Betzold Family

Melissa

•  I had an awesome time with Melissa this vacation.  I've always enjoyed talking with her, and we've always been able to have good conversations, but we really bonded this trip.  I think a lot of it has to do with me being a mom too now.  Not that we talked a ton about motherhood and pregnancy (we did talk quite a bit about it though), but I think I just feel much more comfortable in my own skin, I guess.  We just relate better.  And, I was "stuck" inside with Lila most of the time, whereas before I had her, I was free to go wherever I pleased, so we spent a lot more time together watching the kids.  She's still one of my favorite people.
• Vince didn't get there till Thursday of the week, so she spent almost 2 weeks away from him.  It was tough for her, but she handled it really well.  She's such a fantastic mother, and she just loves it.  It's really what she was called to do.  She talked about how after they had Eva (#3), they thought they were done having kids.  But after a while, they started talking about it, and every time they'd feel better about it, until one day while Vince was at work, Melissa got a clear impression that they needed to get pregnant that day.  So she called Vince and of course Vince said, "I will totally support you, you just tell me where and when I need to be and I'll do my part."  And Athena was conceived that night.  Her attitude about motherhood is so wonderful.  She handles all the noise and commotion and demands so well and so cheerfully.  She loves Anna and fawns over her just as much as a first-time mom would.  It's inspiring.
• We went for a walk with a few of the kids one afternoon and she told me that I was really impressive, something like that.  I laughed and asked why, and she said that she thinks I'm in the toughest period of motherhood right now... having just one kid and being the sole source of entertainment most days and being pregnant with the second.  She remembers that time as being pretty tough, and the first several months of the second baby's life being tough, but she said that when Paige was able to laugh at Lauren was when things really got better.  She said that I've just seemed like a really good mom on vacation, especially since Jake was gone a lot during the day "playing" with his brothers.  Which kind of made me laugh because I felt like vacation was a lot easier than normal because I had other people and kids around to help, even when Jake was gone.  But to receive a compliment like that from Melissa, who I just think is the best mom, meant a lot to me.  
• Another compliment we got... and probably the biggest compliment a person could give... was that a bunch of us were talking/joking about life insurance and wills.  Jake asked Melissa who would get their girls if they both died, and she said it would probably be Jake and I.  She'd never told us that before, and Jake told me that a while ago he remembers asking and it was one of Vince's sisters.  So, that's pretty... awesome.
• She loves the scriptures and teaches her children from them.

Cassandra

• The week before this vacation, she and Mike hit a rough patch in their relationship.  Mike thinks a lot of it has to do with her spending time with her family, who are pretty crazy.  Jason, her 32-year-old brother, is engaged right now but it's really messed up.  He's engaged to a 21-year-old named Megan.  She makes him really happy.  She was married before for 3 months.  Mike's had opportunities to sit and talk with both Jason and Megan, and he knows more about their relationship than the Lillroses simply because he sits, listens, asks questions, and doesn't judge.  The Lillroses are like anti-marriage... they don't support their children/siblings very well in their righteous desires to get married (in the temple!) and start their own families.  That, and not seeing each other for almost 3 weeks is hard too.  Mike was freaking out and Jake and I were telling him to relax, but he was about ready to break up with her.  Anyway, before the vacation, I told him that this would either be completely awesome for them (because Ironwood is a world apart, and I knew that spending time with him and his awesome family would be a really transformative experience for her) or that it would be a breaking point for them.
• As I expected, it was a very big, important, and wonderful experience for Cassandra.  I think the nieces helped a ton.  She spent a lot of time with them.  The Jones girls just loved her and she was really good with them.  And she finally won Lila over, which is funny and great because for a while Lila would just glare at her.  When Cassandra and I took a walk to talk about things, she picked up Lila out of her stroller and carried her the rest of the way back to the camp.  Lila practically melted in Cassandra's arms and rested her head on her shoulder (she was probably hot/sleepy)... but she almost never does that (rests her head on someone's shoulder).  So that was pretty cute.  Anyway, Mike said that on their way back to Kalamazoo, they stopped at a beach in Manistique and they were hugging, and Cassandra wouldn't let him go, and finally said, "Well, you're going to see me cry."  (Because he hadn't seen her cry up to that point and she told him that she very rarely cries.)  And she cried and cried because she was going to miss him so much and she had such a beautiful time with him in Ironwood and was so happy with him, etc, etc.  Basically, she's now at that point where she can't bear to be apart and is ready to make a commitment to him.  (She wants to go ring shopping the next time they're together.)  Proof that her heart has changed: a few months ago, she was asked and agreed to help out at a YSA Conference, coordinating some kind of service project or food or something.  Cassandra's a people pleaser, loves to help out, barely ever says no to doing stuff for church activities, etc.  In the past, she has chosen doing things for other people instead of spending time with Mike.  And that, of course, has really bothered Mike.  Well, at the end of this trip, she told Mike that instead of helping out, she'll come home to be with him instead.  He's happy.  They are the cutest couple and I love them together.
• I think Cassandra handled meeting the whole family pretty well.  She did think there was too much potty humor though :)
• Early in the week, Mike mentioned to me that Cassandra wanted to talk with me while we were there.  Finally, our last full day there, Cassandra stopped me while I was on my way out the door and said, "Hey, I'd love to talk with you later today.  Let me know when you have some free time."  Finally, later that day, she and I went for a walk.  We took Lila in the stroller down the gravel road.  I gave her the backstory of Mike and Kalina.  She's heard it before.  But she wasn't so much interested in Kalina as she was in how Mike has changed through the whole experience, what he was like while he was married, etc. Towards the end of the conversation, I told her that I've never seen Mike so happy before.  He's never looked better and he's never been so happy.  Especially not when he was with Kalina.  We talked a bit about the Betzold family.  I told her how much I loved them and how I've always felt loved and accepted.  I told her that Jake and Mike are similar in that they both don't angry in the way that most people get angry.  I've never seen Jake angry.  I've seen him frustrated or disappointed, but not angry.  I've never heard him raise his voice.  And the way Mike acted throughout the whole divorce was amazing.  He was a saint.  Cassandra's feeling a lot of pressure, I guess you could say, because she makes Mike SO happy.  I explained that even when Mike's not on this dating "high," he's a pretty content and happy person.  Doesn't have a temper, etc.  Anyway... we talked about how intense he can be too and some of the scars he has because of Kalina.  Specifically trust and abandonment issues.  Sometimes, the way that Mike portrays Cassandra when he tells us things they're talking about makes it seem like Cassandra has no idea what she's doing in this relationship and that she's not committed, that she's a fool kind of.  But I could just tell that she has so much love for Mike.  And even though she isn't (usually) very mushy and lovey dovey, she really loves him.  And she thinks that being apart (her living in Toronto) will strengthen their relationship and their commitment to each other.  So I left with the impression that she is really following the spirit, that she's a mature, thoughtful, loving person, and that Mike has no reason to worry.  She told me to calm Mike down in the future if he freaks out about her, and I told him that I'm on her side and will definitely stand up for her. 
• She said that she thinks the rest of her life she'll be trying to live up to the standards that I have set in the family.  I laughed because I think that's silly.  But she said that Mike talks about me and Jake all the time and that he thinks our marriage is really wonderful and ideal and wants one like it someday.  And that he talks about me a lot and how he thinks I'm an awesome woman, wife, and mother, etc.  It's flattering to hear, and I know that we've helped Mike a lot... but I just so often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing or that I'm not a very good mom.  I feel pretty good about my role as a wife, but this mom thing is so new, and Lila has so many challenges and quirks that I didn't expect her to have, and I don't know how to deal with them sometimes... so I guess it's encouraging to hear that from the outside looking in, I'm doing a good job.
• Anyway, I really like Cassandra and it was a good bonding moment for us.  She said, "I never, ever thought that one day I'd be sitting in the UP, talking with you about the Betzolds."  Her life is taking an unexpected, but happy, turn.  Something else cool that she said was that when she was 20, she received a strong impression about dating that she shouldn't judge someone on where they've been and what's in their past, but on where they're going.  When she started dating Mike, it all made sense. 
• So far, they're planning on getting married on December 17th.  (Mine and Jake's anniversary).  What's interesting/weird is that years ago, she decided that she wanted to get married on December 17th in Nauvoo.  (Her grandma died on Dec 17th, so it's a significant date for her?)  Mike said that he could probably make half of that come true.  I'll be 38 weeks pregnant at that point... Chicago would be more feasible, but who knows.

Mike

• As previously stated, he had a blast during this vacation.  He and Cassandra would be gone for hours during the day, doing touristy stuff, going for 4-wheeler rides, "watching the stars", etc.  Oh, to be young again.  Jake said he thought it was funny because whenever they'd come back from one of their adventures, Mike would be pretty giddy and goofy. 

 Sam

• The first few days, he was feeling really sick.  Sore throat and fever.  He kept to himself and seemed really grouchy.  I thought maybe he's just a grouchy person, but after he took some medicine and antibiotics, he was really nice and social.  Took Lila outside a few times to blow bubbles and jump on the trampoline.  He gets out of the Marines on September 9th and is really excited to be done.  He may try to get a temp job with Mike's company, but he doesn't seem to interested in wanting to live in Michigan near his family.  Sounds like he'd prefer to get a construction job with one of his Marine friends in upstate New York.  

Dan

• Dan seems to be doing okay, though he's still pretty immature.  But, he's officially moved in with his parents and has been accepted to the community college there.  He's looking for jobs.  I hope that it's a good thing for him to be with his folks and that he doesn't get involved with the wrong crowd and drugs again.  He did spend a lot of time with family this week instead of friends... but I guess he probably doesn't have a lot of friends in Ironwood anymore.  Anyway, I hope the best for him. 

Lori 

• Lori kind of cracked me up on this trip.  She talked a lot about "end of the world" type stuff.  Not just food storage, but like theories about where the lost tribes of Israel are, how/when we'll need to travel to Missouri, etc.  Read quotes from a book she bought on the topic that were taken way out of context.  It got weird at one point because Cassandra was there and doesn't know Lori very well.  Vince was there too and he was like, "Oh boy. Have we been talking about this all week?"  
• Lori was in her element, cooking for all those people.  She loves cooking and she always cooks SO much food.  Way more than we usually need.  Every day she had 3 big meals planned, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... but thankfully Melissa was able to talk her into having leftovers for many of the meals.  We had really yummy food while we were there.
• One night, she started talking about her dad and how she wished that as she was growing up, he would've talked with her like she and Jim talk with their kids.  She said that he had so much wisdom and life experience that she never really got to learn from.  She found out from other family members that when her dad was a teenager, he was kicked out of his house because his step-mom wanted a divorce... and back then, one of the ways you could "legitimately" get a divorce was to accuse your step-son of inappropriate behavior.  So that's what she did.  And his dad chose the step-mom over him.  They eventually did divorce and I think Grandpa Leo did move back in with his family, but how hard would that be?  He also served in WWII in Japan.  Jim and Lori both talked about what a good man he was, how everybody in town knew him and respected him.  Jim told a story of when he and Lori were newlyweds and had just bought a trailer to live in.  He needed to put axles onto a trailer so they could haul it to Ashland and had no idea what he was doing.  Just as he was getting started, Leo showed up unexpectedly and guided him through it.  And Jim said that's just the kind of person he was.  They also talked about how Leo and Lois's first son, Joseph, died at the age of 3.  He had cerebral palsy and eventually had to be sent to an institution in Newberry (hours away), because that's what they did back then.  Lois became so depressed that she needed to be checked into a psych unit, and Leo held the family together during that time.  
• Lori showed me a picture/painting of her great-grandparents from either Sweden or Finland (she wasn't quite sure).  They were both blond, blond and blue-eyed just like Lila. :)

Jim

• He was really happy to have all his kids and grandkids home and to have all that time off of work.  He rarely takes vacation like that.  He was a good grandpa and took the girls for 4-wheeler and Jeep rides, and he carried heavy Lila all over the place on her "walks."  He's a really sweet man.  They have guinea hens at the camp now to eat ticks and other bugs, 18 of them (they started with 24).  Not being animal people, I was surprised at how much they really enjoyed having the hens.  He enjoyed watching them and feeding them.   
• The first day we were there, he quietly approached me and said, "So, it looks like you're hiding a basketball under your shirt."  Yup, he forgot that we told him that I was pregnant, lol.
• One of the jokes that week was that the first person to produce a male grandchild will get a statue of himself at the camp.  Jake's hoping to win that ;)