- Last night Lila fell asleep on me like she used to. We went to the basement after dinner and after Jake left for his meeting. She asked for "mek" (milk), so I turned on the evening news and nursed her. She fell asleep while we were just laying there, and she hasn't done that in forever, so for an hour, I got to hold and cuddle her and it was so sweet.
- Later that night, she fell asleep in bed watching Blue's Clues (coos coos). She was kind of laying near the edge of the bed but was still pretty far away. She totally rolled off the bed a few hours later. Woops. I felt bad.
- We've been having thunderstorms the past few nights, and they've actually been a blessing, because a lot of times Lila will fall asleep listening to the thunder. The louder, the better. I think that's been a special gift from Heavenly Father.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Some Things to Remember
18w 1d - Appointment
Yesterday I had my first appointment with a midwife at Partners in Women's Health. Met with Brandi Boone. She can't be much older than Jake. The appointment went well and was pretty brief. Lila wasn't feeling well and got very upset when the medical assistant and midwife were in the room. She especially hated it when Brandi used to the doppler to find the baby's heartbeat. I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't bring her to the ultrasound.
It was really nice hearing the heartbeat again. It's been 6 weeks since the last time. It was low to start out with, around 139. Brandi said, "Ooh, sounds like a boy." But as soon as she said that, it sped up to be in the 150's. So, who knows. The baby did kick at the doppler and I felt it. :) Thought that was pretty cute.
We scheduled the ultrasound and our 20 week appointment for Wednesday, August 10th at 8:30 in the morning. I am SO, so, so excited to find out what we're having. I really have no idea. I would love another girl, but I'm up for the challenge and new-ness of a boy. I just sincerely hope this baby is healthy and happy.
It was really nice hearing the heartbeat again. It's been 6 weeks since the last time. It was low to start out with, around 139. Brandi said, "Ooh, sounds like a boy." But as soon as she said that, it sped up to be in the 150's. So, who knows. The baby did kick at the doppler and I felt it. :) Thought that was pretty cute.
We scheduled the ultrasound and our 20 week appointment for Wednesday, August 10th at 8:30 in the morning. I am SO, so, so excited to find out what we're having. I really have no idea. I would love another girl, but I'm up for the challenge and new-ness of a boy. I just sincerely hope this baby is healthy and happy.
My Own Wilderness
I've been a blubbering mess the past few days. Lila has been sick and very dependent on me. Wednesday she had a slight fever that was pretty manageable with Ibuprofen or Tylenol, but yesterday she woke up with a much higher fever that lasted throughout the day. At its peak it was around 103. And unfortunately, the moments I needed Jake the most, he was unavailable. On Wednesday night he stayed up till 1am working, and on Thursday night (last night), he had his meeting at church that started at 6 and he didn't get home till almost 1am.
A lot of my sadness, frustration, and anger has been directed at him. We haven't really had the chance to talk in the past few days. Yesterday he came to my midwife appointment with me, but we spent most of the time wrangling and trying to soothe Lila, who was very cranky and didn't feel well. And then he was only home for 10 minutes between work and his meeting. I know that it's probably mostly because I'm very tired, but I feel very hurt by the way he's been acting and by how busy he is. I know that some women don't have husbands, or supportive husbands, or that some women see their husbands much less than I do, but I'm still hurting. And not even because he's been gone a lot, but I just feel like we're not his top priority lately. I don't expect to receive all of his attention all the time, or even most of his attention most of the time, but even when he is home and with us, lately he's been so stressed out about work that he's not fully there with us. There have been a few times recently where he's said to me so earnestly and emphatically, "Rudi, I love my job. I really love it." And I think that's wonderful and I'm so happy for him, that he's found a job that he loves and excels at and is appreciated for. But it's been a while since I've felt that same enthusiasm from him towards our marriage and family. He's still a good husband and father. He plays with Lila and is good to her. But especially in these long weeks of no or little sleep, I need extra support, encouragement, appreciation, and love from him that I'm just not getting. I feel like he'd maybe rather be working or is thinking about work.
It's hard when our family is my whole life and focus, and it's only a fraction of his. I know that all he does is technically for our family. But he has a life outside of our home that I'm not a part of. I think that maybe I should get a hobby or something, but I can barely keep up with life as it is without focusing on something else. I don't usually feel this way. I'm tired and emotional and pregnant too... but I feel like this is something we need to talk about. Hopefully tonight Lila will cooperate enough for Jake and I to have at least some time to talk together.
Lila. That girl. I love her so much. I've been really trying to be patient and compassionate with her as she's been feeling sick and in pain. I've been reminded of my commitment to her and her happiness, of my important role as her mother. I've been reminded by the spirit that being a mother is a lot like being a wife... you commit to love your child for better or worse, in sickness or in health. I'm her mother when it's difficult as well as when we're having fun and she's happy. She needs me to do things for her that she cannot do herself. As I've spent much of my time laying in bed next to her this past week, soothing and comforting her, I've felt drawn to Christ. He is my Savior, He is her Savior, and He is a perfect example of a nurturer. I'm reminded that what I'm learning now in these tough weeks is to be more like Him. These times when she's little and helpless and needs her mother so desperately won't be forever. But what I do for her now is establishing a strong foundation of love for our future together. Someday we will be friends. Someday I will be able to have conversations with her and laugh with her and bond with her emotionally. I so look forward to that time. But I try to live in the now, and to appreciate and love her now because I know that this time, when she's so little, is so important. It's for me as much as it is for her.
The thought has also struck me lately that while I have a very natural and strong, instinctive love for her, my daughter, she is not necessarily born with that same love, fondness, and devotion to me, her mother. I have to earn her love. I know that she adores me and loves me, but it's because I have devoted my life to her since she's been here. I serve her every day and give so much of myself to her. But that's why she loves me.
The video I posted above made me weep this afternoon. I am building and working towards something so much bigger than I can imagine. I am raising a little toddler who will someday be a young woman, and eventually a woman, wife, and mother. I hope and pray that I will be a good enough mother--with the help of Heavenly Father and Christ--that someday Lila will say those things about me. That she will love and admire me and enjoy my company. That she will look to me for guidance and direction, and that together we can search, ponder, and pray.
One more thought, in closing. I read this quote in an interview on www.mormonwomen.com, coming from a woman who has five children under the age of five, including two sets of twins.
A lot of my sadness, frustration, and anger has been directed at him. We haven't really had the chance to talk in the past few days. Yesterday he came to my midwife appointment with me, but we spent most of the time wrangling and trying to soothe Lila, who was very cranky and didn't feel well. And then he was only home for 10 minutes between work and his meeting. I know that it's probably mostly because I'm very tired, but I feel very hurt by the way he's been acting and by how busy he is. I know that some women don't have husbands, or supportive husbands, or that some women see their husbands much less than I do, but I'm still hurting. And not even because he's been gone a lot, but I just feel like we're not his top priority lately. I don't expect to receive all of his attention all the time, or even most of his attention most of the time, but even when he is home and with us, lately he's been so stressed out about work that he's not fully there with us. There have been a few times recently where he's said to me so earnestly and emphatically, "Rudi, I love my job. I really love it." And I think that's wonderful and I'm so happy for him, that he's found a job that he loves and excels at and is appreciated for. But it's been a while since I've felt that same enthusiasm from him towards our marriage and family. He's still a good husband and father. He plays with Lila and is good to her. But especially in these long weeks of no or little sleep, I need extra support, encouragement, appreciation, and love from him that I'm just not getting. I feel like he'd maybe rather be working or is thinking about work.
It's hard when our family is my whole life and focus, and it's only a fraction of his. I know that all he does is technically for our family. But he has a life outside of our home that I'm not a part of. I think that maybe I should get a hobby or something, but I can barely keep up with life as it is without focusing on something else. I don't usually feel this way. I'm tired and emotional and pregnant too... but I feel like this is something we need to talk about. Hopefully tonight Lila will cooperate enough for Jake and I to have at least some time to talk together.
Lila. That girl. I love her so much. I've been really trying to be patient and compassionate with her as she's been feeling sick and in pain. I've been reminded of my commitment to her and her happiness, of my important role as her mother. I've been reminded by the spirit that being a mother is a lot like being a wife... you commit to love your child for better or worse, in sickness or in health. I'm her mother when it's difficult as well as when we're having fun and she's happy. She needs me to do things for her that she cannot do herself. As I've spent much of my time laying in bed next to her this past week, soothing and comforting her, I've felt drawn to Christ. He is my Savior, He is her Savior, and He is a perfect example of a nurturer. I'm reminded that what I'm learning now in these tough weeks is to be more like Him. These times when she's little and helpless and needs her mother so desperately won't be forever. But what I do for her now is establishing a strong foundation of love for our future together. Someday we will be friends. Someday I will be able to have conversations with her and laugh with her and bond with her emotionally. I so look forward to that time. But I try to live in the now, and to appreciate and love her now because I know that this time, when she's so little, is so important. It's for me as much as it is for her.
The thought has also struck me lately that while I have a very natural and strong, instinctive love for her, my daughter, she is not necessarily born with that same love, fondness, and devotion to me, her mother. I have to earn her love. I know that she adores me and loves me, but it's because I have devoted my life to her since she's been here. I serve her every day and give so much of myself to her. But that's why she loves me.
The video I posted above made me weep this afternoon. I am building and working towards something so much bigger than I can imagine. I am raising a little toddler who will someday be a young woman, and eventually a woman, wife, and mother. I hope and pray that I will be a good enough mother--with the help of Heavenly Father and Christ--that someday Lila will say those things about me. That she will love and admire me and enjoy my company. That she will look to me for guidance and direction, and that together we can search, ponder, and pray.
One more thought, in closing. I read this quote in an interview on www.mormonwomen.com, coming from a woman who has five children under the age of five, including two sets of twins.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this time when it’s common for young mothers to feel spiritually barren. We’re in our own little wilderness. A good friend of mine keeps a letter in her scriptures that her mother gave her before she went on her mission. She wrote, “Like Alma, John the Baptist and all the other recobites, you will be out in the wilderness. But that is where all the fiery things happen. It is where God likes to come.” I love that idea. Even though this is such an intense time, He does not forsake us—even when we can’t be as spiritually committed as we’d like and when our spiritual study isn’t what we want it to be.
My heart is there. I want to give my spirit the time. I want to be diligent, but I’m doing the best I can. I have to trust that’s enough. And when I look back, I think I’ll see that He really does visit in those times. He’s a part of it. He’s there. He’s handling my life even when I don’t see and feel it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
17w 6d
Feeling more and more baby kicks :) It's not constant and they're not very strong yet, but I just love it. Especially when I'm laying in bed with a sleepless Lila... gives me something to be happy about when I'd otherwise be pretty cranky. So excited to meet this little one. And to hear the heartbeat at the appointment tomorrow!
Playgroup, Poop, and A Fever
After Lila had her nap on Monday, Emily watched her so that I could run to Meijer. We had banana pancakes and sausage for dinner, and Lila tried and liked both. After that, Emily watched Lila while Jake and I went to Lowe's, Marshall's, and Meijer. Got paint for the tall wall in the living room and looked at King bed sheets. It was a nice little "date," although Jake gets "annoyed" whenever I say things like, "Remember going on dates when we were first married? That was so much fun. We used to have so much fun." Because he thinks I'm complaining that we don't have fun anymore. Not so.
Yesterday morning was fun. We went to the playgroup that Elizabeth Christensen was hosting. Her family is new in the ward. Her husband Mike works for Kellogg I think. They have four kids, including a set of twins and a girl around Lila's age. Really nice family and they had a really nice house too. I love the playgroups around here; I wish that when Lila was a smaller infant I would've known about them. I think they would've made my transition to motherhood easier. But I'm happy to have this support this time around. I had a nice visit with all the ladies there and Lila had fun playing on their bouncey-house thing and climbing on a little slide. She also snacked and played with other kids. All around wonderful morning.
Afterwards we stopped at Jake's office for a quick lunch. I got to see his new office for the first time. Really nice! The best part of our visit was when Lila stopped dead in her tracks, pointed at her butt, said "poop" and then pooped! She's a genius! Maybe she'll be ready for potty training sooner than I thought. Either that, or she'll be super stubborn and not want to at all... not want to sit on the potty, etc. I can also see that happening. I'll have to get her a little potty chair. She also tried eating Jake's salami sandwich, and gobbled up the salami pieces Jake gave her.
Yesterday and today Emily didn't have to work either. So yesterday we went to Target and Pier 1. Didn't buy anything at Target, but Lila sure pooped there. And I bought a lamp and some pillows at Pier 1 (but I'm returning the pillows). Got home, Emily left, and Jake and I grilled chicken for dinner while Lila played with Brody and Toby. Lila loved the chicken and ate a lot of it! We couldn't keep up with her! She went down at 7:20 but then was up again at 8:00 and didn't go back to bed till 11. Oy vey. In the meantime, Jake mowed the lawn and I started the edging on the tall wall.
Poor Lila isn't doing so well. She woke up with a fever this morning, very cranky and crying and not feeling well. She's had more diarrhea. So we've been feeding her popsicles. She's still eating and drinking fairly well, so that's good. She woke up right before Jake left at 8, and then slept again from around 9-11. Emily came over after Lila and I took a shower. Lila was pretty happy in the morning. We read books. She still just loves that Lila Pirate book. She loves looking at the pictures and pointing at and saying the different animals she recognizes. And when I read it to her, she was giggling with delight.
Lunch went well. We all chatted on the phone with Mom and Lila happily ate her mac and cheese. Now she's napping and Em and I are chillin' in the basement.
Yesterday morning was fun. We went to the playgroup that Elizabeth Christensen was hosting. Her family is new in the ward. Her husband Mike works for Kellogg I think. They have four kids, including a set of twins and a girl around Lila's age. Really nice family and they had a really nice house too. I love the playgroups around here; I wish that when Lila was a smaller infant I would've known about them. I think they would've made my transition to motherhood easier. But I'm happy to have this support this time around. I had a nice visit with all the ladies there and Lila had fun playing on their bouncey-house thing and climbing on a little slide. She also snacked and played with other kids. All around wonderful morning.
Afterwards we stopped at Jake's office for a quick lunch. I got to see his new office for the first time. Really nice! The best part of our visit was when Lila stopped dead in her tracks, pointed at her butt, said "poop" and then pooped! She's a genius! Maybe she'll be ready for potty training sooner than I thought. Either that, or she'll be super stubborn and not want to at all... not want to sit on the potty, etc. I can also see that happening. I'll have to get her a little potty chair. She also tried eating Jake's salami sandwich, and gobbled up the salami pieces Jake gave her.
Yesterday and today Emily didn't have to work either. So yesterday we went to Target and Pier 1. Didn't buy anything at Target, but Lila sure pooped there. And I bought a lamp and some pillows at Pier 1 (but I'm returning the pillows). Got home, Emily left, and Jake and I grilled chicken for dinner while Lila played with Brody and Toby. Lila loved the chicken and ate a lot of it! We couldn't keep up with her! She went down at 7:20 but then was up again at 8:00 and didn't go back to bed till 11. Oy vey. In the meantime, Jake mowed the lawn and I started the edging on the tall wall.
Poor Lila isn't doing so well. She woke up with a fever this morning, very cranky and crying and not feeling well. She's had more diarrhea. So we've been feeding her popsicles. She's still eating and drinking fairly well, so that's good. She woke up right before Jake left at 8, and then slept again from around 9-11. Emily came over after Lila and I took a shower. Lila was pretty happy in the morning. We read books. She still just loves that Lila Pirate book. She loves looking at the pictures and pointing at and saying the different animals she recognizes. And when I read it to her, she was giggling with delight.
Lunch went well. We all chatted on the phone with Mom and Lila happily ate her mac and cheese. Now she's napping and Em and I are chillin' in the basement.
Monday, July 25, 2011
17w 4d - Registration Appointment
Jake came home to watch Lila while Emily and I went to my appointment today. It was my first one there at the new practice, so it was just with a CMA to go over protocol. We didn't get to listen to the heartbeat, but that's okay. I can wait till Thursday. I am SO excited for the ultrasound though. Two weeks to go. We'll get to schedule that on Thursday, I'm guessing. I did get weighed though. A surprising 109.2 pounds. Surprising that I don't weigh more! I was over 120 at this point with Lila. So, that means I've gained around 8 pounds in 5 weeks. Still a lot. I eat a LOT now. I've noticed this past week how much my appetite has increase. I need to eat often or I'm starving and I don't feel well. I feel good when I'm full.
Feeling the baby move! Especially when I'm laying in bed, I can feel little kicks and flutters. But even now as I'm on the computer, I can feel little kicks. When they first started, I wasn't sure if it was kicks or not, but now I'm almost positive that they are. They're not big and powerful yet, but big enough for me to feel. :) Love it.
Found out today that Krista Berbohm, a friend from high school who was pregnant with her second, due mid-February, had a miscarriage. Very sad.
Feeling the baby move! Especially when I'm laying in bed, I can feel little kicks and flutters. But even now as I'm on the computer, I can feel little kicks. When they first started, I wasn't sure if it was kicks or not, but now I'm almost positive that they are. They're not big and powerful yet, but big enough for me to feel. :) Love it.
Found out today that Krista Berbohm, a friend from high school who was pregnant with her second, due mid-February, had a miscarriage. Very sad.
More Weekend
Friday night was the "coolest" night we'd had all week, maybe in the mid-80's, so we took Lila for a walk. She'd napped in the car on the way home from the mall, so we got to stay out a little later than usual. Actually, she didn't get to bed till 11, which is crazy late, but her sleep has been so off lately. Anyway, we went to Frank and Kate's. They were just getting home from a date; her mom had been watching George. So we visited with them for a while, standing out in their yard. Lila had fun watching Frank trim some of the trees in their yard. Talked more baby/pregnancy stuff with Kate. It'll be fun to go through a lot of this pregnancy with Kate.
We stayed up past midnight visiting with Mike, who came to fix his car, but it was almost dark by the time he got here.
Saturday morning was a rough one for Lila, so we all slept in past 9. At least she slept in! We picked up crock pots from Jen Randall and Alicia Thompson for the ward picnic and thawed/cooked the sloppy joe meat (we ended up with LOTS of leftovers, bought too much meat). We went to Home Depot to pick up a paint sample for the big wall in the living area (Whetstone Gray by Martha Stewart; we're going to go with it). Lila took a pretty good nap in the afternoon. I tried to but couldn't fall asleep.
Before going to the ward picnic, we stopped at Walmart to pick up some chips. At this point, I was feeling very tired and hungry and pregnant, and so when a middle-aged couple cut in front of me with a ton of school supplies (and I only had 2 bags of chips), I stopped them and they were rude to me but I totally stood up for myself. :) Go Pregnant Rudi!
The ward picnic... sigh. I generally don't like ward picnics, but it was SO hot and humid so I wasn't thrilled to be there. We didn't get the pavilion because another group got there before us. So we were sitting in the shade of a bunch of trees. Long story short, it POURED on us for 5-10 minutes so we all got soaked. But I think the kids have fun, and I guess that's all that matters. Lila had a lot of fun playing and walking around on the playground. Emily and Mike came, and so did one of Jake's co-workers, Doug. He's probably in his 50's and going through his second divorce; both of his wives left him. So he also talked with Mike about it for a while.
Got home, gave a very tired Lila a bath and got her to bed, though it took her a long time to wind down. Jake and Mike went to pick up the king-size bed from the Randalls. It was 11 by the time they were done. Em visited with me till they were done.
The rest of Sunday was pretty good. When Jake got home, Lila was sleeping in the car. We went to Josh and Tamera Little's to pick up a few things they're getting rid of (like a gas grill with a smoker that Jake is really excite about) because they're moving to Utah in a few weeks. It was a nice drive in the country and I enjoyed having that time to talk with Jake.
Lila is learning so much lately. She can say frog, Judy (this is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever heard her say, she has a hard time saying the J and the D but she tries so hard), Jake, Emmy, ribbit, frog (sounds like the f-word), and she copies a lot of the words that we make but doesn't know the meanings of them yet. It's so cute, every time she walks into a room now, she says "Hi!" and I just love it. I think she's getting taller. She's still so blond and so cute.
Lila didn't take a nap till 2:30. Before that, we set up the king bed in our room and moved all of our other beds around too. The queen bed is now in the guest room, and the twin beds are in the other bedrooms.
Emily and I left for Battle Creek at 4:15, before Lila woke up. We went to see the house and meet the woman where Emily will be living the next year or so, maybe throughout all of her dental hygiene schooling. Her name is Judy Barnes and she's the RS president in Battle Creek. She's a 67-year-old widow, but she looks a lot older than that. She's a very nice lady, very warm and kind, talkative. Emily likes her a lot. She likes the house a lot too, so it's a perfect situation for Emily (or so it seems right now). Judy is easy to get a long with and not particular about many things, so I think Emily will be comfortable there. And it's only 6 miles away from the school, so that's great too. She'll pay $250 a month.
After we left there, we went to Mike's for dinner. I was worried that I wouldn't like what he made (I was sooo hungry), but he made ravioli and and awesome salad and garlic bread and cookies. So I stuffed myself. Lila was happy to see me. The 10 minutes before I got there, she started saying "mommy" and "milk" (meck) which is also a new word she can say, so she can tell me when she wants to nurse. Oh boy. lol. She was really hungry, and I guess the guys hadn't thought to feed her. She liked the ravioli, of course. Visited with Mike a little bit but didn't stay too long.
Jake and I were excited to try out the bed, and we were both exhausted, so when we put Lila down at 9 we went to bed too. Except Lila was in too much pain to fall asleep, so she cried for a long time. So we went downstairs to watch a Blue's Clues (she says that too "coos"), and tire her out a little more. During that time, we got a call asking us to speak in church on Sunday. Fun fun :) I had a feeling this past week that we'd be speaking soon, weird. She finally went to bed at 11 and slept well, actually. She's still sleeping now at 9am. I slept better than I have in a long time too.
Have a busy day ahead of us and a midwife appointment!
We stayed up past midnight visiting with Mike, who came to fix his car, but it was almost dark by the time he got here.
Saturday morning was a rough one for Lila, so we all slept in past 9. At least she slept in! We picked up crock pots from Jen Randall and Alicia Thompson for the ward picnic and thawed/cooked the sloppy joe meat (we ended up with LOTS of leftovers, bought too much meat). We went to Home Depot to pick up a paint sample for the big wall in the living area (Whetstone Gray by Martha Stewart; we're going to go with it). Lila took a pretty good nap in the afternoon. I tried to but couldn't fall asleep.
Before going to the ward picnic, we stopped at Walmart to pick up some chips. At this point, I was feeling very tired and hungry and pregnant, and so when a middle-aged couple cut in front of me with a ton of school supplies (and I only had 2 bags of chips), I stopped them and they were rude to me but I totally stood up for myself. :) Go Pregnant Rudi!
The ward picnic... sigh. I generally don't like ward picnics, but it was SO hot and humid so I wasn't thrilled to be there. We didn't get the pavilion because another group got there before us. So we were sitting in the shade of a bunch of trees. Long story short, it POURED on us for 5-10 minutes so we all got soaked. But I think the kids have fun, and I guess that's all that matters. Lila had a lot of fun playing and walking around on the playground. Emily and Mike came, and so did one of Jake's co-workers, Doug. He's probably in his 50's and going through his second divorce; both of his wives left him. So he also talked with Mike about it for a while.
Got home, gave a very tired Lila a bath and got her to bed, though it took her a long time to wind down. Jake and Mike went to pick up the king-size bed from the Randalls. It was 11 by the time they were done. Em visited with me till they were done.
The rest of Sunday was pretty good. When Jake got home, Lila was sleeping in the car. We went to Josh and Tamera Little's to pick up a few things they're getting rid of (like a gas grill with a smoker that Jake is really excite about) because they're moving to Utah in a few weeks. It was a nice drive in the country and I enjoyed having that time to talk with Jake.
Lila is learning so much lately. She can say frog, Judy (this is the FUNNIEST thing I've ever heard her say, she has a hard time saying the J and the D but she tries so hard), Jake, Emmy, ribbit, frog (sounds like the f-word), and she copies a lot of the words that we make but doesn't know the meanings of them yet. It's so cute, every time she walks into a room now, she says "Hi!" and I just love it. I think she's getting taller. She's still so blond and so cute.
Lila didn't take a nap till 2:30. Before that, we set up the king bed in our room and moved all of our other beds around too. The queen bed is now in the guest room, and the twin beds are in the other bedrooms.
Emily and I left for Battle Creek at 4:15, before Lila woke up. We went to see the house and meet the woman where Emily will be living the next year or so, maybe throughout all of her dental hygiene schooling. Her name is Judy Barnes and she's the RS president in Battle Creek. She's a 67-year-old widow, but she looks a lot older than that. She's a very nice lady, very warm and kind, talkative. Emily likes her a lot. She likes the house a lot too, so it's a perfect situation for Emily (or so it seems right now). Judy is easy to get a long with and not particular about many things, so I think Emily will be comfortable there. And it's only 6 miles away from the school, so that's great too. She'll pay $250 a month.
After we left there, we went to Mike's for dinner. I was worried that I wouldn't like what he made (I was sooo hungry), but he made ravioli and and awesome salad and garlic bread and cookies. So I stuffed myself. Lila was happy to see me. The 10 minutes before I got there, she started saying "mommy" and "milk" (meck) which is also a new word she can say, so she can tell me when she wants to nurse. Oh boy. lol. She was really hungry, and I guess the guys hadn't thought to feed her. She liked the ravioli, of course. Visited with Mike a little bit but didn't stay too long.
Jake and I were excited to try out the bed, and we were both exhausted, so when we put Lila down at 9 we went to bed too. Except Lila was in too much pain to fall asleep, so she cried for a long time. So we went downstairs to watch a Blue's Clues (she says that too "coos"), and tire her out a little more. During that time, we got a call asking us to speak in church on Sunday. Fun fun :) I had a feeling this past week that we'd be speaking soon, weird. She finally went to bed at 11 and slept well, actually. She's still sleeping now at 9am. I slept better than I have in a long time too.
Have a busy day ahead of us and a midwife appointment!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
17w 3d Elusive Sleep - And a regular update
I'm not at church right now. Stayed home to sleep and get some rest but haven't been able to fall asleep. I was finally starting to rest and relax when all of a sudden I was starving, so I got up to eat and now here I am on the couch. Jake and Lila should be home soon. They weren't going to stay for all of church. Lila had 2 pretty bad nights in a row. Friday night was the worst, but last night wasn't too much better. She was up early (5:30 or earlier maybe), and so when she gets home I'm guessing she'll definitely be ready for a nap. I sure hope it's the teething that's bothering her and that it's not something else or just a new habit of hers to be fussy in the middle of the night. I haven't been able to look at her teeth lately, but the last time I caught a glimpse, one of her top fangs was just starting to cut through (I think it might have gone back up since then) and the other side was swollen, so I know there's definitely something happening. Oh well.
So, I'm very tired and can't really think clearly. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping lately as it is, and this isn't helping. Oh well. We have a tempurpedic king size bed on loan from Jen Randall (it's been in their storage unit for 4 years and now they want to sell it), so maybe that will help. When I lay in bed lately, I just feel so uncomfortable, kind of claustrophobic, and my skin feels a little crawly. Fun times. If we like the bed, we can buy it from them, but if we don't she said that's no problem and they'll sell it to someone else.
I forgot to mention that on Wednesday, Emily and I had dinner with Rebecca Makas. She's in town for the month of July taking an Arabic translation class at Western. It was good to see her; she's doing well. We went to Panera. Lila sat for the first little while but was running all over the place for the last half of the visit, so Emily did more visiting with Rebecca than I did, but that's ok :)
Anyway. Friday was a good day. In the afternoon I met Becca Burkhead at Target to go maternity clothes shopping! She is pregnant! She and Joe are "older." She'll turn 30 shortly after the baby is born and Joe is 32 maybe. I thought that they had infertility problems, but turns out that up until recently, Joe just didn't feel like it was the right time for them to have kids. But a few months ago, he sat her down and said that he felt it was time. And 2 weeks later she got pregnant. The baby is due in mid-February, so she's only around 10 weeks. She's not really showing, but she's starting to outgrow some of her clothes. Anyway, I love Becca and we had a really nice time together. There will be another baby boom this winter. These are the women I know who are pregnant and due around the time that I am: Holly (nov 2), Christy (Dec 27), Terra Burnham, Jessica Wesel (January), Becca Burkhead (Feb), Krista Berbohm (Feb), Kate Whitaker (Feb).
From there we met Emily at the mall. We went to JCP and Motherhood Maternity. I said I wasn't going to buy anything, but of course I ended up buying a dress and skirt at Motherhood. I couldn't help myself. BUT, these are the last maternity purchases of this pregnancy!! Clotheswise at least... I think I will need to pick up a tank top or two for layering at some point. But I should be all set otherwise. I'm really starting to show. I'm not huge or anything, but I do have a little pregnant belly now and that's fun.
Lila had a blast shopping. She loves running around the clothes racks and hiding behind clothes, etc. She loves it when we chase her around and she laughs and laughs. Actually, at Target I had a hard time keeping up with her! She has gotten so fast!! She was also super amazing and pooped 3 times. Once at Target at twice at the mall. And that's in addition to the two times she'd pooped at home that morning (both times in my closet). I fed her way too many raisins that week, lol.
We sat in the food court for a long time because Emily wanted to talk. Shane's been gone for the past week, and Emily was gone for the week before that, so they hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks. Before that, he'd only been home from his mission for 2 weeks. Now Shane's saying that he doesn't feel the same way about her, wants to change his major from trombone performance to business management (and by so doing will lose his full-ride scholarship to Western), and is thinking about moving to Arizona or Utah. Emily felt completely blindsided because before that, he'd been VERY affectionate and loving. Actually, a little too affectionate and loving, but he'd told her that he was so sure that she was "the one," etc. So Em had been starting to let down her guard and be happy and comfortable with the idea of being together. So, yeah. She was angry and upset, etc. Becca and I talked to her about how this is frustrating, but a good thing, because Shane is slowing down and realizing he needs to think things through more instead of jumping into things right away. That night, she and Shane had another talk, and he said the same things. Jake had a good talk with her afterwards (I'm so grateful for him; I was so drained that I wouldn't have been able to be very understanding with her) and gave her a blessing. We all agree that Shane is lame :) Emily said that she is tired of being his "back up plan" and is moving on because she feels cheapened by him. Jake thinks Emily is awesome, because Emily spoke her mind to Shane instead of being passive. He thinks she's a great young woman. And we all think that Emily deserves a good, good man... and she'll meet him when the time is right.
So, I'm very tired and can't really think clearly. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping lately as it is, and this isn't helping. Oh well. We have a tempurpedic king size bed on loan from Jen Randall (it's been in their storage unit for 4 years and now they want to sell it), so maybe that will help. When I lay in bed lately, I just feel so uncomfortable, kind of claustrophobic, and my skin feels a little crawly. Fun times. If we like the bed, we can buy it from them, but if we don't she said that's no problem and they'll sell it to someone else.
I forgot to mention that on Wednesday, Emily and I had dinner with Rebecca Makas. She's in town for the month of July taking an Arabic translation class at Western. It was good to see her; she's doing well. We went to Panera. Lila sat for the first little while but was running all over the place for the last half of the visit, so Emily did more visiting with Rebecca than I did, but that's ok :)
Anyway. Friday was a good day. In the afternoon I met Becca Burkhead at Target to go maternity clothes shopping! She is pregnant! She and Joe are "older." She'll turn 30 shortly after the baby is born and Joe is 32 maybe. I thought that they had infertility problems, but turns out that up until recently, Joe just didn't feel like it was the right time for them to have kids. But a few months ago, he sat her down and said that he felt it was time. And 2 weeks later she got pregnant. The baby is due in mid-February, so she's only around 10 weeks. She's not really showing, but she's starting to outgrow some of her clothes. Anyway, I love Becca and we had a really nice time together. There will be another baby boom this winter. These are the women I know who are pregnant and due around the time that I am: Holly (nov 2), Christy (Dec 27), Terra Burnham, Jessica Wesel (January), Becca Burkhead (Feb), Krista Berbohm (Feb), Kate Whitaker (Feb).
From there we met Emily at the mall. We went to JCP and Motherhood Maternity. I said I wasn't going to buy anything, but of course I ended up buying a dress and skirt at Motherhood. I couldn't help myself. BUT, these are the last maternity purchases of this pregnancy!! Clotheswise at least... I think I will need to pick up a tank top or two for layering at some point. But I should be all set otherwise. I'm really starting to show. I'm not huge or anything, but I do have a little pregnant belly now and that's fun.
Lila had a blast shopping. She loves running around the clothes racks and hiding behind clothes, etc. She loves it when we chase her around and she laughs and laughs. Actually, at Target I had a hard time keeping up with her! She has gotten so fast!! She was also super amazing and pooped 3 times. Once at Target at twice at the mall. And that's in addition to the two times she'd pooped at home that morning (both times in my closet). I fed her way too many raisins that week, lol.
We sat in the food court for a long time because Emily wanted to talk. Shane's been gone for the past week, and Emily was gone for the week before that, so they hadn't seen each other in 2 weeks. Before that, he'd only been home from his mission for 2 weeks. Now Shane's saying that he doesn't feel the same way about her, wants to change his major from trombone performance to business management (and by so doing will lose his full-ride scholarship to Western), and is thinking about moving to Arizona or Utah. Emily felt completely blindsided because before that, he'd been VERY affectionate and loving. Actually, a little too affectionate and loving, but he'd told her that he was so sure that she was "the one," etc. So Em had been starting to let down her guard and be happy and comfortable with the idea of being together. So, yeah. She was angry and upset, etc. Becca and I talked to her about how this is frustrating, but a good thing, because Shane is slowing down and realizing he needs to think things through more instead of jumping into things right away. That night, she and Shane had another talk, and he said the same things. Jake had a good talk with her afterwards (I'm so grateful for him; I was so drained that I wouldn't have been able to be very understanding with her) and gave her a blessing. We all agree that Shane is lame :) Emily said that she is tired of being his "back up plan" and is moving on because she feels cheapened by him. Jake thinks Emily is awesome, because Emily spoke her mind to Shane instead of being passive. He thinks she's a great young woman. And we all think that Emily deserves a good, good man... and she'll meet him when the time is right.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
God is with Mothers
This week has been rough in terms of sleep. Lila's teething has been awful and she's up most nights crying and nursing for a long time. Last night was probably the worst of it. I was so exhausted and I just couldn't take anymore, so Jake took her downstairs and they watched the end of a movie. After it ended, she was sitting by him on the couch, flipping through the Book of Mormon for a while (lol) and she dozed off reading it. While I was in bed alone, I was so exhausted, but in that state where I was too tired and stressed and tense to fall asleep. I had a headache, so I got up, took some medicine, ate a little something, and then sat down on the couch for a little bit. I opened up my high school scriptures and it flipped open to Alma 32.
God is with mothers. He's with us when we're humbled by the trials of raising children, when we're exhausted. It helps us be open to revelation and wisdom from Him. He also blesses us when we choose to be humble throughout our day-to-day routines; when we recognize that we always need His help and love and direction as we raise our children.
What struck me the most were the last three verses and then a quote I had glued into that chapter years ago.
I replaced some words in the last three verses to reflect my situation as a mother --
But if ye will nourish [Lila], yea, nourish [Lila] as she beginning to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, [she] shall take root; and behold [she] shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.
And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing [her], that [she] may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.
Then, [mothers], ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience and long-suffering, waiting for [Lila] to bring forth fruit unto you.
And the quote I had was this --
[Mothers] who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace." --Ezra Taft Benson
I shared this with Jake this morning, when we were both tired and kind of reeling from the night's adventures. He said, "You know, before you become parents, people warn you that it's so difficult and tiring, but most of the time it's not a big deal and not too difficult. But when it's difficult, it's difficult because you're so tired! And it feels like it's always difficult." And then we talked again about how someday Lila will be one of our best and dearest friends. Like Melissa is, the oldest daughter. In Julie Beck's interview on the Mormon Channel, she said that as she was raising her children, her philosophy was that she wanted to raise her children to be people that would someday be her friends, people she enjoyed being around. And how now that they're adults, they are her best friends and she considers them peers. That's exactly how I want to raise my children and I just need to keep in mind that that's the end goal.
God is with mothers. He's with us when we're humbled by the trials of raising children, when we're exhausted. It helps us be open to revelation and wisdom from Him. He also blesses us when we choose to be humble throughout our day-to-day routines; when we recognize that we always need His help and love and direction as we raise our children.
What struck me the most were the last three verses and then a quote I had glued into that chapter years ago.
I replaced some words in the last three verses to reflect my situation as a mother --
But if ye will nourish [Lila], yea, nourish [Lila] as she beginning to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, [she] shall take root; and behold [she] shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.
And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing [her], that [she] may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.
Then, [mothers], ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience and long-suffering, waiting for [Lila] to bring forth fruit unto you.
And the quote I had was this --
[Mothers] who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace." --Ezra Taft Benson
I shared this with Jake this morning, when we were both tired and kind of reeling from the night's adventures. He said, "You know, before you become parents, people warn you that it's so difficult and tiring, but most of the time it's not a big deal and not too difficult. But when it's difficult, it's difficult because you're so tired! And it feels like it's always difficult." And then we talked again about how someday Lila will be one of our best and dearest friends. Like Melissa is, the oldest daughter. In Julie Beck's interview on the Mormon Channel, she said that as she was raising her children, her philosophy was that she wanted to raise her children to be people that would someday be her friends, people she enjoyed being around. And how now that they're adults, they are her best friends and she considers them peers. That's exactly how I want to raise my children and I just need to keep in mind that that's the end goal.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Personal Purity
Read these talks tonight. Amazing.
Personal Purity - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/personal-purity?lang=eng
Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm
Personal Purity - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/personal-purity?lang=eng
Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments - Jeffrey R. Holland
http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm
Life
Oh, life. I'm tired. The past few nights, Lila's been up a lot. Just wanting to nurse for hours. Yikes. She's teething right now. And I think giving her raisins (which give her gas) after dinner was a really bad idea. So I'm exhausted. There's a point where I get a little delirious with exhaustion in the middle of the night and I just want her to fall! asleep! and leave me alone! But last night I tried to just relax and rest and remember some of things I'd read and felt before bed... about motherhood and sacrifice and how my strength and influence in motherhood comes from Christ. Sacrificing sleep and rest and sometimes sanity helps me become more like my Savior and helps me understand Him more.
Woke up to my alarm this morning at 8:30. We would've slept in more, but Lila had an OT appointment at 9:15. She did pretty well! She sat in a high chair almost the whole time; it was her first time in a high chair at OT and Kristen was happy about that. Kristen said the next step is to start working on Lila's tongue. Lila is very "protective" of her tongue and it's very sensitive, apparently. Kristen said it might be challenging. But she says Lila is making baby steps, which is good. When I told her that Lila won't drink juice or cow's milk, she said, "Oh, well she's got a while to go then with all these aversions." I'm going to try almond milk with Lila... it's thinner than cow's milk, so maybe she'll take to it? We'll see.
After that I headed to Alicia Thompson's for a playdate with her, Annette Shumway, and Holly Tensmeyer. It was a nice time. Talked mostly about pregnancy and babies. Alicia just had her baby girl Quay (never ever of that name before) a month ago, Annette's daughter Ruby is 3 months old, and Holly and I are both pregnant with our second children. It's an exciting time in life, to literally be multiplying, and to be supporting each other and learning together. Lila had fun playing with Brig and snacked with him, and they were nuzzling noses and almost kissing a few times, hehe. We had lunch together, a yummy chicken salad, and then I had to leave because Lila desperately needed a nap. It was a happy morning with friends, though. I'm very grateful that we moved to the 1st ward when we did--this network of young mothers means so much to me.
Lila and I both napped when we got home, and I'm still exhausted. Lila's in bed now, and I probably should be, but I'd like to spend some time with Jake tonight and he's still in his stake meeting.
The rest of our afternoon (after our nap) was nice. We Skyped with AnnaMarie and her girls, which was a nice treat. Lila really liked that and it was fun to see them all. It's too bad we don't live closer, because I think we'd all get along real well. Lila and I read some books and had some snacks, and then we went to GFS to pick up some food/supplies for the ward picnic. Then we dropped them off at Holly's and then picked up a Little Caesar's pizza for dinner. We ate our dinner and then Jake got home (he had to go to Indiana for work today). Lila was SO happy to see him and was all about daddy for the rest of the night. We read books together, she would go in to visit Jake, she took a long bath and played with the bubbles (I bought her bubble bath). She is so sweet lately and I just want to remember all of this forever. I want to remember her sweet chubby checks and her soft blond curls and her blue eyes looking up at me so sweetly and innocently, the way she smiles at me and says mommy, the way she hums to herself. I want to remember it all because I love her so much. We lost our extra camera battery and the battery charger so haven't been able to use our camera and it's driving me crazy because I just want to capture so many of these sweet moments I have with her and can't. So tonight I told Jake to just order a new one.
I've been feeling good lately. Tired, but good. So grateful to my Heavenly Father. Spending time up north with family and especially with Melissa has made me want to draw near to Heavenly Father. I need His help and His gospel to mother Lila the way she deserves to be mothered, and to prepare for the birth of our next child, and to understand the great importance of the work that I'm doing. I've been reading the scriptures and listening to the counsel of prophets and apostles and their wives. I've loved listening to "conversations" on Mormon Radio because a lot of the interviews are about how they raised their families. And it's so comforting to hear from parents and mothers who are now enjoying the fruits of their labors. Gives me hope and faith that what I'm doing is the right thing.
Woke up to my alarm this morning at 8:30. We would've slept in more, but Lila had an OT appointment at 9:15. She did pretty well! She sat in a high chair almost the whole time; it was her first time in a high chair at OT and Kristen was happy about that. Kristen said the next step is to start working on Lila's tongue. Lila is very "protective" of her tongue and it's very sensitive, apparently. Kristen said it might be challenging. But she says Lila is making baby steps, which is good. When I told her that Lila won't drink juice or cow's milk, she said, "Oh, well she's got a while to go then with all these aversions." I'm going to try almond milk with Lila... it's thinner than cow's milk, so maybe she'll take to it? We'll see.
After that I headed to Alicia Thompson's for a playdate with her, Annette Shumway, and Holly Tensmeyer. It was a nice time. Talked mostly about pregnancy and babies. Alicia just had her baby girl Quay (never ever of that name before) a month ago, Annette's daughter Ruby is 3 months old, and Holly and I are both pregnant with our second children. It's an exciting time in life, to literally be multiplying, and to be supporting each other and learning together. Lila had fun playing with Brig and snacked with him, and they were nuzzling noses and almost kissing a few times, hehe. We had lunch together, a yummy chicken salad, and then I had to leave because Lila desperately needed a nap. It was a happy morning with friends, though. I'm very grateful that we moved to the 1st ward when we did--this network of young mothers means so much to me.
Lila and I both napped when we got home, and I'm still exhausted. Lila's in bed now, and I probably should be, but I'd like to spend some time with Jake tonight and he's still in his stake meeting.
The rest of our afternoon (after our nap) was nice. We Skyped with AnnaMarie and her girls, which was a nice treat. Lila really liked that and it was fun to see them all. It's too bad we don't live closer, because I think we'd all get along real well. Lila and I read some books and had some snacks, and then we went to GFS to pick up some food/supplies for the ward picnic. Then we dropped them off at Holly's and then picked up a Little Caesar's pizza for dinner. We ate our dinner and then Jake got home (he had to go to Indiana for work today). Lila was SO happy to see him and was all about daddy for the rest of the night. We read books together, she would go in to visit Jake, she took a long bath and played with the bubbles (I bought her bubble bath). She is so sweet lately and I just want to remember all of this forever. I want to remember her sweet chubby checks and her soft blond curls and her blue eyes looking up at me so sweetly and innocently, the way she smiles at me and says mommy, the way she hums to herself. I want to remember it all because I love her so much. We lost our extra camera battery and the battery charger so haven't been able to use our camera and it's driving me crazy because I just want to capture so many of these sweet moments I have with her and can't. So tonight I told Jake to just order a new one.
I've been feeling good lately. Tired, but good. So grateful to my Heavenly Father. Spending time up north with family and especially with Melissa has made me want to draw near to Heavenly Father. I need His help and His gospel to mother Lila the way she deserves to be mothered, and to prepare for the birth of our next child, and to understand the great importance of the work that I'm doing. I've been reading the scriptures and listening to the counsel of prophets and apostles and their wives. I've loved listening to "conversations" on Mormon Radio because a lot of the interviews are about how they raised their families. And it's so comforting to hear from parents and mothers who are now enjoying the fruits of their labors. Gives me hope and faith that what I'm doing is the right thing.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Motherhood: "You are the closest thing to the Savior your child will ever know in this life."
Read this tonight as I was nursing Lila. I've been reading interviews on www.mormonwomen.com and it's been very inspiring. This has been the best thing I've read yet. I love being a mother and I feel the Spirit testify to me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I just feel drawn to Lila and to being there for her, to sacrificing things for her, and I want to be a good mother... close to the Lord, relying on Him for guidance, mercy, and help as I raise my children. This was written by a woman named Emily Spencer.
When we moved to Wisconsin for my husband’s medical schooling, we were hit with about every possible major life change imaginable: a move from where both our families lived to halfway across the country where we had no family or any friends at all, a brand new (and our first) baby, the simultaneous drop of two full-time incomes to zero income, my husband returning to full-time schooling, me going from full-time work to constantly being at home, and then feeling trapped there, because we had also dropped from two vehicles to one, which my husband then took to school, etc. Besides all these major life-changes hitting at once, my precious new baby also happened to be extremely colicky; thus it is sufficient to say my induction into the world of motherhood was not the rosy picture I’d always envisioned. Adding to this was the postponement of my educational goals and dreams, which I desired greatly, while I watched my husband go off to school each day to learn all kinds of fascinating things, throwing his heart and soul into a field he loved, and got to choose, whereas mothering seemed to be my predetermined and singular path, regardless of my talents or interests.
This was a very hard time for me. I felt a great sense of pain and failure at not feeling the peace, joy, and contentment that I’d always been taught I would I feel in this new role—a role I’d always thought I would embrace. Finally it had arrived, and not only did I not enjoy being a mother—I hated it. Of course I loved my child, but the passing hours felt so menial and mundane. They inspired no sense of accomplishment, no intellectual stimulation, no intrigue. Where was all the profound joy I was supposed to be feeling that I’d heard about all my life? And what were my gifts and talents, my ambitions and goals—the righteous desires of my heart—given to me for, if I was now to shut them off (as the culture seemed to indicate was the “right” thing to do)? Lastly, if I was forsaking these things for a higher calling, why didn’t the intrinsic joys of the higher calling not only replace but transcend the joy I’d felt before? If I was faithfully and dutifully doing what I was supposed to be doing, why wasn’t I happy?
We happened to be visiting my parents right at the height of my bitterness. I remember pulling my dad aside and sobbing to him as I related my misery. His answer to me was that I must pray—pray for peace, pray for help, pray for understanding—that I would be able to discover the divinity of motherhood, and find peace and joy in this calling. Though I knew he was right, feelings of bitterness and cynicism persisted. That night, emotionally drained, I crawled into bed and mustered enough energy to mumble only half-heartedly into my pillow, “Please help me. I really, really need help.” Then, emotionally exhausted, I fell asleep.
Two days later, we were back home in Wisconsin, and we were getting ready to turn in for the night. As my husband began to pray, I suddenly felt an impression begin to enter my mind, which then spread to my heart and subsequently consumed my whole being. It was clearly coming from a source outside of myself, a power greater and higher than I was. It was quiet and still, and yet it consumed my whole soul. It felt as though time had stopped and my consciousness hovered in a state of suspension between two different realms. I don’t remember hearing the rest of my husband’s prayer, though it was still going on. I could fill volumes detailing the piercing and powerful message that was conveyed, and yet it came to me fully in only a matter of seconds, and it came in perfect stillness and gentleness, and was imparted tenderly, lovingly, and totally void of any judgment. To describe all that I received and felt is beyond the scope of discussion here, but the crux of the message was this: You are the closest thing to the Savior your child will ever know in this life.
After this moment passed, I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time. The anger and bitterness that had raged in my heart was quiet. I had heard all my life that “motherhood is next to godhood” and “motherhood is divine” and so forth, but I had never felt the depth or literal nature of this truth. It had always seemed to me just something nice to say—cliché expressions at best. Now, for the first time ever in my life, I sat and thought, motherhood is divine. Motherhood is the noblest thing a woman can consecrate her life to.
A mother is Christ’s sacred stand-in. She is a type and shadow. As I cling to Jesus to save my soul, so does a child cling to its mother for all sense of salvation that it knows. Jesus, Mother—these are the names that are called out when we need protection, guidance, wisdom, love, comfort, sustenance, rescue. Whether we know God or not, whether we have loving relationships with our biological mothers or not, we all crave the nurture of some higher power, of some loving guardian. Since that life-changing experience, I have discovered this metaphor to have boundless applications. To me, the fact that women have generally been regarded as lowly and lesser throughout the ages is just another symbolism between women and Christ. People mock and spit in the face of motherhood—the most exquisite and godlike of all her capabilities, that of being able to beget, nurture, and guide life—the same way they mocked and spit in the face of Him who saved us. Just as there was “no form nor comeliness; ….no beauty that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2), there is nothing on the surface level that is overtly triumphant or exalting about motherhood; indeed, in the flow of day-to-day rhythms, it can seem rather common and mundane, like “a root out of a dry ground” (vs. 2). As “he is despised and rejected of men” (vs. 3), so is motherhood. As we “hid as it were our faces from him” and “esteemed him not” (vs. 3), so does society hide its face from mothers, so does it not esteem them. Just as “surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” (vs. 4), so does a mother weep with her child that weeps. Just as “with his stripes we are healed” (vs. 5), so does any benefit to the child represent some sacrifice of the mother—time, money, education, employment, leisure, sleep, etc. Anything the child gains is something, in some form, that she cannot have for herself.
One brief verse of Isaiah that is very poignant to me is where the Lord plainly and succinctly states how He succors His children: “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13). To me, this verse perfectly encapsulates the metaphor between the mission of mothers and the mission of the Savior. It embodies the very heart of both motherhood and womanhood, and why we do what we do: it is to emulate Him who is the greatest nurturer of us all.
When we moved to Wisconsin for my husband’s medical schooling, we were hit with about every possible major life change imaginable: a move from where both our families lived to halfway across the country where we had no family or any friends at all, a brand new (and our first) baby, the simultaneous drop of two full-time incomes to zero income, my husband returning to full-time schooling, me going from full-time work to constantly being at home, and then feeling trapped there, because we had also dropped from two vehicles to one, which my husband then took to school, etc. Besides all these major life-changes hitting at once, my precious new baby also happened to be extremely colicky; thus it is sufficient to say my induction into the world of motherhood was not the rosy picture I’d always envisioned. Adding to this was the postponement of my educational goals and dreams, which I desired greatly, while I watched my husband go off to school each day to learn all kinds of fascinating things, throwing his heart and soul into a field he loved, and got to choose, whereas mothering seemed to be my predetermined and singular path, regardless of my talents or interests.
This was a very hard time for me. I felt a great sense of pain and failure at not feeling the peace, joy, and contentment that I’d always been taught I would I feel in this new role—a role I’d always thought I would embrace. Finally it had arrived, and not only did I not enjoy being a mother—I hated it. Of course I loved my child, but the passing hours felt so menial and mundane. They inspired no sense of accomplishment, no intellectual stimulation, no intrigue. Where was all the profound joy I was supposed to be feeling that I’d heard about all my life? And what were my gifts and talents, my ambitions and goals—the righteous desires of my heart—given to me for, if I was now to shut them off (as the culture seemed to indicate was the “right” thing to do)? Lastly, if I was forsaking these things for a higher calling, why didn’t the intrinsic joys of the higher calling not only replace but transcend the joy I’d felt before? If I was faithfully and dutifully doing what I was supposed to be doing, why wasn’t I happy?
We happened to be visiting my parents right at the height of my bitterness. I remember pulling my dad aside and sobbing to him as I related my misery. His answer to me was that I must pray—pray for peace, pray for help, pray for understanding—that I would be able to discover the divinity of motherhood, and find peace and joy in this calling. Though I knew he was right, feelings of bitterness and cynicism persisted. That night, emotionally drained, I crawled into bed and mustered enough energy to mumble only half-heartedly into my pillow, “Please help me. I really, really need help.” Then, emotionally exhausted, I fell asleep.
Two days later, we were back home in Wisconsin, and we were getting ready to turn in for the night. As my husband began to pray, I suddenly felt an impression begin to enter my mind, which then spread to my heart and subsequently consumed my whole being. It was clearly coming from a source outside of myself, a power greater and higher than I was. It was quiet and still, and yet it consumed my whole soul. It felt as though time had stopped and my consciousness hovered in a state of suspension between two different realms. I don’t remember hearing the rest of my husband’s prayer, though it was still going on. I could fill volumes detailing the piercing and powerful message that was conveyed, and yet it came to me fully in only a matter of seconds, and it came in perfect stillness and gentleness, and was imparted tenderly, lovingly, and totally void of any judgment. To describe all that I received and felt is beyond the scope of discussion here, but the crux of the message was this: You are the closest thing to the Savior your child will ever know in this life.
After this moment passed, I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time. The anger and bitterness that had raged in my heart was quiet. I had heard all my life that “motherhood is next to godhood” and “motherhood is divine” and so forth, but I had never felt the depth or literal nature of this truth. It had always seemed to me just something nice to say—cliché expressions at best. Now, for the first time ever in my life, I sat and thought, motherhood is divine. Motherhood is the noblest thing a woman can consecrate her life to.
A mother is Christ’s sacred stand-in. She is a type and shadow. As I cling to Jesus to save my soul, so does a child cling to its mother for all sense of salvation that it knows. Jesus, Mother—these are the names that are called out when we need protection, guidance, wisdom, love, comfort, sustenance, rescue. Whether we know God or not, whether we have loving relationships with our biological mothers or not, we all crave the nurture of some higher power, of some loving guardian. Since that life-changing experience, I have discovered this metaphor to have boundless applications. To me, the fact that women have generally been regarded as lowly and lesser throughout the ages is just another symbolism between women and Christ. People mock and spit in the face of motherhood—the most exquisite and godlike of all her capabilities, that of being able to beget, nurture, and guide life—the same way they mocked and spit in the face of Him who saved us. Just as there was “no form nor comeliness; ….no beauty that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2), there is nothing on the surface level that is overtly triumphant or exalting about motherhood; indeed, in the flow of day-to-day rhythms, it can seem rather common and mundane, like “a root out of a dry ground” (vs. 2). As “he is despised and rejected of men” (vs. 3), so is motherhood. As we “hid as it were our faces from him” and “esteemed him not” (vs. 3), so does society hide its face from mothers, so does it not esteem them. Just as “surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” (vs. 4), so does a mother weep with her child that weeps. Just as “with his stripes we are healed” (vs. 5), so does any benefit to the child represent some sacrifice of the mother—time, money, education, employment, leisure, sleep, etc. Anything the child gains is something, in some form, that she cannot have for herself.
One brief verse of Isaiah that is very poignant to me is where the Lord plainly and succinctly states how He succors His children: “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13). To me, this verse perfectly encapsulates the metaphor between the mission of mothers and the mission of the Savior. It embodies the very heart of both motherhood and womanhood, and why we do what we do: it is to emulate Him who is the greatest nurturer of us all.
Lila @ 16 months
- This girl is a smarty pants! She can say a lot of words, more than most kids her age. She can't say them all clearly, but I'll put stars by ones that she can say clearly.
- Mommy/Mama*, Daddy/Dada*, Papa*, Birdie*, Bucket, Blanket (Bweet/Beet), Shoe*, Walk*, Baby*, Hi*, Bye*, Bubbles*, Bike, Train (tee), Tree, Sky (Kye), No*, Book* (Bock), Flower (Fah), Cow*, Moo, Meow (Now), Bella (Ba), Ball*, Doggie (Dah), Quack, Bawk Bawk (chicken), Butterfly (Bu-hee), Bath (bah), water (wa-dee), Tweet tweet, Boat, Mermaid, Brody (Bwody), Rudi (Woo-dee), Jake (Dake), Emmy
- The night we got back from the UP, Jake pointed at my belly and told her there was a baby in there. A few days later, we were Skyping with my mom and my mom said the word baby, and Lila lifted up my shirt, pointed at my belly, and said "Baby." She's been doing that often now.
- Body parts she knows and can point to: Ear (learned after I taught her once), toes, belly, nose.
- Doesn't like babies. Likes (little) big kids.
- Ate a bunch of raisins the other day and was chewing them. They're now one of her favorite snacks.
- Has been introduced to the wonders of junk food: Likes donut holes, MandMs, smarties, chocolate chex, ice cream, pop ices, popsicles.
- Did pretty good in the car to and from the UP. Loved running around when we stopped.
- Still loves to nurse.
- Loves to give mom hugs and kisses. Has been clingy to me lately because she's teething. Points at me and cries (tears) when Jake holds her and says, "Ma da!" She'll usually give Jake hugs if he asks her for them.
- We live sort of near the Amtrak route, and whenever we hear the whistle blow, Lila pauses, makes her surprised face, and says "train!".
- She loves being outside, walking around. She loves climbing on her bike and in her toy car and when we push her around. She loves playing bubbles.
- Enjoys bath time and showers again.
- Still waking up a few times at night to eat. We try to feed her more before bed, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
- She's letting me feed her now, pop snacks into her mouth. When she doesn't want me to, she shakes her head no.
- She'll often nod her head if you ask her if she wants to do something.
- Loves doggies and all animals, really. Her new favorites are cows and birdies. Likes to be kissed by dogs.
- Loves trampolines.
- Does not like sand at the beach or going swimming.
- She's usually really happy in the mornings and very smiley. Sometimes likes to give us kisses when she wakes up.
- Likes playing with Jake's iPad.
- She babbles a lot. It often sounds like she's speaking a different language, she rambles on and on... sounds like French or Swedish or German.
- Her hair is getting a lot longer and she has ringlets! So cute. She still doesn't like having bows in her hair, but sometimes I can sneak a piggy on top of her head.
- She really likes books and when we read to her. Her very favorite book is Lila Pirate. Everytime she flips to the page where Teddy goes overboard, she says, "Oh no!" in a really high pitched voice. She points out birdies and flowers in books and makes the appropriate animal noises for different animals.
- She's still a big girl, wearing 3T. Seems lately like she's getting taller. Wears size 5 or 5 1/2 shoes. She still loves wearing shoes and tries to walk around in mine sometimes, just like I used to do with my mom's shoes.
- She loves my parents, and Jake's dad. Iffy on Jake's mom, but we don't see them very often.
- Loves the neighbor boys Toby and Brody. If she sees or hears them playing outside, she says "Brody!" and stands by the door waiting to go out.
- She often says "shoes" or "walk" and gets her shoes if she wants to go outside.
- One time, Toby stood against our garage door and banged his butt against it to make a loud noise. Now Lila does the same thing when we're outside, it's really cute.
- She likes going for walks in her stroller.
- Likes lotion.
- Still loves her blanket. Generally likes cuddling with blankets and pillows.
- Does well at stores when we're out shopping. Is becoming more easily distracted by snacks and water.
- I love spending my days with this kid. I love being her mom and still can't believe she's mine sometimes (I think it's the blond hair and blue eyes :). I love seeing her and Jake sit side by side and seeing how much they look alike and remind me of each other.
Favorite
One night this week, we spent a half hour sitting at the top of the stairs, with Lila on one side of the gate and us on the other, feeding her Cheerios (popping them in her mouth) over the top of the gate, her swinging the gate open and giving us kisses. It was awesome and I love my little family so much.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
16w 5d - More Thoughts
I'm getting more and more excited about this pregnancy as the weeks go by. I'm starting to really feel like this pregnancy is here to stay and that at the end of it, I will have another child. It's still pretty scary for me to think about being the mom to two kids, day in and day out. I think the first 3-4 months I'll be in survival mode. But, I'm really excited about having two kids. I'm really, really excited for the ultrasound, to see the baby, and to find out if it's a boy or a girl. I think having a boy would be a lot of fun. I used to be scared of having a boy, but now I think it would be fun. Especially for Jake. I like thinking about him having a son and I think Lila would have a lot of fun with a brother. But, I have to admit, that I would just love having another girl. The thought of having two little girls running around, of spending my days with two little girls... it would just be so much fun. Either way, I know that Jake and I will be so happy.
I think I'm feeling more flutters, but haven't felt any definite kicks or anything. I'm really looking forward to that stage again. But I'm also dreading the discomfort that comes along with the third trimester. Oh well. It's all temporary. Just have to remind myself of that. Someday, I'll be skinny again. And someday, who knows when, I won't be nursing anymore. Lila is still going strong, loves nursing as much as an infant would. And that's okay with me. She's eating a lot more and she's actually starting to chew food (sometimes) instead of just suck on it. She'll get there. This is all temporary.
Speaking of nursing, I ordered some bras today because I've grown out of my current one. I'm surprised I made it this long because it happened immediately upon getting pregnant with Lila. Oh well.
My next appointment isn't until Monday the 25th. Mom's birthday. I also have another appointment that week on Thursday, I'll be 18 weeks then.
I think I'm feeling more flutters, but haven't felt any definite kicks or anything. I'm really looking forward to that stage again. But I'm also dreading the discomfort that comes along with the third trimester. Oh well. It's all temporary. Just have to remind myself of that. Someday, I'll be skinny again. And someday, who knows when, I won't be nursing anymore. Lila is still going strong, loves nursing as much as an infant would. And that's okay with me. She's eating a lot more and she's actually starting to chew food (sometimes) instead of just suck on it. She'll get there. This is all temporary.
Speaking of nursing, I ordered some bras today because I've grown out of my current one. I'm surprised I made it this long because it happened immediately upon getting pregnant with Lila. Oh well.
My next appointment isn't until Monday the 25th. Mom's birthday. I also have another appointment that week on Thursday, I'll be 18 weeks then.
Back in Kalamazoo
Well, I've been back in Kalamazoo for nearly a week. We've been so busy living life and getting things done that I haven't had time to write. Lila's napping right now though so I have some time. She's teething again (her top two fangs are coming in, and she's been pretty cranky... very clingy to me, she cries and says "ma da!" and I don't know what that means yet... when she's feeling like that, she doesn't want Jake to hold her at all, just wants Mom).
So, we've been busy. Having fun though and trying to enjoy the summer. Friday evening, we took Lila for a walk in her new wagon (Jen Randall gave it to us, used to be her boys') to visit Frank and Kate Whitaker at their new house in our neighborhood. They moved in while we were in the UP. Jake and I both think that Heavenly Father wants them to live near us... I feel like we'll become pretty good friends. They have a 5 month old son named George; he was born in January. She is WAY into breastfeeding and is a "hardcore hippy" while I am just a "softcore" one. She always asks how the nursing is going with Lila and says "good for you" when she finds out I'm still nursing. They hadn't heard that I was pregnant again, so they congratulated me. Kate and I were standing in their driveway with the kids and she told me that SHE is also pregnant! 8 weeks already! So her kids will be 13 months apart. Wow. That will be very interesting to observe. She's a pretty strict Catholic (I guess), and said that they use natural family planning (which, by the way, doesn't really work... my grandmas had 9 and 11 kids and hers had 10). But she wants a big family. Frank, on the other hand, doesn't, and I think he's feeling pretty stressed out. Jake went over there on Saturday to help him change the oil on his lawn mower, and then Frank came over again later that evening and was talking with Jake. He asked, "Do Mormons use birth control?" lol. So, I think it'll be good for us to be friends. I like Kate a lot, she kind of cracks me up. We tried putting George in the wagon with Lila and Lila freaked out... it will be good for her to be around babies more too :)
Lila has been completely adorable. It's driving me crazy that I can't find our camera charger. I just want to savor and remember all these little moments I have with her. Like this morning, she wanted to go outside and blow bubbles on the porch. So she was happily walking around in her little green nighty, her blonde ringlets very curly because it was so humid, and she was just so happy to be out there with me. I just love her so much and am so grateful I get to be her mom and be with her all day.
Anyway, the rest of our weekend was pretty good. I was "mad" when I woke up on Saturday because Jake had left to get our keys re-keyed at Home Depot, and I had wanted to go with him. But, he knew that I'd be mad, so he brought me home some donuts. :) I knew he would, lol. We went to Lowe's to buy paint. We started painting the living room that night. Well, I did. Jake was outside with Frank, so I started painting the fireplace mantle. It took a few hours. 3 coats of primer and I quit after one coat of white semi-gloss paint.
Sunday was pretty good. I was telling Jake that with my current calling, I know that I'm serving the Lord and His children, but I don't feel very spiritually edified afterwards. And I guess it's not my time for that, but I can still go and serve and feel the Spirit. And I need to work harder at enjoying myself and my time there instead of just going through the motions of Primary. Lila stayed with me in Primary the whole time and really enjoyed herself. Likes the music and the kids, and she ate a lot of snacks. A few people asked when she's going into Nursery, because she looks like she's ready to go. Two more months to go. Can't believe it's already almost time for her to go to Nursery!
After church, we all took awesome naps. We took a bike ride after dinner. It's been very hot and humid this week, but we wanted to get out and Lila loves being outside. Today's heat index was 100 degrees and tomorrow's is supposed to be 110. So we'll have to stay inside again, but that's okay. I let Lila go out for 5-10 minutes a few times a day, but it's just too hot. She's learned to like popsicles though :)
Monday was good. Emily didn't have to work so we hung out. We went to Kohl's to make a return and I picked up a few maternity shirts (one of which I'll return) and then to Target where I found two XS maternity shirts on clearance, woohoo. Oh, found out that Becca Burkhead is pregnant (finally!) and she wants to go maternity clothes shopping with me (she's not due till Feb though) because she and Joe think I'm one of the best dressed pregnant women, hah. And Christy and Sean found out that they're having a boy! She's due just a few days before me. So cool to know that my baby is already a boy or a girl and I am soo excited to find out.
Target was nice. After we checked out, we were super hungry and happy to find that Target has Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas there. We both got one, and I think Lila must've eaten half of mine. She loved it. It was really fun feeding her. :) She's started to let me popping food in her mouth now, which she's never let me do before, and it's not messy and she eats a lot more food that way. I don't do it often, but it worked well at Target, where she just sat in the cart because there weren't any high chairs.
After that, we met Jake at home and then went to Aunt Gina's to go swimming in her neighbor's pool. It was really refreshing. We took Lila into the pool and she did pretty good. I think if the water had been warmer, she would've liked it a lot better. But she did alright... she didn't scream, but she didn't enjoy it a whole lot. She did like it when Jake blew bubbles in the water with his mouth, she laughed and thought that was funny. Otherwise she whined and wanted to get out. She did really like sitting at the edge of the pool with Jake and sticking her feet in and splashing around, she laughed and smiled a lot.
I'm awesome and forgot that my phone was in my swim shorts pocket. Why do they even put pockets on swim shorts? I don't know. Frankly, I'm surprised that I haven't done something like that before... but maybe it was just pregnant brain. Who knows. So, it's sitting in rice and I just hope that it'll work.
Today I was tired and kind of crabby with Emily (who didn't have to work again) because Jake and I were up past midnight last night painting. We did all of the edging. I'm glad that we're not doing this when I'm more pregnant. I like the color. We tried 3 different paint samples but we hated them all, and ended up going with Sharkey Gray as we originally thought we might. Oh well. I think this will make it feel a lot more like our home, rather than just a big apartment that we're living in.
Lila is awesome, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I had fun playing with her today, reading and feeding her. She loves raisins now. We took her grocery shopping and she happily sat and snacked in the car.
Jake didn't get home till 6:30 or so and I was exhausted. We had a nice salad for dinner, but I didn't feel well so didn't eat it. Lila went to bed and we've been painting. We'll have the room finished before bed, which is awesome. I'm happy about that.
Oh, on Monday morning we at Primary meeting at the church to finalize plans for the Ward Picnic we're in charge of on Saturday. Jake is surprised that the Bishopric delegates the planning to the auxiliary presidencies, who already have so much on their plates. Lila had fun at the meeting, chasing after the other kids. Seriously, she is so cute and I just love watching her. She's so happy to run around in the gym and shout and listen to her echo and play with the balls. She's such a sweet girl.
So, we've been busy. Having fun though and trying to enjoy the summer. Friday evening, we took Lila for a walk in her new wagon (Jen Randall gave it to us, used to be her boys') to visit Frank and Kate Whitaker at their new house in our neighborhood. They moved in while we were in the UP. Jake and I both think that Heavenly Father wants them to live near us... I feel like we'll become pretty good friends. They have a 5 month old son named George; he was born in January. She is WAY into breastfeeding and is a "hardcore hippy" while I am just a "softcore" one. She always asks how the nursing is going with Lila and says "good for you" when she finds out I'm still nursing. They hadn't heard that I was pregnant again, so they congratulated me. Kate and I were standing in their driveway with the kids and she told me that SHE is also pregnant! 8 weeks already! So her kids will be 13 months apart. Wow. That will be very interesting to observe. She's a pretty strict Catholic (I guess), and said that they use natural family planning (which, by the way, doesn't really work... my grandmas had 9 and 11 kids and hers had 10). But she wants a big family. Frank, on the other hand, doesn't, and I think he's feeling pretty stressed out. Jake went over there on Saturday to help him change the oil on his lawn mower, and then Frank came over again later that evening and was talking with Jake. He asked, "Do Mormons use birth control?" lol. So, I think it'll be good for us to be friends. I like Kate a lot, she kind of cracks me up. We tried putting George in the wagon with Lila and Lila freaked out... it will be good for her to be around babies more too :)
Lila has been completely adorable. It's driving me crazy that I can't find our camera charger. I just want to savor and remember all these little moments I have with her. Like this morning, she wanted to go outside and blow bubbles on the porch. So she was happily walking around in her little green nighty, her blonde ringlets very curly because it was so humid, and she was just so happy to be out there with me. I just love her so much and am so grateful I get to be her mom and be with her all day.
Anyway, the rest of our weekend was pretty good. I was "mad" when I woke up on Saturday because Jake had left to get our keys re-keyed at Home Depot, and I had wanted to go with him. But, he knew that I'd be mad, so he brought me home some donuts. :) I knew he would, lol. We went to Lowe's to buy paint. We started painting the living room that night. Well, I did. Jake was outside with Frank, so I started painting the fireplace mantle. It took a few hours. 3 coats of primer and I quit after one coat of white semi-gloss paint.
Sunday was pretty good. I was telling Jake that with my current calling, I know that I'm serving the Lord and His children, but I don't feel very spiritually edified afterwards. And I guess it's not my time for that, but I can still go and serve and feel the Spirit. And I need to work harder at enjoying myself and my time there instead of just going through the motions of Primary. Lila stayed with me in Primary the whole time and really enjoyed herself. Likes the music and the kids, and she ate a lot of snacks. A few people asked when she's going into Nursery, because she looks like she's ready to go. Two more months to go. Can't believe it's already almost time for her to go to Nursery!
After church, we all took awesome naps. We took a bike ride after dinner. It's been very hot and humid this week, but we wanted to get out and Lila loves being outside. Today's heat index was 100 degrees and tomorrow's is supposed to be 110. So we'll have to stay inside again, but that's okay. I let Lila go out for 5-10 minutes a few times a day, but it's just too hot. She's learned to like popsicles though :)
Monday was good. Emily didn't have to work so we hung out. We went to Kohl's to make a return and I picked up a few maternity shirts (one of which I'll return) and then to Target where I found two XS maternity shirts on clearance, woohoo. Oh, found out that Becca Burkhead is pregnant (finally!) and she wants to go maternity clothes shopping with me (she's not due till Feb though) because she and Joe think I'm one of the best dressed pregnant women, hah. And Christy and Sean found out that they're having a boy! She's due just a few days before me. So cool to know that my baby is already a boy or a girl and I am soo excited to find out.
Target was nice. After we checked out, we were super hungry and happy to find that Target has Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas there. We both got one, and I think Lila must've eaten half of mine. She loved it. It was really fun feeding her. :) She's started to let me popping food in her mouth now, which she's never let me do before, and it's not messy and she eats a lot more food that way. I don't do it often, but it worked well at Target, where she just sat in the cart because there weren't any high chairs.
After that, we met Jake at home and then went to Aunt Gina's to go swimming in her neighbor's pool. It was really refreshing. We took Lila into the pool and she did pretty good. I think if the water had been warmer, she would've liked it a lot better. But she did alright... she didn't scream, but she didn't enjoy it a whole lot. She did like it when Jake blew bubbles in the water with his mouth, she laughed and thought that was funny. Otherwise she whined and wanted to get out. She did really like sitting at the edge of the pool with Jake and sticking her feet in and splashing around, she laughed and smiled a lot.
I'm awesome and forgot that my phone was in my swim shorts pocket. Why do they even put pockets on swim shorts? I don't know. Frankly, I'm surprised that I haven't done something like that before... but maybe it was just pregnant brain. Who knows. So, it's sitting in rice and I just hope that it'll work.
Today I was tired and kind of crabby with Emily (who didn't have to work again) because Jake and I were up past midnight last night painting. We did all of the edging. I'm glad that we're not doing this when I'm more pregnant. I like the color. We tried 3 different paint samples but we hated them all, and ended up going with Sharkey Gray as we originally thought we might. Oh well. I think this will make it feel a lot more like our home, rather than just a big apartment that we're living in.
Lila is awesome, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I had fun playing with her today, reading and feeding her. She loves raisins now. We took her grocery shopping and she happily sat and snacked in the car.
Jake didn't get home till 6:30 or so and I was exhausted. We had a nice salad for dinner, but I didn't feel well so didn't eat it. Lila went to bed and we've been painting. We'll have the room finished before bed, which is awesome. I'm happy about that.
Oh, on Monday morning we at Primary meeting at the church to finalize plans for the Ward Picnic we're in charge of on Saturday. Jake is surprised that the Bishopric delegates the planning to the auxiliary presidencies, who already have so much on their plates. Lila had fun at the meeting, chasing after the other kids. Seriously, she is so cute and I just love watching her. She's so happy to run around in the gym and shout and listen to her echo and play with the balls. She's such a sweet girl.
16w 5d - Cravings
So far cravings include black olives, root beer, onion rings from Culver's, anything Jolly Ranchers related.
On a related note, when we were in Ironwood, we were eating Doritos and Jake was pigging out (once he starts eating flavored chips, he just can't stop), and I commented on it, and Lori said that when she was pregnant with Jake she couldn't stop eating Doritos. Funny!
On a related note, when we were in Ironwood, we were eating Doritos and Jake was pigging out (once he starts eating flavored chips, he just can't stop), and I commented on it, and Lori said that when she was pregnant with Jake she couldn't stop eating Doritos. Funny!
Escanaba 2011
Our time in Esky was good. We left on Saturday morning and made the trip with 2 stops. Once at McDonald's in Iron River (I wanted French Fries) only to realize that we were still in Central Time so they were still serving breakfast. So I got a sandwich and Lila got a baby ice cream cone (she learned how to eat and love those in Ironwood). Then we played in the grass with her for a while. Then we stopped once more to nurse her because she was hungry and wouldn't eat food.
She didn't get a good nap that day so she was a little cranky when we got there, but my family was sure happy to see us and I was happy to have Jake there for the evening and night. Aunt Jackie and Grandma came to visit. Grandma and I looked at pictures online that Ann Trotter uploaded a few years ago... lots of old family photos. Some of my great-great-great grandparents. Really cool. Gram had never seen some of those pictures. There were quite a few of her father, brothers, and family when they were my age. She still calls her dad "daddy." She thinks this is her "last hoorah." That she probably won't have another summer. She's grateful for the chance she's had to see so many of her grandkids and great-greatkids this summer, her "babies" she called them.
Saturday evening was really nice, after Lila went to bed. Mom, Jake, and I sat out on the deck and talked for a while. It was relaxing. We played cards too and ate some awesome popcorn. I really enjoyed having Jake there with me, even if it was just for one night. Meant a lot to me.
My mom had a blast with Lila, as usual. I got a lot of time to myself, to read and rest and relax. She'd take Lila for walks in the stroller and to play in the yard. Lila's favorite thing to do was open and close (and go in and out) the sliding screen door. So she did that a lot and would kind of throw a fit when we'd make her stop. She ate well. Lots of ravioli, mashed potatoes. Mom introduced her to M&Ms one morning while I slept in (I guess that's what grandmas are for?).
Jake left Sunday after church. My mom didn't go, of course, but the rest of us did and sat in the front row. Lila did pretty well for the first half of the meeting but was pretty tired/cranky. The speakers didn't take long enough, so President Wilber (Kevin is now the branch president!) asked Jake and I to speak. I spoke briefly about how we've been blessed and guided in our marriage so far... being "sent" to Kalamazoo. I spoke as long as I could, but looked up at the clock and there was still 15 minutes left of the meeting. So I said, "Well, I'll leave Jake the rest of the time because I know he likes to talk." So he talked a lot, but also ran out of things to say, so the meeting ended early. Cindy Lowry was there, first time I've seen her in years. She looks so grown up now, older and more mature. She has one more year of college left.
I cried when I said goodbye to Jake. I think mostly out of habit... because I knew that the time apart would go by fast and that Lila and I would have a lot of fun. Skyping helps a lot, too... though we didn't talk to each other a whole lot while we were separated. We were both pretty busy.
One afternoon, Mom, Lila and I went to ShopKo. We ran into Mallery Fisher and her mom, Cindy, there. I don't think I've talked to or seen Mal since we graduated. She looks exactly the same. Just graduated and is taking boards to become a Registered Dietician. We brought Lila to the shoe section to try different sandals and clogs on her, but she chose out a pair all on her own that she wanted. Mom bought them for her. She took a giant poop there too, which was fun. :)
Stopped at Aunt Rose's after that and saw her, Uncle Steve and cousin Buck. Good to see them, they haven't really changed. Her and Mom are such Trotters and Yoopers.
Wednesday the 13th was my grandma's 86th birthday. The summer that Jake and I were engaged, we had a big family birthday party for her 80th, and last year was the party for her 85th. Mom, Lila, and I went to her house. When we got there, so did Uncle Dave and the Bruinsma's. Uncle Dave brought Gram flowers and also bought her a new set of phones for her house (hers are really old). He was showing her how to use them and she burst into tears and cried for a while. Said he was too good to her, lol. Poor Gram. Cousin Sam brought his new little kitty and Lila liked that. Then we sat outside for a while and did bubbles and took some pictures. Uncle Dave went to pick up Jan. She's just finished cancer treatments and went in for a PET scan to find out if the cancer is gone, but she didn't have the results yet. Poor Janny.
That night we went to the Bishop Noa Home where Emily, Jenna, and Haille played music (violin, piano, flute, sang) to the old people there. Gram came too for the "concert" -- it was their birthday gift to her.
We watched True Grit one night (my 3rd time seeing it), but I read the novel The Help through it. Em bought and read it the previous week and really enjoyed it, and I loved it too. It was so nice to be able to read a book again. I also was able to read from the scriptures a lot, and I loved that too.
We took Lila to Ludington Park one evening. Got to see the birdies by the lake (birdie is one of her new favorite words) and she played for a little at Harbor Hideout. Mostly she just loved climbing and descending all the steps.
I think those are most of the highlights. Dad likes to watch TV and go out to eat still. He got an iPad 2 to help with all of his music and lyrics for his job, which is a great idea. It was the first thing he told me though when I saw him, lol. Mom is good too. She still nags at my dad a lot, but I think they're pretty fond of each other when all is said and done. She's gotten wayyy attached to animals... she checks the Delta County Animal Shelter Facebook page all the time and comments on all the pictures. She's obsessed with watching live bald eagle webcams and calls them her "babies." lol. oh boy. Anyway, they're doing well. My mom just adores Lila. She's going to like having another baby to dote on in December.
We left on Thursday at 12:30. Emily had a doctor's appointment that morning, or we would've left earlier. It was pretty good timing... Lila fell asleep right away, but only slept for 30-40 minutes and then cried and was super cranky. So finally I stopped 45-50 miles away from the bridge and we got out and walked for a while at a rest stop on the shore. Then we stopped again at McDonald's at the bridge for a while and I stuffed my face. There were some old people next to us who were being friendly to Lila, and I overheard them say, "Oh, she doesn't look at all like the mother." After that, Lila slept for an hour and a half or 2 hours, which was amazing, and then was very happy for another hour, so we didn't have to stop for 3+ hours. We got a lot of good driving done in that time... I did all the driving on that trip, I figured I probably drive faster (and safer) than Emily does. We stopped at a Wal-Mart in Big Rapids for dinner at Subway and let Lila happily walk around the store for a while. In the car, she was entertained by snacks (she ate a lot of crackers, thankfully), and M and Ms for when she was really cranky (worked like a charm) and books and our phones. I wish we would've had some Sesame Street episodes with us, she would've liked that. We had to stop again before Grand Rapids because she was screaming and crying; I'd forgotten to nurse her. So I got a milkshake and played with her for a while, and she was happy. Then we got back into the car for the final stretch. She screamed and cried for 30-45 minutes and fell asleep just as we were getting to Kalamazoo, of course. We got there at 10:00.
Jake was so happy to see us. He'd just started making cookies for me, which was really sweet of him. We quickly unloaded Emily's car and then played with Lila till 11:00, and then she went to bed, and Jake and I were up for another hour visiting. I missed him and he missed me. I was so glad to be together as a family again, in our own house.
So, overall a great time. I told my mom though that that's the last trip to the UP till after the baby's born! That drive is too insane for me right now.
She didn't get a good nap that day so she was a little cranky when we got there, but my family was sure happy to see us and I was happy to have Jake there for the evening and night. Aunt Jackie and Grandma came to visit. Grandma and I looked at pictures online that Ann Trotter uploaded a few years ago... lots of old family photos. Some of my great-great-great grandparents. Really cool. Gram had never seen some of those pictures. There were quite a few of her father, brothers, and family when they were my age. She still calls her dad "daddy." She thinks this is her "last hoorah." That she probably won't have another summer. She's grateful for the chance she's had to see so many of her grandkids and great-greatkids this summer, her "babies" she called them.
Saturday evening was really nice, after Lila went to bed. Mom, Jake, and I sat out on the deck and talked for a while. It was relaxing. We played cards too and ate some awesome popcorn. I really enjoyed having Jake there with me, even if it was just for one night. Meant a lot to me.
My mom had a blast with Lila, as usual. I got a lot of time to myself, to read and rest and relax. She'd take Lila for walks in the stroller and to play in the yard. Lila's favorite thing to do was open and close (and go in and out) the sliding screen door. So she did that a lot and would kind of throw a fit when we'd make her stop. She ate well. Lots of ravioli, mashed potatoes. Mom introduced her to M&Ms one morning while I slept in (I guess that's what grandmas are for?).
I cried when I said goodbye to Jake. I think mostly out of habit... because I knew that the time apart would go by fast and that Lila and I would have a lot of fun. Skyping helps a lot, too... though we didn't talk to each other a whole lot while we were separated. We were both pretty busy.
One afternoon, Mom, Lila and I went to ShopKo. We ran into Mallery Fisher and her mom, Cindy, there. I don't think I've talked to or seen Mal since we graduated. She looks exactly the same. Just graduated and is taking boards to become a Registered Dietician. We brought Lila to the shoe section to try different sandals and clogs on her, but she chose out a pair all on her own that she wanted. Mom bought them for her. She took a giant poop there too, which was fun. :)
Stopped at Aunt Rose's after that and saw her, Uncle Steve and cousin Buck. Good to see them, they haven't really changed. Her and Mom are such Trotters and Yoopers.
Wednesday the 13th was my grandma's 86th birthday. The summer that Jake and I were engaged, we had a big family birthday party for her 80th, and last year was the party for her 85th. Mom, Lila, and I went to her house. When we got there, so did Uncle Dave and the Bruinsma's. Uncle Dave brought Gram flowers and also bought her a new set of phones for her house (hers are really old). He was showing her how to use them and she burst into tears and cried for a while. Said he was too good to her, lol. Poor Gram. Cousin Sam brought his new little kitty and Lila liked that. Then we sat outside for a while and did bubbles and took some pictures. Uncle Dave went to pick up Jan. She's just finished cancer treatments and went in for a PET scan to find out if the cancer is gone, but she didn't have the results yet. Poor Janny.
That night we went to the Bishop Noa Home where Emily, Jenna, and Haille played music (violin, piano, flute, sang) to the old people there. Gram came too for the "concert" -- it was their birthday gift to her.
We watched True Grit one night (my 3rd time seeing it), but I read the novel The Help through it. Em bought and read it the previous week and really enjoyed it, and I loved it too. It was so nice to be able to read a book again. I also was able to read from the scriptures a lot, and I loved that too.
We took Lila to Ludington Park one evening. Got to see the birdies by the lake (birdie is one of her new favorite words) and she played for a little at Harbor Hideout. Mostly she just loved climbing and descending all the steps.
Jake was so happy to see us. He'd just started making cookies for me, which was really sweet of him. We quickly unloaded Emily's car and then played with Lila till 11:00, and then she went to bed, and Jake and I were up for another hour visiting. I missed him and he missed me. I was so glad to be together as a family again, in our own house.
So, overall a great time. I told my mom though that that's the last trip to the UP till after the baby's born! That drive is too insane for me right now.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Betzold Family
Melissa
- I had an awesome time with Melissa this vacation. I've always enjoyed talking with her, and we've always been able to have good conversations, but we really bonded this trip. I think a lot of it has to do with me being a mom too now. Not that we talked a ton about motherhood and pregnancy (we did talk quite a bit about it though), but I think I just feel much more comfortable in my own skin, I guess. We just relate better. And, I was "stuck" inside with Lila most of the time, whereas before I had her, I was free to go wherever I pleased, so we spent a lot more time together watching the kids. She's still one of my favorite people.
- Vince didn't get there till Thursday of the week, so she spent almost 2 weeks away from him. It was tough for her, but she handled it really well. She's such a fantastic mother, and she just loves it. It's really what she was called to do. She talked about how after they had Eva (#3), they thought they were done having kids. But after a while, they started talking about it, and every time they'd feel better about it, until one day while Vince was at work, Melissa got a clear impression that they needed to get pregnant that day. So she called Vince and of course Vince said, "I will totally support you, you just tell me where and when I need to be and I'll do my part." And Athena was conceived that night. Her attitude about motherhood is so wonderful. She handles all the noise and commotion and demands so well and so cheerfully. She loves Anna and fawns over her just as much as a first-time mom would. It's inspiring.
- We went for a walk with a few of the kids one afternoon and she told me that I was really impressive, something like that. I laughed and asked why, and she said that she thinks I'm in the toughest period of motherhood right now... having just one kid and being the sole source of entertainment most days and being pregnant with the second. She remembers that time as being pretty tough, and the first several months of the second baby's life being tough, but she said that when Paige was able to laugh at Lauren was when things really got better. She said that I've just seemed like a really good mom on vacation, especially since Jake was gone a lot during the day "playing" with his brothers. Which kind of made me laugh because I felt like vacation was a lot easier than normal because I had other people and kids around to help, even when Jake was gone. But to receive a compliment like that from Melissa, who I just think is the best mom, meant a lot to me.
- Another compliment we got... and probably the biggest compliment a person could give... was that a bunch of us were talking/joking about life insurance and wills. Jake asked Melissa who would get their girls if they both died, and she said it would probably be Jake and I. She'd never told us that before, and Jake told me that a while ago he remembers asking and it was one of Vince's sisters. So, that's pretty... awesome.
- She loves the scriptures and teaches her children from them.
- The week before this vacation, she and Mike hit a rough patch in their relationship. Mike thinks a lot of it has to do with her spending time with her family, who are pretty crazy. Jason, her 32-year-old brother, is engaged right now but it's really messed up. He's engaged to a 21-year-old named Megan. She makes him really happy. She was married before for 3 months. Mike's had opportunities to sit and talk with both Jason and Megan, and he knows more about their relationship than the Lillroses simply because he sits, listens, asks questions, and doesn't judge. The Lillroses are like anti-marriage... they don't support their children/siblings very well in their righteous desires to get married (in the temple!) and start their own families. That, and not seeing each other for almost 3 weeks is hard too. Mike was freaking out and Jake and I were telling him to relax, but he was about ready to break up with her. Anyway, before the vacation, I told him that this would either be completely awesome for them (because Ironwood is a world apart, and I knew that spending time with him and his awesome family would be a really transformative experience for her) or that it would be a breaking point for them.
- As I expected, it was a very big, important, and wonderful experience for Cassandra. I think the nieces helped a ton. She spent a lot of time with them. The Jones girls just loved her and she was really good with them. And she finally won Lila over, which is funny and great because for a while Lila would just glare at her. When Cassandra and I took a walk to talk about things, she picked up Lila out of her stroller and carried her the rest of the way back to the camp. Lila practically melted in Cassandra's arms and rested her head on her shoulder (she was probably hot/sleepy)... but she almost never does that (rests her head on someone's shoulder). So that was pretty cute. Anyway, Mike said that on their way back to Kalamazoo, they stopped at a beach in Manistique and they were hugging, and Cassandra wouldn't let him go, and finally said, "Well, you're going to see me cry." (Because he hadn't seen her cry up to that point and she told him that she very rarely cries.) And she cried and cried because she was going to miss him so much and she had such a beautiful time with him in Ironwood and was so happy with him, etc, etc. Basically, she's now at that point where she can't bear to be apart and is ready to make a commitment to him. (She wants to go ring shopping the next time they're together.) Proof that her heart has changed: a few months ago, she was asked and agreed to help out at a YSA Conference, coordinating some kind of service project or food or something. Cassandra's a people pleaser, loves to help out, barely ever says no to doing stuff for church activities, etc. In the past, she has chosen doing things for other people instead of spending time with Mike. And that, of course, has really bothered Mike. Well, at the end of this trip, she told Mike that instead of helping out, she'll come home to be with him instead. He's happy. They are the cutest couple and I love them together.
- I think Cassandra handled meeting the whole family pretty well. She did think there was too much potty humor though :)
- Early in the week, Mike mentioned to me that Cassandra wanted to talk with me while we were there. Finally, our last full day there, Cassandra stopped me while I was on my way out the door and said, "Hey, I'd love to talk with you later today. Let me know when you have some free time." Finally, later that day, she and I went for a walk. We took Lila in the stroller down the gravel road. I gave her the backstory of Mike and Kalina. She's heard it before. But she wasn't so much interested in Kalina as she was in how Mike has changed through the whole experience, what he was like while he was married, etc. Towards the end of the conversation, I told her that I've never seen Mike so happy before. He's never looked better and he's never been so happy. Especially not when he was with Kalina. We talked a bit about the Betzold family. I told her how much I loved them and how I've always felt loved and accepted. I told her that Jake and Mike are similar in that they both don't angry in the way that most people get angry. I've never seen Jake angry. I've seen him frustrated or disappointed, but not angry. I've never heard him raise his voice. And the way Mike acted throughout the whole divorce was amazing. He was a saint. Cassandra's feeling a lot of pressure, I guess you could say, because she makes Mike SO happy. I explained that even when Mike's not on this dating "high," he's a pretty content and happy person. Doesn't have a temper, etc. Anyway... we talked about how intense he can be too and some of the scars he has because of Kalina. Specifically trust and abandonment issues. Sometimes, the way that Mike portrays Cassandra when he tells us things they're talking about makes it seem like Cassandra has no idea what she's doing in this relationship and that she's not committed, that she's a fool kind of. But I could just tell that she has so much love for Mike. And even though she isn't (usually) very mushy and lovey dovey, she really loves him. And she thinks that being apart (her living in Toronto) will strengthen their relationship and their commitment to each other. So I left with the impression that she is really following the spirit, that she's a mature, thoughtful, loving person, and that Mike has no reason to worry. She told me to calm Mike down in the future if he freaks out about her, and I told him that I'm on her side and will definitely stand up for her.
- She said that she thinks the rest of her life she'll be trying to live up to the standards that I have set in the family. I laughed because I think that's silly. But she said that Mike talks about me and Jake all the time and that he thinks our marriage is really wonderful and ideal and wants one like it someday. And that he talks about me a lot and how he thinks I'm an awesome woman, wife, and mother, etc. It's flattering to hear, and I know that we've helped Mike a lot... but I just so often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or that I'm not a very good mom. I feel pretty good about my role as a wife, but this mom thing is so new, and Lila has so many challenges and quirks that I didn't expect her to have, and I don't know how to deal with them sometimes... so I guess it's encouraging to hear that from the outside looking in, I'm doing a good job.
- Anyway, I really like Cassandra and it was a good bonding moment for us. She said, "I never, ever thought that one day I'd be sitting in the UP, talking with you about the Betzolds." Her life is taking an unexpected, but happy, turn. Something else cool that she said was that when she was 20, she received a strong impression about dating that she shouldn't judge someone on where they've been and what's in their past, but on where they're going. When she started dating Mike, it all made sense.
- So far, they're planning on getting married on December 17th. (Mine and Jake's anniversary). What's interesting/weird is that years ago, she decided that she wanted to get married on December 17th in Nauvoo. (Her grandma died on Dec 17th, so it's a significant date for her?) Mike said that he could probably make half of that come true. I'll be 38 weeks pregnant at that point... Chicago would be more feasible, but who knows.
- As previously stated, he had a blast during this vacation. He and Cassandra would be gone for hours during the day, doing touristy stuff, going for 4-wheeler rides, "watching the stars", etc. Oh, to be young again. Jake said he thought it was funny because whenever they'd come back from one of their adventures, Mike would be pretty giddy and goofy.
- The first few days, he was feeling really sick. Sore throat and fever. He kept to himself and seemed really grouchy. I thought maybe he's just a grouchy person, but after he took some medicine and antibiotics, he was really nice and social. Took Lila outside a few times to blow bubbles and jump on the trampoline. He gets out of the Marines on September 9th and is really excited to be done. He may try to get a temp job with Mike's company, but he doesn't seem to interested in wanting to live in Michigan near his family. Sounds like he'd prefer to get a construction job with one of his Marine friends in upstate New York.
- Dan seems to be doing okay, though he's still pretty immature. But, he's officially moved in with his parents and has been accepted to the community college there. He's looking for jobs. I hope that it's a good thing for him to be with his folks and that he doesn't get involved with the wrong crowd and drugs again. He did spend a lot of time with family this week instead of friends... but I guess he probably doesn't have a lot of friends in Ironwood anymore. Anyway, I hope the best for him.
- Lori kind of cracked me up on this trip. She talked a lot about "end of the world" type stuff. Not just food storage, but like theories about where the lost tribes of Israel are, how/when we'll need to travel to Missouri, etc. Read quotes from a book she bought on the topic that were taken way out of context. It got weird at one point because Cassandra was there and doesn't know Lori very well. Vince was there too and he was like, "Oh boy. Have we been talking about this all week?"
- Lori was in her element, cooking for all those people. She loves cooking and she always cooks SO much food. Way more than we usually need. Every day she had 3 big meals planned, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... but thankfully Melissa was able to talk her into having leftovers for many of the meals. We had really yummy food while we were there.
- One night, she started talking about her dad and how she wished that as she was growing up, he would've talked with her like she and Jim talk with their kids. She said that he had so much wisdom and life experience that she never really got to learn from. She found out from other family members that when her dad was a teenager, he was kicked out of his house because his step-mom wanted a divorce... and back then, one of the ways you could "legitimately" get a divorce was to accuse your step-son of inappropriate behavior. So that's what she did. And his dad chose the step-mom over him. They eventually did divorce and I think Grandpa Leo did move back in with his family, but how hard would that be? He also served in WWII in Japan. Jim and Lori both talked about what a good man he was, how everybody in town knew him and respected him. Jim told a story of when he and Lori were newlyweds and had just bought a trailer to live in. He needed to put axles onto a trailer so they could haul it to Ashland and had no idea what he was doing. Just as he was getting started, Leo showed up unexpectedly and guided him through it. And Jim said that's just the kind of person he was. They also talked about how Leo and Lois's first son, Joseph, died at the age of 3. He had cerebral palsy and eventually had to be sent to an institution in Newberry (hours away), because that's what they did back then. Lois became so depressed that she needed to be checked into a psych unit, and Leo held the family together during that time.
- Lori showed me a picture/painting of her great-grandparents from either Sweden or Finland (she wasn't quite sure). They were both blond, blond and blue-eyed just like Lila. :)
- He was really happy to have all his kids and grandkids home and to have all that time off of work. He rarely takes vacation like that. He was a good grandpa and took the girls for 4-wheeler and Jeep rides, and he carried heavy Lila all over the place on her "walks." He's a really sweet man. They have guinea hens at the camp now to eat ticks and other bugs, 18 of them (they started with 24). Not being animal people, I was surprised at how much they really enjoyed having the hens. He enjoyed watching them and feeding them.
- The first day we were there, he quietly approached me and said, "So, it looks like you're hiding a basketball under your shirt." Yup, he forgot that we told him that I was pregnant, lol.
- One of the jokes that week was that the first person to produce a male grandchild will get a statue of himself at the camp. Jake's hoping to win that ;)
Monday, July 11, 2011
15w 4d
Haven't really written about the pregnancy in a while. I forget that I am most days. I ate so much in Ironwood that my belly looked pretty big, but I don't think I'm showing very much. I did definitely grow though while we were in Ironwood. Jake's dad said it looked like I'm hiding a basketball under my shirt, but he's exaggerating. I weighed myself when we got to Ironwood and it said 103.6 or something... or maybe it was 101.6. So no or little weight gain. But by the time we left it said 106, lol. But I think the scale isn't very accurate, so I'm not sure.
I'm switching midwives again. I did this at this point in my pregnancy with Lila. I'm going across the hall to Partners in Women's Health. I'd been going to Bronson Women's Services. I've heard great things about PiWH from friends. BWS has 10 midwives and you could get any one of them when you deliver. PiWH only has 3 midwives so you get to know them better. BWS also accepts Medicaid, and I've heard that the staff at PiWH is a lot friendlier and nicer.
I'm feeling pretty good. We've been going to bed really late, so I'm tired, but not too tired. I got to sleep in till 9 this morning because Mom took Lila, and that was awesome. First time I got to sleep in in a long time.
I think it's a boy. A lot of people do. My dad thinks it's a girl, because he had a "vision" or prompting that the world needs more good women to be raised to be good wives and mothers. It'll be interesting to find out what this little baby is.
EDIT: I forgot to write about my cravings for black olives. I ate 3 full cans of them in Ironwood and am eating them in Esky too (I had my mom buy me some). It's not like I NEED to have them, but they're just so yummy. I remember liking them when I was pregnant with Lila too. Once, in Ironwood, I walked into the kitchen where Lori was making chicken enchiladas. There were a lot of spices and smells going on in there, but the second I walked in, I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "I smell olives!" And there was a can open on the counter. First time something like that has happened to me.
I'm switching midwives again. I did this at this point in my pregnancy with Lila. I'm going across the hall to Partners in Women's Health. I'd been going to Bronson Women's Services. I've heard great things about PiWH from friends. BWS has 10 midwives and you could get any one of them when you deliver. PiWH only has 3 midwives so you get to know them better. BWS also accepts Medicaid, and I've heard that the staff at PiWH is a lot friendlier and nicer.
I'm feeling pretty good. We've been going to bed really late, so I'm tired, but not too tired. I got to sleep in till 9 this morning because Mom took Lila, and that was awesome. First time I got to sleep in in a long time.
I think it's a boy. A lot of people do. My dad thinks it's a girl, because he had a "vision" or prompting that the world needs more good women to be raised to be good wives and mothers. It'll be interesting to find out what this little baby is.
EDIT: I forgot to write about my cravings for black olives. I ate 3 full cans of them in Ironwood and am eating them in Esky too (I had my mom buy me some). It's not like I NEED to have them, but they're just so yummy. I remember liking them when I was pregnant with Lila too. Once, in Ironwood, I walked into the kitchen where Lori was making chicken enchiladas. There were a lot of spices and smells going on in there, but the second I walked in, I stopped dead in my tracks and said, "I smell olives!" And there was a can open on the counter. First time something like that has happened to me.
Ironwood (Part 2)
- On Sunday we all went to church together. Rich was the only one from the Boggs family who came though. We'd stayed up late on Saturday night waiting for Mike and Cassandra to arrive. They got there close to midnight. Cassandra sure got a good dose of Betzold that week :) There was no smoke and mirrors... everything was put right out there. In their first five minutes at the camp, the N word was used (not in a racial context... but that's what the brothers sometimes call each other... but still embarrassing) and so was the phrase "douche bag." (Ohhh, Betzolds.) Anyway, so we all made the 40-50 minute drive to Ashland. I went to RS with the ladies while Jake took Lila and Athena to Nursery, except they didn't spend the whole hour in Nursery. They were out playing in the foyer by the chapel and Lila was opening and closing doors (one of her favorite things to do) and poor Athena (whose nickname is Pena) got her finger shut in the door. It was dented, no blood though. So that was pretty traumatic for her. The RS lesson was on the law of the gospel (obedience, sacrifice, consecration, and chastity) and it struck me how important it is that we have families, because we learn those principles best within families. Sunday School was interesting too. I think that the teacher, an old man, was trying to stall because he wrote all of the visitors' individual names on the chalkboard. There were like 20 visitors, and most of them were Betzolds. It was funny because he wrote "Brother and Sister Mike Betzold" on the board... so eventually Cassandra clarified that she was a Lillrose and not a Betzold. We spent most of the hour trying to entertain Anna and Lila. Sacrament meeting went pretty well. It was so nice to just sit in the pews as a family. We took up a lot of space in the chapel. Lauren wanted to sit next to me (I'm her "favorite aunt"), Lila was passed between uncles, and behind us Mike and Cassandra cuddled Eva and Pena. I could tell it was a significant moment for C :)
- After dinner, all the Betzolds went to Little Girls Point to take family pictures, since it was the only day that all 6 siblings would be there. Sam wasn't feel well at all. His throat really hurt and he had a fever, so after we took pictures Lori took him to Urgent Care. Luckily, he didn't have strep. We spent a few hours at the park. The girls had fun playing on the swings and merry-go-round. Cassandra was pushing Pena on a swing and she pushed her a little too high and Pena fell off, right onto her back. OUCH. So Pena had a pretty rough day, between that and getting her finger pinched in the door that morning. The little girls wanted to go down to the beach. So Papa (Jim) took Lila for a walk down there and Jake and I stayed up with Anna, cuddled her and walked her around in the stroller and got to visit with each other. I like that guy, Jake.
- Sunday night we did fireworks. Mom and Dad had bought illegal ones (in the state of Michigan) that were pretty sweet. It was the only night that we'd all be there together. I thought that for sure the fireworks would wake Lila up, but she stayed asleep the whole time. I sat inside the cabin for most of it because I didn't want to get eaten by bugs, but everyone else said that they were awesome. :) Jake was the one who got to light them up, and he sure loved that job. Afterwards, Mom got out the accordion and played some songs. Jake and I slow danced by the bon fire before heading to bed.
- On Monday, the 4th, we laid low. We had planned on going to the kids parade (it was from 1:30-2), but Lila was still sleeping when it was time to leave, and I didn't want to wake her, so we ended up not going. Melissa ended up not going either, but still went into town to go to Walmart and brought Mike and Cassandra with her. We didn't go to fireworks that night either because Lila was already in bed, but that's ok. We have many more years ahead of us to enjoy the festivities of the 4th. It's my favorite holiday, so I was a little bummed that we didn't do anything in town, but that's how it is when you have small children. Mike and Cassandra did go into town to see the fireworks... though they didn't leave till 10:00. The Boggs left that afternoon. Doug Banyai and his girlfriend Amalia arrived that afternoon; they spent the night there with us. Doug is still at Tech working on his PhD and Amalia just graduated with her PhD and is heading to Arkansas to teach Physics at a small college there. Nice people. They went for a Jeep ride with Jake in the afternoon to Superior Falls to go cliff jumping into the river. That same afternoon, Mike and Cassandra and maybe Dan took the 4-wheelers out. Something broke on one of the 4-wheelers, unfortunately. As we were sitting around chatting after dinner, the people who'd been out in the woods that afternoon found a whole bunch of ticks on them. Yuck. Jake and I went to bed while everyone else stayed up late watching a movie. I was feeling so exhausted.
- The rest of the week, I don't think I left the camp very much at all. One afternoon I took a walk with Melissa and the girls down Aspen Lane. And then on the last full day there, Vince, Melissa, Jake, Dan and I went to Superior Falls so that Jake and Dan could jump off the cliff and the rest of us could swim. Jake did get to go out and have fun with his brothers though. He went for lots of four-wheeler rides and swimming a few times. He took a long nap one afternoon because he was having bad allergies. But mostly we just hung out at the camp. Lila had a lot of fun there. She played well inside, but mostly wanted to be outside. Whenever she wanted to go out, she would knock on the doors and say "walk." She learned so much there. Jim and Lori bought a trampoline for the kids with a protective netting around it. Lila LOVED that and she practically threw a tantrum whenever we'd try to take her off. She sometimes bounced around on it and loved being on it with her cousins, but mostly she'd just zip and unzip the netting and peek in and out of it. They also bought a pool for the kids that was a few feet deep, but Lila didn't like that at all. The older kids sure had a lot of fun playing in it though. Especially Jake :) He'd go in there with the girls and play shark and tag, just like a little kid. He's so funny. He always tells me that all I have to do is try to think of what I'd like to do as a kid... but I can't remember that well. He's really good with kids and at making up games for them to play.
- Lila also discovered the joy of bubbles. She learned how to say it too. She liked dipping the wand in and out of the soap and tried blowing bubbles a few times. She also liked stepping on them when they landing on the ground.
- She was notorious for getting people to pick her up, and then pointing and grunting and saying "walk" and having them cart her all over the place. She especially did this with Papa, it was pretty funny. She must have Grandpa Radar because she does this with my dad too. She also liked Sam and Dan. Cassandra asked for a hug once, and Lila buried her face in Grandpa's chest, turning away. Then Cassandra said, "Do you want to go for a walk?" And Lila snapped her head around and practically threw herself at Cassandra, it was so funny.
- The one movie we did watch all together on the big screen projector was True Grit. Good movie. Jake and I laid in one of the beds because he was allergic to the big couch (they had it when they had Caca). Good movie.
- Lila slept well in Ironwood. She, Jake, and I slept in the cabin, in the room with the bunk bed. There was a crib in there too. I was worried that she wouldn't want to take naps or go to bed, but it was quite the opposite. When she was tired, she really wanted to go to bed. I'm sure she was wearing herself out, running around outside in the sun and playing with her cousins. She took an hour an a half nap every afternoon and went to bed at around 8 every night. Jake and I stayed up pretty late most nights. (For us, midnight-1am is pretty late.)
- Verizon has no cell phone reception at the camp, so I didn't have my phone on the whole time. It was awesome. They do have HughsNet, so it's a decent speed but you can't do any streaming (like Youtube), so people weren't on the internet very much either. Jake checked him work email maybe once a day. He did end up hiring that single mother, Rebecca, as a new project manager.
- We had so much fun with his family. So much fun. I love his family because we always end up just sitting around and talking. We laughed a lot together. It was especially funny because Cassandra was there for a lot of it, and we talked about some pretty colorful stuff. One night it was moles and poop. Jake has a lot of moles and a lot of poop stories too. The next day, Cassandra told us how surprised she was to see the "real" Jake. She's known Jake and I for 5 years, and has only known the church versions of us. She said that I'm not too different, but Jake was like a completely different person than she thought he was. At church, Jake is pretty serious, straight-laced, business-like, etc. I said that people probably wonder what I see in him. I'm glad that someone else from church now knows the "real" Jake. :)
- One of the things the Betzolds always talk about is the car accidents that the kids got in growing up. I've heard those stories many times. Some funny stories:
- One time the four oldest kids were up in a tree fort. The fort didn't have any walls. They brought up little cups and some beverage (maybe Gatorade or rootbeer) and had contests to see who could drink the cup the fastest. When you were finished, you were supposed to slam the cup to the table; the first one to do that won. So one time, Jake did that, slammed the cup to the table, threw up his hands and said, "I win!" And the momentum from throwing his hands up made him fall backwards off the tree fort!
- When Jake was little and they still lived on the Bluff in Gladstone, one of his girl friends (Tara) that he played with a lot had Barbies. So he wanted some Ken dolls so that he could play with them. So, Lori bought him two dolls: Ken and Steve. (How gay does that sound?) And they were even the swimsuit dolls. Jim really didn't like that Jake was playing with Barbie dolls--he felt it was really important to make sure his boys were masculine :) Jake didn't see what the big deal was because they were male dolls. So, he told Jake that he would trade him 100 army guys, 4 army tanks, and a pair of rollerskates for the Ken dolls. And that made Melissa and Jim pretty mad because they'd just saved up their money to buy themselves rollerskates. And what's more, a while later, Jake was playing in the attic and found the Ken dolls up there, so he got those too. :) So then we started talking about how Jake (and the other guys) definitely aren't gay. Like Jake and his JC Penney catalogs, lol, and how Melissa saw Sam checking out a poster of Lara Croft Tomb Raider once and thought to herself, "Well, Sam's definitely not gay."
- Melissa said that growing up, Jake was always really dependable and helpful. He never complained about doing chores. He always just went to work and did his chores thoroughly and happily. He's still like that today. If I ask him to do something, he'll never complain about it. He'll do it like it's no big deal and he's so thorough. But they joked because whenever his parents would send Jake to the storage room in Petoskey to find something (probably food), Jake would be gone for a really long time and come back empty-handed because he honestly couldn't find anything. (Dad said that the storage room was an absolute mess.) And whenever it was time to clean or do chores, Jim would always say that he had to go to the bathroom and hide out in there, so they teased him about that too.
- We talked about blue darts, which is something I know we've talked about before. I shared the story of how one time we were in bed (I have no idea why Jake was doing blue darts in our bed!) and Jake burned a hole right through his garment bottoms doing one. (He wasn't wearing any pants over them. And how another time his flannel pajamas briefly caught on fire. Dad asked if it was some sort of weird honeymoon trick that Jake tried to show me (wondering why Jake would want to do blue darts in front of me), and asked, "Did he say, 'Hey, wanna see something cool?" And I said, "No, but he did say that about something else." And we laughed and laughed and laughed.
- We were talking about pregnancy and Melissa asked what time of year we got pregnant with Lila. Jake and I laughed and said that it was the 4th of July in Ironwood. So then Melissa laughed about their kids... two of them were conceived in hotel rooms, including Eva who was conceived on mine and Jake's wedding night.
- One day during lunch, Dan was filling out a job application to Family Video. One of the questions on the application was, "Why do you want to work at Family Video?" Which is a pretty silly question. "Uh, because I want money?" So I told him to write, "I like families and I like videos." And he did. And he got a job interview! (He just had the interview today and is waiting to hear back from them.)
- Vince told a lot of funny stories, some of them mission stories. The best was the "trench coat" story. One time he and his companions were driving to an appointment and a wave of diarrhea hit them (I told you we talked a lot about poop). So he told them that they needed to stop and pull over so he could go to the bathroom. So he hopped a fence, not knowing that on the other side was a ledge. So he grabbed on to two tree branches, hanging from the ledge, did his business, then realized he didn't have TP. So he used his trench coat. Then looked down and saw that the ledge was above a bike trail. LOL. Funny funny.
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