New Year's Eve

What a busy time for the Betzold family! Both immediate and extended. From now on, we will celebrate our anniversary, a birthday, and Christmas all in the same week. This year was definitely extra busy. Mike and Cassandra did get married (Mike was having second thoughts/cold feet just a few days before the wedding) and I think they'll have a very happy marriage.

Last night was their reception. We went, and I'm glad we dud, even though it was pretty overwhelming to me. I was sitting by the dessert table with Jared (Lori and Tracy Boggs did the desserts and they were yummy) and we were swarmed with people, so eventually I moved to a much more secluded part of the church and was bothered less there. I never had these intense mother bear type feelings with Lila, but I also didn't take her our so soon after she was born. So, church for the next month or so is out of the question. It's way too stressful, lol. I don't understand how people can just go up to newborn babies and touch their faces without asking!!  I'm talking to you, Mark Greenwood.

Anyway, the reception was nice. Lots of food. Cassandra's dress was very beautiful; her mom and sisters made it. I was expecting something very simple, but it was pretty elaborate and now I can see why they were all so busy working on it. so, she's my sister-in-law now and that's pretty awesome. Jake and I spent s lot of time visiting with Annalaura. She and Chris are still at BYU and she expects they'll be there for a few more years still. We both really like Annalaura. They've been trying to get pregnant for a while now. She sure loved holding Jared. And she sure loves me, lol. She said that her heart jumps for joy just to see me. Jake and I want to have a Baby party in the summer with all the couples from the branch who have kids now. I think that would be really fun, especially since there will be a lot of baby boys born within months of each other. Overall, our first big outing with 2 kids went well. Lila had a BLAST dancing and running around with the other little kids there. She was having sooo much fun and Jake and I had sooo much fun watching her. She is such a sweet little girl. She was enamored with Cassandra's bouquet and wanted to carry it around all night.  She'd smell it and exclaim, "OOH!  Smells good!"

There was a moment when Jake and Lila were "slow dancing" together and I was sitting watching, holding Jared, and I felt pure joy.  So happy and grateful for my family.

So, things are still going well.  Last night was the roughest night yet.  Jared kept waking up every 10-15 minutes for about an hour or more, having to burp or whatever.  So we're kind of tired today.  We had a nurse over this morning to take blood/urine samples for our life insurance applications.  It'll be a slow day.  We have plans of getting Lila to bed early and then eating junk food and having "date pop" while watching the ball drop.  Looking forward to another NYE with Jake.

A year ago today was Mike and Cassandra's first "date."  Pretty crazy!

A week old

Jared is a week old today! He and I are sitting in the car at menards. Jake took Lila in to buy wood. Jake and his dad have been putting up some sheet rock in one of the storage rooms downstairs. Seems like they always need to be working on a project. I was getting really annoyed by it a few nights ago. He literally didnt see Jared all day because he was busy working in the basement. So he was wise and took a break.

Jake's parents left yesterday for nauvoo. Mike and Cassandra got married today! No backing out now, though mike still has some concerns. Mostly he just needs to relax. I'm looking forward to the reception tomorrow.

I'm feeling really good (relatively, of course). It is sooo nice to not be pregnant!! The whitakers stopped by to meet Jared today and when I saw Kate (who is due in 6 weeks) I could only think how grateful I was that I had the baby already. On Tuesday I had a quick midwife appointment, mostly I think to see if I have postpartum depression (I don't). I dont even think I'll have the baby blues this time around (I did with Lila). I was pretty surprised and disappointed to find that I still weighed 138 pounds! I would've thought that I'd have lost more weight. Oh well. Jake reassures me that it'll come off. Hope so!

Yesterday after dinner we went to the mall. We actually also went for a walk outside while it was sunny out. I was pretty tired and sore after both excursions, but not too bad. It was really nice to get out. We ran into Desiree at the mall, funny enough. We picked up my anniversary ring which I got repaired and also the most adorable little button up shirt for Jared to wear to the reception at The Gap. I think I'm more excited about dressing him than I was to dress lila. That little boy has me completely smitten.

After shopping we sat in the food court. I got my beloved chocolate shake from mcdonalds, Jake got a parfait, and Lila got chicken nuggets.

Jared is waking up around every 2 hours at night usually. Lila was up twice last night too but as soon as I gave her ibuprofen she slept soundly. She has been very cranky and whiny, the way she gets when she's teething. Doesn't want to eat, etc. But it's not too bad. Just annoying.

Good still

Only Wednesday. Time is passing slowly right now, and that's ok. I wish my baby would stay small and tiny like this.

Things are going well still. We get tired at night, in the evenings, but usually feel pretty good. Jake and I both got a nap this afternoon and Lila's still sleeping now. She's been extra tired lately, and a few days ago I saw that she's getting at least one of her molars. She's been pretty good for the most part, but I think she's freaking out a little bit with all the changes. I just need to give her lots of love and attention, when I can. It's also good for her to freak out sometimes. Can't always get what you want.

In love.

I am way in love over here.  Jake and I both are.  Jared is just way too sweet!  I just feel like I could have a dozen more babies if they're as sweet as this guy is.  I always wondered how I would feel about a baby boy, if I would love him as much as I'd love a baby girl.  And yup, I do.  So in love.

Our Christmas Day didn't feel like Christmas Day.  We woke up early to have Jared's baby blessing at 8am that morning.  Bishop came over to preside.  We wanted Jake's brothers and dad to be there, and it was the "best" time to do it.  So we got dressed up in nice clothes (I was engorged and uncomfortable) and had the blessing.  Jake got emotional, of course, and he always feels a little frustrated with himself when he does.  He asks me, "Why do I have to get like that?"  Uh, because he's your son and he's wonderful and you love him. :)  It was a beautiful blessing and so special to me to see my husband bless his son.  What I remember... that Jared will be blessed with a spirit of honesty, kindness, and love and be a good example to his siblings and cousins.  He was also advised to prepare to receive the priesthood :) and with health that he may carry out the duties he was sent here to do. 

I just love that we have a son.  I love that he will be his father's son.  I love that Jake will get to pass on his awesomeness to another man.  I love Jake so much, I think he's a really good man... and I'm just so grateful that we can have children together and raise them together.

We had a green Christmas this year.  No snow!  It was in the 40s!  I think it was my 2nd green Christmas ever.  I always imagined bringing home Jared in the snow and cold, but he brought the warm weather with him.  It's actually snowing and gray today.  The rest of the family went to church at 10:00.  I was feeling pretty good after I'd gotten dressed and considered going to... but eventually changed my mind as I got more and more tired.  Jake's dad gave me great advice: "If you can't decide what to do, it probably means that you shouldn't."

Mike and Cassandra spent that day with her family, and Jim/Angela were at our place till 2 or 3.  We had turkey for a late lunch/early dinner.  Jim and Angela have been trying to get pregnant for some time now, and haven't been able to.  Angela has poly-cystic ovaries... and I don't think they have health insurance, or at least not good health insurance, so haven't been able to or haven't wanted to seek more medical attention.  Jim did some research about progesterone cream, so she's been using that, but they forgot it in Holland and Jim wanted to go back to get it before they left for Detroit... but ended up not.  Anyway, it was a little bit of drama. 

That was the last big "event"... Christmas day.  We've just been trying to relax and enjoy our family.  Except for Jake and his dad, who are of course keeping busy with project after project.  Right now they're working on something with the furnace and also putting up some sheet rock in the basement storage room.  They love keeping busy.  But it's been ok.  They've taken several trips to Menards and always take Lila with, and she'll usually fall asleep in the car and nap for a while out in the garage.  And he lets her "help" them.  Yesterday she was down there and Jake was busy working on something, and she holds something up and asks, "What's this?"  Jake didn't look and guessed that it was a flashlight.  So he said, "It's a flashlight."  She walks up to him, holds up a screw, and said, "It's a flashlight."  lol. 

We all watched The Little Mermaid together, and Lila lasted the whole movie, though she did play around the basement, but it allowed Jake and I to rest.  I've been getting a decent amount of sleep, I guess.  Last night I got a few 2-3 hours stretches, and I got to lay down for a while last night and this morning.  This morning Jake took Lila out to Menards and Jared and I got an hour of peaceful quiet time together watching the snow fall.  He was awake the whole time, and I just loved having that time to pay attention to just him.  I haven't been spending a whole lot of time with Lila this week actually, she's been busy with other people, so I try to give her special attention too.  She's been sleeping well at night and taking good naps, so that's good too.

Jared Brother

AnnaMarie asked if it was weird having my mom and Emily there at the delivery. With Lila I definitely wanted it to be just Jake and I, but this time I was really excited when my mom said she could be there. She absolutely loved the experience, even though she was only there for the tail end of it. I figured it was probably one of the best gifts I could ever give her. And i don't know if we'll ever be induced again, so we might not be able to plan on having her here again. With Emily, a few days before we delivered she wanted to know if she could be there, and I said no. And she thought that was lame, and said that when I had Lila I told her she could be at the next one. I don't remember telling her that. I originally didn't want her there because usually she stresses me out. She said, "But it'll help me be not so scared to deliver a baby!" lol. Ok, that made me want her there even less. But, she came up with my mom to my room before Jared was born, and I think the fact that it was all happening so quickly and relaxed that I didn't feel like kicking her out. My mom had told me the day before that I should let Emily be there because Emily loves my babies like they're her own and takes such good care of them, and that's very true. So Emily had camera duty (though Jake had to tell her once to get out of my business) and stood by my head. And it's actually pretty nice to have pictures of everything. All in all it went very well and didn't stress me out.

Also, now that I've given birth twice, hopefully next time I'll have the sense to make sure the epidural is lined up for right after I have my water broken (assuming it doesn't break on its own).  I kind of liked being induced.  It was especially nice to have help lined up for Lila .

Lila is doing really well!  So much better than I thought.  Of course, she's had a lot of attention from grandparents, aunts, and uncles and that has helped a ton.  Jim and Lori brought her to the hospital a few hours after Jared was born.  She'd fallen asleep in the car so was pretty sleepy, but she did really well.  She didn't cry and she was very interested in meeting "Jared Brother."  She was a little shy of me and wary of the hospital bed, but she'd say, "Hi Mom!  Hi Mommy!" and we took pictures and visited.  Jake's parents spent Thursday night in Holland with Jim, so Mom and Emily watched Lila that night.  Lila didn't go to bed till 1am!  She had Emily playing bowling, listening to music, "turn Christmas tree yight on."  Finally Emily buckled down and rocked her to sleep and Lila slept through the rest of the night, which is good.

Having that alone time at the hospital, just Jake, Jared, and I, was really nice.  Felt like a bit of a babymoon.  Mike and Cassandra came to visit that night and brought me a chocolate milkshake from McDonald's.  Here's a funny story... an hour or two after I delivered, Mike calls and asks to talk to me.  He congratulates me on having the baby and everything, and then he starts telling me about the massage that he bought Cassandra for Christmas, and how awesome it's going to be, and how she's going with her girlfriend, and how he wondered if she would have issues being touched by another person, but that it would be a great opportunity for her to talk to Serena (her married friend) about how awesome it is to be naked with your husband and how awesome sex is.  And I had just given birth! lol. I was like, "Wow, Mike. That is very cool."  Dude has no clue. :)

Jake watched Atlas Shrugged (one of the DVD's we rented the day before) while I dozed in and out.  The night was pretty long.  Lots of visits from nurses.  We did get a little sleep.

Friday morning, Dr. LaRue (Lila's first pediatrician) made rounds and little Jared got circumcised.  Jake went with, I stayed behind.  Jake said Jared didn't even cry and he (Jake) thought the whole thing was very interesting.  I felt pretty bad for Jared, but it's what we wanted to do.  I later was talking to my parents and it turns out that back when my dad was a kid in the Philippines, they didn't circumcise the boys until they were 10 or 11.  So my dad was circumcised when he was 10 without any anesthesia!!!!

AnnaMarie and her girls came to visit.  They were in the area for a wedding.  It's too bad that our visit couldn't be longer, and things were hectic because Mom, Emily, and Lila showed up, and then Aunt Gina did too.  But they all got to meet little Jared, which is especially fun for them because AnnaMarie is having twin boys in March!

After our visitors left, we just had to play the waiting game.  We had to wait till Jared was 24 hours old to have some blood tests done, but we made it out by 4 as we'd hoped to.  We had lunch and I showered and Jake watched TV.  Then we packed up and headed home.

My mom and sister had left right after visiting us in the hospital that morning, so they were gone, but Jim and Lori were back.  Lila does really well with Jared, and with having me be busy with Jared, unless she's tired and hungry.  She was both of those things when we got home, so I spent some time with her.  I've nursed the two of them at the same time twice so far, and Jake thinks it's awesome and hilarious.  Me too.  But Lila is perfectly okay with me holding and nursing the baby otherwise and is concerned when he cries.  She's been helpful.  Sometimes she wants to "hold Jared"... she wants to carry him around.  But she's also sat in our laps and held him.  It's all going a lot better than I thought.  Jake thought that she would be able to sense/tell that he was her brother and he was right.  She's good with him.  I'm so grateful.

We had the Betzolds over for Christmas Eve.  Jim and Angela came (Emily spent it with Sarah) and so did Mike and Cassandra.  We had lasagna for dinner and then opened presents.  Lila got a lot of nice gifts and had fun opening them, but she got bored of presents and it took her until last night actually to unwrap most of them, and she still has one that she hasn't unwrapped yet!  Jake and I bought her a baby doll and stroller.  I knew she'd love the stroller.  She got an owl hat from my aunt Jackie that she didn't "yike" at first but now she does.  She got an outfit, socks, books, and a stuffed animal from Grandma Lori.  From my mom she got The Little Mermaid, some more gel stickers for the window, and a 5 little monkeys book.  From Mike and Cassandra she got a stuffed giraffe that you can wind up and it plays "rock a bye baby", which is hilarious because first of all, she doesn't like music box type music, but also rock a bye baby always makes her cry. lol.  Mike didn't realize that's the song it played.  Before opening presents, we sang Once in Royal David's City, read Luke 2, had a prayer.  Jake got a warm hat and a drummel tool from his parents.  I got a cast iron baking pan, an America's Test Kitchen cook book, and oven mitt gloves.  And Mike got me a plastic thing to put over dishes when I warm them up in the microwave so it doesn't splatter all over the microwave, which I was just thinking I needed the other day, funny enough.

We've had 3 nights with Jared at home so far.  We're not getting a ton of sleep, but it's not terrible I guess.  Last night he did a 4 hour stretch, which was really really awesome.   He's sleeping in bed with us, usually on our chests.  Seems to sleep better that way, and we're both so tired and that we just want to get sleep at this point.  But during the day I've been laying him down and he usually does fine for a while.  I don't think he likes to sleep on his back.  Prefers his stomach or side.  Jake absolutely loves having Jared sleep on his chest.  He's missed cuddling with babies, since Lila isn't too much of a cuddler with him.

Jared is soooo much sleepier than Lila was as a newborn.  She was awake SO much and didn't want to sleep a lot!  Jared seems to be much more like a "normal" newborn and sleeps most of the day and night.  He'll be awake for a little bit, but not long.  He's so cute when he's awake though, likes looking at me and when I talk to him.  I was telling my mom about it and she said, "Well it sounds like he'll be a good baby for you.  Which is nice, because Lila was/is pretty high maintenance."

Today we went to the pediatrician to have Jared weighed.  He's at 6 pounds 7 ounces.  Healthy.

My milk came in yesterday or the night before.  I was engorged all Christmas day.  Lovely.  Not as bad as it was with Lila, but still very engorged and my boobs are ginorm.  It's nice that this time around I know that they will eventually shrink back down, but it's still very uncomfortable and they're huge and I'm self-conscious about it.  Oh well.  It's worth it to have this cute little one.  Lila has been my breast pump.

Jared Jacob is born.

Merry Christmas! I'm engorged!

So, Wednesday night, I went to bed feeling pretty sad and disappointed, and cranky.  My contractions slowed down and I was actually able to get a really good night's sleep.  Well, about 5-6 hours, but I slept like a rock.  Woke up at 6, got ready again.  Tried to have a good attitude about everything, but was still nervous that nothing would happen at the hospital again that day.  Drove to the hospital in the dark, got there at 7:30.

Heather checked me not too long after we got settled into our room.  She was pleased to report that I was dilated to a 2 and around 50% effaced; said that it was enough progress to start the pitocin.  I got hooked up to IV's.  We had a really sweet, awesome nurse named Nancy.  She's worked in Labor & Delivery at Bronson for 18 years.  Very nurturing and friendly.  She started my IV at 8:30.  We were kind of watching Water for Elephants but it was dumb and eventually we started walking around because I wasn't noticing any contractions.  They have to start you out on Pitocin pretty slowly and up the dosage every half hour.  We walked for probably a half hour or more and I was starting to notice regular contractions.  Heather came up to check me again and I was already at 3cm and 80% effaced.

Things happened pretty quickly after that.  While she still had her hands up there checking me, she announced I was dilated to a 3, and told Nancy, "Hand me an amniotic hook! I'm going to break her water!"  Jake and I were both surprised and asked, "Right now??" and she said yup, and did it!  This was at around 10:30.  The water was clear, no meconium like when Lila was born.  Nancy told me that I could get an epidural at any point after that, and if I wanted to order one, I should be aware that it might take 30 minutes for the doctor to get there because he was in a C-section and there was one other woman ahead of me to get one.

I really should have known to order the epidural right then, but I thought I'd see how long I could make it without one.  Just like with Lila, as soon as my water was broken, the contractions became A LOT more intense and painful.  I labored on a birthing ball for a little while, but then had to go to the bathroom, so I ended up laboring on the toilet for quite some time, because THINGS GOT CRAZY.  I was getting 9 mL/hr of Pitocin, and the contractions picked up and were very painful, coming every 2-3 minutes.  I hadn't planned on laboring for very long or being in that much pain, because with Lila as soon as I ordered the epidural, the anesthesiologist was there (it was in the middle of the night, though).  After not too long, it became clear to me that I needed the epidural, so we had it ordered and the nurse told me it might take a half hour, but it actually ended up being around an hour.

I didn't really have to labor very much with Lila, so this was new to me.  I didn't want to get any narcotics because of the way they made me feel when I was in labor with Lila.  I eventually did ask the nurse to turn the Pitocin down, and once she did, they became more manageable, but for the period of time when the Pitocin was at 9 mL/hr, I experienced a lot of pain.  Jake stayed with me and helped me focus, reminding me to breathe and encouraging me and being there for me.  It got to the point where even in between contractions, I couldn't speak or keep my eyes open very well.  It was miserable and awful.  I didn't know how I was going to make it much longer.  I really tried to stay strong and tell myself that I was strong and I could do it.

Finally though, the doctor came in with my epidural.  I was so relieved just to see him.  He explained to me possible side effects and risks and I couldn't even respond to him most of the time, I couldn't speak.  Jake answered questions for me.  The doctor asked how tall I was, and when I said 5', he asked, "Are you sure you're not stretching that a little bit?" lol.  They had me sit Indian style, which was hard to do in my condition, of course.  The epidural stung a little bit (I don't remember getting my epidural with Lila), but relief soon came.  He gave me the test dose and my legs started going numb, which apparently is a sign that something didn't go quite right.  Instead of being given an epidural, I was basically given a spinal because the needle pierced through the membrane instead of staying inside of it.  So I was extra numb, which was just fine by me.  I immediately felt relief, could breathe and talk and open my eyes and even smile.  I thanked the doctor a few times (Jake and I think that anesthesiologists probably like being thanked a lot) and said, "I can't imagine why anyone would choose not to have an epidural!"  Really.  I went from being in the most awful pain of my life to instant relief.

I had the shakes for a while and was pretty exhausted, but felt so much better.  Not too long after I got my epidural, my mom and Emily arrived.  Mom was kind of sad to see me in that condition, so I'm glad she wasn't there when before I got the epidural, she probably wouldn't have liked that.  Heather was soon there to check my progress and I was at a 9 and that we'd have the baby there in an hour.  And then soon after that, I started to be able to feel pressure and some contractions, so Nancy checked me and said she could feel the head!  She guessed that he'd be out with a few pushes!

I wasn't going to have Emily be in the room when I had the baby, but changed my mind and decided she could stay.  I kept thinking that pushing would be similar to how it was with Lila--very strenuous, exhausting, vulnerable.  But this all seemed so easy... I couldn't feel anything and I felt really relaxed, so told Emily she had to stay up by my head.  Soon, they had all the equipment ready and they got me ready to push.  I really couldn't feel anything.  They told me when I was having a contraction, and so I would push, and I couldn't feel anything.  I thought that I really wouldn't like an experience like that, but it was actually pretty awesome.  I was talking and relaxing in between contractions.  It took maybe 4 contractions to get him out.  We'd heard a while ago that the average push time for a second baby is 6 minutes, and really hoped that it would be true for me, and it was... he really did slide out.

It was really exciting when they could see the head--Jake said, "He has dark hair!"  That was really exciting for me and I laughed just thinking about it: a child that looks like me!  Jake "caught" the baby with Heather's help.  He said the cord was wrapped around Jared's neck once.  And then he put him on my belly and I cried and my mom was crying and we were all so happy.  He was tiny and perfect and beautiful, a head full of dark brown hair.  Jake cut the cord.  This is all something we couldn't do with Lila because she had meconium in her amniotic fluid.  It was very happy and exciting.

Delivering the afterbirth and everything was a lot better this time too.  Not anywhere near as painful or traumatic as when Lila was born.  I did tear a little bit.  I think Heather said I have three stitches.

Anyway, Jared.  We are completely in love with him already.  At first, I couldn't stop comparing him to Lila, how he reminded me of her and how he didn't.  But now I just love him so much, just for the sweet baby he is.  He was born at 1:49 pm and weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 20.5 inches long.  A tall guy for weighing so little.  As soon as he latched on and started eating, I was in love.  He's just so sweet.  He's a good eater already--latches on perfectly and gulps the milk down.  He likes pacifiers sometimes, which is good... hopefully that means he won't have eating issues like Lila.  He's SO skinny and tiny.  The little baby we never had :)  It's funny to think that Lila weighed 2 pounds more than he did at birth.  It looks like he's got a dark complexion like me and that his eyes will be dark.  Right now they're like a dark gray.  I think it's funny to see Jake holding such a dark baby and knowing that it's his... must be like me holding Lila.  He's a quiet, calm baby like Lila was, except not as alert.  Lila was awake A LOT when she was born.  We looked through some of her newborn pictures and she almost always had her eyes open and was so alert.  Today he's had more awake moments and he is just so sweet, he likes looking at me and he even "smiled" a few times.  His eyebrows remind me of Jake, and something about his face reminds me of Sam too.  He only cries when he's getting his diaper or clothes changed--he hates that--and when he's really hungry.  He's good at burping and has had lots of poopy diapers.

Our time at the hospital was nice, but I'm definitely glad we decided to stay just one night.  We didn't get a lot of rest with nurses coming in all the time to check on us.  Jared had to have his blood sugar checked every time he nursed, which I hated... they had to prick his foot.  Poor guy.  But his numbers were great.  Our nurses were great again.  I remember with Lila feeling so grateful and indebted to them, for taking care of me when I was such a giant mess.  This time I was still grateful but it didn't seem like as big of a deal, and actually this whole experience has just felt so much less overwhelming than it did the first time.  I was surprised at how natural everything seemed when he was born, how I just loved him right away and how it feels like he's been here forever.  

Not Today

Ok, so our son is not going to be born on the 21st!  Heather (midwife) came to check my cervix a little after 9 and found that I was 1 cm dilated but not effaced at all, though my cervix was soft.  She did not want to start me on pitocin because she didn't think it would be effective at that point.  Instead, she gave me a dose of Cytotec.  It's a pill inserted near the cervix that helps it to soften and to hopefully start some labor and contractions.  It's required that with a dose of Cytotec that they monitor you for 4 hours.  So, I was hooked up to a wireless heartbeat and a contraction monitor.  Jake and I walked around the halls for a long time, talking.  He also went out to get three movies and some food for himself.  They told me not to eat after midnight the night before, so I was really hungry... but as soon as they gave me the Cytotec they let me have breakfast.

So, at around noon or 12:30, Heather came in again and was pleased that I was having regular contractions (~5 minutes apart).  She couldn't give me another dose of Cytotec because of that, so there was really nothing left to do but wait.  We asked if we could go home and "wait" and she said that was fine.  If my water broke or if my contractions became so intense that I couldn't talk or walk through them, I should go back into the hospital.  Otherwise, we're to go back tomorrow morning at 7:30 to start the Pitocin.  They're assuming that by tomorrow morning, my cervix will be "ripe" enough to use Pitocin.  I sure hope soooooooo!!!!

I've been in good spirits most of the day but I'm starting to get pretty cranky right now.  I'm still having contractions but I don't think anything will happen overnight.  I'm feeling bummed out that things didn't go as planned and that I have to sleep another night while pregnant.  It was nice spending this morning with Jake though.  Kind of like a date.  Lila had fun with her grandmas and Emily, they went to the mall and she napped in her car seat for 2 hours.  We watched Evan Almighty on TV and talked a lot (Jake and I).

So, that's that.  Hopefully tomorrow is the day!!!

At the Hospital

Here we are, at the hospital!  I'm in bed, waiting for my midwife to come and get things started.  We got here at 7:30 and it's now 9:00 and... nothing.  But, we're just trying to relax and enjoy the experience.  It's hard to do though... when you just want to have this baby and when I'm SUPER hungry.  Had to stop eating at midnight.

Monday and Tuesday went by pretty quickly, thankfully.  I had my last NST on Monday at 3.  I dropped Lila off at Alicia's while I went to that, which was nice.  My last little solo trip for a while.  Jake was helpful on Monday night.  We had a steak dinner at home.  Terie, Brody, and Toby stopped by with a present for Lila... a toy bowling set wrapped in Backyardigans Christmas paper.  Jake helped me finish some things on my to do list, like install the car seats and pick up and do laundry.  We were up late-ish again.  Jake's parents got to our house at 1:30 or so, but we were already in bed.

Yesterday went by pretty quickly.  It was nice having company for most of it.  Mom and Dad hung out with us before lunch and went to Sam's Club while Lila napped.  She took a really short nap (40 minutes) and woke up cranky, which I was bummed about.  I just sat around all day and waited for the evening when Jake would come home.  Kate stopped by with George to wish us luck.  Then my mom and Gina arrived at around 5, which was great!  I'm so glad my mom is here.  Then Mike came, and he and Dad eventually picked up Cassandra (who has lost a LOT of weight!).  We had Jet's pizza for dinner.  Lila pretty much loved having a lot of people there to pay attention to her.

The evening went well.  Jake, Mike, and Dad went to Menard's to buy stuff to finish installing the generator and took Lila with them.  So we had some girl time to chat and relax.  I was a little bummed out that Jake was gone and busy all evening (they didn't leave for Menard's till 9pm and before that he was busy doing other stuff), but it was okay.  We all played with Lila before she went to bed, and she didn't get into bed till after 11.  Oh well.  She was really sweet.  She gave me and Jake lots of big hugs.  Loved playing with com-pooh-ters.

I asked Jake to give her a blessing before she went to bed, and he gave me one too after she went to bed.  Just for comfort and peace.  I pray for Heavenly Father to protect us and help us be safe and healthy.

Dear Lila

Dear Lila,

The other day it struck me that I should write you a letter before the baby comes.  I have all of these thoughts and feelings floating around in my head, and most of them revolve around you lately.  When you were a baby, I really enjoyed writing to you every month.  After you turned a year old, you required so much more of my attention that it would've been difficult and not as therapeutic to sit down and write to you.  But now just seems like the perfect time to write to you again, before the birth of your baby brother.

This whole experience, my second pregnancy, has been very different from my pregnancy with you.  With you, everything was so new and I was so excited and it seemed to be like all your dad and I could think about.  This time, most of my focus has still been on you, because you're here now and I need to take care of you every day.  When I was pregnant with you, I spent a lot of time thinking about what you might be like... what you might look like, what kind of personality you might have, how I might feel about you.  And since I've become a mom, I realize that though my parenting does influence your behavior, you really are your own little person.  So I've spent much less time wondering and daydreaming about what your brother might look like or be like, because we'll find out soon enough.

Lila, I have to tell you how much I love being your mom.  When I slow down to think about motherhood and what it's like, I often think about how much work it is and how hard it can be sometimes; but when I'm actually going about my day and we're playing or talking together, it's just so much fun!  We laugh together a lot.  And you're constantly saying and doing things that make your dad and I giggle and sigh, "She is the coolest kid ever!"  You are so smart, smarter than any kid your age that I know.  You have a huge vocabulary and speak in sentences, like a little kid almost.  I'm so glad that I had you first, because I love having a child that I can speak to and with.  I hope that this will help our transition to having another child, and I know that you will love learning and talking about your baby brother.  And you really are such a good girl for me.  You're very independent and mostly like to do things on your own, but you're also usually very obedient.  For the most part, you listen to me and your dad, and I love you for it.  You're not a trouble maker.  You don't throw or hit or get into things that you're not supposed to.  You don't like making messes.  I know all of this could change in a matter months, but I don't think that it will, because it doesn't seem to be in your nature.  You are sweet and mild, and I'm so grateful to have you.  You have a very special place in our family, as the oldest child.  I'm sure that I will rely on you as my little helper for as long as you live in our home.

I'm not nervous about having another baby.  I feel a lot more confident this time around about having a baby and taking care of one.  But I am nervous about how you will handle this big change in our lives. I worry about you.  I know that it will be very hard for you when I'm holding and feeding him.  I just hope that through all of these changes, you will be able to feel of my love for you.  I pray all the time that you will be comforted by Heavenly Father, His spirit, and that angels will attend to you at this time.  I've seen how upset you get when I hold other babies, and I just think that this will probably rock your world for a while.  And I'm sorry to do that, but I also know that this will be one of the greatest gifts I can gift to you: a sibling.

I love you so much, sweet Lila.  You are the most beautiful little spirit I've ever known.  I am so happy to be your mom and I have loved this time, just the two of us.  I'm a little sad to see this special time end, but I know that our relationship will continue to grow, and that it will always be a very special relationship.  You are my oldest child and my oldest daughter, and I'll always have a big piece of my heart set aside just for you.  I hope you always know how much I love you.

I love you forever,
Mommy

Our Last Jared-less Weekend

Friday night we watched Brig and Ella.  Our last babysitting date night swap for a month or so.  The kids had a lot of fun playing.  Ella is a year older than Lila and is really cute--it'll be fun when Lila gets to that age.  She was singing along with all the songs in Tangled.  After Brig left, we got the girls in their jammies and they played happily in Lila's room for quite some time.  At one point, they were laying side by side, their blankets pulled up to their chins, just looking and giggling at each other.  Very cute.

Saturday morning Lila was awesome and slept in till 9 or so.  We went grocery shopping in the morning to Meijer and Sam's.  It was tiring.  I'm glad Jake was there too :)  But we got last minute things and groceries for this week.  Lila took a great 2.5 hour nap in the afternoon.  I slept too while Jake played with the TV settings in the basement.  Mike came over to talk about stuff.  Ok, so he was feeling like maybe he needed to postpone the wedding because all of these crazy things were being brought up that they just haven't dealt with yet.  He and Cassandra were going to talk about them later that night, and they had talked the day before driving to and from Nauvoo.  Well, tonight, she went to his place and they ended up making out for a while, so now he's like, "Everything's all good!  Let's get married on the 29th!" which is a far cry from where he was yesterday.  He and Jake were up till almost 4am talking about it and he was almost 99% sure that he wanted to postpone.  Anyway.  Lots of craziness going on over there.

Saturday evening, Jake and I dropped Lila off at Alicia's so that we could go on a date--it was our 6th wedding anniversary!  We didn't feel like doing anything big.  So we had dinner at Panera, and it's always so nice to just sit and eat and peace, and to talk.  We returned a few things at Target and bought a part for Emily's car so that Jake could fix it the next day.  And then we went home and cuddled and watched the last Harry Potter movie.  Picked Lila up, visited with the Thompsons a bit.

Sunday, our last Sunday at church before baby comes.  Primary went well, even though it was only Judy and I there.  Lila stayed in nursery for an hour, but Jake was in there with her.  And then she cried and cried so I let her come to Primary with me and she was happy.  Don't know what the deal is with her lately.  Came home, took naps.  Preston and Annette came over again to home teach us.  And then we went back to the Thompson's for dinner.  They're so nice to us!  Spent a lot of time talking about the Mike/Cassandra thing.  Derek is a therapist.  He thinks it was sounding pretty crazy.  Mike and Cassandra have talked a lot since then and I think they're both feeling better about everything.  The wedding hasn't been postponed, so I'm guessing that they're moving forward with it!

Five more days...

Five more days to go.  Sigh.

Yesterday was rough because I had to be at an NST at 9am.  Lila was really sleepy.  But she was still a really good girl.  The nurses there love her.  Told me that I'm so lucky she's such a good girl, because not every little kid is like that.  She was looking pretty sleepy on the way home, and when I pulled into the driveway, she shouted, "No! Car ride!" lol.  So I drove around our neighborhood a bit.  I told her, "Lila, you can fall asleep honey."  And immediately she zonked out, it was pretty funny.  We had a pretty good day.  She likes watching this Twinkle Twinkle music video on YouTube and also ABC videos and songs, so we did that for a while.  After lunch I zonked out on the couch for a bit while she watched Toy Story 3.  And then she took a nap, but I couldn't fall asleep again.  Emily came over after a while.  Jake didn't get home from work till 6, and his meeting started at 6, but it was a call in so he immediately headed down to the basement.  Shortly after that, the Shumways stopped by to drop off some cookies.  He's our Home Teacher and she's my Visiting Teacher.  Then Emily and I took Lila to the mall so I could get my eyebrows waxed and drop off the ring Jake got me last year for our anniversary... one of the little diamonds fell out again.  We sat in the food court for a little while.  It was good to get out.  Lila took a bath when we got home and Jake's meeting ended at around... 9:30 maybe.  That guy is so busy.

After Lila went to bed, he finished up some work emails and we snuggled on the couch, talking.  I'm enjoying this time with him as much as I can, because I know for the next few months we won't be able to connect as much.  And then at 11 or maybe a little later, Mike arrived.  He spent the night because he and Cassandra left early this morning to drive to Nauvoo to get their marriage license.  We ended up talking with him till 1am.  He is nervous about a few different things about Cassandra and their relationship.  And they still haven't talked about a lot of really important things, so we helped him kind of sort through those things and figure out what he needed to talk to her about in the car today.  I know way too much about that guy's sexual history and preferences.  Way too much. lol.  Hopefully he and Cassandra can get some things figured out today.  He does not want to get "stuck" in another unhappy marriage.  It's really pretty unfortunate that they're getting married so quickly... I think having a few months to get to know each other better would be so good for them, and he kind of thinks so too.  We'll see what happens.

Lila woke up at 5:30 or something and cried till 7:00 or so.  That was really fun.  I was a mean mom towards the end, yelling at her to go to sleep.  And, she did, eventually.  Poor Jake, though.  I feel bad when he doesn't get enough sleep.  Lila and I got to sleep in till 10, after she went back to sleep.  It's been a slow and lazy day.  She's napping now.

38 weeks.

Yesterday, we went over to Alicia's at dinnertime.  Jake had a very late meeting (corporate strategy for 2012), so it was pretty important that Lila get out so that I didn't go crazy.  I would've had Alicia over, but they only have one car.  She fed me dinner and cookies, as usual.  I sure like her :)  Lila had a blast playing with Brig, of course.  They ran around in circles singing, "Ashes! Ashes" and then falling down.  She's a sweet girl.  She sure hated it when I had Brig in my lap, though.  Cried and cried and wanted me to hold her instead. :)  She's in for a real treat when little brother comes.

So Jake didn't get home till almost 1am.  Lila didn't fall asleep till after 11!  Late.  We had bath time and relaxed together.  She's still sick.  She was being silly and pretending she was a "mermaid" in the bath tub.

Jake got home, and I was still awake, but almost asleep in bed.  We stayed up till at least 1:30 talking and laughing in the dark.  I loved it.  He talked about work, how things are going there.  Good but busy.  Talked about the baby coming.  Jake is really, really excited.  My Facebook status today:

Last night after I told Jake about how Lila's bath went. (He didn't get home from work till after midnight.)
Jake: I'm AMAZED all the stuff you can still do even when you're so pregnant.
Rudi: Well, I did sit on the couch almost all day.
Jake: That's amazing.

Yes. Yes it is amazing.

This morning we were able to sleep in till 8, shower, and then head to our LAST midwife appointment at 9:15!  The last one!  Can you believe it?  I'm being induced a week from this morning.  Hopefully, a week from today we will have our little boy here.  WOW.  I'm so uncomfortable, mostly only at night when I'm getting out of bed.  It's pretty painful and it's hard to walk to the bathroom.  Luckily, I usually only have to get out of bed once a night to go the bathroom, which is SO much better than with Lila... I was getting up every 1-2 hours.  The midwife appointment was pretty uneventful.  They didn't check my cervix.  Heather was going to, but she was out with Strep today, so we saw Brandi.  They'll write me a prescription for a breast pump after I deliver, and our insurance will cover 80% of the cost.  Jake is also going to "deliver" the baby... or, rather, catch him as he's coming out.  He's pretty excited about that :)  I'm measuring small, around 35 weeks and I'm 38 today.  She felt around and said that she doesn't think he'll be a very big baby either, and that's what Heather said last week.  So, I'm interested to see how big (or small) he'll be!  I weighed 141.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.  It will be so nice not to have to lose 10-15 extra pounds like I did with Lila.  Hopefully it comes off pretty quickly.  I hate feeling frumpy and chubby after baby.

Hmm... so after that, Jake went to work and I came home.  We had lunch, standard, and Lila took a nap.  AND SO DID I.  It was a great nap, but Lila only slept her standard hour and a half.  Kate and George stopped by and brought some freezer meals.  I'll have to bring her some meals after she has her baby.  They weren't able to visit long, because we met Jake for dinner at 4:30 at Culver's.  It was so nice to see him for dinner, because he had to interview someone at 5:30 and that took an hour.  I sure miss him.  I told him, on the way to our midwife appointment, how life really is so much better when we're together.  At least for me. :)  I just feel so much more relaxed when we're together, and he's so helpful with Lila.

We've had a quiet evening.  Jim (brother) is recording a few of Dad's songs and wanted Jake to record the drum tracks for them.  So Jake did one tonight, and Lila had a lot of fun dancing and playing along in the basement.  I was able to finish my Primary stuff.  I've had a lot to do this week for Primary, but thankfully I get a break for a while.  Talked to Mike today.  He's still pretty unsure about a few aspects of his and Cassandra's relationship.  Hopefully they can have a few good talks before the wedidng!

Busy, busy, busy...

Here it is, Sunday afternoon.  We stayed home from church again today.  Lila is sick (I think she's been sick for the past month! just can't seem to shake this cold), Jake has a man-cold, and I'm 9 months pregnant and generally miserable.  Lila keeps blowing snot bubbles, real cute.  Lila woke up at 6:30, still tired, but angry because of her snotty nose, so I was able to rock with her for an hour before we just got up for good.  And when I say we got up, Jake and I laid on the couch half-awake while Lila ate some breakfast, watched cartoons, and played with some toys.  At around 10:00, as I'd predicted, she fell back asleep for a nap.  We all did, and woke up at noon.  It was a good nap, and we're all feeling a little better, I think.

But back to Friday.  After my NST, I picked Lila up and against my better judgment took a trip to Meijer.  All I needed to do was get a gallon of milk, an envelope to ship Melissa's girls' presents in, and mail out the presents.  But of course I dawdled around and got some Christmas decorations, and let Lila wander around, but by the end of our hour there I was completely exhausted.  I don't know why I do that to myself.  Lila always gets whiny and needy and wants to be carried around.  And I had forgotten my wallet in the car, so I had to carry her in the slushy snow outside to get it and then come back in, etc, etc, etc.

---- It's now Tuesday.

Anyway.  I was hoping Lila would take a long nap, but she didn't (just normal) and just as I laid down and started falling asleep, she woke up.  I was really looking forward to our date night, and was happy to have at least a little break from being a mom.  We dropped Lila off at the Thompson's and headed to Food Dance for Maestro's Christmas party.  (Lila had a pretty rough time at the Thompson's... cried for 45 minutes, then fell asleep on the couch watching Bambi, but woke up when Alicia tried to carry her to Brig's bed.)  The Christmas party was really nice.  There were probably twice as many people there this year than last year, because they've hired a lot of people since then!  It was my first time to Food Dance, and it was pretty good.  They had a big table of different appetizers that we could fill up on, and they were yummy.  I had to avoid the spicy ones though.  And the dessert was insane: flourless chocolate cake and carrot cake.  YUM.  So we had fun visiting with the DeYoungs and the Hoogenbooms.  Talked a bit with Ben and Hilary, who went in at 6am this morning (it's now Tuesday) for their c-section.  I sat down by Hilary and she asked, "Isn't it exhausting just sitting here?!"  And I said, "YES!"  I was so exhausted, just sitting there and eating and talking.  Very tired, and after a while, very uncomfortable.  But, still enjoyed my night out.  Jake had fun visiting with co-workers.  The best part was, of course, the presents.  Jen wrapped all of the presents in the same box, to make it look like we were all getting the same thing, which is standard at most companies.  But, she and Annette had picked out personalized, thoughtful presents for each person!  Very, very cool.  For example, Zach DeYoung got an Apple TV and Steve Jobs' biography.  They gave Jake the book "Green Smoothie Revolution" (which we'll return... because we've already read it and Jake makes up all his recipes...) and a $100 gift card to put towards a VitaMix blender... (but Jake thankfully decided he doesn't want one after all--they're $400+) so we'll just use that money to buy diapers.  Jake found out before the party that they were getting everyone different gifts, and he thought to himself, "What could they possibly get me that I would like?  The only thing I can think of is money!"  And he got money. :)  So that's awesome.  And, we're getting a big Christmas bonus this year, which is also awesome... especially with the baby coming and all.  Jake works for a really great company.  Jen is awesome.  Maestro received notice a month or two ago that they will need to be out of the MTEC center by February 1st, because KVCC doesn't want to rent out business space anymore, so they've been busy looking for a new office space.  The place they really want is actually right above Food Dance downtown, and it looks like they will be getting approval soon for it.  It'll make Jake's commute 20-30 minutes long instead of 10, which kind of stinks, but I guess it's a really awesome space, so that's cool.  And when we visit him for lunch (if I'm ever able to make it there with 2 kids), we can eat at Food Dance.

Saturday was super, super lame.  At least the first half of it.  Jake woke up early to help Frank Whitaker insulate his attic and didn't get back till 3 or 4 (Lila and I fell asleep after 2 and didn't wake up till 4).  Lila was sick, tired, and cranky and so was I.  At one point I couldn't even sit up straight or keep my eyes open, and Lila was freaking out.  It was awesome.  I cried a lot that morning and was mad at Jake for being out helping someone else instead of his poor, pregnant wife.  He took me and Lila out to dinner at Panera, and I felt better after getting some food in my belly.  I am so hungry lately but hate fixing myself food, and so I don't think I'm eating enough.  We also went to Sam's Club.

Like I said above, we didn't go to church on Sunday, but slept the morning away.  Jake woke up with a cold, and still has it now.  We've been just trying to get through these past few days.  Life is so busy.  Jake had to be at a 6:30 meeting yesterday morning.  We went to Wal-Mart after that to buy Christmas presents for a family that Maestro "adopted" for Christmas.  We also ate a Subway there, and it was amazing.  I told Jake that this week I just can't handle making dinner.  I found out that my mom might be able to come down before the baby's born and stay that week!!  I really hope it works out.  Aunt Gina is planning on driving up this weekend, so Mom could ride back down with her and Emily could bring her back up north.  I would LOVE IT if my mom could be here.  Sometimes a girl just really needs her mom.  My place is a mess, I don't feel like doing anything.  I just need my mom to help.  And Lori will be here too, which is great.   Jake is working till 9 tonight, but was able to sleep in till 8.  I was up from 3:30am-6:30am this morning, just couldn't sleep.  But thankfully Lila slept in and I didn't wake up till 9, bless that girl.  She's still sick.  Fun times.

Yesterday was busy.  We had a primary meeting at 9:30 and an NST at 3.  Both things went well, and it made the day pass by quickly, which is nice.  I'm really excited to be done being pregnant and to have my baby boy.

My Hero, A Haircut, and Non-Stress Tests

Oh, one day this week I was making taco soup for the freezer, and I stupidly drained 5 lbs worth of ground beef grease down the drain.  Yup, the drain got clogged.  I half-heartedly tried a few things I googled, then called Jake to see if he had any ideas.  I secretly wanted him to come home to help me, but I didn't want to ask, and didn't even hint at it because I know he's got a lot going on at work.  I was pretty bummed out, though.  I mean, I could've continued without using the sink, but it just stressed me out.  15 minutes later, I see Jake pull into the driveway and walk to the front door.  MY HERO!  What a sweet guy.

Yesterday I had another non-stress test (seems like I live at that office these days) and Lila did great again.  She is such a good girl.  Just sits in the chair, reads books, plays on my iPhone, eats snacks.  It took about an hour again, even though Jared was cooperating this time.  Just took a while to get a midwife available to read the scan.  She took a good nap at home.  Emily was there when we got back.  She was still sleeping when I left at 3:30 to visit teach Mary Gleason.  I know old people are lonely, and usually I don't mind sitting and listening, but we were there for an hour and I just wanted to go home and be with Lila and see Jake for a bit before his meeting.  That old lady just kept talking and talking and talking. :)  Thursday nights sure are long, and I miss Jake a lot.  But it's nice to have Emily around.  After dinner we went to the mall so we could both get our hair cut.  We had $9.99 coupons!  I also bought Lila a few shirts at JC Penney (got another $10 off coupon in the mail) for Christmas and we got treaties at the food court.

Didn't get to bed till late, probably 12:30 or 1.  Jake didn't get home till midnight.  And then I was up with Lila again at 4:30 because she was sick... she sure hates those stuffy noses.  She yells, "Bush-ey nose!" which I think means "blow your nose!" but she never actually does blow her nose.  Just gets more mad when we try to wipe her face with a tissue.  Luckily there wasn't much crying.  The night before that she threw a tantrum at 2am, complete with retching and gagging from crying so hard.  That was super fun.  So I haven't gotten a ton of sleep the past few nights.  Woke up this morning at 7:30 so exhausted, but had a midwife appointment at 8:30.  I was dreading, dreading, dreading having to go... and the thought of hauling Lila along with me made me want to cry.  I'm feeling so pregnant and tired these days.  And it had snowed overnight (we haven't had snow on the ground in weeks) so there was that to slow me down too.  So Jake graciously took Lila to work with him and I picked her up when I was done with my appointment.  What a treat for me.  That was my third trip to the midwife's office this week, and I have three appointments next week too.

Mon-Wed

Let's see.  Monday was busy.  I had an NST at 11:00, and Lila had slept in till 9, which was awesome.  The NST took an hour!  The baby didn't want to cooperate until the last minute again.  Maybe it's because I have to take my medication--which lowers my blood sugar--at breakfast.  So I had to eat and drink a bunch of stuff to get him moving, which he eventually did.  Lila did great.  She did fall off the reclining chair I was sitting on, but recovered quickly. :)  Otherwise, she had fun eating candy, watching Netflix on my phone, and talking about Jared Brother.  The nurses are always so sweet and adore Lila, always telling me how sweet and cute she is.  They're very nice to me too, making sure I'm comfortable, bringing me magazines to read and snacks and looking out for Lila.

I had wanted to stop to have lunch with Jake when we were done, but his meeting went longer than planned (it was his one-on-one with Rebecca and they talked a lot about the church), so Lila and I went home.  She fell asleep on the way home and woke up when we got out.  It took her a few more hours to fall asleep again.  We watched Brig that evening because it was Alicia's birthday.  Brig must've been coming down with a cold/bug because he pooped three NASTY ones while we watched him, and Lila pooped twice too.  Way fun. :)  We were ambitious and took them both to Sam's Club, where they both pooped at the same time.  Jake took them and changed their diapers while I pushed a loaded, heavy cart around the store to finish shopping.  I was pretty tired when we were done :)

Yesterday we stayed home all day, which was nice, and needed, because Lila had an off day.  She's sick and not feeling well.  Cried a lot, wanted to be held most of the day.  She slept all night in her bed (hooray!) and was okay for an hour or so, but then got super tired and cranky and napped from 11-12.  Annette Shumway came over during that time (without Ruby) to help chop vegetables for the freezer.  We pre-chopped stir fry veggies, hope they will still taste good when we eventually steam them... they should, right?  Then Lila was cranky for most of the afternoon until she napped again at 4:00.  Jake didn't get home till 6 because he was interviewing someone at work (who had a handlebar mustache!).  And then we grabbed some chicken nuggets from McDonalds and headed to a bowling alley for his co-worker Doug's birthday.  Rebecca had her 18 month son Nathaniel there and Lila had a blast playing and running around with him.  It was very cute!  Lila pushed the bowling ball down the ramp just once but wasn't too interested in that.  It was a nice time though, good to get out together as a family before life becomes crazy for a little while.  We hadn't been bowling in over a year.  Jake didn't do so well :) I sat on the couch the whole time :)

Oh, visiting with Annette was really nice.  Commiserated over how intense being a mom can be.  How becoming moms rocked our worlds.  And how our husbands don't really get it, how intense it all is.  Preston is already wanting another kid, and their baby is only 6 months old.  Annette had a difficult pregnancy (violent puking!), an awful delivery (an induction that took 2+ days, the baby had to be delivered with either a vacuum or forceps, can't remember, and she had an episiotomy that was infected for months afterwards).  Jake's always saying that we should just keep 'em coming, and he's serious.  I think it's different when you only see your kids for a few hours in the evening when they're happy and excited to see you, versus all day every day... and when you don't have to be the pregnant one pushing a baby out of your nether regions.

By the way, Emily was asking what it's like to have a baby.  (Jake's on the phone with Mike right now... and I'm not tired... so I have time to "blab.")  I told her that it's basically like taking the biggest poop of your life.  Pooping out an 8 pound turd.  That's what it felt like for me.  When Jake had his anal fissure surgery and was in a lot of pain, he said to me, "You have no idea what this feels like."  And I gave him a look, and he said, "Oh... wait... you probably do..."

Hmm... what else.  Today we stayed home again, and that was nice.  Lila slept all night in her bed again.  The past few nights I've heard her yelling in her room and kind of making a fuss, but then all of a sudden it stops and she falls asleep.  I've woken up around 5:30 or so the past few mornings and have had a hard time falling back asleep.  So I'm pretty tired.  We had a good day though.  Our chest freezer was delivered this morning at 10, which was great.  If you would've told me 5 years ago that I'd be buying a chest freezer--and that I'd be excited about it--I wouldn't have believed you.  Lila had a good day, over all.  Much less clingy than she has been.  Her thing today though was being "scared."  Whenever she hears the Amtrack go by, whenever she hears something happening in the other room (like the dishwasher, or the furnace), when she hears a car or bus drive by... she'll widen her eyes and then run over to me or Jake and just fall into our arms and let us hold her.  It's actually pretty awesome because we love snuggling with her, and a lot of the time she doesn't want to.  Jake especially loves it, because she doesn't usually snuggle with him.

This afternoon Mike stopped by to drop off our GPS that he'd borrowed, and Lila heard his footsteps, and freeeeaked out.  Ran to me in a panic, and was genuinely scared.  We've never seen that before.

Anyway.  She's adorable.  She can sing songs with us now.  Mostly she does just hand motions, but she actually knows words to "I Love to See the Temple", "A Child's Prayer," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  Tonight we had a nice time snuggling with her on the couch, all of us with our arms around each other, and then again on our bed, she wanted to sing.  We ask her what song she wants to sing and she'll say, "What about.... hmm... Popcorn!"  lol, it is so funny!!  She says "what about" because I will say that when I'm suggesting songs for us to sing.  Never intended to teach her that, and she just picked that up on her own.  So funny.

Weekend + Blessings

Busy weekend that wasn't long enough!  We stayed home Friday night instead of going to the ward Christmas party.  It was a good decision.  We put up the Christmas tree.  Lila loves it, and we had a nice evening sitting in the glow of the Christmas lights.  Lila's at a really fun age right now, getting excited about Christmas trees (Kissmas Tees) and just being oh, so cute.  We adore her.  We also made four pans of chicken enchiladas to freeze.  It's so much easier to get things done with Jake around.  Lila is getting better at entertaining herself, just in the past few weeks.  She loves watching The Backyardigans, and sometimes I let her watch them maybe more than I should... but then I think that she's smarter than any kid her age that I know, and more well-behaved than a lot of little ones I know... so then I don't feel so guilty.  Because it helps me to get things done.

Saturday morning we did more shopping at Kohl's.  I spend so much money at that place.  Jake checked out some things at Barnes & Noble but didn't find anything.  He took Lila in there with him and she cried the whole time for mommy.  After we met back up at Kohl's, I ended up having to carry her a lot. She was ready for a nap.

While she napped, I made more banana bread while Jake did some work.  (He wanted to give some to some co-workers.)

And then I got to get away for a few hours and went to Christy Szekely's baby shower at Rand & Lynn Johnson's.  It was a nice time!  She's due a few days before me, this is her first, also a boy.  There are SOOO many boys being born in the next few months or so... I probably know of at least 10.  It's crazy.  Got to visit with Becca Burkhead, Annette Shumway, Lindsey Reyes, Rand.

I met Jake at Target after that to make some returns and to buy more things.  We're spending so much money lately, but it all seems necessary.  Lila was so hyper and had fun hopping down the aisles and singing songs.  By the end of our time there, I was exhausted from walking around and in a lot of pain too.  So I sat in the cafe for a while, and a girl that was eating there asked me if I was okay.  I laughed and told her I was just tired (I think I looked pretty miserable).  Jake came to get me after he checked out and said, "You look like you're going to cry."  I was just tired. :)  He went to Meijer by himself after that and Lila and I came home. She was up late again (11!) but she was happy and we were having fun, quiet time as a family.

Church was exhausting, as usual.  Lila was cranky for a lot of it and didn't want to go to nursery.  She does love sitting in Primary though, especially during sharing time.  She sits with the Sunbeams and does the hand motions and tries to sing, and oh my goodness it is so cute.  Looks like she wants to skip Nursery altogether and just be with the big kids. :)

After church, I napped on the couch while Lila did and it was glorious.  I don't know why I don't nap more often, but I really needed it yesterday and felt so good when I woke up.  After that we went to the Tensmeyers to Home Teach them (Jake couldn't get a hold of his companion).  Lila had fun playing with Ella.  And then we headed to the Randall's for dinner with the Thompsons, Jake's HT companion and his daughter, and the missionaries.  It was a lot of fun and we were there till 10.  The food was AMAZING and it was fun visiting with everyone too.  Jen is just an awesome person.  Lila had a blast the whole night, running around with Brig and being entertained by Reid and MacKenzie (who she calls Kenzie).

Life is good.  I'm feeling very grateful lately for all of my blessings, especially for my little family.  When I'm up in the middle of the night (lately Lila's been waking up once a night, crying and angry because she has a runny/stuffy nose) I've been reading my journal entries from when I met Jake 7 years ago while I rock her to sleep.  It's been really cool to remember that time and how life-changing it all was, and how Jake completely changed my life and all my plans.  He truly was a gift from God, and the timing was perfect.  To read about how crazy and head-over-heels I was over him, and how much I missed him when we weren't together, and how cute I thought he was (it's so funny... I'd write something like, "We watched a movie together and it was so cute seeing him laughing at it!  He is so cute!") is a lot of fun.  And then I get to climb into bed and snuggle next to him.  And then I think about all that's happened since then and how we have such a beautiful life together now... we live in a beautiful home together, we're still so happy and in love, we're best friends, and we have this beautiful, awesome, wonderful little blondie girl and a little boy on the way.  We are so blessed!

36 week Midwife Appointment - Induction Scheduled!

Yesterday was another long day, but Lila took a 3 hour nap, so that helped a whole lot. :)  Kate called at 1:30 to see if we wanted to do a late lunch at Panera, but Lila was already sleeping.  I invited her over for the evening because Jake would be gone at his church meeting and Frank has homework (he's getting his Masters in Engineering), but she ended up getting busy.  So she might come over today.

Jake got to stop home for a quick dinner before his meeting.  We Skyped throughout the evening about the whole media thing.  He's still not so sure about watching The Office, but does want to have some kind of "rule" or guideline that we use to determine whether or not we'll watch something.  I honestly don't think we have a problem right now with media... we barely watch anything as it is, and we don't watch sleazy, inappropriate things.  So, we'll see. :)  I think it's funny when he goes on crusades like this, but he just feels really strongly about teaching our children correct principles and not exposing them to inappropriate things.  He's been quoting The Office all morning (I don't know if he's realized it though), so, that's funny.

Lila is so smart it's amazing.  She recognizes Joseph Smith and says, "Joseph Smith" when we see different pictures of him in magazines.  She's awesome.  Today at the midwife's office, another mom in the waiting room was surprised that she was only 20 months old, because her 26 month old son isn't nearly as verbal, and cannot navigate her iPhone nearly as well as Lila can.  Pretty funny.  Lila is seriously a pro on that thing.  Something else about Lila that's funny... she hates it when we wear zip-up sweatshirts or sweaters inside.  Actually, I don't know if she notices when Jake does it because he wears them so often, but she freaks out when I do.

Yesterday we were eating lunch together, and she leans forward, kisses me on the lips (with Spaghettios all over her face and all), and says "I yuff ooh."  And then she continued on, "I miss you." lol.  Last night after Jake left, she said, "Daddy go to church.  I yuff ooh Daddy.  I miss you."  I think it throws her off when Jake's gone at night and bedtime.  She had a hard time getting to bed again.

This morning went well.  We had our midwife appointment with Linda, the only midwife we hadn't met yet.  She's older (probably in her 70s?) and really personable and friendly, good-humored.  At 8:30 we had a quick BPP ultrasound.  Baby was sleeping for a while so she had to poke him quite a bit to get him moving and practicing breathing.  He did make some really big movements that surprised her, which was funny.  He's looking great.  Our actual appointment went well too.  The BIG NEWS is that we scheduled our ultrasound!!!  We were looking at the calendar, and the past week or so I've been thinking the 20th, just to give us an extra day to recover before Christmas, but it'll be the 21st.  That's Jake's preference--he thinks it's a much cooler birthday.  So it'll be 12-21-11, as long as everything goes smoothly.  Linda said that because it's my second baby and I didn't have any complications with the first, it should go very smoothly... that midwives love delivering second babies because they're known to be the least challenging.  I'll get to the hospital at 7:30 am.  Heather is the midwife on call, so she'll be there.  She's my least favorite midwife, but oh well.  I'm still hoping that we can go home the next day.  I am really nervous about leaving Lila.  And we will be able to leave the next day as long as I'm feeling okay and the pediatrician is okay with the baby leaving.

This is awesome.  It's pretty cool knowing the time frame, though he could surprise us and come earlier.  Doubt it though.  She checked my cervix and although it's nice and soft, it hasn't started opening yet.  I'm very excited to meet this little boy.

Jake and I had a funny conversation on the way home.  When he and Phil Neal went to Ohio earlier this week, they talked in the car about how calm Jake is... he's notorious for being non-emotional when it comes to business there.  Phil said that most of the time this is a real strength and advantageous, but sometimes it isn't because it hinders communication... like when Jake needs to be excited in order to build excitement about something with his co-workers, or if he needs to communicate how important something is... since he's so laid back, it doesn't always come off as important, or whatever.  It is so true, and he said, "Hey, I know this about myself.  For the first three years of my marriage, my wife was always asking, Don't you have feelings?!" lol.  Anyway, today was a good example of this trait of Jake's.  I was talking about how excited I was on the way home from the midwife appointment, that we knew when we were going to have Jared and that it's so close.  And Jake, as usual, kind of shrugged his shoulders and said, "Yeah."  And so I kept prodding him to show some excitement!!  Because I really haven't felt that he's excited much at all this whole pregnancy. And he said that he really is excited on the inside, but just doesn't show it on the outside, because "what's the point?"  Isn't that funny?  He doesn't know what the point is.  The point is to be excited about having a baby with your wife, so that your wife feels more confident and excited and happy about it!  He shows the same level of enthusiasm about this baby as he does about... grocery shopping.  At first he said that him telling me that he's excited (in a non-excited way) should be enough, that he shouldn't have to show me... and then I asked, "Well, then if I love you, I should have to show you that I love you, I can just tell you right?"  (Referring to sex.)  He got the point then.  When he first told me about his and Phil's conversation, too, he told me that he'd really like to improve and be better at showing his emotion... because people don't really care about the information you're giving them unless they feel the humanity behind it.  His words.  I told him that that's what attracted to me immediately, the first time I saw him giving his homecoming talk at the Esky branch... he was so enthusiastic and happy and excited about life and the gospel.  It instantly attracted me to him and I wanted to know him.  Anyway, yeah, this whole pregnancy I haven't felt nearly as excited as I was with Lila, and I know a lot of that is normal, but I think it may also have had to do with Jake's attitude about it all.  He wasn't super excited when we found out (he jumped on the bed when we found out with Lila), he didn't show any excitement at all when we found out we were having a boy!!, and just hasn't been as interested, I guess.  He apologized and told me sincerely that he really is so excited to be having a little man, and is so excited to be having children with me.  I believe him. :)  One funny thing he said was that getting all excited and vocal and saying things like, "Wow!  Awesome!  We're having a baby soon!" was that it took away from the feeling of excitement internally... and likened it to riding a rollercoaster... he said you can focus on feeling much more excited when you ride one with a straight face instead of screaming the whole time... and he knows this because he's tried it both ways.  LOL.  Oh, Jake.

Oh, I also weighed around 141 at my appointment today.  Looks like I'll be able to keep it under 150 this time, which is awesome.

Another thing.  I've spent some time this week reading blogs (because I'm too tired to do anything else) about tandem nursing and breastfeeding.  I found this blog, written by a Mormon woman who is way, way, way crunchier than I am.  She has unassisted childbirths at home (no midwife or doctor present), is way into lactivation, feminism, etc.  I never, ever went into this breastfeeding experience thinking that I would tandem breastfeed.  The idea sounded ridiculous to me.  I didn't have much exposure at all to breastfeeding before I had Lila.  Really, it was only Melissa, and she weans her kids at around a year, so I figured that's what I'd do too.  And while I loved breastfeeding Lila as an infant, I would have happily weaned her at a year if she had eaten like a normal kid.  But with her issues, I almost exclusively breastfed her till 14-15 months (at which point I was already 2-3 months pregnant), and nursing because much more than just about food for her, it's one of her main sources of comfort.  My milk supply has dropped dramatically, but I still have some, and she still loves nursing, but she has gotten better about seeking comfort from other things, like her blanket, sippy cup, and stuffed animals.  She usually gets very upset when Jake tries to comfort her though.  Anyway.  So now she's 20 months old and still nursing and loves it, and I think weaning her at this point would be absolute torture for both her and I... so we're going to tandem.  I feel good about it and think it will actually help with the transition of having a new baby in the home.  It's been good to read about other women's experiences--there are so many women out there who've tandem breastfed--and I just got a book called "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" that comes highly recommended.  It'll definitely be challenging at times, but I'm all about doing what I feel is best and right for Lila, rather than making decisions based on what would be easier for me.  It's been nice, too, having Kate's support and friendship, as she's been nursing while pregnant and intends to tandem nurse too.  I still intend on going the "eat, play, sleep" route with Jared so that he does not associate nursing with sleeping, as Lila definitely does.  So, we'll see how this goes.

Full Term (36w) and Sexual Intimacy

I'm 36 weeks today, which is considered full term.  Hooray for me.  I am feeling... done.  I'm exhausted and uncomfortable and really looking forward to not being pregnant anymore.  I used to be nervous about having another baby, but now it's like... anything would be better than being pregnant. :)  There's so much on my to do list still, but I need help with it all because it's all pretty labor intensive (har har, labor) and Lila is a handful.  So I'll have to wait till tomorrow and this weekend till Jake is around to help.  I want to do some freezer meals (I can get the chicken cooked and shredded or chopped today, at least), decorate for Christmas (Natalie dropped off the tree yesterday), make some returns at Target and spend Kohl's cash, mail out Melissa's girls' Christmas presents, clean up.  But I'm just so tired and all I want to do is lay on the couch or in bed.  So, I'll let myself rest and try not to feel so guilty about it.  I keep forgetting how pregnant I am and that I do need rest.  I cried about this morning to Jake and kept asking him to tell me that it's okay to take it easy.  I'll try not to feel guilty.  I actually love just lounging around the house with Lila and playing, so that's what we'll do today.

Lila's doing well but has been pretty clingy still.  I think she has a bit of a cold, runny nose, tired, etc.  So we're kind of running at the same pace.  Lately her favorite place is my lap, which is fine most of the time, but it gets hard after a while.  Not much room in my lap.  Last night I was having contractions and feeling nauseous (Braxton Hicks)... probably from walking around at the mall and Kohl's all evening, and she was bouncing around on my lap and freaked out if I put her down, so that was pretty awful.  Yesterday I took out all the newborn and size 1 diapers that were leftover from when Lila was a baby.  I can't believe how tiny they are!!  You forget how small they start out, I guess.  Lila had so much fun unpacking and playing with the diapers.  "Jared brudder diaper change."


On Tuesday night we went to Meijer and Walmart.  Lila freaked out at Meijer because she wanted mommy to carry her.  She's heavy.  We let her freak out for a while but then she got distracted after I took her to the cafe.  I think I made three more loaves of banana bread that day.

Yesterday we spent most of the day at home, playing.  My mom sent some Christmas gel window clings for Lila and she played with those for an hour!  It was awesome.  Jake left early that morning for Ohio and wouldn't be back till 1am.  He was supposed to get home at 10:30 or so, but went out to dinner with the president of Zimmer Surgical, one of Stryker's competitors.  Sounds like a really hard job to me... wining and dining with presidents of companies ;)

Before dinner time, we headed to the mall.  Had chicken nuggets there that Lila loved.  Went to JC Penney to return a few things and I bought some gloves and a pretty silver scarf for me.  Lila of course, doesn't "yike" it when I wear the scarf and freaks out.  And then we sat in the lounge at the mall for a long time so that Lila could play with the kid-sized table and chairs--she loves those things, we should get her some.  And I sat on the couch and surfed the internet.  Fun, fun. :)

Stopped at Kohl's on the way home, even though it was past 7:00, because I have $30 Kohl's cash and I thought I had a 20% coupon.  But the coupon doesn't work till today, so I ended up not buying anything, and had to carry a crying Lila through the store.  YIKES.  Bad idea.  She fell asleep on the way home and I let her sleep for at least a half hour.  Probably was a bad idea, because then she was up crying till almost midnight.  Another YIKES.  I was so tired.  One of those nights where I just wanted to get away... but couldn't because Jake wasn't home.  He won't be home tonight either, bummer.

Talked to Mike for a while.  They've sent out the first batch of wedding invites.  Their wedding is less than a month away and I think they still have a ways to go with wedding planning.  I don't think Cassandra's dress is anywhere near being finished.  And he's mad because Cassandra's going to spend an extra weekend in Canada with her mom visiting friends (and not working on the dress), even though she stayed behind and didn't go to Ironwood because she wanted to work on the wedding dress.  I told him to tell her how he feels, because I don't think he was going to, and he needs to practice doing that. :)

Jake got to sleep in this morning and didn't go to work till 10, which was nice.  We got to doze on the couch while Lila watched cartoons, and then we visited while we had breakfast and he fixed his lunch. I sent him a blog post yesterday about teaching children about sexual intimacy.  We both read it, and as he was driving last night he also listened to talks and panel discussions on the Mormon Channel, church leaders.  He feels really strongly that we need to not only teach our children, but protect them from things, protect their virtue.  He thinks especially from media that makes immoral things look normal.  Like, a lot of TV shows and whatever.  He thinks that means The Office, that we stop watching it or something.  I don't know, we didn't have a lot of time to talk.  We'll have to strike a balance about that, because The Office is my favorite show!  (The old episodes, not the current ones.)  And in response to that, he said, "But what are you willing to give up for eternal life?"  Oh, Jake.  He is so fiercely and totally obedient.  I have a hard time keeping up with him.  But I do agree that we need to protect our children from a lot of things, and teach them and guide them too.

My parents never had a sex talk with me, and Jake's never had one with him.  It's pretty ridiculous, if you think about it.  It's one of the most important things we can teach our children about, and both of our parents never talked to us about it.  Even before I got married.  My mom did schedule and take me to a doctor's appointment to get my first gyno exam and birth control, but we never talked about it.  Jake and I were talking this morning about how awesome it would've been to have someone guiding and coaching you along, and that that's what we want to be for our kids.  (Keep in mind, we're talking about age-appropriate, non-creepy guidance and teaching.)  I don't write about it (sex and intimacy) a lot here, but maybe I should, because I do intend for my children to read my journals someday.  It's why I keep journals, for them and for my posterity.  So that they'll know of my testimony of and gratitude for the gospel and Heavenly Father's love for us.  It is a very important and central part of mine and Jake's marriage.  When we first got married, it definitely took a while for us to figure things out, especially how to figure out a healthy balance.  Because Jake, like most (or all) men I'm guessing, is go, go, go and I had a hard time figuring out how to keep up with his needs, especially when I wasn't necessarily "in the mood."  It was after I realized how it fulfills much, much more than a physical need for him that it finally became such a happy thing in our marriage, and now it only enhances what we have and doesn't cause any stress or tension in our marriage.  I think the message we get, or at least the message I got, growing up, is that men are kind of animals who have these physical needs that are really hard to control, and women are the ones who are in control.  Because when we talk about modesty, for example, women (and young women) are always taught that we need to dress modestly to help the men/young men have pure thoughts, because they are visual creatures, etc.  And while that is true, I also think it needs to be taught that men aren't just sex-starved animals, but that they can be just as virtuous and in control of themselves as women are.  But once I realized that it fulfills a much deeper purpose than just physical pleasure, it changed things for me.  Dr. Laura talks about this a lot in her book.  I liken it to how women need and crave emotional intimacy... we love talking and bonding over shared experiences and feelings.  Men don't bond that way, they bond through sex and physical touch.  At least Jake does.  Whenever I notice that he's a little more withdrawn and tense than usual, I know that if we take time to fill his needs physically, he is so much happier and relaxed and loving.  And he doesn't withdraw himself or become tense consciously, as a way to manipulate me, it's a natural thing.  He doesn't even realize it most of the time.  It's basically my policy to not say no to him... and I do it out of love for him and our marriage.  (And it's not like he asks for it all the time either... we're both busy and tired people!)  And our marriage is awesome.  We don't fight or argue, we're a team.  He always tells me, and Dr. Laura put this into words for him, that because I fill his needs, he will happily do whatever I ask him to.  And he does.  So, it works for us.  And I hope that our children can have happy, satisfying marriages like Jake and I do.  It brings me more joy and peace than anything else in the world--having a happy marriage.

The Rest of Thanksgiving

After Dad and Emily got home on Friday, Jake and I headed out to stop at a hardware store and Radio Shack (for Jake) and we were going to the movies to see Breaking Dawn.  I was really excited to go to the movies since it's been so long.  But when we were at Radio Shack, I got a text from Derek Thompson asking if we were still good to babysit Brig that night so they could go on a date (for our babysitting swap).  I'd forgotten that we were going to do that!  D'oh!  I called Emily and asked if she'd be okay watching Brig too, and she was snippy and said, "No! I don't want to watch another person's kid."  Talked to Dad for a bit and he hesitantly said yes, but then I felt bad about the whole thing, so we ended up going home to watch both kids.  I was pretty mad at the way Emily acted... bothers me that that's her attitude about helping us and our friends out (she knows the Thompsons).  Jake and I grabbed a quick bite at Taco Bell before heading home and I vented about the whole thing.  Dad and Em were surprised when we got home and Emily said, "I said it was okay!" but blah blah blah.  Anyway, it was an okay night.  Just played with the kids.

The next morning, Dad went shopping and shortly after he left, Jake, Lila and I went out shopping too.  We went to Kohl's and spent just over $100 on Christmas presents and two zip-up cardigans for Jake (he sure loves his zip-up cardigans.  At the register, we learned we were only a few dollars short of the $100 (which we wanted to get to because we'd get $15 more Kohl's cash), so Lila got lucky and got to take home a stuffed animal (a dolphin that she calls Big Fishy) that she'd been carrying around the store.  She also had a huge, nasty poop at the store, and to our chagrin, we learned that we didn't have any diapers in her diaper bag!  Woops!  So Jake went to the Harding's next door and bought some.

After Lila went down for her nap, Jake and I went to the movies. :)  It was a lot of fun.  Can't believe it's almost been 2 years since we last went together, time sure flies.  We saw Breaking Dawn, the fourth Twilight movie.  We like seeing the Twilight movies because they're so funny... the acting is pretty terrible.  So we cracked jokes and laughed through most of the movie.  Lots of fun, and something nice to do before we have another little one to take care of.

Ordered pizza for dinner that night and played with Lila.  Got things ready for church.  Mike stopped by for a few minutes.  Did I write that the Ironwood Thanksgiving didn't go as planned?  Mike and Cassandra were going to drive up on Wednesday night, but she ended up deciding to stay in Kalamazoo to work on her wedding dress (her and her sisters are making it).  Actually, Mike didn't even have a car to take.  He had asked us to take the Camry, but we didn't feel comfortable with it... if something happened to it, it would be really bad for both parties.  But, he ended up having to take the Greyhound up there anyway, so that he could drive Lori's VW back.  So now he has that.  And Melissa's family was going to spend Thanksgiving in Ironwood, but they only made it to Wyoming and then turned around because of blizzards and bad roads.  So, we didn't miss out on a lot after all.  And, Melissa found out on Saturday that she's pregnant with #6!  Very exciting.  Jake and I think that it might be a boy.... but is probably a girl. :)  It'd be fun for Jared to have a boy cousin, though.

Dad left early Sunday morning, at 4:45 or so.  We made it to church in time for opening song, which is rare. :)  Primary went well.  It was our first time to our ward in like a month, I think, with Lila being sick and then Stake Conference.  I stayed busy passing out assignments and chasing after Lila.  She's still not a huge fan of nursery, but did enjoy snack time and lasted for a half hour after that before she was crying for Mom again.  Oh well.

She look a longer than normal nap (2.5 hours), which allowed both Jake and I to get good naps in.  We had planned on going to the Whitaker's that night, but that didn't happen.  So we spent the evening together.  I started making lists of all the things I'd still like to do before the baby comes (in less than a month, eek!).

It was a busy and productive day.  Made two loaves of banana bread this morning, did a bunch of laundry, meal planned, went to Sam's Club after Lila's nap.  I'm freaking Super Woman.  Hauled two 25-bags of sugar and flour around the store, lots of canned foods, and Lila, who is so clingy lately.  Jess called as I was getting home and it was fun catching up with her.  She's heading to Hawaii for 12 weeks after Christmas... she is flying alone with Audrey.  Yikes.  She's still trying to convince me (us) to come visit her, but I just don't think it's going to happen.  We are planning on flying to Utah though before Lila turns 2 to visit Melissa.  Jake has enough frequent flyer miles for a free ticket.  Came home, started making shepherd's pie with 5 lbs of beef and 10 lbs of potatoes.  We went to the Whitaker's for a bit so that Jake could figure out how much insulation is needed up there--I think he's going to do that for them.  Kate and I got to visit, Georgie is sick.

By the way, Jake is amazing.  He's been helping out so many people lately with computer problems, car problems, winterizing Terie's stuff, helping Frank out with the insulation.  I can't imagine knowing as much as Jake knows... I'd probably be able to help out a lot more people if I did.

After that, Preston and Annette came over with baby Ruby.  He's one of our home teachers and she is my visiting teacher.  They're usually late for everything, so we were surprised when they showed up a bit early.  We hadn't had a chance to clean and our place is messy right now.  It's fine though.  Meghan Decker, my VT companion, said that she used to clean before her VTers came over, but then she decided to stop because it was like she was living a lie. :)  So the Shumways helped us finish the shepherd's pie.  They were very impressed with my freezer meal efforts.  They're hilarious.

Lila's been pretty clingy the past few days and hasn't been eating well.  She has a stuffy/runny nose... I wonder if she's teething.

Anyway, things are going well.  I just can't believe that this baby is coming so soon. He's moving a lot still, kept me up a few times last night, kicking me in the ribs.  Lila woke up in the middle of the night last night and I rocked her for a while, she is just so sweet.  I love having her little blonde head on my shoulder.  She sure loves me and loves hugs and kisses from me.  Meghan Decker was saying that it's probably one of the best things she did as a mom... giving regular physical affection to her daughters (she has 5)... head rubs and foot rubs.  I try to do that a lot with Lila.  We do lotion massages before getting dressed if we have time, and lots and lots of cuddles, hugs, and kisses throughout the day.  Lila craves it, it seems like.  Brenda Sesto said (during our last visit with her, which is when we were talking about this) that she's heard that it's so important that kids get that from their parents, because it makes it less likely that they'll go out searching for physical affection elsewhere, because we all need physical touch and affection.  I said a long, quiet prayer while I was rocking Lila for our family... for her as she transitions to being an older sister and not an only child, for baby Jared, that he'll be a good baby and a good eater and sleeper, and that I will be able to make it through the sleep deprivation and the craziness.  Prayer will sustain me, I just need to remember that.  To call on Heavenly Father for help.

It's late and I should get to bed.