juice.  So they had us over to try different kinds of juices.  We tried broccoli, zucchini, carrot, beet.  And also more traditional orange, pineapple, banana, etc.  It was fun.  I like Jen a lot.  She also gave me some AWESOME bread and jam, it's so yummy.  Good people.

On Thursday evening we helped (well, Jake helped) the Littles load up their moving van.  They are moving to Utah because Josh found several people out there to work for Bloomfire, the company he runs.  (Josh is a part-owner and the founder of the company Jake works at, Maestro.)  That was good too.

Mike is doing alright.  He spent a week at scout camp and is happy to be home, though he enjoyed spending time with his YM.  Things with Cassandra are weird right now.  But I think a lot of that is due to Mike's hypersensitivity about, well, everything.  I keep telling him to relax.  Most of the issues are just normal issues that most married couples have to work through anyway.  He picked up his ring today.  He doesn't sound very excited about it because he's not 100% sure that he wants to propose.  But I think he will soon.  He still needs to talk to Kirk, Cassandra's dad, and he's really not looking forward to that.  Cassandra's oldest brother, Jason, is now un-engaged.  He's 32 and single again.  What a weird family.  It would be one thing if maybe only one of the children was unmarried, but 4 of them are unmarried and over the age of 22.  It's really dysfunctional, the way they are.  I really hope that Cassandra can just push through and commit.  For her happiness and for Mike's.

Emily's bummed about Shane still, but she's doing well.  I'm trying to encourage her to not be so bitter about it.  She calls him a jerk and talks badly about him, so when she does I try to be understanding but to help her understand that he didn't intentionally want to hurt her... and that he's making a lot of normal decisions for someone his age and with his experience.  He is officially planning on transferring to BYU after this semester.  Oh well.  Emily will find someone much better, and she feels very confident about that.  She's really excited to start school.  I'll miss seeing her so much.  It'll be a little different when she lives 40 minutes away as opposed to 15.

Anyway, feeling blessed.  Feeling the baby kick more and more.  Our appointment is Wednesday morning at 8:30 and I'm very excited to find out what we're having.  I think it's a boy, but I also think it's a girl, so... I'll actually feel surprised either way.  But I'll be happy either way and very excited too.  I used to be scared to have a boy, but now I think it would be a lot of fun.  Jake doesn't want to guess because he doesn't want to be wrong (party pooper), so his official guess is that we're having twins, one of each.  It will make this pregnancy seem more real.  It still doesn't feel very real to me, and I definitely don't think about it as much as I did when I was pregnant with Lila.  Jake and I don't talk about it a whole lot.  Only sometimes.  Tonight was the first time he started talking to the baby in my belly, trying to get it to kick for him.  He said, "Hey in there!  This is your father!"  I thought it was cute.  I like that he's the father of my children. :)  We are excited to have another baby.  I'm feeling great.  Only tired, but that's mostly because of Lila's struggles the past week.  I'm having to get up to pee 2-3 times a night too. But so far, this pregnancy has been even easier than my pregnancy with Lila, which wasn't too terrible.  Of course, I still have halfway to go, but I'm feeling good.  I think a lot of it has to do with my weight gain.... I'm gaining the normal, healthy amount.  I think it's making a big difference.  I'm able to still be active and work hard--so much so that sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant.  My belly is definitely getting bigger though.  I have a pronounced pregnant belly now, and sometimes in the evenings I do feel very pregnant.  It's fun to be going through this again.  So excited for Wednesday!

Lila Update - 16.5 months

Lila's doing great lately.  She had 2 very bad weeks in a row--teething, diarrhea, fevers, didn't sleep well--but last week she was pretty much back to normal.  She had an off day yesterday.  For some reason, she didn't take a nap.  I tried to get her to, but she just didn't fall asleep, so it was a very long day.  She fell asleep for a while at her normal bedtime, but woke up and didn't go back to sleep again until midnight, and there was lots of screaming and crying and tears in between.  It was crazy.

But, today was awesome.  Her eating has improved A LOT these past few weeks.  Her love of popsicles has turned her onto liking watermelon and canteloupe, similar textures and tastes.  Which is awesome.  Kristen (OT) said it would be great if Lila would eat two veggies and two fruits.  I don't know if potatoes count as veggies, but she eats those and beans (black beans, baked beans) and now two fruits.  I guess she was chugging chocolate milk at our neighbor's house the other day... I'll have to try that.  And now she likes licorice, fruit snacks, Craisins, Quaker Oats granola bars, Nutella, Gatorade.  It's awesome.  Now it feels like most of my day is spent preparing her food, feeding her, and cleaning up.  But it's fun and I'm happy that she's doing so well.  At her last OT appointment, last Thursday, Kristen was so impressed with how she's doing.  Lila only needs to go in every other week now.

New words she can say (or tries to say): Jesus (Cheesy), Church, Mike, Emmy/Nemmy, popsicle (pock-ah-tee), shirt, shorts, Book of Mormon, plane, Blue's Clues (Coo Coos), banana, color (cowor -- she asks me to color when she's bored now), nose (no), button.  I wrote "ABC" on a piece of paper today when we were coloring and told her what it was, and from time to time she would point at it and say "ABC!"  She is AMAZING and incredibly smart.  She loves coloring and writing with pens, just like I did when I was little.

Uh-oh is one of her favorite things to say.  She says it whenever she drops something, or anyone drops something, or when I ask her where something is and she doesn't know, she says "uh-oh."

Knows a lot of body parts now: nose, mouth, teeth, cheeks, eyes, ears, fingers, toes, belly, belly-button.

It's fun going for walks and being outside with her because she likes to point at things and name them as we go.  She loves hearing planes and trains go by.  She'll stop dead in her tracks, make a surprised face, point, and then say either "toot toot" and "tee" for train and will try to say "plane."  She says "fah" for flowers, bumble bee (bum-bee-bee, so cute), butterfly (buy-fy), bike (even when she sees motorcycles).  She thinks horses are cows so she says moo when she sees them.  She still loves seeing doggies and says "foof foof" for woof woof.  She loves birdies too and says "teet teet" and "birdy."

She still loves Brody and Toby.  We play in the driveway with them almost every night.  They mostly like to play with our tricycles and lawn mowers and tools--they love asking Jake questions about those things--but Lila's just thrilled to have them over.  Terie is great, too and loves Lila.  They are awesome neighbors!

Lila's getting taller and losing some of her baby fat.  Lots of our friends have been commenting on that.  Sigh.  I cannot believe how big she's getting.  She's such a blondie, too.  It just makes me smile sometimes to watch her walking and running around, that little fuzzy, curly blond head of hers.  She has quite the tan for a blonde too.

She's starting to speak in two word sentences, I think.  Not very clearly, but when she wants milk (to nurse, usually when she's hungry--so then I know I need to feed her a snack or meal--or before nap/bed) she always says "mah milk."  And when she wants to go for a walk, she says "mah walk."  Today it sounded like she said something like "Walk go church."  Or sometimes she'll say "go walk."

She loves saying "Hi" and she'll always say it so cheerfully to people.

She did great at church on Sunday!  Now that she loves certain snacks--she also loves Yogurt Bites--she's easier to distract with those, and we had books and a pen and paper, we made it through the entire sacrament meeting without having to take her out!  ...Except for when she pooped at the very end, before the closing song, and I had to take her out to change her.  She's so cute in Primary.  She'll climb into the little chairs and sit with the kids so happily, and she'll yell out, "MA!  Mama!" until I look at her and wave.  So funny.

She likes to Skype with my parents still, and knows when I have Skype open, even when I'm not chatting with anyone.  She'll say "Papa" because she knows that we Skype with Papa and Granny.  She doesn't say Granny yet, but likes to see Bella the dog.  My mom sings "Bella Rose Ollero, Nanananana."  to the tune of Ring Around the Rosy, and so anytime she wants to see Bella, she says "Bella" or "nanana" and sings the song.  It's so cute.

She loves Auntie Emmy.  A few weeks ago, Emily didn't work a lot so she was over here most days.  She'd be here when Lila would wake up from her naps, so now lately when Lila wakes up from a nap, she sits up and says, "Nemmy?"

In short, Lila is amazing.  She is doing so well.  She is so smart.  I know most parents think that about their kids, but I think Lila is smarter than average. ;)  It amazes me how much she can say and understand, and that she can request things from me now.  When she wants a popsicle, she says popsicle.  When she wants to go for a walk, she'll get her shoes and ask to go for a walk.  I am so proud of her and I really am grateful that I get to be home with her every day.  It's a lot of fun, now that I'm learning how to better entertain and interest her, and now that she likes to eat food.  She is my little buddy and I'm so excited to continue to see her learn and grow.  I wish Jake got to spend more time with her.  She just loves him and he loves her too.  I'm nervous to have another baby because I don't think Lila will like it at all at first... but I think it will be really good for her.  She will love having a playmate and a best buddy.  And, though it'll be hard at first, it will be good for her to be a little less attached to me and to not have 100% of my attention.  I am so blessed to have this little girl in my life.

18w 6d

A few nights ago, Jake felt the baby kicking for the first time!  He did last night too.  So fun.  We're excited for this little one to keep growing and for my belly to get bigger and rounder.  This time next week, we'll know what we're having :)

Our Weekend

Ok, I was a little dramatic the last time I posted and wrote about Jake.  Being super tired and not having seen him in 2 days, I suppose that was to be expected.  But as soon as he got home, all those feelings melted away and we had a really enjoyable and happy weekend together.  He is an awesome, supportive dad and husband and I was just bitter that I had to go it alone for a few days while he was rightfully busy with work and church.  He asked me what was bothering me, and I was too embarrassed to tell him because he just doesn't deserve any chastisement.  Right now, anyway.  When he got home and we were sitting on the couch together, he told me that he thinks that my job is amazing--that I get to be with Lila and that she is a product of my hard work and diligence.  He had finished a project at work that day and sent it off to a client.  And though it was a fairly big accomplishment, he felt kind of "empty," like, "Who cares that I just made a elearning module?  Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?"  And so we talked about how yes, it does matter because his job supports our family, and he is fulfilling the role that Heavenly Father wants for him.  Anyway.  Good reminder for both of us that we are both working hard for our family.

Friday night, Jake took me (and Lila) out on a date.  We ate at Culver's (I just love that place) and then took Lila to the park.  Thankfully, that night she slept amazingly for the first time all week.  From 10pm-5am, and then she was up several times but mostly slept till 10am.  Yay.  We went grocery shopping in the afternoon and then went to Maestro's summer party.  It was at Doug's house, a pool party.  It was a lot of fun!  Really hot though.  The first half wasn't as fun because Lila was pretty crabby and clingy.  Jake had a blast though, jumping, diving, flipping into the pool and splashing around.  He's just like a little kid.  Lila didn't really show interest in swimming and didn't want to go in.  But after dinner, she went in and loved it!  I think it helped that there were so many other kids (and babies/toddlers) in the pool having fun.  Jake put her in a floaty thing that she could sit in and she seriously had a blast.  It was so much fun to watch.  I don't have a swimsuit that fits and didn't have a chance to buy a maternity suit, so I didn't go in.  Lila was blabbing and laughing the whole time.  I'm so happy that she had fun, like a normal kid :)

There was a canon ball contest, and Jake did pretty well, even though the other guys are a LOT bigger (fatter) than he is.  I had a nice time visiting with the other wives and Jen Randall (his boss).

Lila slept horribly Saturday night, unfortunately.  Was up a lot and apparently didn't feel well.  And I had a horrible time sleeping as it was, because I was nervous about giving my talk the next morning.  Jake was asked to speak on "establishing a Christ-centered home" and I was asked to speak on "the sabbath and the sacrament."  We stayed up late on Saturday night to prepare, after Lila had gone to bed.  It was nice having that time together, and visiting and joking about stuff.

Sunday morning, our talks went well.  Lila had a bad day though.  We had to wake her up and she was very angry and sad and tired.  She didn't do well through sacrament meeting.  So Jake and I, while the other was talking, had to be out in the foyer with her.  Our talks did go well.  The youth speaker was at scout camp (lol) so Jake and I were the only speakers, but that worked out well because we both went a tiny bit over.  Jake spoke first, which surprised us.  Went well.  He choked up at the end of his talk, when he said that our goal as parents is to raise adults who will desire eternal life and who will someday find eternal mates of their own.  He hates it when he chokes up.

Primary went well, too.  Jake was a substitute teacher for the 5 and 6 year olds.  He took Lila with him to class, and she stood on the table behind him and drew on the chalkboard most of the time :)  It was so cute, she was really happy.

She didn't take a good nap when we got home and then cried inconsolably for an hour after she woke up.  That was fun.  But after lunch, we took her outside and Brody and Toby were out, which of course made her happy.  Then we took her for a bike ride.  And then Jake grilled steaks and we had dinner.  Emily came over to eat with us.  Lila ate well, for the first time in a while.  (Except for when she scarfed down zucchini bread after she went swimming at the party.)  She ate some steak and ate a whole plate of baked beans and let us spoon feed her mashed potatoes.  That last part was a lot of fun for me, because I never got to feed her when she was a baby :)

She had another decent night of sleep last night, and as a result, I did too!  I'm grateful.  Jake and I got to spend time together before we went to bed, also nice... all last week and maybe the week before that, she wasn't going to bed till 10 or 11.  I've been feeling the baby more and more and I even think I felt some kicks on the outside last night.  It's fun.  I didn't feel movement until much later with Lila.

Today we're laying low.  Hopefully getting Lila back into her schedule.  She slept till 8:40, which was awesome, and she went down for a nap at around 1, also awesome.  We spent the morning taking showers/baths, cleaning up a nasty poopy diaper, reading books, playing out in the driveway and going for a walk, and then having a good lunch.